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THE BAR WAS SILENT after Drew left. The silence you get after someone loses their shit and no one knows what to say or if it’s appropriate to say anything. The few remaining customers snuck out the door, so it was just Holden and I. And a whole bunch of tension.
I picked up the iPod dock to change the music. It didn’t need changing but I needed to focus on something to settle my mind.
"Do you still love rockabilly?" he asked.
"Maybe."
"I bet you do. You're unchangeable. Like a rock. Deep down at the core, you'll always be the same person, Carlie. Steady and true."
What was he implying? That I wouldn't change into someone who hated him? He could rethink that idea. I just gave him a nod but that didn't stop him talking.
"I bet you even have those old records."
That much was true but instead of answering, I did a circle around the room, collecting up the dirty glasses.
Holden jumped up and cleared the tables on the other side. I had to thank him because my manners overruled me.
The bar was lonely without Violet and Jackson and Drew. Just another bar. I put on some electronica just to prove I could change and turned the music up to make it harder for Holden to talk to me. Every time I turned though, Holden still sat there, ogling me.
“That’s really creepy, you know.”
Holden laughed. “I guess it is. But you won’t talk to me so what can I do but look.”
“You could leave.”
He finished off his drink and I thought he’d go but instead, he turned his gaze from me.
“Have you ever been home?” he asked. “Do you visit your parents?”
That surprised me. I was waiting for more of the “Carlie, I need you” talk. There was something on his mind, that was for sure. I poured him a whiskey without him asking for it and poured myself one too.
“Never. Not once. Not for Christmas. Not for their birthdays. I call them once in a while but I never visit.”
I didn’t mention the fears, that if I set foot in that town again, I’d be trapped there like in some nightmare. The kind where you try to run but the weeds tangle around your feet and you can’t move.
I didn’t mention it because I didn’t need to. Holden knew. He probably knew better than I did.
He ran his hand through his hair.
“I can’t, even if I want to. I’ve been told. My management have told me no contact with my family. They want the whole dirtied-up country boy image but not that dirty. They thought about changing my name when they looked into my background but figured King is common enough to avoid any connection.”
“Well, you wanted to leave them behind.”
His grin was wry. “That’s for sure. But it’s different when it’s forced on you. I got a message from Tommy the other day. Something’s stirring up back there. You know what they get like at times. It might end up being bad. Family feuds don’t end well.”
Tommy was Holden’s cousin. It surprised me that they kept in contact but he was the best of a bad bunch.
“More reason for you to stay away, I reckon.”
He nodded his head but didn’t say anymore. He just stared at his hands.
At the end of the night, I told Holden to go.
"Finish your drink, I'm closing up."
He put on his coat and left. I watched him walk out, wishing I’d been able to say more. The family thing weighed heavily on him and there was no one else he could talk to about it, I knew that much.
What did he expect, though? That I’d put an arm around him and tell him it’d be okay? I couldn’t let myself get involved.
I took my time closing up and getting everything ready for the next day. Eventually, I had to leave the bar and lock the door behind me.
"So, what are you up to now?"
As I expected, Holden waited for me outside. He moved closer and my heart pounded.
"I'm going home to sleep and so should you."
"Carlie, I know you're upset and I'm sorry about how things went in the past, I really am, but I think we should give it another shot."
I pushed him away. It made me wonder if that talk about his family had just been a ploy to get my sympathy. He didn’t seem too concerned about that now, just about getting into my pants.
"That's the most half-arsed apology I've ever heard and if you don't get away from me, I'll call the cops." I grabbed my phone out of my pocket to show I meant it. "How's that going to look in the papers? You aren't going to want that kind of publicity."
He backed away. "You wouldn't really."
If I didn’t push him away, and push him good, he’d never leave me alone.
"Like hell I wouldn't. The day you walked out of my life was the greatest day of my life. I never wanted to see you again. I didn't ask you to come back. Who do you think you are, coming into my workplace, ingratiating yourself with the staff and my friends and declaring you'll win me back?"
