“Oh my, Jonathon,” I said, my voice a little too squeaky. “Wh-what are you doing here?”
He gave me a quick smile. “That’s a good question, Hope. You’ve probably guessed I don’t quilt much.”
I laughed, but his humorous statement did nothing to quell the nervous butterflies in my stomach. We’d had many conversations, but they usually occurred in the presence of other people. Except for our time out on the road, which didn’t really count, we’d spoken alone only a few times. All of those instances had happened in public places, like in the restaurant or on the street. Once we’d talked after church while Papa was having a long conversation with Pastor Mendenhall in his office.
“Are you busy?” he asked.
“No. I mean, yes. I mean . . .” I cleared my throat and tried to get control of myself. It wasn’t easy with his eyes fastened on me. He’d removed his hat, and his dark, longish hair framed his face, making him look so handsome I found it hard to catch my breath. Of course, Mennonites weren’t supposed to care about worldly things like outward adornment, but somehow Jonathon always managed to look perfect no matter the circumstance.
“If I’m interrupting something—”
“No. No, not at all. I’m supposed to meet Lizzie for pie and coffee this afternoon, but I still have a little time.”
“I wanted to see how you’re doing after yesterday’s scare.”
“Much better, thank you. After what happened to Avery, I feel very fortunate.” I sighed. “And a little guilty.”
Jonathon’s eyebrows shot up. “Guilty? Why? You had nothing to do with Avery’s death.”
“I keep wondering if he was killed because I got away.”
“Oh, Hope. You can’t let thoughts like that into your head. They will only torture you.”
“I-I know. It’s just . . .”
He walked over to where I stood and took my hands in his. “You have the best heart of anyone I’ve ever known. What happened to Avery had nothing to do with you. It had to do with malicious men who are spurred on by hate.” He turned my right hand over and stared at my open palm. My heart fluttered inside my chest like a frightened moth trying to escape a trap.
“Papa went over to Avery’s house to talk to his daughter,” I said, not knowing why I said it.
“I know.” His blue eyes bored into mine. “I heard you’re no longer engaged to Ebbie Miller.”
My heart must have moved from my chest to my throat because I didn’t seem capable of speech. I couldn’t even swallow. All I could do was nod.
“You must know how I feel about you, Hope. I’m not very good at hiding it.”
I shook my head and struggled to find my voice. “No . . . I mean, I have no idea—”
Before I could get another word out, he leaned over and kissed me. It was the first time I’d ever been kissed on the mouth by a man. Ebbie and Papa had kissed me on the forehead and on the cheek, but this felt totally different.
“I hope you’re not offended,” Jonathon said softly, just inches from my face, “but I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time. I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt, but I couldn’t because you were engaged to Ebbie.” He let go of my hands and turned away. “Maybe it’s too soon after breaking your engagement to think about another man.” He swung back toward me, his expression taut and serious. “But I couldn’t take the chance of not speaking to you now. Before you become engaged again. Do you understand?”
I nodded dumbly. “Please . . . I need time to think.”
“I understand.” He cleared his throat and leaned against the side counter. “I’m getting some people together to see if there’s something more we can do to keep our citizens out of harm’s way. If you’d like to join us—”
“I know I told you I wanted to help,” I said, interrupting him, “but are you sure other people will want me involved? I mean, because I’m a woman.”
“Hope,” he said sharply, a frown darkening his handsome features, “you’re one of the smartest people in this town. Why wouldn’t we need you? You’re just as talented and gifted as any man in Kingdom. Besides, there are already three other women who have asked to be at our first meeting.”
His words gave me an odd sense of strength. Father had never tried to make me feel inferior as a woman, but he strongly believed women were the weaker sex and needed to be treated as such. However, it seemed to me that protecting Kingdom was the job of all our residents.
“When are you meeting?”
“Around three o’clock. At Noah’s.”
“Papa is with Noah,” I said slowly. “If he’ll be back for the meeting, Papa will be with him. I can’t—”
“It’s all right, Hope,” he said with a smile. “I don’t want to cause trouble with your father. I know he doesn’t like me.”
“He doesn’t dislike you, Jonathon. He dislikes some of your beliefs. He’s very old-fashioned when it comes to our Mennonite traditions.”
