Hadhi hated this. She held her head at the exact angle Mzaa liked, in towards her right, mostly obscuring her scars. She laughed at a high pitch, being sure to keep her lips open wide enough to be called a bright smile as the prince was making light of the celebration to honor him. Mocking his own people before his foreign friends. The man who had watched the dance so intently hadn’t stopped smiling since the dances had ended. What could he possibly have to be so happy about? While he had watched the dance Hadhi was inclined to approve of him, but now his bright attitude reminded her of Asha and put her on edge.
She should be happier that her half-sister was not at the ball, but every time she saw this man smile, she thought of Asha’s bright personality and she had to fight to keep from grinding her teeth. Asha would love this. Asha would shine here, but she was home, with her gown ruined and her hopes dashed, blaming Hadhi and hating her more with every minute, just like Baba wanted. And Hadhi felt uglier with every second that passed, for the pleasure she had taken earlier in the day, watching as Asha was brought low.
But she was not allowed to let any of that show. Not her rage, or her regret, not even her disappointment that his travels did not seem to have improved Azize. He continued making light of the ball for which the men and women of his nation had spent weeks learning foreign dances and preparing clothes and homes and daughters to please him. The ball for which the Spirit Dancers had given up all other performances to make something truly special to honor him. He laughed at all the sacrifice and work that went into welcoming him home, and his friends laughed with him. Her mother and sister laughed. And Hadhi must laugh as well. No matter how much she resented it. No matter how much they all knew, the farce of trying to win his attention was pointless.
She wished she could just be honest, look Azize in the eye and say, “I need a husband. If you mean to stay, you need a wife. Choose me. Help my family.”
It would not work. But nor would this.
Noam tried not to stare at her outright. It was harder than it should be. She was absolutely riveting. Hadhi, he liked that name, it suited her. before they came over, now he felt like she might need a more manic name.
Noam fought off a chuckle. Good lord, she needed to stop smiling. Noam could feel his friend growing uneasy under that relentlessly wide and toothy expression. Noam snickered softly, and her eyes cut to him for a moment. A delightful shiver raced down his spine. Her glaring eyes were a bit chilling when paired with that toothy, pained smile. She might just be the most interesting person in the whole nation.
She stood with her mother and sister, all of them had the baring of important people, but their clothes had clearly seen better days, thin and fraying in spots and covered over with beads or elaborately tied scarves.
Her mother was a lovely woman, sultry and blatantly flirtatious with men far younger than herself. And the younger sister was a bright, energetic child. Standing between them, Hadhi appeared like a shadow, quiet, doing nothing but smiling and agreeing with Azize. Yet Noam couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Her hair was worn in two wide clouds of unwinding curls shoved forward on either side of her face, with the top flattened out and a little crown of painted wooden beads adorning it. It stood out. Other women wore theirs in bundles of braids like her sister or adorned with scarves or intricately styled, such vivid individual women were all around; comparatively, Noam supposed her hair looked quite simple, but with her intense eyes and vigilant posture it didn’t seem simple. It had a goddess-like appearance, cool, distant, riveting.
Azize cleared his throat and faced the girls’ mother, drawing himself up and bracing for a great chore. Hadhi gave him the briefest of sharp looks, seeming to grind her back teeth to hold onto that smile. Noam wondered if either of these two were aware of how nervous the other was.
Azize had hated being the center of attention for as long as Noam had known him. He pulled bolder, louder, more boisterous men near to draw the eye away from him, as much as he was pulling men near for protection. Walking around this ball with his friend Noam had begun to understand why Azize hated the attention so much. Everyone wanted something from him, and he was so afraid to fail them.
Noam wasn’t certain why Azize had come home now. Until one month ago, they had planned to sail to the Blazing Sea and visit its many volcanic islands. Then suddenly, Azize announced he wanted to return to Maltuba. Azize loved nothing so well as being at sea and seeing new parts of the world, putting as much distance between himself and his father as he could. So Noam knew he was not the only one of Azize’s friends confused by the sudden decision. Though Azize had never said it, all the men knew the prince was trying to build himself an army before he came home. And fifteen men did not an army make. But they were his men, so they followed where he led.
