I pushed my chair back and stood up, not sure what to do. I could feel my cheeks burn with humiliation. Callie, who had been pouring coffee at a nearby table, hurried over to me.
“If you need to leave,” she said softly, putting her arm around me, “I’ll give your dinners to someone else. Abner Witsman and his wife just ordered the same thing.” She squeezed my shoulders.
Too mortified to speak, I just nodded and fled from the dining room. Even though I was too afraid to look at any of the other diners, I could almost feel the stares. When I reached the steps outside, I slumped down to a sitting position and hid my face in my hands. I wanted to run to the safety of the quilt shop, but Papa was probably there, and I couldn’t face his anger.
“Are you all right?”
I looked up to see Ebbie standing over me. The last person I wanted to see. “I-I’m sorry, Ebbie. I didn’t mean . . .”
He sat down next to me, his deep brown eyes searching mine. “You know, Hope, I’ve suspected for a while that you had feelings for Jonathon. I just kept hoping they would pass. But they haven’t, have they?” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. “Here, you should wipe your face.”
I took it gratefully and dried my cheeks. “I don’t know, Ebbie. I love you. Very much.” I sighed heavily. “But I have to be honest. My father was right. I’m having inappropriate feelings for Jonathon.” I looked into his eyes and saw the deep hurt there. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry, but you deserve the truth. If you’ll just be patient with me, I know this will pass. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. It’s as if I don’t know myself anymore.” I wiped my face again and handed the handkerchief back to him. “I still want to marry you. If you’ll have me.”
He studied me for several moments. As I looked back at him, I realized how cute he really was. His reddish-brown hair glowed in the late afternoon sun, and his eyes held depths I could get lost in. Perhaps his face wasn’t as manly as Jonathon’s, but his long aquiline nose and perfect cheekbones gave him an appealing, romantic look.
He clasped his hands together and stared out at the street, the pain of my words still etched in his face. “I don’t know, Hope. I think you owe it to us . . . No, you owe it to me to explore the feelings you have for Jonathon. If you are meant to be together, it wouldn’t be right for me to stand in your way.”
“Jonathon isn’t attracted to me, Ebbie. As far as he’s concerned, we’re just friends. Nothing more.” Although I wasn’t sure that was true, in that moment I had to face the fact that Jonathon had never expressed any romantic interest in me.
Ebbie took my hand and peered deeply into my eyes. “I’m not worried about Jonathon’s intentions. I only care about your heart, Hope.” He let go of my hand and stared down at his boots for a moment. Then he slowly stood up, refusing to meet my gaze. “I’d like to marry a woman who has eyes only for me. Who never compares me to anyone else because I’m the only man she will ever love. I want a wife who looks at me the way my mother still looks at my father. Maybe I’ll never have that, but I’d like to hold out hope that someday I will. I think I’ll regret it if I don’t.” He paused and took a deep breath. “So I’m ending our engagement. I know our plans have already been announced in church, but I’ll talk to Pastor Mendenhall.”
“Oh my.” I blinked away the hot tears that filled my eyes again. “It . . . it will be quite a scandal.”
I could remember only one other time when an engagement in Kingdom had been broken. Even though most people had no idea why the marriage was canceled, speculation ran rampant. It was several years before the young woman finally married someone else, and to this day her would-be groom was still single.
“Don’t worry,” Ebbie said gently. “I’ll tell Pastor Mendenhall the truth. That it was my decision, and I’ll refuse to explain my reasons. You’ll be able to hold your head high.” His voice broke, and he paused to clear his throat. “If you need a friend, I’ll be here for you.” He finally looked at me with shiny narrowed eyes. “I’ll always love you, Hope. I pray you’ll find what you’re looking for.”
I wanted to cry out, to beg him to change his mind. Was it my own embarrassment at having a broken engagement? Or did he mean even more to me than I’d realized? Perhaps my feelings for him weren’t the swooning kind I felt for Jonathon, but they were strong. I loved him, and I couldn’t believe what was happening. But instead of protesting, I sat quietly and watched him walk back into the café.
I grabbed the handrail and pulled myself up. Several people came out of the restaurant and walked past me. A couple of them said hello, but the rest were silent, probably uncomfortable after the scene between Papa and me. I had decided to go back inside and ask Lizzie what to do when someone gently took my arm. I turned to find Papa standing next to me.
