Rowan

Two weeks later, I was just about to close up for the night when Violet pushed through the diner door.

“We’re closed,” I said.

“I’m not here for food.”

“Letti,” Squeaker greeted, although, he sounded a little suspicious. “You know you’re supposed to be locked down.”

“Why is she locked down?” I asked.

Squeaker didn’t answer me.

“Stow the attitude, Squeak,” she sassed. “Aero knows I’m here.”

He pulled out his phone and Violet scowled at him, crossing her arms, and tapping her foot. “Really?”

“Forgive me for confirming your story, sweetheart. You have a tendency of stretching the truth, and I’m not falling for that...” he glanced at his phone. “...again.”

“You really are a dick,” she snapped.

“I love you, too,” he said.

“Squeaker, you can’t just—”

“You’re clear,” he said.

“Yeah, I know,” she snapped, facing me, and sidling up to the breakfast bar. “Hi, honey.”

“Hey,” I said, sliding a stack of cleaned menus in the rack. “The grill’s off, but I can get you a coke.”

“I’m good,” she said. “I’m just here to talk.”

“If it’s about Scooby, I’m really not interested. I don’t mean to be rude, but we’re done. He made that perfectly clear.”

“Yeah, well, he’s an asshat.”

“Doesn’t change anything, Violet. What’s done is done.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “Look, I need to lock up. I have to pick Lord up early tomorrow—”

“Where’s Lord?” she asked.

“He had some training this week.”

She frowned. “Oh my god, you’ve been all by yourself? Does Scooby know you haven’t had Lord with you?”

“I’ve had my jailors.”

“Hey,” Squeaker protested. “Man, that ain’t even cool.”

“Just speaking the truth, Squeaker,” I said. “If you don’t want to be part of the problem, don’t participate in it.”

He shook his head with a scowl and focused back on his phone.

“The fact you’re still being protected proves Scooby cares about you, Rowan,” Violet said. “Although, if he knew your dog wasn’t here, I think some things would have been a little different.”

I closed my eyes briefly, then set my palms flat on the counter. “Please, Violet. I need you to hear my words. None of this is any of your business. I know you’re just trying to help, but, honestly, honey, you’re making it worse. Please, go home and leave this alone.”

“Would you consider a girls’ night out?”

“Not yet,” I said.

Her mouth dropped open. “Why not?”

“I’m just not up to being reminded of everything I’ve lost just yet. Can you understand that?” I sighed. “So, for now, can you just go home? I’ll call when I’m feeling up to it, okay?”

Before she could comment or move, the bell over the door sounded, and all our heads turned in its direction.

Scooby walked in, his face grim, stalling when he caught sight of Violet. “Everybody out.”

Squeaker rose from his chair immediately and made his way to the door, Violet, however stayed put.

“Letti,” Scooby warned.

“Yeah, Scoob?” she sassed.

“Get the fuck out,” he ordered.

“No,” she said, studying her nails.

“Come on, sweetheart, I’ll drive you home,” Squeaker said.

“I don’t need you to drive me home. I have my car,” Violet countered, glaring at Scooby.

“Then, I’ll follow you,” Squeaker said.

“I don’t need you to follow me,” she argued. “I’m good right here.”

“Swear to Christ, Let, you need to get the fuck outta here,” Scooby growled.

“And you need to not talk to her that way,” I snapped.

His eyes met mine and I could see the pain, but I refused to acknowledge it. We were done and I wasn’t about to let him wheedle his way back in.

“All of you can go,” I said. “I need to lock up anyway, so if you’d please leave so I can do that, I’d appreciate that.” I focused on Violet. “Please. If you don’t make the first move, he’ll never leave.”

She sighed, sliding off the stool and making her way to the door. Squeaker stepped out, Violet followed, and just when I thought Scooby would be right behind her, he closed and locked the door then turned to face me.

“What are you doing?” I breathed out in frustration. “Get out.”

“No. You’re ignoring my calls and texts.”

“Not true,” I countered, stepping behind the counter again. “I haven’t seen any of your calls or texts.”

“Rowan, don’t bullshit me. If you haven’t seen them, it means you’ve blocked me, which is a bigger problem.”

