Ryan dug, swallowing any sounds of pain, the guilt driving him to do what little he could for Mandy. Lila might have eased the burn from the electrocutions but she’d been too depleted herself to clear it all away. Caleb said nothing. He hadn’t spoken since they’d started. Louise took turns with him while Ryan pushed through on his own. He didn’t want to stop. He couldn’t. Mandy had saved his life.
His life.
And now she was dead. Because of him.
Caleb must hate him now. He hated himself. And he kept reliving that moment again and again. And again.
“It’s deep enough.”
They’d wrapped Mandy in her favorite quilt, one her mother had made her when she was a child. Louise lifted her sister with ease as Caleb lowered into the hole. Ryan stayed where he was, leaning on the shovel, as Louise handed Mandy to Caleb. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his face pale and dirty. He staggered a bit under his mother’s weight before he carefully set her into her grave. Louise helped him out and then they buried her.
They stood at the grave, Ryan keeping himself distant from them. Louise set a hand on Caleb’s shoulder.
“Mandy. You were always the best of us. I want to scream and curse fate for taking you away from me. But I don’t, because I know you’re finally with your love.”
Louise’s eyes shimmered, and Ryan swallowed hard as cracks formed in her mask. She clenched her jaw tight enough that a tic appeared.
“You will always be my big sister and my best friend. You never resented me for having abilities nor when I joined the Agency. You always supported me and found happiness in my happiness. You always trusted me and knew that I trusted you with my life. I’m forever blessed to have known you. I love you. And make sure to save a spot for me because I’m sure we’ll have a lot to talk about.”
She fell silent and squeezed Caleb’s shoulder. He sniffed and swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. He tried to speak but his voice broke, and he covered his mouth. Louise hugged him to her side as he wept silently.
Everything inside Ryan screamed at him to scoop Caleb into his arms and run. Far away from the pain. But that wasn’t possible. And he didn’t dare touch Caleb, terrified he’d be shoved away and rejected. He knew he should be but he was a coward and wanted to hold off the inevitable a bit longer.
Then something Louise said puzzled him. “You control earth, don’t you? Then why did you have us….”
“Ritual, my friend. The living need the rituals. And we owed Mandy our sweat and labor.”
He nodded. Then he took a deep breath and pushed himself to speak. “Mandy. You… gave me a home. You protected me and asked nothing in return. You were a… m-mother to me. You were fierce and kind. And I love you. And I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”
His apology felt hollow and his words inadequate. He started to turn aside, to collect the shovels and start packing, but Caleb stopped him.
“Ryan,” he croaked.
Ryan froze as Caleb hurried around the grave and dove into his arms. Ryan gasped and snapped his arms around Caleb, acting on instinct. It felt as if Caleb wanted to burrow inside him. He squeezed as tightly as he dared.
“Thank you, Mama,” Caleb sobbed as he buried his head in Ryan’s chest. “Thank you for saving him.”
Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t deserve any of it.
Louise wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. “Get cleaned up. And pack. We need to leave today and the day’s waning. I’ll put a couple of agents on the house and the fields to keep an eye on things. But I doubt they’ll be back. I probably shouldn’t but….” She stared at the grave. “I can’t leave her unprotected. Not even now.”
Ryan nodded and Caleb sniffled.
“Go,” she said.
Ryan half dragged Caleb to the house. He looked over his shoulder only once when he heard a sound. Louise was on her knees by the grave, face in her hands, and her shoulders were shaking. To see such a powerful, confident, and intimidating woman on her knees in grief rocked him. Despite understanding why, it still shook him considering Louise always seemed to be an untouchable warrior of steel.
Leaving her alone felt wrong but she clearly wanted it that way. He focused on Caleb and shoved back his own grief and guilt to care for his mate. He owed it to Caleb, to Mandy. And himself.
They took another shower, and Ryan packed for both of them. Caleb sat on the bed, staring at the wall. Ryan shoved in their essentials before zipping up the duffels and grabbing Caleb’s hand. Caleb let himself be led out of the room, down the hallway, and out of the front door, his docility unnerving. Louise stood by the helicopter, watching them with a blank expression. Ryan hadn’t heard the helicopter return, and he doubted Caleb had either. When they stopped in front of her, Louise pulled them both into an awkward hug, her arms locked around their necks.
“We will get through this. And we will keep living. We owe that to Mandy as well. She gave her life for family and now we have to make the most of it.” She let them go. “Strap in and put on the headsets. We’ve got a bit of a journey.”
She helped secure them before slipping into the copilot’s seat. Mac glanced at them from the pilot’s seat before starting the engine. In no time at all, they were soaring into the air, and Ryan had to fight the wave of sickness. He’d never flown before and he much preferred having his feet on solid ground. He clutched the seat and gritted his teeth, breathing steadily through his nose. Caleb stared out of the window for a long moment before curling against Ryan and closing his eyes, unconcerned that they were miles above the ground.