“Jauhar,” Azize said gently, lifting the hand of the woman before him, Hadhi’s mother. “Please allow me to express regret, on behalf of my father and myself, for the loss of Zuberi. He was my father’s most valued emissary. Discovering and punishing his murderers remains one of my father’s highest priorities.” Azize bowed over the woman’s hand; she and her daughters all cast their eyes down a moment silently with Azize.
Noam watched the exchange thinking over Azize’s carefully chosen words. He spoke no actual words of sympathy, because he felt none, but if these women noticed, they drew no attention to that fact.
“Oxtia thioon szou,” Azize had muttered as he’d caught sight of this family while they circled the room greeting his citizens.
Azize rarely spoke in the language of his childhood, but when he asked the gods to preserve him, as he just had, or when he cursed, that tended to be in Maltuban. So those were the words in the language with which Noam had the most familiarity.
“What catastrophe now?” Noam had asked with a laugh. When Azize nodded to Jauhar, Noam had followed the gaze and seen Hadhi watching them, her heavy presence like a whirlpool pulling them in. “You know her?”
“Yes, she's Zuberi's widow.”
“The man you call gzufiga?” Noam had asked in shock. That girl was too...well he didn’t know what, but she couldn’t have been the wife of the monster Azize spoke of with rage and fear.
“Yes.” Azize replied flatly. “She cannot be put off forever, and at least right now I don’t see that infernal pest, Asha. Come on.”
Noam had been pleased to discover Azize was speaking of Jauhar and not her daughter. He and his friend had looked at this family and been equally unaware of the woman the other saw. It was slightly amusing that. And surprising. Hadhi raised her head now, and despite the moment of silence for her father’s memory, the bright, toothy smile was still on her face. How was it possible his friend could fail to see her?
“I see Maltuba has not changed at all in my absence,” Azize teased. One moment he was failing to offer condolences for their dead father, and the next, he was back to insulting his home. Hadhi bit her tongue to keep from rolling her eyes. “I was never allowed to go anywhere without a thousand eyes on me.”
Hadhi smiled, and a tiny moment of silence passed. Mzaa’s foot connected with the back of Hadhi’s leg. What was she meant to say to that? Her eyes had never followed Azize.
“I think the Spirit Dancers have gotten much better since you left,” Nuru said brightly. The prince opened his mouth to respond, but Nuru spoke right over him. “Faizah is...” Nuru fumbled for the word in Fairy; she glanced at Hadhi, as if she would know any better. “Oon vonuri?” Nuru asked in Maltuban
“A vision,” Azize laughed, providing the answer and thoroughly startling Nuru. Mzaa threw Hadhi a look as if to say she should follow Nuru’s example.
“Yes,” Azize agreed. “She is very talented. Do you dance, Nuru?”
“I...” Nuru swallowed, as though it had not occurred to her that the prince would speak to her. It had. Mzaa had made it quite clear that both her daughters would try their hardest to gain the prince’s favor. Despite Nuru being thirteen, Mzaa was determined the prince would marry one of her daughters or no one. But now that the opportunity was upon her, Nuru looked frightened, and Hadhi found her tongue.
“Nuru is a beautiful dancer,” Hadhi said proudly. “She will be better than Faizah one day.”
“Ah, so my participation in the dance was as embarrassing for her to witness as it was for me to perform,” Azize said self-deprecatingly. Hadhi had a thing or two to say about that but was not allowed.
“You have been gone many years. You did well!” Hadhi said, generously. “This is all a shock, is it not?”
“Very much so. I expected only to see my father on my first day home. The journey was so long I had thought to rest, but who could rest at a... welcome of this magnitude.”
“It would be hard.” Hadhi agreed with what she felt was a too bright smile, but from the corner of her eye, she could see her mother, and if this smile slipped, Hadhi would get far worse than a kicked ankle.
“Have you missed anything special from your home?” Mzaa prompted when a lull in the conversation suggested the prince and his three friends with him would walk away. The prince was making his rounds, as duty required and greeting every family in attendance. Eventually, he must walk away, but Mzaa wanted Hadhi to linger in his brain after he left.
Azize was struggling to find words, which did not speak well of his feelings for Maltuba.
His friend spoke up in his stead, smiling directly at Hadhi, which was... odd. “I am sure I would miss dances like that in his place,” Azize’s friend, Noam, as he had been introduced, spoke fervently. “It was quite moving. I remember you telling us about a phrase, Azize, that was used to begin your old legends—“
“No other nation could thrive between the claws of the jungle and the teeth of the desert!” Nuru chimed in immediately. It was her favorite part of the old tales.