“You made your position very clear, Scooby. We are done. In order for me to honor your decision, I needed some distance. Blocking your number is how I got that distance,” I explained. “Now, if you’ll please go so I can head upstairs, I’ll leave you to your life.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because we have some things to hash out.”

“Ah, no we sure as heck do not.”

I don’t know what possessed me, but I picked up a saltshaker and hauled it toward his head. I missed... kind of. It bounced off his shoulder and smashed on the floor behind him, glass and salt shattering all over the linoleum.

“What the fuck?” he growled. “Did you just throw salt at me?”

“I was hoping it would ward off an evil spirit.”

“You’re supposed to throw a little over your own left shoulder, Twinkles, not throw an entire fuckin’ saltshaker at my goddamn head!”

I let out a squeak, then turned and made a run for the back of the diner. My foot hit the first stair to my loft when his arm clamped around my stomach and dragged me up against him.

“Lord!” I bellowed.

“I know he’s not here,” Scooby whispered against my ear, turning me to face him, and pushing me against the wall. “We’re gonna talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Well, then you’re gonna listen.”

I slapped him.

Once, then twice.

Hard.

He grabbed my arms, pinning them behind my back, holding them with one hand at my wrists. “Feel better?” he taunted.

I glared at him, unable to stop staring at his mouth. God, I wanted that mouth so bad.

So I took it. Kissing him like he was my last breath, but quickly reminded that I’d been denied his mouth for far too long, and it pissed me off. I bit down hard on his lower lip, tasting the copper of his blood as it filled my mouth.

“Fuck!” he hissed as he pulled away, still managing to keep hold of both my arms behind my back. “What the hell, Rowan?”

I continued to glare at him as I dragged deep breaths into my lungs.

His free hand went to my pulse. His touch inflamed me, and I couldn’t stop arching into his hand as he stroked my neck.

“You missed me,” he observed.

“Let go of me.”

“We gonna talk?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“We gonna fuck?”

I shivered as my pussy contracted around nothing, but I couldn’t deny the very thing I wanted most.

His hand slid to my breast, and he palmed my nipple over my T-shirt. “That’s what I thought. Already hard. How much you wanna bet your panties are already soaked?”

I forced myself not to react. It was a warm day, so all I had on was a jean skirt, T-shirt, and low-rise booties. To say he had easy access was an understatement.

He slid his hand between my legs, moving my panties aside and slipping a finger inside of me. “Dripping.”

I swallowed convulsively, trying not to make a sound.

“Tell me you want this, Rowan,” he growled.

I closed my eyes, goosebumps already forming on my skin. One last night wouldn’t kill me and then I could tell him we were done for good.

“Yes, sir,” I breathed out.

He released my hands, lifted me in his arms, and carried me up to my loft where I unlocked the door. We made our way to my bedroom, and he cupped my chin. “Hair up and you get naked.”

I nodded, and he left me to get ready while he locked up. I was naked and waiting when he returned, and he walked around me before gripping my chin and meeting my eyes. “Punishment first.”

“For what, sir?”

“For blocking my calls.”

I bit my lip.

“Understand?”

I wrinkled my nose, but answered, “Yes, sir.”

“Spread your legs.”

I spread my legs, and Scooby grabbed silk ropes which he wrapped around my wrists. Not too tight to sting, but certainly tight enough that I wouldn’t be able to get out of. He then grabbed the chain he’d installed on the ceiling a few weeks earlier and held the middle of the rope up to it. There was a hook on the end of the chain, and he secured my ropes to it.

“Tug on your binds,” he ordered, and I did so.

They were secure and he smiled slowly.

“Flogger or crop?” he asked.

“Your choice, sir,” I rasped.

He grabbed the flogger.

But he also grabbed the nipple clamps...and the clit clamp.

Oh, lord, I really was in trouble.

In the best of ways.

Once he’d secured the clamps, he ordered, “Turn around.”

I faced away from him, my body already shuddering with need. My nipples were extra sensitive for some reason, and the sensation nearly made me come on the spot.

“Bend down as far as you can, ass up.”

I did as he instructed, and he slid a butt plug inside of me slowly. I nearly came on the spot, but I forced myself to breathe. He’d been easing me into anal and I had wanted more and more every time we’d tried it.