Ryan turned his focus on Caleb and gripped his hand.
“How long?” he asked through the headset.
“A couple of hours.”
Fucking hell.
And yet, despite all that, the day caught up to him. He pressed his cheek to Caleb’s head and did what he’d managed to avoid since the attack—he passed out.
Caleb woke up feeling slightly more human. Despite the wave of grief at remembering what had happened, he sat up and stretched. The shock had finally worn off. He swallowed when his throat tightened, and he blinked to stave off tears. He glanced outside before considering the inside of the cabin. He realized Ryan was squeezing his hand just shy of painful. He glanced over and grimaced. Ryan was pale, eyes wide, and focused on the back of Louise’s seat, never once looking out of the windows.
Caleb set Ryan’s hand in his lap and cupped his cheek with the other. He turned Ryan’s face toward him. “Just keep looking at me. That’s it. Breathe with me. We are safe. Mac knows this copter like the back of his hand.”
Ryan stared into his eyes, his pupils pinpricks of fear, his gaze dark with grief and misery. Angry at himself for not supporting Ryan when he needed someone, Caleb tugged Ryan’s face into his chest, blocking off all visual stimulus. He clutched the back of his head and rubbed his neck.
“Just feel me. You’re going to be okay.”
Ryan didn’t fight him and gripped him back, bunching his shirt.
“How long?” Caleb asked.
“Almost there.”
“Hear that, mate? Almost there.”
Ryan grunted.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“A little. I think it was more of me passing out than actual sleep.”
Mac banked left and Caleb peered out of the window. A sprawling town appeared, nestled between mountains and forests. Snow glittered under the sun, dusting the tops of the buildings, piled on the edges of the sidewalks and roads. There weren’t many tall structures, but there were several long ones that took up several blocks. The forest spread into the distance, and Caleb realized that must be Sanctuary. So the town was… Haven.
Louise flew over an isolated structure with various wings stretching in every direction. Parts of it appeared to be under construction and there was a large wall and fence around the perimeter. There was plenty of yard space in the back and front, and as they neared, Caleb spotted numerous people going about their business. But most stopped when the helicopter lowered onto the roof, onto a designated landing pad.
“I transported Lorie and the others to the hospital in town,” Mac said.
“After the agents are checked out, they’ll return to headquarters,” Louise said. “Our prisoner is already on his way there. We’ll get answers, Caleb, I promise you.”
His heart dropped. “Are you leaving?”
She peered over her shoulder at him. He couldn’t read her expression.
“I’ll stay a bit longer. Make sure you’re settled.”
“How long will we stay here?”
“As long as it takes for the danger to pass.”
Caleb blew out a breath, hating that answer, but resigned to it.
Mac cut the engine and the helicopter grew quiet. Louise took off her headset and Caleb followed suit.
“Welcome to Healing Minds, Bodies, and Souls Counseling Center. AKA the clinic. This is where we take the shifters rescued from the knights to rehabilitate and get them the treatment they need. It’s run by Xavier, a wolf shifter, and his mate, Josh. Josh used to be an aide to the Agency but he’s more skilled here. And put on those coats next to you and brace yourselves, it’s freaking cold.”
Ryan was the first out of the helicopter. The blast of cold wind didn’t stop him from leaping down. He set his hands on his hips and took deep breaths, obviously determined to find a way to the ground. Caleb’s lips twitched in a smile. Poor thing.
Caleb followed with a shiver, his aunt right behind him. “Wait, Josh? Didn’t we meet him?”
Louise nodded. “You did. And Xavier. He’s the wolf that attacked Ryan.”
Ryan swung around and narrowed his eyes. “If he tries anything….”
She held up a hand. “He’s also been rehabilitated. His wolf was brainwashed and with Josh’s help, he’s recovered his mind and his connection to his primal form. Give him a chance.”
Caleb grabbed Ryan’s hand. “Be nice.”
Ryan made a face but didn’t argue.
The far door into the compound opened, and a tall, lanky man with a halo of curly red hair waved at them. He hurried over with a soft smile, his cheeks covered with freckles.
“Hi, welcome. I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Josh. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened, and I promise we’ll do everything we can to make your stay comfortable. We’re available to you twenty-four-seven so please don’t hesitate to ask for anything.”
Caleb smiled and was glad he still could. Josh hadn’t changed. “Nice to see you again.”
“I just wish it had been under better circumstances.” Josh shook both their hands.
Ryan kept glancing over his shoulder to the open doorway.
“Where’s Xavier?” Louise asked.
Josh snapped to attention, reminding Caleb that to Josh, this was Chief Hera, his commanding officer.
“He’s with a client. He should be wrapping up soon. Let me get your bags.”
“I got them,” Ryan said gruffly.
“Lead the way,” Louise said, gesturing toward the door.
Josh did as he was told, talking all the while. “The improvements are ahead of schedule and going smoother than we anticipated. The citizens of Haven continue to be generous with their time and many volunteer however they can. I was just finishing up my weekly report when Mac called me about… the situation.”
