As the weather chose to be very windy and a few degrees cooler than the last few weeks, Marjorie had decided to occupy the void Gracie had left by having a good old clear-out. She felt she had to do something productive! She couldn’t simply sit down and cry at the emptiness and misfortune of her life, now that Gracie had moved out. She’d decided she wasn’t going to ring her daughter for a few days. She knew she had to give Gracie space to breathe and time to settle in with Steven, without feeling guilty about what was happening to her mother. And by having a good clear-out, Marjorie could start to get the flat ready for her own full-time occupation and bring in things that were to her own taste and comfort.
So that first day she cleared and cleaned the flat. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done what she termed ‘a good honest day’s work’. But she intended to occupy what used to be her daughter’s bedroom because it was larger and brighter than her own. So she changed the bed linen and moved her own little bits and pieces from the smaller room into the larger one. Marjorie felt pleased about doing all that. She left three black sacks of rubbish, unwanted items and food past its sell-by-date in the kitchen ready for taking down to the bins later. She was a little out of breath and certainly very tired that first night, so she had a soak in a hot bath and slept without the fitful tossing and turning she’d experienced of late.
On the second day she decided to remove the black bin liners to the bin shed, outside, and struggled downstairs with the bulky bags because the lift was out of order. But when she reached the bottom she realised that she didn’t know where the bins were actually kept. Gracie had always done that. So she left her rubbish by the stairs while she went out into the car park. No bin shed there. So where did the binmen collect the household rubbish from then? She found the cycle store but there were no bins there either.
She could feel herself beginning to panic. Well, she’d have to find out where it was because she’d be doing it on a regular basis. She started to walk slowly back up the stairs when she spotted someone coming down.
‘Oh excuse me, deary, I’m Marjorie from Flat 11,’ she said a little out of breath. ‘Can you point me in the direction of the bin shed? My daughter moved out recently so it’s just me and I’ve just realised that because she used to do the bins, I’ve no idea where to put the black sacks.’
The man smiled. ‘Sure, I’m Terry from the second floor, Flat 16. I’ll show you. They’re down here by the cycle store. On the other side actually. You probably wouldn’t notice it at first glance. There, see. Oh and just shout if you have any other problems. I’m an electrician by trade and pretty handy with most things.’
‘Phew, well thank you, Terry,’ said Marjorie, relieved. She was glad she’d met him. He also loaded her black sacks into the bins for her.
That evening she rang Gracie. She hadn’t wanted to ring her this early into their separation but she was feeling lonely and she’d had a very trying day.
‘Hi, darling! Just thought I’d ring to see how you’re doing? Oh, you’ve already settled in? And he’s making you feel really welcome. Oh, I’m pleased about that. Me? Oh, well I’ve had a jolly good clear-out but I was wondering … You see there’s still medicines in the bathroom cabinet. Ah, you don’t need them. Okay. And I was looking at the boiler to see where everything is. The hot water is set for – okay, I’ll leave it where it is, then. That’s good. Well, I think that’s about it. I’ve met one of the neighbours, Terry from Number 16. He helped me find the bins for the rubbish and he says I can call on him for any problems I might encounter, so that’s reassuring. So, um, apart from all that, how are you feeling about things, darling?’
Gracie sighed on the other end of the phone. ‘Well, it just feels so strange being back here in Dorset, knowing I’m probably going to bump into Harry at some stage. But I’ll jump that hurdle when I come to it. I’m far more together now than I was back then. Harry used to enthral me when I was younger. But it feels so right being here with Steven, now. He’s got this lovely little two-bedroom cottage with a copse of trees at the bottom of the garden and a little brook running through it. It’s gorgeous, Mum. Can’t wait for you to see it. Anyway, we’re off out to sample local restaurant delights. So we’ll speak soon. I’m pleased you’re settling in and meeting the locals. Lots of love. Bye, Mum.’
***
Marjorie was surprised and a little saddened that there were only eight people at Lou’s funeral: Derek and his wife and son, herself, Lou’s brother, another friend and two neighbours who used to pop round and check up on Lou periodically.
‘—and so to conclude. Lou was my best friend and confidante for over seventy-five years and she helped me when I was living through some very unhappy times. I don’t know what I’d’ve done without her, in those days. And she never shied away from saying what she thought. It often got her into bother, though. But that was my L-Lou – I’m sorry, just give me a minute. Gosh, this is hard. I’ll, um, I’ll really miss her. She was my last and greatest friend. You’re in God’s care now, Lou. Sleep tight!’
Tears streamed down Marjorie’s face as she took out her tissue and dabbed at her pink teary eyes. She then gathered herself and moved slowly from the lectern, as Derek mouthed a heartfelt ‘Thank you.’
Marjorie wasn’t only weeping because it was the end of an era for her and her best friend. It was also the end of the safe closeness she’d had living together with her daughter for so long. Gracie had already been gone five long days. Oh, Marjorie had busied herself doing the things she’d needed to do. She’d even forced herself to take the bus into town for a mooch around. But it wasn’t the same as when her daughter had been at her side. Yes, she realised, she had spent long periods by herself whilst Gracie was teaching at school. But it didn’t feel the same; it wasn’t the same. She always knew Gracie would be back by the end of the day, when they lived together, and they’d have dinner and cosy chats into the night, unless Gracie had to mark the children’s exercise books.
Yet despite the strange noises she’d noticed now she was living alone again the silence sometimes seemed deafening. She’d cried herself to sleep last night, worrying about everything but it had made her face puffy this morning when she’d wanted to be more presentable for Lou’s funeral. She knew she had to get to grips with this. Hundreds of people found themselves alone as they got older. She knew she would have to learn to accept it.
Derek gave Marjorie a little parcel at the gathering afterwards. They’d just gone to a nearby pub to have sandwiches and a few drinks. Marjorie would have laid out a much nicer spread for her dear old best friend. But it wasn’t her place to do that. Nor was it her place to say anything. She was getting better at holding her tongue, these days. Thank you, Dr Baxley.
She sat and opened the parcel and the first photo that fell out was the first primary school photo they’d had taken together. A fresh wave of tears then assaulted Marjorie as the memory ricocheted her back – back before Oliver, back before Gracie, back to times of laughter and childhood happiness in a playground in a Bournemouth school; seeing who could do the best handstands against the school wall, or hands crossed twizzling around, or doing needlework. Times were very hard during the Second World War years, according to her parents, but as children she and Lou never really noticed that. They were evacuated to Bournemouth when the bombs started dropping, because the port of Southampton was strategic to the Luftwaffe. But to Lou and Marjorie those times were full of naïve childhood adventures, despite what the adults had to endure.
Yet shouldn’t old age bring the promise of idle days; safely wrapped up in the knowledge that I’m secure and loved into my twilight years, with the care of my family around me? Why, now, am I having to worry about where to put the rubbish or how to get to the doctor’s if Gracie can’t take me? And why, now, did my one and only best friend have to leave this world when I’m lonely and needed her most? Marjorie thought, her face buried in her hands.
Why, now, had life suddenly become so challenging?