Jonathon was silent for a moment. Then he gazed into my eyes. “And you? What do you believe, Hope?”
His question flustered me. What did I believe? I shook my head. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. I don’t condone violence, yet I also believe we should take care of the people we love. It’s confusing. Ebbie says . . .”
I caught myself before I went any further, but it wasn’t soon enough. Jonathon scowled at the mention of Ebbie’s name.
“Ebenezer Miller thinks we should lie down and let our enemies slaughter us with smiles on our faces,” he said in a subdued voice. “He believes there is some kind of honor in giving our lives for an ideal that has been passed down through our traditions. But traditions can be wrong.”
I thought over his words. “Ebbie says we should pray for our enemies and let God defend us.”
“Then why did God tell the children of Israel to fight and kill their enemies? Does that make any sense?”
I sighed. “Ebbie says Christ brought a different covenant. That we no longer are under a covenant of judgment, but instead we’re under a covenant of grace. And that means we must extend grace toward those who would try to hurt us. Just like Jesus.”
Jonathon grunted. “Ebbie says. Ebbie says. You’ve been brainwashed by Ebbie Miller.”
“No I haven’t.” My denial came out with more force than I’d meant to use, but his statement angered me. “I have my own mind, thank you. It just isn’t as made up as yours.”
He reached over and put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Hope. You’re right. It isn’t easy for me either. I want to please God and handle this the way He wants me to, but I can’t believe He intends for us to do nothing while we watch our brothers and sisters being murdered.” He shook his head. “Seeing you in danger made me absolutely certain of my convictions. Maybe Ebbie could have watched you die, but I couldn’t.” He leaned down and kissed me again. This time his lips lingered a little longer.
Hearing the front door open, I quickly twisted away from him. Was Papa back already? Sophie stood in the doorway, a look on her face I couldn’t interpret.
“Here you are,” she said, looking at Jonathon. “Is the meeting still scheduled for three?”
Jonathon frowned at her. “Yes. I told you that a little while ago, Sophie. Don’t you remember?”
She shrugged and stared at me the way a bird might look at a bug right before it becomes lunch. “I forgot. How long you gonna hang around here?”
“Actually, I do need to get going. I want to invite Aaron to our discussion.” He smiled at me. “I hope to see you at three, Hope, but if you don’t come, it’s okay. I’ll understand.”
As he headed toward the door, Sophie shot me one last dirty look before she flounced out after him. It was obvious she had feelings for Jonathon. Feelings he didn’t return. She was such a lost soul. Unrequited love certainly wasn’t going to help her self-confidence. When I had a chance, I’d talk to Jonathon. He probably had no idea she cared for him. As irritating as she could be, I didn’t want to see her hurt.
After checking the clock, I realized I was running late. Lizzie was probably wondering where I was. I hurried to the back room, cleaned up a bit, and then headed for the restaurant. I’d planned to leave Beau in the shop, but he got up and followed me out the door. Even though Lizzie had said Beau was always welcome in the restaurant, I was happy to find the dining room almost empty. I didn’t want his presence to bother any of Lizzie’s customers. Tonight was her busiest night. Most folks were waiting to come for the Friday night dinner specials, so finding only a couple of diners wasn’t really a surprise. Lizzie was pouring iced tea for Harold Eberly when I entered. She motioned for me to take a seat at a table in the corner. I’d only been sitting a few minutes when she brought over a coffeepot and two plates with Dutch apple pie and ice cream.
I glanced at the clock on the wall. A little after two thirty. Jonathon’s meeting would start in about thirty minutes. There was no way I could go. I couldn’t lie to Papa. Even though he’d grudgingly agreed that I should have the right to make some choices of my own, his reaction to finding me with Jonathon and those who seemingly opposed our nonviolent beliefs would push him too far.
“Are you going to talk to me or stare into space?”
Lizzie’s words made me jump. “I-I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else.” I pointed at Beau, who had curled up next to my feet. “I can take him back to the shop if you’d like.”
She grinned. “I told your father Beau could come in here anytime, and I meant it. We’ll just make him our mascot.” She leaned down to scratch Beau behind the ears and was rewarded with a big sloppy smile from the contented dog.