“Please forgive me, Daughter,” he said softly. “I behaved like a fool, and I am shamed by my actions. You are my child, and I love you. Even though it does not seem like it, I am aware that you are too old to have your father make every decision in your life. I cannot understand why I reacted so abruptly. ”
His kindness started my tears again. “Thank you, Papa. I don’t know where I’d go if I couldn’t come home to you.”
“My darling daughter,” he said, his voice catching, “you can always come home.” He struggled for a moment to control his emotions. “Are you too ashamed of me to go back into the restaurant and have supper?” he asked finally.
I sighed. “I’m not ashamed of you, Papa, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to face everyone.”
He nodded. “I understand. You go to the shop and wait for me. I will have Lizzie wrap up our meals, and I’ll carry our plates back to the store. We can talk there while we eat. My harsh words have created a poor harvest. Let me pull up the bad seed I have sown.” He touched my cheek. “You are the most important person in my life, and I think my desire for your happiness has made me careless. Instead of reacting with anger, let us share our hearts with each other and find healing.”
I smiled for the first time since leaving Lizzie’s. “That sounds wonderful, Papa. Thank you.”
He patted my shoulder and then headed toward the restaurant. I felt proud of him, knowing that going back there now was very difficult.
As I walked toward the store, my mind kept running over my conversation with Ebbie. Had I done the right thing when I admitted my feelings for Jonathon? Ebbie was a good man, and I’d just lost him. I truly believed we could have been content together. Why had I thrown away our chance at happiness? Because Jonathon might like me? Ebbie’s words kept coming back to me. “I’d like to marry a woman who has eyes only for me. Who never compares me to anyone else because I’m the only man she will ever love. I want a wife who looks at me the way my mother still looks at my father.” My own heart convicted me. I couldn’t give Ebbie the kind of love he wanted until I found out if Jonathon and I had a future together.
Telling Papa about my broken engagement wasn’t something I was looking forward to. He wouldn’t be pleased. Perhaps it was cowardly, but I decided to wait until tomorrow to share this news. Revealing too soon that Ebbie had called off the wedding might make it difficult to mend my relationship with Papa.
“Hey, I think you need to watch where you’re going.”
I glanced up, startled. I’d been staring down at the sidewalk, lost in thought. Noah Housler was standing in front of me with a big grin on his face.
“Oh, Noah. I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”
He laughed. “Thinking that hard can get you into trouble. I hope it’s nothing too bad.”
I smiled at him. “Bad enough, but that still doesn’t give me the right to run into people.”
“Can I help?”
Putting the situation with Ebbie aside for now, I quickly told him about the truck on the road. His expression grew solemn. “I’m fine,” I assured him, “but Papa and Lizzie think we should alert our people about the possible danger that exists outside of Kingdom.”
“I agree. We need to ask everyone to stay in town for now. Just in case.” He shook his head. “Hopefully, they’ll heed the warning. We have some rather independent thinkers in Kingdom.”
His words made me smile. I certainly would consider him to be one of those “independent thinkers.” For example, he was always getting teased about his beard, or lack thereof. In Kingdom church, married men wore beards while single men stayed clean-shaven. However, Lizzie had made it clear to her husband that she wasn’t partial to facial hair. So Noah, trying to follow tradition yet keep his wife happy, grew what my father referred to as “dirty stubble.” Frankly, I found Noah’s concern about his wife’s wishes refreshing.
“I’m sure you’ll be able to convince them,” I said. “But I must admit that I’m troubled by these events. I can’t understand the motive behind this persecution.”
“We don’t war against flesh and blood, Hope. It’s important to remember that the people behind these attacks are fueled by a hate that doesn’t come from God. I’ll bet if you asked any of them to explain themselves, they’d have a hard time doing so. They’re just blindly following orders from the enemy.”
“Well, maybe. But how can they not understand that setting churches on fire and hurting innocent people is wrong? What if someone dies?”
“I know. I think about that too.” He rubbed his hands together as if cold, but actually it was a rather warm afternoon. “Is your carriage still out on the road? I’d be happy to get it.”
“No, it’s back. Papa and Aaron picked it up. It’s in Brother Engel’s blacksmith shop.”
Noah looked down the street toward the building that would soon be our general store. “Aaron’s a great guy,” he said. “I’m glad he was available to help you.”