“Too much?” he asked.

“No, sir.”

The flogger landed on my bottom with a thwack. Once, then twice. I felt my pussy flood and I licked my lips as he pressed the flogger against my heated mound.

“Apologize.”

“No,” I panted out.

Thwack.

He replaced the flogger with his hand, running his fingers through my wetness before slipping his thumb inside of me. I backed into him, trying to make him go deeper, but he eluded me.

“Did you want more?” he asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you gonna apologize?”

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” I growled.

“You blocked my number.” He dragged the flogger down my back.

“You broke up with me,” I reminded him.

“And I apologized.”

I scowled. “Ah, no you didn’t.”

“If you hadn’t blocked me, you would have seen I did,” he countered, giving me another thwack.

“You apologized over text?” I rasped. “Tacky.”

“I was trying to call.”

“Still tacky.”

“Rowan,” he breathed out in annoyance.

Oh my god.

“Giraffe.”

Scooby dropped the flogger, unhooked my ropes, removed my clamps and plug, and untied me, pulling me against him, but I shook my head and pushed away. “No. This was a bad idea. Go home, Crew.”

I escaped into my bathroom, dragging my robe around me, as I burst into tears. I let myself cry for about seven minutes before peeking into my bedroom to see it empty. I was both relieved and devastated that he’d left, but I knew it was for the best.

I decided to lock up since I really did need to pick up Lord tomorrow, maybe not as early as I’d inferred to Violet, but still, I had to pick him up the second I had a break.

I made my way out of my room, heading down the hallway, freezing the second I realized I wasn’t alone. “I told you to leave.”

Scooby nodded. “I’m aware.”

“I giraffed,” I hissed.

He smirked. “That’s for pausing playtime, honey, it doesn’t apply to conversations.”

“Don’t call me honey.”

He closed the distance between us, cupping my face, and stroking my cheek. “Jesus, you are beautiful.”

I pulled away from his touch. “Why are you here?”

“Because I love you, Rowan, and I’ve been a fuckin’ idiot.”

“Well, that’s true.”

He held his hand out to me. “Please, Twinkles, let me apologize the right way.”

“I was all in,” I whispered. “You broke that.”

“I know, baby. I know.” He grimaced. “I’d lost my brother, you were threatened... again, then my mom... I fuckin’ lost my mind.”

“So, you’re here to, what? Tell me you found it?” I retorted.

“That depends on you.”

“Of course it does,” I breathed out.

He waved his still outstretched hand and I caved, slapping my palm in his and letting him pull me into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“Well, what I need to know is if you forgive me.”

“Yes, I forgive you. But that doesn’t mean we can just start up where we left off,” I admitted. “You have some, um, serious rage issues, Crew. And you need to deal with them.”

“I don’t have rage issues, Rowan. I protect what’s mine. There’s a difference.”

“Vengeance isn’t protection.”

“You said you were all in, Rowan. Vengeance is part of the deal.”

I pulled away. “You crippled a man in front of me, right before murdering one. How is that vengeance?”

“Protecting. My. Own,” he growled. “They came after you, Rowan.”

I bit back tears. “You could have called the police. You should have let them deal with them.”

He dragged his hands through his hair. “Cops aren’t an option for us, Rowan, and I know you fuckin’ know that.”

“I know for a fact Sabrina’s brother’s a cop, and he could have helped.”

“Goddammit,” he snarled. “Luca’s the last person I’d call.”

I took a deep breath and pressed my palms to my eye sockets.

“Look, what’s done is done,” he said. “Can we start fresh and try to put all this shit behind us?”

“Can you stop killing people long enough to get control of your anger issues?”

He gave me a slight smile. “Baby, I don’t have anger issues.”

“Baby, you do,” I countered.

“I have never harmed anyone who didn’t deserve it.”

“Honey your anger doesn’t hurt them, it hurts you.” I slid my hand to his chest, just over his heart. “I know you’ve heard the old adage that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die, right?”

“Yeah,” he grunted out.

“Well, you’re literally trying to find some form of redemption by killing or maiming the people who have done you wrong, waiting for the anger to go away and it’s not.”

