I’d planned to open the shop as usual the next morning, but I was still so exhausted that Papa took one look at me and ordered me to stay home. I’d told Jonathon I would be there, but I was too tired to worry about missing him.
Papa had planned to take me to view Avery’s body. In Kingdom, visitations were held in the home a day or two before the funeral. Although I wanted to show my respect to the family, I was secretly happy to miss the viewing. There were so many emotions raging inside me that the thought of having to look at Avery made me feel as if I’d break apart.
I was still worried about Jonathon and the rest of the group that was out watching the entrance into Kingdom. Were they in danger? Jonathon’s willingness to go against the church because of his concern for all of us touched me deeply. But as my feelings for him grew, my concern for his safety increased too.
I was also uneasy about Noah. Would he be disciplined by our church for taking me out of town without supervision? Would he be removed as an elder after he’d decided to stay?
As I sat at home, Beau at my feet, turning these things over in my mind, I found myself working on my wedding quilt. I dreaded finishing it without any names in the final square, but there was nothing to be done about it. The quilt needed to be completed. It would still be a blessing during the long, cold winter months.
Sunday after church, Jonathon found me. Papa was busy helping with Avery’s funeral arrangements and had asked Noah and Levi’s mother and stepfather, Dottie and Marvin Hostettler, to take me home. They lived close to us and had readily agreed. But after Jonathon insisted on talking to me, I told them I didn’t need a ride after all. I felt guilty about it but had no intention of telling Papa I’d changed his plans.
Jonathon had left his truck at home, choosing instead to bring one of his family’s buggies. “On a beautiful day like today,” he explained, “I love riding in an open carriage so I can enjoy the smell of the spring air and feel the sun on my face.”
I understood his sentiments and found his enjoyment of our old-fashioned mode of transportation rather endearing. As he helped me into his carriage, Ebbie rode past us with his parents. Although he didn’t acknowledge our presence, I could tell by the stoic look on his face that he’d seen us.
Once we turned down the road toward our house, I felt a little more relaxed. “Were you out on the road last night?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Sophie and I took the evening shift, and Roger and Mary relieved us around two in the morning.”
It dawned on me that spending time in the dark with Sophie, a girl who was obviously smitten with him, was even worse than my ride into town with Noah. However, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself for now. It was such a nice day, and finally I felt some peace inside. There would be plenty of time for talking to Jonathon about Sophie.
“So you’re watching the road into town only at night?” I asked.
“We can’t watch it twenty-four hours a day,” he said with a sigh. “Most of the attacks against churches have occurred after dark. I assume it’s because the people behind these acts of violence don’t want to be seen.”
“They’re cowards,” I said. “But they’ve come after me twice now, and both times it happened during the day.”
Jonathon frowned. “Twice? I thought it was just that once.”
As I shared with him what had happened on Friday, he grew pensive. “I wish someone would have told me about that. Obviously none of our people are safe on the road whether they’re in a buggy or in a car. Any man wearing a hat like ours or a woman with a prayer covering is in danger. These men are becoming bolder.”
“Now that you know about the second confrontation, will you still patrol only at night?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Without additional help, I doubt we can do much more than we’re doing now. Besides, these men didn’t set out to hurt you, Hope. They accidentally stumbled upon you when you were alone in your buggy and then again when they ran into you and Noah in his truck. They were presented an opportunity to cause more destruction, and they took it.”
I was silent while I mulled that over. For some reason, the idea of trying to kill another human being because of an unplanned twist of fate seemed even more sinister than something prearranged. I shivered, though it wasn’t the least bit chilly.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh no. You’re just being honest.”
He cleared his throat. “Speaking of honesty, I think we need to finish the conversation we started the other day.”
I looked down at my hands, feeling embarrassed. “What conversation is that?”
“Don’t be coy, Hope. It doesn’t suit you.”
I looked over at him in surprise. “I wasn’t trying to be coy.”
“Yes you were. You know exactly what conversation I’m referring to.”
