That night, for the first time since baby Cecilia was born, I thought again about Mr. Trent Hickman.
In my brain he’d lost his privilege to a normal name. Now he was Mr. Jerkface McJerkypants.
I lay on my bed, my hands gripping my quilt, seeing him toss my letters into the trash over and over until my whole face started getting hot and I couldn’t lie down anymore. So I paced back and forth in front of my posters. (I had put them back up when I got back from holding baby Cecilia.)
How could he do that? Who did Jerky McJerkypants think he was, ignoring me like that? Throwing away my letters? It was like the Worry Balloon that had taken up every inch of space in my brain and my heart was worn out, and had finally deflated after holding my beautiful, perfect niece, and now there was room for all this Mad to come storming in.
She was beautiful and perfect. Did you hear that, Mr. Editor McJerkyJerk? She’s perfect. She didn’t need you.
Then I thought about Cecilia Payne, PhD.
I stopped pacing and curled my toes in the carpet, trying to hold on to the thoughts swirling around inside. When I thought of Cecilia Payne I couldn’t quite get a clear signal, like my Emotion GPS was telling me to go north and south both at once. I tried to hold still, tried to listen better to the signals, and for the first time, I tried to ask myself a Silent Question I didn’t have words for.
I hadn’t talked to Cecilia Payne in my head ever since the baby had arrived, because I was afraid of what would happen when I did. I was afraid I would be mad at her. I was afraid I would lose a hero. Yes, baby Cecilia was here and recovering and perfect, but was that because Cecilia had helped? Or had she ignored me, too?
But it was time to talk to her again.
Still, trying to figure out the words I wanted to say to her was hard, even by myself in my own room. So I turned the Silent Questions toward her.
After a silent minute, a clear signal finally came through the static. It sounded like Cecilia, but also like Nonny and Mom and even a little bit like Ms. Trepky, all in one.
I knew she could make it, the signal said.
She has the same people helping her as you’ve always had.
She is strong, and when she can’t be strong she has Nonny, and Thomas, and Mom, and Dad.
She will have friends, whether making friends is easy or hard.
She has scientists and angels and scientist angels looking out for her.
She has you.