“How are things going with his plans for the store? I see him working there almost every day, and it seems to be shaping up fast.”
“He plans to open by the end of the month,” Noah said. “Several of the men from church have been helping him, including me.” He sighed. “Sure could save me a lot of trips out of town.”
“Papa gave him a list of things our shop could use, but there’s no way he’ll be able to carry everything we need.”
“I’m sure your father would feel better if you didn’t have to ride to Washington for your supplies.”
I nodded but didn’t respond. Noah would have understood my desire to spend at least one day away from Kingdom every month, but I didn’t want Papa to discover how important those trips were to me. Maybe it was silly, but I had a nagging fear that if he knew, he might try to stop me from going. Papa’s not a mean-spirited man, but he has definite ideas about things that are “frivolous” and things that are “important.” I couldn’t take the chance that my expeditions to Washington would fall into the “frivolous” category.
“Well, I’d better get inside and let Lizzie know I’m back.” Noah smiled at me. “It was nice to talk to you, Hope. We don’t get a lot of chances to—”
The sound of a siren cut off the rest of his sentence. We both turned and looked as a car from the sheriff’s department barreled down the street, raising lots of dust. Several of the horses tied to hitching posts bolted out of fear, and Noah raced over to calm them. Harold Eberly ran out of his hardware store and started waving his arms at the car, trying to get the driver to reduce his speed and turn off his siren before one of the animals injured itself. Thankfully, the driver appeared to get the message. He cut off the terrible noise and slowed down, finally stopping right in front of the restaurant.
I suspected the driver was Sheriff Saul Ford, and my guess was confirmed when he stepped out of his vehicle. Sheriff Ford served as the county sheriff, but why he was here was a mystery. No one in Kingdom would have called him. The sheriff had made it clear that he considered Kingdom a strange town full of religious zealots. His lack of respect for us wasn’t any deeper than our lack of trust in him. Without any apology for the commotion his entrance into Kingdom had provoked, he strode into the restaurant, a young man trailing behind him.
I hurried after them, wondering what would cause the sheriff to darken the borders of our town, let alone come with his siren wailing. Noah followed me, obviously also wanting to know the reason for the sheriff’s visit. He held the door open for me, and we both stepped inside to find the sheriff standing at the front of the crowded dining room. We walked past him and stopped next to Lizzie, who was staring at the sheriff with surprise. Before Ford had the chance to say anything, the young man who’d ridden into town with him walked around from behind the large lawman and stood by his side. Where the sheriff was large and rotund, this man was thin and small with slumped shoulders. Covered in acne, his face was frozen in a sneer.
“I wanna wait in the car,” he said in a whiny voice. “It’s too hot in here.”
“You stay where I can keep an eye on you,” the sheriff snarled. “I grounded you to the house, and then found you hangin’ around in a bar with your no-good friends. If I have to tie you up and drag you along with me for a month, that’s what I’ll do until you start listenin’ to me.”
The young man stuck his hands in his pockets and hung his head. I felt rather sorry for him.
“This is my son, Tom,” Ford said, addressing us. I had to look closely to see the resemblance, but it was there.
Ebbie nodded at the young man. “Nice to meet you.”
Tom didn’t respond. His eyes swung around the room, staring at us as if we were oddities in a sideshow. When he got to me, he stopped. The look on his face made me uncomfortable. His slow gaze traveled from my face down and back up again. He gave me a mocking smile that made me shiver.
“Hi, Tom.”
I looked around and saw Sophie sitting at a table on the other side of the room, a rather coy expression on her face. Tom looked close to Sophie’s age, so I assumed they knew each other from the school in Washington where Kingdom children had gone before we’d gotten our own school.
Tom only glanced at her and then turned his attention back to me. Sophie glared first at him and then at me. I tried to focus on the sheriff while ignoring his son.
Then I noticed that my father was standing near the door with two covered plates in his hands. Our supper. His eyes were fastened on Ford just like everyone else’s in the room. All conversation had ground to a halt.
“I’m right sorry, folks,” Ford began, “but I . . . I have some bad news for you.” He pulled off his hat. His balding pate was stark white, yet the skin on his forehead and face was red with sunburn. Obviously the sheriff wore his hat a lot. He began to twirl that hat around in his big beefy hands. With every turn, my heart skipped a beat. “It . . . it’s Avery Menninger,” he said finally. “I’m afraid he’s dead.”