Victoria
I strode into the welcome air conditioning of the bistro, my gaze sweeping over the small room for a familiar face. Kate sat tucked away in a corner booth, bright afternoon sunlight spilling over the table, glinting off her auburn hair. Feeling my eyes on her, she looked up and waved. Her infectious smile was impossible not to return, and I felt an answering grin tugging at my mouth as I wound my way through the tables.
She pulled me into a hug as I approached. “Hey, I’m glad you could make it.”
I squeezed her back, then slid into the booth across from her. “Me, too. It’s been a little crazy recently.”
Her expression turned serious. “So I heard. What happened?”
I relayed the details of the past couple of weeks until the waiter stopped by. The bistro was a regular lunch spot for us, and he took our orders with a knowing smile before heading back to the kitchen.
“Anyway.” I turned my attention back to Kate. “Johnathan brought up a good point. He suggested it might be a good idea to have some extra security at the healthplex until we figure out what’s going on. He even suggested I start dating again.”
“And, of course, Johnathan thought it should be him,” she interjected with a roll of her eyes.
“He just wants me to be safe.”
Kate snorted. “Please.”
“He’s… protective,” I hedged.
“Jealous.” She raised an eyebrow, and I sighed.
“He asked me again about joining his practice.”
Her eyes widened. “Please tell me you said no!”
“I told him I’d think about it.”
“Vic…”
I held up a palm.
“I know what you’re going to say. I have no intention of joining with Johnathan, either in my professional life or personal. But it shut him up for a while.”
She studied me for a moment before heaving a sigh. “Look, Johnathan seems nice enough, but he’s obviously infatuated with you. He follows you around like a puppy yearning for your approval.”
Johnathan was always inviting me to dinner, to the opera or a new art exhibit. Which wasn’t a bad thing—if he could accept the fact that we’d only ever be friends. I was pretty certain, though, that he would be harder to dissuade than most. It bothered me sometimes that he thought he knew what was best for me. He was a nice person, and he was a great doctor, but I felt no intimate attraction to him.
“Why don’t you just tell him how you really feel and put the guy out of his misery?” Kate asked. “Otherwise, he’s going to keep hoping that one day you’ll give in and finally go out with him.”
And therein lay the crux of the problem. “I’ve tried to tell him. Or, at least, I’ve dropped subtle hints about not dating friends and coworkers.”
“Men don’t do subtle. You’ll have to just come right out and say it. Or better yet”—Kate raised her water glass in a kind of mock salute—“start dating someone else.”
I picked up my own glass of sweet tea and drew little designs in the condensation coating the glass. My fidgeting drew her attention, and her eyes narrowed.
“Okay, spill. Something’s going on, I can tell.”
I’d known Kate since our sophomore year of college, and she knew every detail of my sordid past. She understood my outlook on love and relationships, but she still encouraged me to get out and meet people. Aside from my two semi-serious relationships in college, I’d only been on a handful of dates since opening my practice. The dates had felt stilted and awkward, and after the third dinner spent mostly in silence, I’d begun to think I’d never feel truly comfortable with a man. Until Blake.
“So, you know the new security guard that Benny called in?”
“Oh, yes. That man is gorgeous.” Her eyes widened as she glanced across the table at me. “Oh, my God! You like him, don’t you?”
I opened my mouth just as the waiter stopped by the table to deliver our food. After he left, I speared a piece of lettuce and lifted it to my mouth. “Well, do you remember me telling you about Rachel?”
Her eyes filled with sympathy. “Yes, I’m so sorry about that. How are you doing, by the way?”
I shrugged. “Better. I’m still disappointed, in both her and myself, but I’m coming to terms with it.”
“Good for you. I’m glad you understand it wasn’t your fault.”
I swallowed a bite of salad before clearing my throat. “Anyway, after her service I went back to my office. I was upset and Blake—the security guard—found me. We talked for a few minutes and…” Heat flooded my cheeks at the memory of his hands roaming my back, his lips on mine. “We kind of… kissed.”
A huge grin spread over Kate’s mouth. “Really? It’s been a long time since you’ve been interested in a guy.”
“He asked me out.”
“And?” She stared at me. “What did you say?”
“Well…” I glanced out the window and watched a bird flit from bush to bush in search of food. I finally turned back to her. “I’ve kind of been avoiding him.”
Kate studied me. “I know it’s hard for you to trust guys. I’d probably feel the same way if I were you. But that was a long time ago. Maybe it’s time to move on. If you really like this guy—Blake—why not go for it?”
It was the same advice Johnathan had given me. Except Johnathan obviously thought he should be the logical choice, not someone else. Blake made me feel things. What, exactly, I wasn’t sure… But I wanted to find out.