He scowled at me, but I knew I’d hit a nerve.

I gripped his cut. “What you’re really doing is trying to punish yourself because you weren’t there to protect your brother. Or your mother.”

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“It wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault.” I tugged on his cut, and he met my eyes again. “I love you, but I’m not willing to give up my soul to be with you... or watch you give up yours.”

He studied me for a few tense seconds. “What does that mean for us?”

“That all depends on you,” I said, turning his words back on him.

He shook his head.

“What happened in your meeting with the club?” I asked.

“Our club, along with some other MCs, have had some trouble with an organization who call themselves the Beast.”

“The Beast?” I asked with a chuckle.

“They may sound like a joke, but believe me, they’re nothing to laugh about.”

“What do they want from you?”

“That’s simple. To join, close shop, or die.”

“Why?”

“The club’s presence in the area along with our growing weed business pose a threat to the Beast’s nationwide expansion plans. They are the ones responsible for the attack on my mother.”

I gasped. “Oh, my God.”

“Not just my mother either.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Beast have been systematically targeting club members’ family, the people closest to them, along with MC-owned businesses all over the country.”

“So, you thought that because this Beast entity is threatening those closest to you, you figured it would be a good idea to push me away in order to protect me.”

“Sounded better in my head at the time,” he said.

“Everyone I love leaves me, Crew. Not by choice, granted, but they go. I’ve never had anyone stay, so when you left of your own free will, it broke me,” I said, fighting back tears. “I gave you everything and you were supposed to protect that.”

He grimaced.

“Violet’s right, you are an asshat.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Did you just swear, Rowan Samuels?”

“Well, when the situation calls for swearing, then swearing is what the situation gets.”

He leaned down and kissed me. “I am an asshat and I’m fuckin’ sorry. I’m gonna do everything I can to make it up to you.”

“Right now, I’m exhausted,” I whispered. “And I’m a little sad. And quite frankly, all I want is for the man I love most in this world to make love to me and hold me while I sleep, because I haven’t gotten much of that over the last couple of weeks.”

“Where is he? I’ll fuckin’ kill him,” he joked.

I rolled my eyes. “Too soon, Frankie.”

He cupped my face, leaning down to kiss me again. “Let’s go to bed.”

I nodded and led him back to my bedroom.

* * *

The next morning, after picking Lord up, I settled him in my office, and made my way to the kitchen, washing my hands before donning a clean apron and heading out to the front.

“Hey, Monty,” I said, passing the grill.

“Hey, sweetheart. It’s picking up out there.”

I grinned, despite my melancholy. “My timing’s perfect, then.”

“As always.”

I pushed through the swinging doors to find Dusty and two of our new wait staff already working more tables than usual, so I jumped right in. The business was a great distraction for my sadness, and I welcomed it... until...

“Order up!” Monty called, ringing the bell.

I made my way to the pass, checking the ticket, managing to get a whiff of the huevos rancheros as I stepped up to the plates of food.

And then all hell broke loose.

I let out a groan and made a run for the back, only just making it to the large garbage can by the kitchen sink before losing everything I’d eaten for the last year.

“Rowan?” Dusty rushed over to me, handing me a wet washcloth and a Sprite. “Lord, honey, what brought this on?”

“I must have eaten something weird.”

Dusty sighed. “Sweet girl, this isn’t food poisoning.”

I wiped my mouth and frowned up at her. “Well, what else could it possibly be?”

“Not to get too personal, honey, but have you noticed your boobs are quite a bit bigger than normal?”

“Excuse me?” I hissed, suddenly covering my chest.

She patted my back. “You’re pregnant, Rowan.”

“I am not.”

“Uh, yeah, you are. Having three kids of my own, I know the signs, baby girl.” She handed me the Sprite. “Sip this. As soon as things die down, I’ll run next door and grab a test.”

“Don’t tell Murphy the test is for me.”

“Well, he’s not gonna think it’s for me,” Dusty pointed out.

I whimpered, my stomach roiling again.

“Don’t worry, honey. If he’s nosy enough to ask, I’ll tell him it’s none of his business.”

I didn’t actually hear anything she said after that, as I started to puke in the garbage can again.