March 31, Zero Days to Deadline
Edie slipped into statistics class and found her seat towards the back next to Georgia. The usual teacher, Mrs. Beniretto, was out that day and a substitute sat behind the desk, shopping for high heels on Mrs. Beniretto’s desktop computer.
“Have you heard from her since Friday night?” Georgia asked, not to Edie but to the empty desk beside her where Dawn usually would have been.
Edie toyed with her pencil and erased an answer she’d already written down. “No, but we should go over there after school one day this week. What about Wednesday?”
“I can’t. My mom is having Simone over for dinner.”
“That’s my only free day. I might still go if my parents let me. I don’t want her to think we’re going to disappear or something.”
“Maybe I could think of a way to get out of the dinner. I could say I have to study or something. I don’t really want to see Simone again if I don’t have to.”
Edie put her work to the side and lowered her voice “I mean, let’s be real. Frank will probably be thankful that you’re leaving early so she can get freaky with Simone.”
Georgia gagged. “E, what the fuck,” she exclaimed loudly.
The substitute teacher shot them a look from the front of the classroom then turned back to the screen she’d been staring into so deeply.
“Frankie and Simone sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—”
“He’s actually disgusting. I can’t wait until my mom dumps him like the piece of shit he is.” Edie watched Georgia’s face shadow and then even.
“Jesus. Where did that come from?” Edie folded the worksheet neatly into her bag and turned her full attention to Georgia.
“I don’t want to say. I think I might be overreacting.”
“You can tell me. I won’t say anything. I swear.” Edie leveled her voice and tried to meet Georgia’s eyes.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out tonight.”
“You sure?” Edie asked. She waited as Georgia stared down at her phone with her lips pursed in concentration.
“Yeah, no.”
“Okay.” Edie pulled the worksheet back out and went back to working on it, distracted by thoughts of what Georgia wasn’t saying and Ben. The class was almost over and they needed to turn it in before they left. Edie focused hard on the page and tried to put all of her energy into getting the answers right. Ever since her break with Ben, everything in her life was going right. Or, that’s what she was telling herself. She studied more, was somewhat kinder to her parents, and had lots of time to work on her embroidery, which she’d essentially quit doing sophomore year when the difficulty of her classes increased. Yet, here she was unhappy and heartbroken. She thought that maybe she was lying to herself the way she lied to her parents. In reality, she didn’t want to embroider or study more, she wanted Ben. She wanted them to hold her and tell her they loved her. No grade or stupid yarn hat was going to replace that feeling of want.
“You okay, E?”
“Huh?”
“Your pencil.” She looked down and saw that she’d crushed the lead into the page by pressing down too hard.
“Oh, yeah. Just thinking about Ben.” She put the pencil between her teeth and started to chew. She knew she sounded dramatic but couldn’t help it.
“Shit, I forgot to tell you. They stopped me in the hall to talk after Bio this morning.”
“What did they say?” Edie tried to calm herself, bracing for the worst.
“They just asked how you were.”
“Oh.”
“They seemed pretty messed up. Like, wearing gym shorts,” Georgia laughed. Edie tried to join in but couldn’t. Ben had worn cut-off jeans ever since she’d met them, no matter the occasion. Edie had never even seen them in anything else until the first night she’d slept over at their house. Edie liked this about them, their predictability, their sense of self.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Total disaster town.”
Edie couldn’t decide if she was happy about it or not. Some part of her liked that they were unhappy without her. But only a small part. The rest of her was suffering. Ben understood her, saw her for who she was even with their eyes closed.
“I don’t know what to do, Geo. I’m such an idiot. I think I really messed up.” She dropped the pencil from her lips and rested her head on the desk.
“You’re not an idiot. You are a very smart person who said some very dumb and hurtful things.”
“But I can’t take it back. I can’t take anything back. Ben isn’t big on letting things go. I think I knew that about them, but I must have forgotten.” Edie thought about all the times Ben would recall past conversations in great detail. They never forgot a single thought or idea she’d had. Would this be something they’d remember forever, too? Her hurtful words replaying in their head until … until what?
“Edie, you are my best friend in the entire world, but honestly, I can say that Ben was kind of right and you were kind of wrong.” Georgia looked up at the ceiling of the classroom. “I’m sorry I took so long to tell you this, but I saw how sad you were and didn’t want to hurt you more than you were already hurting. You wanted them to lie, which made them uncomfortable. You made them feel like their identity wasn’t valid, like it was something they could just turn on and off.”
“I know, Geo.” Edie’s frown slumped into a pout as she tried to keep herself from crying in the middle of class.
“Does that mean they had to break up with you? No.” Georgia grabbed Edie’s hands in hers and squeezed them gently. “Does that mean you can control your parents and all their little problems that make them hate people they don’t even know? No.”
“I just don’t know what to do next. I apologized. I mean, I was a drunk mess, but I did. I meant it. I would apologize again and again.” Edie let go of Georgia’s hands and rested her head on the desk.
“Listen, I know this isn’t comforting, but if they won’t forgive you, you just have to let it go.” Georgia squeezed Edie’s hands in hers again and directed her eyes towards the classroom ceiling again. “Let them go, I mean.” Georgia didn’t meet Edie’s gaze.
“I know,” Edie whined out.
“Come here.” Georgia grabbed Edie around the shoulders. The hug was tight and made Edie feel a little safer than before.
“Holy shit.” Edie gasped out, her lashes still wet from tears.
“What?
“You know Dawn never turned in the film.” Edie’s eyes were wide in panic at the realization.
“Wait, isn’t it—”
“Due today? Yeah. She said she was going to upload the final version she’s sending to the film fest on the school computers because they’re way faster than her laptop. She hasn’t been here in days.”
“Shit. You know she disappears sometimes when stuff happens with her dad. Remember spring sophomore year?”
“Yeah. She missed like twenty assignments and we stayed up three nights in a row helping her do math. Well, mostly me, but you were there for moral support.”
“So, we need to finish it.” Georgia said plainly.
“I was just thinking that.” Edie scrunched her eyebrows and ran through solutions in her head.
“How do we do that? You know I don’t understand computers.”
“No idea.”
“Love that, honestly.” Georgia tried to laugh but nothing came out.
“What about her movie nerd friend Collin?”
“Oh, I think I actually have a screenshot of his number from one time when Dawn sent me a pic of their messages.” Georgia whipped her phone out and started scrolling.
Edie lifted an eyebrow and gave Georgia a questioning look.
“What? It was for an emergency! And now look, an emergency. Let me see if I can text him. Maybe he can tell us what to do.”
“Okay. Just let me know and I’ll make it happen.”
They sat in the back of the class and shared another hug as they watched time go by on the huge clock above the substitute teacher’s head.