“Exactly.” Noam smiled. “The dance reminded me of that.”
Azize nodded. “Yes. It is meant to. I have missed them, I suppose, and my mother telling the old stories.”
Hadhi smiled and nodded, pretending to hang on his every word as Mzaa wanted.
“And I do love the quiet of the desert at night. Nowhere else in the world is there a sand desert like Ether.”
“It is beautiful,” Hadhi agreed without having to be forced. She, too, loved desert nights. “The music of the night bugs and birds and—“
Horns blasted outside of the capitol palace, cutting Hadhi off. Or perhaps it had been a bird’s cry. A breeze shoved in the south doors, so they banged against the walls. As one, Azize and his guests turned that way. Several people shuddered and gasped.
“Azongma sifvao ooshooa,” Oni whispered behind them. Hadhi glanced back to see the woman touch her daughter’s foreheads with two fingers before bringing those fingers to her own lips. It was a superstitious response among the Maumai, to a sudden change in wind. Curse bringer winds, that tribe called them.
Hadhi had always admired the tradition; you touched the heads of those you loved and brought your fingers to your lips, in essence protecting their spirit inside yourself. Baba used to scoff at it. He scoffed at anything gentle, or sentimental, or based in faith. Scoffed at any power but oneself. Hadhi turned away.
When the wind cleared, a woman walked in—not a woman. A vision. She stood in the doorway, scanning the room, entirely unconcerned by the commotion she caused. And why should she be? She sparkled like the sun, in her gown made almost entirely of golden thread, it touched the ground like liquid, and there was a light music to it, like it was made of coins striking one another and singing together. The fabric had a rich, dramatic pattern of blue birds emerging from the centers of golden flowers. It was the loveliest thing Hadhi had ever seen. And the woman wearing it was no less lovely. Her hair was braided up off her face and neck, all braids leading to the apex of her head, where it exploded in a highly curled crown. Each braid was adorned with golden loops, connected with chains that drooped down on either side of her face. And she had such a lovely face, smooth, unmarred by life. She had full lips and a slightly crooked nose that somehow made her look sweeter. And her eyes were large and brilliant, nearly the color of emeralds.
Those eyes fell on Hadhi, and Hadhi felt her muscles tensing up and her pulse skidding with embarrassment. The woman looked her up and down critically and gave a little laugh, as if Hadhi were beneath her notice, then she turned away, walking towards a group of Azize’s friends.
Hadhi had never seen the woman before, but she felt her entire being burning with shame, felt ugly and unlovable. She felt suddenly like crying.
Sour-faced-Hadhi, a voice taunted in her mind. Hadhi flinched. Her wooden beads bumped against one another, making a windy sound like branches tussling. Nothing like the music that woman’s adornments made. The prince and his friends forced their gazes back, and Hadhi could feel their disappointment at having to pull their eyes from the mystery woman.
Azize opened his mouth, for half a moment, it seemed he might start their conversation where it had been interrupted. Then he laughed slightly.
Poor sour-face. Did you really think you could hold his attention?
“Please excuse me, ladies.” Azize could not conceal his desire to be away. “It has been a pleasure, but I must...greet other guests.”
Hadhi narrowed her eyes but said nothing.
“Perhaps we will see you later on this evening,” Mzaa said sweetly.
Azize did not even pretend to agree; with a stiff jerk of his head, he walked away, taking his friends with him. Mzaa held her breath, waiting until he was far enough away not to hear before she began chastising Hadhi.
Nuru caught Hadhi’s eye and shook her head at the retreating prince. “That wasn’t very polite.”
Mzaa sucked in a breath that made clear she would be yelling at any moment, Hadhi gave her sister a small nod, and Nuru slipped away while the prince was still near enough that Mzaa dare not shout after her.
Sabra had still not returned from changing her son, not that Mzaa would have chastised her, but perhaps if Azize’s childhood love were here, he would have stayed. No one stayed for Hadhi.
“How long have we practiced?” Mzaa hissed quietly, but not quietly enough that their neighbors would not overhear. It made little difference, everyone knew Mzaa despaired of ever getting sour-faced-Hadhi married.