"I just want another chance."
He worked me with his eyes but I wouldn't fall for it. I'd given Holden King enough chances for a thousand lifetimes.
"You don't get another chance. That's how life works."
“I’d give you a million chances. The bucket of chances I’d give you has no bottom.”
"Screw you," I shouted and kicked him hard in the shins. Then I walked off. If he followed me, I'd kick him again. I hadn't intended on really calling the police but if he forced things, I would. “Screw you. You walked out. You didn’t give me chances then. Your bucket wasn’t full of chances, it was full of fucks you didn’t give.”
"Come back, Carlie. I need you."
I turned back to him. " I don't need you. Did you ever think of that?"
I kept walking with a head full of anger. It filled every fiber of my being. What a load of shit he talked.
It wasn’t that far from the bar to my place. About half-hour walk at most and I needed to burn off this anger or I’d never sleep. I often walked home. Even though the streets were dark, there was usually no one around at this time of night. I avoided the worst parts of town.
The bit with the construction site near the bridge was the worst part. Even when it was quiet, I hurried past.
I saw a guy up ahead, walking toward me, but figured he was some drunk on his way home and paid him no mind.
He got closer, still shuffling along and, as he walked by, he bumped right into me, knocking hard against my shoulder that was still sore from my boxing session.
“What was that about, dick brain?”
He’d done it on purpose. He had no reason to even walk near me.
“Hey, pretty lady.”
“Don’t ‘pretty lady’ me.” I shoved him back.
“Hey, what’s that for? It was an accident, love. I didn’t mean nothing by it. You’re a bit worked up, aren’t you? Well, I’ve got something that’ll fix that.”
I tried to walk off but he grabbed my arm.
“Let me go.”
I swung. He was a big guy but I could take him. No drunken idiot would grab me and get away with it. With all my training, I knew what I was doing.
He grabbed my arm as I swung. His grip on my wrists held me firm. I never really worried about my safety, but this guy was strong, much stronger than he looked. I tried kicking out at him but he just laughed and pushed me against the wall.
I kicked out again but couldn’t connect. I struggled to free myself but he had my arms pinned. I couldn’t loosen his grip.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” I screamed.
My body shook. What the hell had I been thinking, trying to take on a guy like him? I was fucked. And, if he dragged me into that construction site, I’d be even more fucked. There wouldn’t even be the chance of a passing car spotting us.
He pressed himself heavily against me, forcing his leg between mine. With him so close, I didn’t even have the momentum to kick at him. Even if he let go of my wrists, I was trapped.
The sourness of his breath almost knocked me out. I tried to back away but there was nowhere to go.
He toyed with the neckline of my dress, ready to rip it open.
“She said to leave her alone.”
Holden?
The attacker swung around at the sound of his voice. His grip on my wrists loosened and I got free. The attacker might’ve been big but Holden was even bigger and, at the sight of him, he ran.
I collapsed against the wall, my legs weak and trembling.
“Are you okay?” Holden asked.
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. I wanted to push him again but my legs shook so much I wasn’t sure I could stand on my own. The warmth of him comforted me.
“I’m fine,” I said but my voice shook.
I wasn’t strong enough. No matter how hard I trained, I’d never be strong enough.
I let him walk me home. Even then, I kept checking behind me. The feeling of that man’s hand on my wrists didn’t leave me.
When we got to my place, we paused outside.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Holden said.
“I’m fine. I just need to sleep.”
He nodded.
I opened the door to go inside and he stayed beside me. I needed the warmth of him. I needed someone with me.
“You can come in if you want.” I turned my head to him, wanting him to kiss me. Wanting him to try once more. I needed him.
He stroked my face.
“Not like this, Carlie. You’re upset and scared. If I come in now, you know what’ll happen. And it’d be wrong because you don’t really want me. You just want to be comforted. I’ll wait outside until you’re asleep if that makes you feel safe but I’m not taking advantage of a situation like this.”
I pulled away from him and slammed the door. Screw him.
I didn’t want comfort. I wanted Holden King.