“I may know what you’re talking about, but that doesn’t mean I was trying to be coy.” Jonathon’s attitude irritated me.
“Okay. Forgive me. One of the things I appreciate about you is your candor, and I don’t like being manipulated.”
“Well, that’s good, because I wasn’t manipulating you. It’s just that I’m not used to talking about my feelings with a . . . man.”
He laughed lightly. “You and Ebbie didn’t talk about your feelings?”
I thought about his question before answering. “We shared many things, but we hardly ever talked about our feelings for each other. Not until—”
“The engagement was broken?”
I nodded. “Doesn’t make much sense, does it?”
“No. No, it doesn’t.”
He was silent for a while, and it gave me time to think about Ebbie. When we’d both realized our friendship had turned into something deeper, we’d just accepted it. There wasn’t really a reason to talk about it. We both knew we would be together. Would it have made a difference if we’d been more open with each other? I had no idea, but it didn’t matter anymore. Ebbie’s face floated into my mind. I remembered seeing love for me reflected in his deep brown eyes.
“Look, Hope,” Jonathon said finally, “if you and Ebbie were meant to be together, you wouldn’t have let him go so easily.”
“I guess so.”
We were coming to a fork in the road. One way led to our house and the other led to a nearby creek. Jonathon urged his horse toward the creek.
“You’re going the wrong way,” I said.
“No I’m not. You and I are going to talk this out. I can’t go another day without finding out if we have a future together. It’s all I think about.”
I felt my face flush, and it had nothing to do with the warmth of the spring day.
Jonathon drove the carriage across a small bridge until we reached the other side of the creek. Then he got out and tied his horse to a nearby tree. Without saying a word, he held his hand out and helped me down. We walked to a place near the water, and Jonathon sat down on a large tree stump. He patted a spot next to him, and I sat beside him.
The sound of water bubbling over the rocks and birds singing in the background made me feel more tranquil than I had since Thursday afternoon. I lifted my face toward the sun and let the gentle breeze wash across my face. For some reason, I reached up and took off my prayer covering. I felt the need to feel the sun on my head. We sat there for several minutes, both of us enjoying God’s creation in silence.
“I love to come here,” Jonathon said softly. “It’s so peaceful.”
“It’s wonderful. Just what I needed.”
I had my eyes closed, but I felt it when he leaned toward me. His lips were soft and gentle on mine. When he moved away, I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“I love you, Hope. I want to officially court you. It won’t be easy. Your father will probably oppose us. You’d have to care about me enough to stand against his displeasure and the negative opinions of others in Kingdom.”
Jonathon was right. My engagement to Ebbie had been announced in church, as was our custom. Everyone would soon know that the wedding had been called off. How could I begin a relationship with Jonathon so soon after my breakup with Ebbie? Jonathon waited for a response, and I was desperately trying to come up with one. What could I say? I felt drawn to him, but fear gripped my heart. I finally said the only thing I could.
“Will you give me some time, Jonathon? Being seen together so soon after Ebbie seems . . . wrong. I don’t want to embarrass him. And I know my father won’t give his approval right now. We need to wait. Maybe he will change his mind. For now, we must keep our feelings for each other secret.”
He sighed. “You’re right.” He gazed into my eyes and put his hand under my chin. “I want to be with you so badly, I just didn’t think. It will be incredibly hard for me to wait. Even a day spent away from you is painful.”
I was so swept away by the moment I could barely breathe. “I want to be with you too, Jonathon. But we must do things the right way. If we don’t, I’m afraid we’ll regret it.”
He kissed me once more, and I laid my head against his chest. It was a perfect moment except for an ant that scurried across my skirt. All of a sudden, I heard Ebbie’s voice in my head. “They’re the most incredible creatures, Hope. Every time I watch them, I’m reminded that with God nothing is impossible. If they can lift fifty times their body weight, what can we do through God who strengthens us? I believe ants are a message sent from God to encourage us.”
As Jonathon and I sat there together, a tear rolled down my cheek and landed right in the spot where the ant had been only moments before.