ELEVEN

Koschei looked at all the people in heaven, so comfortable in their nudity, and thought that, perhaps, he’d feel at home there. He got lost in thoughts and didn’t notice when a bumblebee chariot pulled over next to him. It had a coyote sitting at the wheel and howling in place of a siren. Three eagles in blue uniforms got out of the vehicle and flew over to the balcony. They took out guns and aimed them at Koschei.

“We’ve been warned of an intrusion. What are you doing here?” said the eagle at the front.

“I came out of there.” Koschei pointed back at the opening behind him.

“You have authorization?”

“No, but Zmey Gorynych tried to kill me, and I had to run.”

“Well, you can’t be here without authorization, human. If you’ve been sorted to hell, you should stay in hell even if they’re trying to kill you. These are the rules.”

“But I’m not a human. I’m a Koschei.”

“Oh. You don’t look like one.” The front eagle lowered his gun and studied Koschei for a bit, and then he must have deemed Koschei legitimate since he gestured for the other two eagles to put away their firearms. “Are you with the earlier group? They’ve already left for earth.”

“No, I’m on my own. Did you, by any chance, also have a soldier with fiery eyes running through here? Or Leshy, a wood spirit?”

“If you have inquiries you need to make, we can take you to the information bureau. Otherwise, you’ll have to be transported to earth immediately.”

“Take me to the information bureau, I guess,” Koschei said.

One of the eagles carried him to the car in his talons. Koschei was placed in the back, where the silver leather of the seat clung uncomfortably to his thighs. The eagles dropped him off at a building with many columns and embellishments gracing its exterior. It looked like a palace. However, when he entered it, he saw only one big room, which was full to the brim with old, faded folders of yellowed paper piled up to the ceiling. In the middle of the room, between two equal mountains of old documents and dusty nuts, sat a gray-haired, bespectacled squirrel, who also looked powdered with dust.

Koschei introduced himself politely and asked the squirrel if he could answer some of the questions he had.

“I can answer anything, but you will have to fill out some forms,” the squirrel said and threw a thick wad of papers in front of Koschei. “Here, make sure you print; my eyes are not what they used to be.” The squirrel wiped his glasses with his fingers, only making them grimier.

“And when I’m done with the paperwork, what happens?”

“You go back to where you came from and wait.”

Koschei tried to argue and explain the situation. The squirrel was firm in his position: Koschei had to fill out the paperwork, be escorted back to earth, and wait for an answer, which could take anywhere from six months to 140 years.

“I only have a few questions for you, which you could answer in under a minute, but you want me to waste all that time?” Koschei felt frustration crawl all over his body. “You’re worse than hell!”

As he said those words, he saw the squirrel’s face contort.

“How dare you?” the squirrel screamed. “Officers!”

As the officers entered the building, Koschei rushed to the pile of nuts and pulled out one near the bottom. The whole structure collapsed, and an onslaught of filberts rushed like a wave toward the eagles. As they tried to avoid falling and flailed the wings they didn’t use much, Koschei moved past them and made it through the doors.

Outside the information bureau, he saw the coyote in the police chariot and wondered if it was a good idea to ask him for a lift. No, he would probably arrest him and give him to the eagles. There was nothing else around them. Like the entrance from hell, the bureau of information was suspended in the air, and you could reach it only via flying chariot. Koschei heard something rattle behind him and saw that one of the eagles was coming out of the building.

Koschei climbed the enclosure surrounding the porch and looked below, where he saw greenery and naked, happy humans. He was not meant to join them, after all, but it would be his decision, not someone else’s. As the eagle flapped his wings and told him to stop, Koschei took a step forward and started falling. He saw a flash of silver in his eyes, and then nothing.