“Iooni?” Hadhi replied and got her arm pinched none too subtly.
“In Fairy,” Mzaa instructed through her teeth, yet still managed to look lovely.
“Forever,” Hadhi repeated in the common Fairy tongue. “It is not my fault the other woman came.”
“If you were making any effort at all, he wouldn’t even have noticed her,” Mzaa insisted.
That was nonsense. Hadhi knew her mother did not believe it. She told Hadhi once a day how plain she looked without the scars and how ugly with them. Add to that, at twenty-three Hadhi was past the common age of marriage. Azize would no more want her than the other men in Maltuba did. Which would suit Hadhi fine, if it did not mean staying with Mzaa forever.
“Ma gitell nong bijum Maltuban ifiza. Ayzat pang vonuri kamko nong fupu mav ziva,” Hadhi muttered in Maltuban: He does not want Maltuban women. Even that vision will not make him stay.
Mzaa did not move, did not shift her lovely smile, but her eyes dug into her daughter like claws. Hadhi felt them along the tracks of her scars and wondered, not for the first time, if her mother was not a witch. Her expressions alone held such painful power.
“You will not speak unless you speak Fairy, or I will devise tortures for you suitable to that sour expression you are wearing. You have no right to judge a prince. Your only purpose here is to smile, to make him feel heard, and welcome, and desirous of your company.”
Hadhi caught sight of one of the men Azize had brought home with him nearby, smirking at the pair of them as though he had been listening to their entire conversation. He looked Maltuban. He wore a fine dress-silk like theirs but not in the pattern of any tribe she recognized. She wondered if he was from one of the tribes of the outer provinces, aligned with no one. He was one of those men who was beautiful to look at and knew it. The kind that used their beauty to trick and harm others. Like Hadhi’s father had been. Hadhi’s eyes slid across him in distaste and back to her mother.
“Since I am so terrible at it, shall I go home?” Hadhi asked.
“Get a drink to refresh yourself.” Mzaa ignored the query. Of course Hadhi could not leave. “By Azize’s friends. Welcome them to Maltuba. Ask about their travels. Ask about their friend. Be lively, and engaging. The night is far from over. You will make an impression on the prince, is that clear?”
Hadhi sucked in air through her nose and curtseyed to her mother like she were the queen she imagined herself. “Yes, Mother.” Hadhi bit out in Fairy, cutting through the crowd sharply to march away.
Hadhi noticed an unfamiliar bird flitting in through the open door to weave about between the lanterns decorating the ceiling and lighting the palace. It was tiny, but brightly colored with a long thin tail. She followed it with her eyes as she crossed the room, and...it did the same to Hadhi.
Hadhi shook herself; it was her imagination, her nerves. All day she had been noticing odd bird behavior. That ibis this morning, that just stood on the road from their hut to Jaccada staring at her family as they passed, staring at the extra camel tied to Hadhi’s. It had made her uncomfortable. Made her feel like...prey, as this bird was now, but it was all in her head. She should have better control of herself. Animals were not out to get her; she was not being stalked.
They can change their shape to nearly anything when they hunt.
Hadhi shook off her father’s voice. It had been a year and a half and no one had come for revenge. She was just jumping at shadows. She didn’t fit here and she wanted to make it a threat and not her own lacking self. The bird darted down the hall, leaving Hadhi without even an imagined threat to focus on.
She longed to be home with this night’s torture over. She hated crowds like these. Hated the dances she would have to participate in and smiling and pretending to be other than she was. Hadhi noticed that Azize had yet to approach the mystery woman. Still too timid. He was talking with Faizah, but his eyes constantly darted to the mystery woman. If Faizah could not hold his attention, Hadhi surely could not. But she had to try.
She might be fine spending the rest of her life in the hut Uncle Kafil shoved them into when Baba died, or she would be, if Mzaa were not there. But if she did not catch the prince’s eye, Nuru might never join the Spirit Dancers. And Lin, her new baby brother, could be taken away by their uncle as soon as he was weaned. Hadhi needed the prince, whether she liked him or not. Whether he liked her or not. They both had duties to perform. That ought to be enough for him. But she doubted it would be. She could think of nothing more she had to offer that he could not get from anyone else, but she must find a way. She could not afford to give in to the rage inside. Something had to change.