| |
I WOKE UP THE NEXT morning, wondering if it'd all been a wild sex dream but There was definitely someone beside me in my bed. I peeked then pulled the covers tight over my head.
Fuck. I had done it. For good or for bad, this wasn't a dream. It was a reality I had to deal with.
He stirred and I tried not to move so I wouldn't wake him. That way I could put off dealing with this for as long as possible. We'd come back to my place so it wasn't even like I could get dressed and sneak away. There'd be horrible morning-after crap instead. He'd be polite but cold until he made some excuse to flee. I wanted to be the one who fled, not the one who was left behind. That would give me the power.
He stirred again, turning onto his back.
I wasn't the kind of creeper who watched someone sleep but I did like the way Holden's face looked when he relaxed. The gentle light softened the contours and made him more like the boy I'd known growing up. I wanted to run my finger over his lower lip but that might wake him. Instead, I touched the words on my collarbone, the ones that matched his. Those words tied me to him when nothing else did.
I’d lied when I said I never noticed them anymore. They were part of me. Those words were my comfort, my home.
If I stayed perfectly still, not even brushing away the wisp of hair falling onto my face, I could freeze this moment so that it would live forever. One perfect moment before things went downhill, because that's all I could imagine from here.
The light coming through the cracks in the blind let me know it was still morning, hours before I had to go to work. I silenced the part of my brain screaming that this was wrong. I could blame the night before on too much vodka, a stupid drunken mistake, but maybe that was an excuse I told myself so I could lapse without guilt.
Then, without thinking, I flexed my hand and my bones cracked. The noise rang out like thunder in the silent room. Surely that would wake him.
If I jumped in the shower, that would give him an escape route. He could run without talking to me and I'd not see his back as he walked out the door.
Before I could do that though, he rolled toward me, muttering incomprehensible words in his sleep. The muskiness of him hit me as he turned and I ached to touch him but I refused to let my body move.
Then he put his arm around me and pulled me to him. All my resolve melted away. I’d be strong but not just yet. This was a stupid game but I couldn't stop. He gripped my heart in ways too powerful for me to resist. Maybe this was best. I'd get him out of my system, be free of him forever.
I ran my fingers down his chest. My body knew his in the way you remember an old neighborhood. Some of the landmarks had changed but the path was still the same. His body had become harder, less forgiving but I could find the scar on his left hip without even seeing it.
My fingers reached his belly button. Drawing tiny circles drove him crazy. Then I traced my way down the line of hair. He pretended to be asleep but, from his breathing, I knew he was awake. He reacted so fast to my touch, his cock hard and ready to go.
"Same old Carlie," he whispered. "Always horny in the morning."
I laughed. I hated him calling me horny and he knew it. But I couldn’t argue with facts.
He grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me on top of him. His strength overwhelmed me.
"You'll have to do all the work. I'm stuffed from last night."
I wasn't sure if he was talking about his efforts on stage or the performance once we got home.
I sat up to straddle him, his cock pressing against my thigh. He ran his hands up my sides and along my arms until he grasped my wrists. For a moment, we stared at each other. I wasn't sure what I could read on his face and I tried to hide all my doubts and insecurities from his scrutiny. I gulped and turned my face away. More than any of the sex, this moment was too intimate for me. I didn't want to be exposed to him.
He laughed gently and ran his hands back down my body, stopping when he got to my nipples. The way he pinched them had me bucking against him. I couldn't wait. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a condom.
––––––––
"SHIT, LOOK AT THE TIME," I said as I rolled over. I'd thought we had hours but I'd been so wrong.
"What's up?"
"I have to get to work or I'm going to be late."
I jumped out of bed. He lay there, languidly stretching. Tempting me to crawl back in beside him. If I didn't look at him, I'd make it to work on time and in one piece.
Shit. Work.
"Don't tell anyone at the club," I said as I slipped on some panties. "Please do not tell anyone. God, no one saw us leave, did they? Where were they?"
I didn’t remember seeing anyone. Violet would’ve been still upstairs. So would Alex. He’d have been working that crowd. The only person who might’ve noticed was Mark but he’d have been busy when the crowd hit downstairs.
He laughed a little. "Embarrassed to be with me, are you?"
"Yeah, actually I am. Also, I don't need people getting all up in my personal business. I have little privacy as it is. I just want to keep things separate."
"If that's the way you want to play it... but they'll find out soon enough."
I hooked on my bra. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, this isn't a fling. It's not a one-night stand or even a one week fling even. Now I've got you back, I'm never letting you go. You're mine, Carlie. Mine for life. I won't lose you so easily this time."
I finished getting dressed without answering him. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. He talked all the time about what he wanted and how he saw things between us. He never asked what I thought. He never said he'd be mine for life — and, if he did, would I believe him?
All he had were pretty words. Well, maybe something more. But it was just sex. I could keep it at that level.
Before I could race out the door, he grabbed me and pulled me back onto the bed, kissing me with all the passion that should've been burnt to ashes from the sex we'd had. Even after all that, he had reserves?
It took all my will to push him off me and walk out the door.
"See you tonight," he said as I left.