“Thanks, Lizzie. I’ll stop worrying about it.” I jammed my fork into the warm pie, vanilla ice cream dripping down the sides. Then I stuck it into my mouth. “Mmm. This is so good. You’ve outdone yourself this time.”
“I added caramel and pecans to it,” she said quietly. “Cora’s recipe was great, but I wanted to add my own touch. Don’t tell anyone, Hope. I don’t want folks to think I’m saying I’m a better cook than Cora.”
She actually was better than Cora, but I understood her loyalty to the woman who had given her a home in Kingdom. “Well, it’s incredible.” I sighed. “If you keep cooking this way, I’ll end up as big as a barn.”
She laughed. “I don’t think there’s any danger of that.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Is something wrong, Hope?” she asked. “You seem preoccupied.”
“Ebbie and I are no longer engaged.”
“I heard about the breakup. Word spreads through town pretty quick. Ebbie’s parents are rather distressed.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I like them.”
“Well, they’re not upset with you. Ebbie took full responsibility for the whole thing.”
“He did?” I wasn’t surprised. He’d said he planned to take the blame. He could have easily held me at fault. Told everyone I cared for someone else. But he didn’t. It was just like him.
Lizzie reached over and put her hand on mine. “Hope, you’re my very best friend. Anything you tell me will stay between us. You know that, right?”
Abram and Miriam Zook got up from their table and, after laying some money down, smiled at us and left. The only other person in the room was Lutz Zimmerman, one of our church elders. He was on the other side of the room, seemingly engrossed in whatever he was reading, so I felt safe enough to talk openly. I quickly told Lizzie everything: Why Ebbie broke our engagement and what had happened between Jonathon and me before I arrived at the restaurant. By the time I finished, Lizzie’s eyes were round saucers of surprise.
“Oh, Hope. Does your father know you care for Jonathon?”
I shook my head. “He’s not certain, but he suspects it.” I told her about Papa’s contrition after our argument in the restaurant. “He apologized and told me he realized I was old enough to make my own decisions.”
Lizzie looked confused. “You do realize that Samuel was right about Jonathon’s feelings for you?”
“Well, yes. But he believed that before Jonathon said anything.”
She looked at me strangely. “Oh, Hope. That doesn’t make any difference.”
I couldn’t help grinning. “No, it doesn’t. I guess I just don’t want Papa to be right.”
“But he was.”
“I know.”
Lizzie laughed.
“I’m so glad I have you to talk to, Lizzie. I feel better already.”
“Look, Hope, I don’t want to tell you what you should do, but—”
At that moment, the front door swung open and Jonathon walked in. He said hello to Lutz and then headed toward our table. I felt my face flush.
“Uh-oh. Is that your famous Dutch apple pie, Lizzie?” he asked with a smile.
“Yes, it is. Is that your subtle hint that you’d like a piece, Jonathon?”
He gave her an innocent look. “Now, where did you get that idea? You’re way too suspicious.”
She chuckled. “I’ll get you some. How about a cup of coffee to go with it?”
“That would be wonderful.” He lowered his voice. “Is Noah already upstairs?”
She shook her head. “He took Samuel over to Avery’s house, but he said he’d be back in time for the meeting. You’ve got just enough time for pie and coffee before he gets here.”
“Wonderful.” He looked at me. “Do you mind if I sit with you? I don’t want to interrupt your visit.”
Lizzie stood up. “Nonsense. We were about done anyway. Have a seat.”
She winked at me before she took off toward the kitchen. I felt my cheeks grow hotter. As Jonathon pulled out his chair, he noticed Beau. He reached down to pet him. “How’s this guy doing?”
“Pretty good. He stays close to me though.”
Jonathon frowned. “Was he in the shop earlier? I didn’t see him.”
I nodded. “He was lying down on his blanket behind the counter.”
“I remember how he used to greet everyone when he came to town with Avery. That tail of his wagged so fast you could barely see it.”
“He might not act like himself for a while. He’s been through a lot.” My voice caught. Thinking about Beau reminded me of Avery.