He’d been a complete gentleman and, though I’d felt his eyes following me around the healthplex over the last few days, he hadn’t pushed me. I caught glimpses of him from time to time as he patrolled the building, but I hadn’t worked up the nerve to talk to him again.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
The morning following our encounter, I found a note on my desk. A phone number had been scribbled along the bottom under the words “Debt Collector.” It had made me smile, and I’d tucked it in the top drawer of my desk, only to pull it out several times this week.
I wished I had the confidence to do as Kate said and take what I wanted. I’d hidden a part of myself away for so long I wasn’t sure I even knew how to be a desirable, attractive woman. I knew the relaxed, dark suits didn’t look good, but they were comfortable. And safe. They provided a layer of protection against men who only wanted sex. Most couldn’t see beyond the baggy fabric to the person underneath. Except… Blake had. He’d been the first man to look at me—to really see me—in a long time.
“I’ve been thinking I might go shopping,” I said slowly. “Maybe get some new clothes.”
Kate was silent for a moment as she regarded me. “For you? Or for him?”
My spine tightened defensively. “I’m doing this for me.”
“I understand.” She nodded. “I think that dressing in something more… flattering… will really help to boost your confidence.”
I tried to push down the sting of hurt her comment had inflicted. “I know.”
“You know I mean that in the best way possible,” she added softly. “It’s been almost ten years. Maybe it’s time to stop hiding.”
It was true; I had been hiding. I’d closed myself off for so long that I’d forgotten who I really was. I wanted Blake to be attracted to me. I wanted him to desire me. But I was tired of being restrained, defined by my past. The idea of moving on, putting it all behind me, was scary and exciting all at the same time. Years ago I’d been confident and happy. And I desperately wanted to be that person again.
* * *
“Are you sure this isn’t too tight?”
“Are you kidding me?” Kate circled me. “Women would kill for a body like yours. If I had half the curves you do, maybe my husband wouldn’t have cheated on me.”
I turned to her, sympathy swelling up and making my chest feel tight. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” She shrugged. “It’s really a blessing in disguise. I was young and dumb, and getting married was a mistake. It took me a while to realize it, but we’re both better off.”
“Is he being a jerk about it?”
“A little bit, but my lawyer is a total shark and the proceedings are going really well. We’ve determined that Steve’s going to buy out my half of the house and I get to keep Peanut,” she said of her tiny Bichon Frise. “We’re still negotiating what to do with the practice. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am today to let him take that away, too.”
“Is it uncomfortable working together?”
“Not really.” She shook her head. “We’ve scheduled our appointments so we work opposite days. That way we don’t have to run into each other.”
“So there’s no chance of reconciliation?” Kate and Steve had been together for years. I couldn’t imagine just walking away from someone I’d once loved.
She shook her head. “We both know where we stand. Of course, it helps that the bimbo is knocked up.”
I whipped toward her. “You never told me that!”
Kate lifted one shoulder. “I just found out about it myself. He’s planning to marry her as soon as the divorce is finalized.”
She hid the hurt well, but I could see the pain in the depths of her clear blue eyes. It was obvious that Steve’s infidelity had done a number on her. I prayed I never had to go through anything like that.
With that thought in mind, I turned back toward the mirror in the dressing room. Was this whole endeavor even worth it? Was dating worth all the effort if I might one day end up like Kate and Steve?
Kate met my gaze in the mirror and shot me a reassuring smile. “Thank God we’re older and smarter now. You won’t make the same mistake I did.”
I forced a tight smile as I examined my reflection. The beige pencil skirt clung to my curves and ended just above my knees, and the white blouse accentuated my waist while still looking professional.
“Trust me, this is perfect,” she continued. “We need to get you out of drab, dark colors. You need something neutral to show off your natural beauty.”
I rolled my eyes. “What natural beauty?”
Kate lightly smacked my arm, and I let out a little sound of protest as she jerked my shoulders back. “Hey!”
“Look in the mirror,” she ordered, ignoring me. Reluctantly, I did as I was told. “Your hair is gorgeous. It’s never been dyed, and it contrasts beautifully with the cream top. The gray of your eyes really pops when you’re not in all black.”
She stepped in front of me. “We’re not here to change who you are, only to enhance what you’ve been hiding for years. You have amazing features, Vic. You just need to believe it.”
I glanced in the mirror again. “You really think so?”
“Oh, honey.” Her eyes softened. “I wish you could see yourself the way the rest of us do.”
I bit my lip as I studied the reflection in front of me. It was so easy to pick apart my own features, to see only the bad instead of the good. Now that she mentioned it, my eyes did seem brighter, and my hair looked glossier and more radiant. I nodded a little, and made a silent promise to myself. From now on, I would focus only on the positive things.
