CHAPTER 16

Lily

Lily hated barfing more than anything. When she became queen, she tried to outlaw barfing. But her advisors insisted the government had no control over “bodily functions.”

Lily had to consider a new law to make. She’d always wanted to go into space. So instead, she announced, “I am opening the nation’s first free space camp school—where any kid can learn to be an astronaut.”

“It sounds expensive,” said the advisors.

“I don’t care. Spare no expense,” Lily commanded. The advisors tried to talk her out of it. But Lily did not back down. Within a week, space camp school opened in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Lily was its first student.

“I want to learn everything,” she told the instructors. “Don’t go easy on me.”

And they didn’t.

Every day was an eighteen-hour-long school day. Lily learned about zero-gravity conditions in space, how to grow potatoes on Mars, and how to send e-mails from one planet to another. They taught her how to engineer robotics, navigate through an asteroid belt, and fly a rocket. They also made her learn really hard math. (Lily didn’t even like math.)

Lily learned the first living creatures to go into space were not people—they were fruit flies. In 1947, fruit flies were sent into space along with some seeds of corn. (True story). In 1957, Laika—a stray dog from the streets of Moscow, Russia—was the first dog in space. (Also a true story.) In 1959, two monkeys—named Able and Miss Baker—went into space. (Totally true story. Don’t believe me? Look it up!)

Lily had no idea that fruit flies, dogs, and monkeys had been to space before humans. She was astonished. But if they could do it, how hard could it be?

“Can I go to space now?” Lily asked.

“I’m afraid not, Queen Lily,” said one of the instructors. “You haven’t passed all the tests required of astronauts yet.”

“What else do I have to do?”

“Well, for one thing, you still need high-g training.…”

A big smile spread across Lily’s face. “High-g training is the one with the centrifuge, right?”

“That’s the one.” Her instructors explained, “You see, when astronauts fly into space, their bodies must be able to withstand great forces. Sometimes the forces are so great, they will lose consciousness. So by putting them in a centrifuge, and spinning them around faster and faster and faster, we help them get used to it.”

“I love spinning rides at amusement parks,” said Lily. “Strap me in!”

“We recommend not eating before the ride,” her instructor said. “Did you eat lunch?”

Lily had waited long enough to get here. She wasn’t going to let a silly little rule get in the way. So she lied. “Nope.”

Then the scientists strapped Lily into the centrifuge—the giant machine that was going to spin her around so fast and so hard, it would feel like she was being shot into space. The instructors buckled her up nice and tight.

“Are you ready for this, Queen Lily?”

“I’ve never been more ready,” she said.

The centrifuge began to spin. It went faster and faster. At first, Lily was laughing. Then she felt her face pushing back. Her whole body was flattened against the back of her seat. She felt like a pancake.

After a few minutes, the centrifuge stopped. Lily unbuckled herself and hopped out. She was standing still, but it felt like the whole room was spinning. That’s when she barfed.

Thankfully, Lily got her helmet off in time, or she would have puked inside her space suit. Instead, she vomited across the room. After that, she kept barfing, right into her helmet.

“I’m so embarrassed,” she said, trying not to cry. She wanted to be tough for the astronaut instructors.

“Don’t worry about it!” they said. “Astronauts puke in space all the time. It’s part of space sickness.”

“Space sickness?” Lily said.

“Yeah, it’s like motion sickness on a boat—only way worse.”

“Astronauts throw up? All the time?” Lily asked in a whisper.

“Yup. And if you think that’s bad, let me tell you how they go to the bathroom—”

“Please don’t!” Lily wiped some barf from her chin as her tummy rumbled. “Um, maybe not right now. I think maybe I need a break.”

Lily was right. She did need a break, which was fine. Space wasn’t going anywhere.…