Jonathon must have felt the same way, because he didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he cleared his throat before looking at me. “So are you coming to the meeting?”
I started to answer him, but at that very moment, Ebbie walked in the door. I suddenly felt incredibly guilty. Why did he have to pick this moment to come here? I reminded myself that we weren’t engaged anymore and forced myself to meet his gaze.
His eyes went back and forth between me and Jonathon. “I-I’m looking for Noah. Is he here?”
I shook my head. “He took my father over to Avery’s house to see Berlene. They should be back any minute. You can wait with us if you’d like.”
Ebbie looked like he’d rather do anything than sit down at our table. His eyes darted around the room until he spotted Lutz. He appeared to be considering Lutz as an alternative, but the elderly man got up and headed out the door, grunting a quick greeting to the three of us as he passed by. Ebbie wasn’t left with any choice. He sat down on the other side of our table, as far away from Jonathon and me as he could get.
At that moment, Lizzie came out of the kitchen with Jonathon’s pie. “Ebbie!” she said warmly. “How nice to see you. I’ve got a piece of Dutch apple pie hot from the oven with your name on it.”
“Um, no. But thank you, Lizzie. I’m waiting for Noah.”
The sound of an engine coming up the road outside drew Lizzie’s attention. She put Jonathon’s pie down on the table in front of him and hurried to the front door. First she shot me a quick look of concern, suspecting how ill at ease I was.
“It’s Noah,” she called out.
As she waited by the door, the three of us sat in an uncomfortable silence. Papa was going to walk in and see me sitting with Jonathon and Ebbie. What would he think? Even more important, what would he say? I decided to leave.
“I . . . I’d better get back to the store,” I said. “Excuse me.”
Ebbie and Jonathon just stared at me without responding.
“Oh, Hope. You don’t have to go yet,” Lizzie said, looking my way. “You haven’t even finished your pie.”
For the life of me, I couldn’t think of a response. Finally Noah came in the door. He kissed Lizzie and then noticed me standing near Ebbie and Jonathon. His eyebrows shot up. “Well, hello,” he said, looking a little confused.
“Noah,” I said, frowning, “where’s Papa?”
“He decided to stay a little longer. Herman will drive him back to town when they’re through visiting.”
I was surprised, to say the least. “What are they talking about?”
Noah shook his head. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll let your father explain that to you. I don’t think it’s my place.”
I found the situation bewildering. What in the world would Papa, Herman, and Berlene have to discuss that would take so long?
Ebbie stood up. “I’d like a word with you, Noah. If you don’t mind.”
“If it’s a continuation of what we talked about at the elders’ meeting, there really isn’t anything more for me to say.”
The door opened and Sophie slinked in. Her eyes darted to Noah and then to Jonathon.
“Go on upstairs, Sophie,” Noah said. “We’ll be up in a minute.”
Noah, Charity, and Lizzie lived upstairs in the small apartment where Lizzie stayed when she first came to Kingdom. It was a tight fit, but until their house was ready, it was the best place for them. Lizzie was grateful to have an option that kept them so close to the restaurant.
Ebbie glanced over at me before addressing Noah. I could see the conflict in his face. “I just wanted to encourage you not to go outside of what was decided in our meeting, Brother Noah. I’m concerned this could end badly. I know you’re trying to protect our town, but isn’t that God’s job? Isn’t He our protector?” He shook his head. “Please reconsider.”
Lizzie walked to the door and turned the Open sign to Closed. I stood there like a trapped rat. My first instinct was to flee, but I honestly wanted to attend the meeting. Maybe it was mostly curiosity, but I felt the need to look at the argument from both sides. I’d already listened to Papa’s opinion.
“Look, Ebbie,” Noah said patiently, “as I explained at the elders’ meeting, I simply want to make sure we’re exploring all our options. I still believe in peaceful resistance. We’re not advocating guns or violence. We’re simply trying to find a way to keep our citizens safe. There’s nothing wrong with resisting our enemies in nonviolent ways. That’s the kind of solution we’re trying to find.”