The next three hours were a whirlwind of activity as we picked out several dozen outfits and pairs of shoes. A trip to the beauty store yielded a mass number of cosmetics that I wasn’t sure I’d ever master. I’d played with eyeshadows and lipsticks as a teen, but over the last decade I’d forgone most beauty products in lieu of keeping my face natural. I didn’t see the point in getting all dolled up for no one.
I stared at the mirror, examining the flawless finish the makeup artist had wrought. My skin glowed, and my cheeks looked flushed with the barest hint of pink. The trace of eyeliner blended with the shimmering neutral shadow on my eyelids, giving them a sultry look. I felt like a new and improved version of myself. The thought of Blake seeing me like this made my heart race.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I blushed at the compliment as Kate looked me over. “I love it.”
A grin spread over her face. “And so will he.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get home and let Peanut out. Would you mind if I took off?”
I glanced at the bags surrounding my feet with a smile. “I think I have plenty to do this evening.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
I waved her off. “No, really. I’ll be fine. I might go back to the department store anyway. I think I changed my mind about those shoes.”
I had no idea where I’d ever wear them, but I hadn’t worn high heels in years. Maybe I’d get dressed up just for myself and head to the art gallery for something to do, try out my new look.
Kate lifted her brows appraisingly. “It’s always good to have a pair of fuck-me heels when you need them.”
I shook my head with a smile. Not that I was considering using them in that manner. Maybe. “You’re a bad influence.”
“One of us has to be.”
With one last hug, Kate took off and I gathered my bags. I walked sedately through the mall, window shopping as I strode to the back of the department store and picked up the shoes. I’d tried them on earlier for Kate, deliberating over them for almost twenty minutes before putting them back on the shelf. I’d never spent this much on shoes in my life, but it felt good to spoil myself after so many years of hiding behind layers of functional but decidedly unflattering suits and loafers.
Carrying the box to the counter, I went over the mental checklist Kate and I had mapped out. Clothes, shoes, makeup. I’d made an appointment tomorrow at a local salon to spruce up my haircut. After paying for the shoes and thanking the cashier, I gathered my things and awkwardly turned around, bumping into the man behind me in the process.
“Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry.” My gaze flicked up to the man’s face and widened in surprise as his own eyes shone with appreciation.
“Victoria. Wow, I didn’t recognize you.”
Greg Andrews’s gaze slid slowly down my body before returning to my face. I barely repressed a shiver of revulsion. “Hello, Mr. Andrews.”
“You can call me Greg.” One corner of his mouth lifted, and I smiled politely but didn’t correct myself.
“How have you been?”
“Better now.” His eyes roved over me again. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen this side of you before. I like it.”
I pressed my lips into a firm line at his errant compliment. “Have you had a chance to speak with Dr. Martin yet?”
Irritation flashed across his face but he quickly suppressed it. “I called you last week, you know. The receptionist wouldn’t put me through, but I wanted to apologize. I can be a bit hot-headed at times and I overreacted. I’d like to come back next week if you have an opening.”
“Well, thank you for the apology. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I’m not accepting more patients at the moment,” I lied.
His face darkened. “Well, from what I heard, you just lost a patient. Doesn’t that open up a slot?”
I stiffened and swallowed down the tears burning the back of my throat. How could the man be so callous and unfeeling? “No. Thank you for your interest, though. I’ll forward your information to Dr. Martin and have him contact you.”
His hand shot out and grasped my elbow as I turned to leave. “I’m asking nicely, Victoria.”
Fear snaked down my spine, but I fought it off. I would not let him rattle me. I threw a pointed glance to where his hand was still curled around my arm. “Is that what you’re doing? Please let go.”
He released me but the fire in his eyes didn’t diminish. “I want to come back.”
“I’m afraid that can’t happen. Please excuse me.” With a polite nod, I turned to leave.
“See you soon, Victoria.” His tone was cold, and his words sent ice sliding through my veins. Refusing to acknowledge him, I hurried from the store casting surreptitious glances over my shoulder occasionally to make sure he wasn’t following.
The words were too similar to the ones I’d heard just a week and a half ago, and they still had the power to shake me to the core. Rushing to my car, I tossed the bags in the back then climbed inside and locked the doors behind me. Only several miles down the road was I finally able to take a deep breath. I stretched my fingers before clenching them around the steering wheel again and tried to shrug the tension from my shoulders.
I glanced in the rearview mirror as I turned into my allotment, watching for anything out of the ordinary. Seeing nothing out of place, I let out a shaky sigh. When would I stop looking for threats? Maybe the better question was, would I ever feel safe again?