How does this look?” Julia asked Ross as she twirled around in a floral yellow dress.
“Hot—you always look hot.”
She slipped on some sneakers and told him to hurry up. “We’re going to be late for church,” she said.
“We’ll be fine,” he assured her.
It was Sunday morning, and as they walked to the bus, Julia wondered if she should mention something to Ross about the Silk Road. She had assumed when she arrived in San Francisco that he was done with the site—that’s what he had told her time and again. But there had been so many clues in the few hours they had spent together. His skittishness, especially around his computer; the way he answered questions about work; and then catching him on the computer. Sure, he still lived like a pauper, renting a cheap room on the outskirts of the city with furniture he had bought on the street, and he still wore the same clothes he had worn in college. But that was Ross. His cheapness didn’t prove, or negate, anything.
On the bus ride to church, Julia explained that the congregation where they were heading had a belief system that everyone can talk to God. Therefore, she said, there wasn’t one pastor reading the sermon; everyone took it in turns, each reading a passage for two minutes before the piano dinged and someone else stood up to take the pulpit. “It’s a little culty,” she joked, “but it’s really quite beautiful.”
The church looked more like a 1980s office building that belonged to an obscure spy agency than a place of God. It was two stories high and painted a strange lime green color. Dozens of white security cameras pointed down from every direction. The only signifier that this was a place of worship was the dark lettering across the top that read MEETING PLACE OF THE CHURCH IN SAN FRANCISCO.
Services had already begun when they rushed inside, Julia ushering Ross into a pew in the back of the room. As they settled into the wooden seats, prayers were being chanted by the mostly Asian parishioners. “Oh Lord!” and “Jesus, praise the Lord!” ricocheted through the large room. Almost immediately the congregation was asked to “please rise.”
“We’re going to read from the Tree of Life,” the first parishioner said, beginning the passage in the Bible where Adam and Eve are deceived by a serpent.
The story was one that everyone in the church had heard before, one Ross had been told as a child, as had Julia. In it God instructs Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, for if they do, they will die. But a snake arrives with a different message.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made,” the parishioner read aloud. “‘You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’”
There was a ding of the piano as the next parishioner took the pulpit.
“O Lord!”
“Hallelujah!”
As the story continued—a story of good and evil—Julia realized she didn’t have to broach the uncomfortable subject of the Silk Road with Ross. She believed that what the sermon was saying in that very moment wasn’t for the dozens of churchgoers who praised the Lord already, or even for her; it was a message from God, who was speaking directly to Ross. She reached over and grabbed his hand as they listened to the rest of the tale, where God explains that there will be repercussions for Adam’s actions.
“He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” Another ding! rang through the room. “O Lord!”
When the service ended, Ross and Julia walked outside and waited for the bus to arrive. “What did you think?” Julia asked him. “Did you enjoy any of the verses we read?”
“Yes,” Ross said. “I get the morals. I can see how for some people it’s really important. I really get that, but for me, I just don’t need something like that.”
“Well, how do you know what’s right and what’s wrong?” Julia asked.
“I think about it,” Ross said, then paused for a moment. “I think about it myself.”
In the distance Julia could see the bus approaching. She looked back at Ross and tried to press the question again. “But how do you know what’s good and what’s evil without a reference point? Jesus is my relationship that helps me decide if I’m doing good in my life.”
“I think a man is his own God and can decide for himself what’s right and wrong,” Ross said. “As a man, I decide for myself.”
Julia listened to him, realizing that Ross saw himself as a guiding light, and there was no room for another. In his eyes, he was his own God.
When the bus arrived, they got on in silence. Julia was sad that he hadn’t accepted the verses, but she wanted to enjoy the day and what was left of the weekend, so she decided to change the tone, reaching for her camera as they began taking selfies together, capturing a moment in time that she would never forget. They decided to get off the bus at a nearby park and then walked toward the Golden Gate Bridge. There was a sign at the edge of a cliff that read DO NOT ENTER.
“Come on,” Ross said to Julia as they scampered behind the barrier. She giggled with the excitement of it all. She handed him her camera and Ross looked through the viewfinder and began taking a rapid succession of photos. As his finger pressed the shutter, Julia slipped her yellow dress off her shoulders until it was in a crumpled pile on the grassy ledge. In a matter of seconds there was no dress at all, and then he dropped the camera on the floor and they had sex on the edge of the cliff.
They went home that evening with a different feeling between them. All Julia had wanted to hear was that he was done with his former life and ready to be with her, but he clearly had a different plan. That night, as they lay in bed together, Julia tried one last time to change his mind.
“Would you ever consider getting married?” Julia asked.
Ross laughed. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time. It’s been over a year.”
“So what? We were dating for a long time before that.”
“No, I’m not ready,” he said. “I still have things I need to do.”
She knew exactly what those things were, and she knew she couldn’t stop him from doing them. He would just keep eating, and eating, and eating.
Usually Ross would cuddle Julia. But tonight Ross turned around and stared pensively at the wall, and this time Julia cuddled him, holding him tight while she silently cried.
In the morning they woke up, she packed her things for the airport, and he helped her with her bags as they set off toward the train.
They stood there where they had greeted each other at the beginning of the weekend, and Ross kissed her as the cold fog swept by.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you too.”
“Will you come to Austin and stay with me?”
“Maybe next month,” he replied.
They kissed again, and then they turned and walked in opposite directions, Julia scurrying toward the entrance to the train station. She started crying again as she looked back at Ross, who stood there for a moment, watching her. Eventually he smiled, slipped his hands in his pockets to shield them from the frigid air, then turned and began walking briskly up Diamond Street, back toward the Silk Road.