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THE BAND ROOM WAS PACKED by the time I got there. Violet had been working all day. Alex wanted Sally on the door because Violet had to focus all her attention on managing Holden. I don't know why he needed so much management but Alex wanted everything perfect, even if it meant driving us mad in the process.
I tried to get there as late as possible to avoid seeing Holden and found a spot by the bar.
Violet came out to get drinks for the band.
"What about their rider? They should have a ton of drinks backstage."
"They want vodka with cranberry juice. They don't have cranberry juice backstage."
She sighed, obviously having had requests like that all day.
"Holden's a wanker, that's for sure."
"Oh, he's okay. It's the rest of the band. That guitarist, Shun, is the worst. He thinks I'm his pig slave. 'Fetch this', 'get that', 'no, not that, something else' all damn day. Luckily, he'd be out of this place after tonight or I'd have to cut his throat."
Babs handed her the drinks and she ran off.
I settled myself in with a beer, ready to watch Alex's band, Zero, when Gina and Jackson joined me.
"Whoa, Jackson, it must be a big night to get you upstairs. Is anyone left in the bar?"
"A few people who couldn't get tickets. Hoping they'll catch a sight of Holden when he finishes. Alex has hit gold with this night. From now on, any rumor of a big band doing a secret gig here and he'll have half the town queueing to get in."
Gina stood next to Jackson with a slight gap between them. A gap that said together yet not quite.
Alex had put on security downstairs to stop too many people crowding into the bar. He didn’t want it to become the nightmare Violet had dreaded, and also we didn’t have enough staff to cover the bar, not with everyone up in the band room.
I had my earplugs in my pocket but I'd watch Zero first. I pulled them out to check they were still there.
"Just listen to the guy's band. If you're over him like you say, what harm is it going to do?"
"I only said I'd turn up. I never said I'd listen."
Jackson snorted. "The attraction between the two of you is like a force of nature. You're only delaying the inevitable."
"Dude, that's almost romantic."
The three of us took our positions against the wall. We had a view of the stage, something to lean against and even a ledge for our drinks. That was enough for me. I'd stay in the background and then I'd collect the rest of my dollars from Alex.
Zero came on stage with a bang, literally. The whole place went crazy. That would be great for Alex's ego. When he started playing though, I forgot all the crap he'd put me through and what a wanker he was. He really became another person on stage, so sleek and sexy. He moved like a cat. A sexy cat in leather pants.
He was right, the new drummer was great. It sounded like he'd been playing with them forever. The music filled me and I wanted to get closer to the stage.
I left Gina and Jackson behind. I knew enough of Alex's songs now to sing along with them so I sang and I did a little pushy dance. I moved up to the front of the stage, squirming my way through the crowd. They were so tightly packed, even near the back of the room but I was an expert at getting to the front. They were no match for my squirming ability.
"Alex," I screamed. "You rock, even if you are a wanker."
My voice got lost in the general screams around me but I felt better for having said it.
By the time Alex finished playing, I was squished into the front barrier. I couldn’t move back without hurting people. Like Jackson said, what harm would it do to listen? Well, apart from maybe I was lying about being over him. I wanted to move away but my feet wouldn't let me. It was like they refused to obey my command.
If I stayed in the front row, he'd see me. He'd think I wanted to see him. But it wasn't that at all.
The lights went down and the crowd hushed. Then Holden came out on stage. Nothing fancy like Alex but he didn’t need it. Just a simple white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked every bit the country boy but the sexiest country boy ever.
Watching him, I felt all swoony inside. I didn't want to listen to him sing, I didn't want to watch him. He had some magic that I didn't want him working on me. He leaned over his guitar, lost in concentration.
He spotted me from the stage. For that moment, when our gazes met, there was just me and him, and all those past hurts melted. But then he broke away and left me with a bitter emptiness. What the hell was I thinking? This was how it started, but then I’d be back in his arms while he had another woman lined up for afters.
I smashed my way back through the crowd, wanting to get away from his influence. I wasn't a weakling, ready to be seduced by a guy on stage with a guitar. I had to be stronger than that. I got another drink, a double vodka, and found Gina and Jackson to distract me from my own evil thoughts. Violet was with them, looking like she needed to sleep. That relaxed look she’d had when she'd gotten back hadn't lasted long.
I downed my drink and tried to relax. If Alex caught me slipping out early, I'd lose that money he still owed me so I had to stay. And I couldn't put my earplugs in. Not while I was with the guys. That would be rude. So I stood and listened and plastered a smile on my face to show I wasn't affected, not one bit.
Holden had talent, that much was true. He couldn't be the star he was without it. He knew how to get into your heart. He did it so effortlessly.
That was his strength and his weakness. He worked it on stage, even though it looked so simple.
Between songs, he stopped to push back his hair. That got to me, that move.
He went into an oldie. A real oldie. I could remember him writing it before we left home. The tune was much simpler than his new stuff but the lyrics cut right to the core. All the misery of being a misfit had been poured into that song. I couldn't listen to it. The music took me back to those times. I could almost smell the freshly cut hay and the cow shit. The sun beating down on us and the taste of stolen whiskey on his lips. The crazy optimism that told us no matter what happened, we had the whole future laid out before us. We'd be more than we were.
My fingers traced the words on my collarbone. Then I noticed Violet watching me with comprehension on her face. She'd asked me a few times what the words I had tattooed there meant. I'd never answered her but now, as Holden sang those words on stage, she obviously made the connection.
Then the song finished.
He ended his set with “Rock Princess”. No matter how much the earlier song had softened me, that song sent me into a rage. I hated him. I hated what he'd done to me and I'd hated the person I was when I was with him.
"I'm going downstairs," I said.
Screw Alex and screw the money. I'd stuck around for long enough. I couldn't be in the room while he sang that song. I'd end up exploding from anger.
I pushed through the crowd and ran downstairs. There were only a few people downstairs and they were chicks waiting to see if Holden appeared.
I hated Holden King. I hated him so much. I'd run but not far enough. I needed to put up more distance between us. I wiped a tear from my eye.
Violet’s office. That would be safe.
Wow, new sofa. Alex must've done that while she was away. I sat on it, testing the comfort. It was amazing. Was he doing that to try to get into her heart? It wouldn't work but it was a nice try. She hadn’t mentioned it to me but then she’d been so busy rushing around.
Even in the office, I could hear that song. It echoed down the back stairs. I fished in my pocket for my earplugs and jammed them in my ears. They blocked out the sound but my heart still knew he was singing those words.
I wondered if Violet still had that bottle of vodka in her desk drawer.