Chapter 31

ROSS SILENCES JULIA

Ross strolled along Rainey Street in Austin, past rows of old homes that had been converted into bars, as he headed toward the Windsor on the Lake apartment building. It was late afternoon in the summer of 2012, and the street was relatively quiet. A few people sat on outdoor benches amid the faint sounds of Texas as they guzzled beers and ate local barbecue. He approached an apartment building on the street, pulled out his phone, dialed a few numbers, and waited for an answer.

He hadn’t been back in Austin for long, and wouldn’t be there much longer. But before he left the Lone Star State again, maybe for good, he had to resolve the biggest problem of all.

“Hey,” he said into his phone. “I’m out front.”

A minute later Julia appeared, running down the steps to greet Ross with elation. After a long hug hello, she stood back and looked him up and down to examine his outfit (blue jeans, black belt, gray V-neck T-shirt, and matching sneakers), then laughed. So much time had passed since their romance had begun; their lives had taken drastically different routes, and yet here was Ross Ulbricht, looking virtually unaltered. “You’re wearing the exact same outfit I bought you at Penn State!” she snickered. Ross simply smiled.

They hadn’t seen each other since that fateful night in October, and Julia was thrilled to reconnect. She ushered him into her studio to show him around.

Boudoir photos lay everywhere, some on walls, others tilted on her desk. Ross immediately recognized a large picture of a woman arching her back. It had been taken in the studio where he had experimented with growing his first batch of mushrooms in Julia’s underwear drawer two years earlier. How far he had come since then! Just twenty-four months ago he had been broke and aimless; now he was rich and as steadfast as ever.

“Wow, this place is amazing,” he said as Julia waltzed around in front of him.

“I know. Aren’t you proud of me?” she replied ebulliently. “I’m dating a new guy now. He takes me on all of these trips and takes me to all these great dinners.”

“Way to make me feel awesome,” Ross said, joking with her, and then quipped, “Well, I’m dating a girl too.”

After some small talk, Ross asked if they could go for a walk to discuss something. “Of course.” Julia beamed as she grabbed his hand and they strolled out of the building, down the concrete steps, and across the street toward a dirt path that led to Lady Bird Lake.

The sun was beginning to set as they meandered along the trail, hand in hand, telling stories about the past few months of their lives. Julia was still in love with Ross, and part of her hoped he had come to take her back. They eventually came across a tree that was wider than Ross stood tall. At its base there was a huge rock that rested on the water’s edge. They sat down together.

“So,” Ross said as he took a deep breath, preparing to tell Julia something important. “I just want you to know that I quit the site—I quit the Silk Road.”

“Thank God! That’s so wonderful.” She leaned over and gave Ross a huge hug, holding on to him for as long as she could.

The leaves above them sighed in the breeze as Ross looked out at the sun that reflected pink and yellow and orange off the water. He took another deep breath and began an explanation of why he had given up the site. It had grown too big; it was too stressful; it just felt right to pass it along to someone else. “I’m so sorry for telling you about it in the first place,” he lamented, “and I take full responsibility—”

“Thank you,” Julia said as he continued to talk, and tears began welling up in her eyes.

“I just felt so powerful running the site,” he said, then paused, as if he were reciting lines in a play. “I’m sorry.”

Julia thanked him again, both for the apology and for quitting the Silk Road. She leaned over and they started to kiss. After a few moments Ross pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “I just need to know one more thing,” he said. “Did you tell anyone else about the site? Anyone other than Erica?”

“No,” she responded quickly.

“No one?”

“No. I didn’t tell anyone else. Just Erica.” A pang of guilt came over her for having betrayed the secret at all. “I love you, Ross.”

“I love you too,” he said as they continued kissing, the sun lowering into the horizon behind them. “I just couldn’t move on without knowing that no one else knew.”

They spoke more about the past, and Ross told her about his travels—about Thailand and the beaches and jungles and a mountainous sculpture he’d seen that was made entirely of extra-large dildos; about Australia, picnicking with his sister, and that his travels had made him reflect upon his life and how thankful he was that he no longer had anything to do with the Silk Road.

The cold air was beginning to blow off the water and Ross suggested they walk back.

“So what are you going to do now?” Julia asked as they crossed Rainey Street back toward her apartment building.

Ross told her he was leaving Texas in a few days to move to San Francisco. He planned to build an app with an old friend from Austin, René Pinnell. “I probably won’t see you again for a while,” he told her solemnly.

She would be sad to see him go, she explained, but happy for him that he was free from the clutches of that awful Web site.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I’m glad to be rid of it too; it was too stressful.”

As they approached the door to the studio, Ross leaned in and kissed Julia one last time. “I love you,” she said. He didn’t reply. He just held her there for a second and then turned around and walked away. Heading into the darkness, alone.