Jonathon stood to his feet, his face set and angry. “If either one of you had been on the road with me, watching Hope nearly run down, you wouldn’t be so quick to rule out weapons.” He focused on Ebbie. “You cared enough about Hope to want to marry her, yet you would have stood by and watched her die for some misguided religious belief? That’s not love. That’s exalting your principles over her life.” He swung his gaze to back Noah. “You congratulated me for protecting her, but didn’t I use my truck as a weapon? I threatened the man on the road with bodily harm, didn’t I? What’s the difference between that and showing these animals we’re armed? It doesn’t mean we’ll actually shoot anyone. It’s just a warning. Like my truck.”
I watched Noah, wondering what his response would be. Frankly, I thought Jonathon had made a pretty good point.
“I understand what you’re saying,” Noah said slowly, “but I’m not prepared to shoot another human being. I just won’t do it.”
“You hit a man over the head with a chair when Lizzie’s life was in danger,” I said softly. “What’s the difference between using a chair or a gun? Aren’t they both weapons when used to hurt someone?”
“Hope’s right,” Jonathon said, jumping on my comment. “Are you sorry you hit that man?”
Noah was silent for a moment, staring down at the floor. Finally he lifted his head. “No. No, I’m not sorry.”
“So answer Hope’s question. What’s the difference?” Jonathon repeated.
“I reacted in a situation that suddenly presented itself,” Noah said harshly. “I didn’t plan to go out and hurt anyone.” He pointed his finger at Jonathon. “But you’re preparing to confront other human beings, and you’re planning to use violent means if you decide it’s necessary.”
Ebbie slowly rose to his feet. “I hear both of you justifying yourselves.” He shook his head. “I understand why you reacted the way you did, Noah, trying to save the life of the woman you love. In your situation, I can’t say I would have behaved differently. But that doesn’t make it right. God created a world of peace. Maybe men brought unrighteousness and violence into that world, but God’s original intent has never changed. Jesus was threatened, but he didn’t defend Himself. He freely gave His life.”
“Wait a minute,” Jonathon interjected. “Christ’s mission was to lay down His life for our sins. It wasn’t Hope’s mission to die on the road to Kingdom. And it wasn’t Lizzie’s mission to die at the hands of a man who wanted to steal her child. You’re twisting the Scriptures to fit your purposes. Your argument doesn’t hold up.”
“What about being persecuted for righteousness’ sake?” Ebbie asked. “Turning the other cheek? Not resisting your enemies? Do you just ignore these Scriptures?”
“No. I practice them, Ebbie,” he answered, his words clipped and carefully measured, “but not at the expense of someone I love. If you fault me for that, then I’ll accept it.”
When Jonathon used the word love in reference to me, Ebbie flinched as if he’d been struck. I saw the hurt in his face, and I felt awful.
“Ebbie, why don’t you come upstairs and talk with us?” Noah said. It was obvious to me that he was trying to calm rising tempers. “We need to hear what you have to say.”
Ebbie shook his head. “No. I believe you’ve already made up your minds, and I don’t want any part of it.”
“But I haven’t, Ebbie,” I said softly. “And I would truly like to hear your opinion. What you’ve said makes sense to me.”
His eyes searched mine, and for a moment I think he considered it.
“No,” he said finally. “I don’t think we have anything more to say to each other.”
His words stung more than I thought they could, and I was unable to stop the tears that filled my eyes. Ebbie turned away from us and walked toward the front door. Just as he reached for the handle, the door swung open. Roger Carson, a young man I’d gone to school with many years ago, walked in. His wife, Mary, who’d been raised in Kingdom, followed him. She’d left town when she was eighteen and married Roger not long after that. Although Mary was raised as a Mennonite, she and Roger now attended a nondenominational church in Washington, where they lived. I’d run into Mary a few times during my trips to the fabric store and was happy to see her. Ebbie didn’t say anything to either one of them. He just pushed the front door open and left. I stared out the window as he unhitched Micah and rode out of town. As I watched him drive away, an odd sadness washed through me.
Roger and Mary greeted everyone and followed Noah upstairs. Lizzie and Sophie headed up as well.
“What do you want to do, Hope?” Jonathon asked.
I stared at him for a few moments, my brain racing. “Let’s go,” I said, still unsure about my decision.
With that, we climbed the stairs, Beau trotting along behind us.