That’s one way to put it.
Josh led them down a short flight of stairs. “We have a suite made up for Caleb and Ryan but I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying with them or require your own room or if you’d be returning to headquarters.”
He glanced at Louise with bright blue eyes, and the look reminded Caleb of a puppy eager to please his owner. He was a sweet man who seemed more than willing to do everything in his capacity to ease the suffering of anyone he came across. And if the circles under his eyes and the paleness of his face was any indication, he was dedicated to his work. Perhaps a bit too much.
“I will be staying a bit longer. I require my own room.”
Josh nodded and pulled out his phone. “Hey, we need a single made ready on the fourth floor. Near the suite you prepared this morning. Uh-huh. Thanks.”
“You need more full-time employees, don’t you?”
Josh bit his lower lip as Louise stared him down.
“I… uh. Yeah, we could use some more help.”
“More than some.”
Caleb glanced past Josh as a rangy man strode down the hallway toward them. He was lean, rugged, his shaggy black hair, chin stubble, and hazel eyes creating the perfect tall, dark, and handsome image. He carried an aura of danger and power, but that was eased by his soft smile. Caleb had only briefly seen Xavier in his human form, and he’d been unconscious at the time, having tried to murder Ryan.
Ryan maneuvered in front of Caleb and set down their bags. He glared at Xavier, daring him to make a move.
It was tense for a moment before Xavier lifted his hands in surrender and met Ryan’s gaze. “I’m glad I have this moment to apologize for my actions when we first met. I wasn’t in my right mind but I take full responsibility regardless. I still have moments, echoes, you could say, of what the knights did to me. But I run a healing center for shifters who’ve also been experimented on, and I wouldn’t do anything to put them in danger. You can rest easy, Ryan. I’m only here to help.”
Josh took Xavier’s hand. “I can vouch for him. So can everyone here, including shifters.”
Caleb touched his shoulder. “Ryan.” He felt Ryan ease down and the tension dissipated.
“Well, if you ever want a rematch, let me know.” He bared his teeth in a feral grin.
Xavier’s eyes sparked and he laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Is anyone hungry?” Josh said, dissolving the tension with his eager tone. “I can have something delivered to your rooms or you can join us in the lounge.”
“I’m not that—” Caleb started.
“We’ll eat together in their suite.” Louise pointed at Ryan and Caleb. “Something light, I think.”
“Will do. X, can you show them to their rooms? I’ll tell the kitchen.”
“Absolutely.” He kissed the back of Josh’s hand before letting him go.
Josh blushed a bit and stifled a giggle before hurrying out of sight.
Before Ryan could grab their bags, Xavier snatched them and jerked his head. “Down here.”
“I can do it,” Ryan said, glaring.
Caleb sighed and touched his back.
Xavier didn’t spare him a glance. “I know. But why should you? Y’all have been through enough. I can carry your freaking bags.”
“How much help do you need?” Louise asked.
“As much as you can spare. You’ve seen Josh. He’ll work himself into an early grave. It’s all I can do to convince him to shut down enough to go to sleep. We can’t give our clients our best if we’re too exhausted.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“You do that.”
Xavier keyed into the suite and set the bags on the table by the bed. It was a large room with light blue walls and brown trim. There was plenty of space and nice, simple furniture. A modest table sat by the large window, set for four. It also had its own private bath.
As Ryan prowled the room, inspecting everything, Caleb peered out of the window. People milled around the backyard, shoveling snow or carrying tools and supplies to the construction areas. He was distracted, however, when Xavier pulled Louise aside near the door.
He moved a bit closer to listen.
“It’s getting worse,” Xavier said in a low voice.
Louise grimaced. “How bad?”
“There needs to be an intervention or too many people are going to start listening. Shifters are angry. I don’t think you quite understand that. We’re scared and angry, and they say they have the answers so confidently.”
“I trust your word. You know them better. What about the sheriff?”
“He and his deputies are doing all they can but violence is breaking out more frequently. They’re stretched thin as well. And Mr. Porter’s flower shop was vandalized. He’s a human with a coyote mate. I won’t repeat the words spray-painted on the walls.”
Louise pursed her lips as her eyes flared. “I’ll talk to Jack after we eat.”
“We need a hammer.” Xavier clenched his fists. “We need to set them straight. Reasoning won’t do jack shit. They’re beyond reason.”
Louise sighed. “Unless Merlin shows himself again, I don’t know if we’ll get it.”
“What about Nordik?”
“He and Poe are on assignment.”
Xavier cursed under his breath.
“We’ll handle this. All of us.”
“We better handle it fast.”
Louise glanced over and pinned Caleb with a stare. He’d forgotten to pretend not to eavesdrop. He cringed but didn’t make excuses.
“Sorry. Is everything all right?”
“Not by half,” Xavier said, his face tight with anger. His eyes, once mostly gold, darkened to green.
Caleb watched him carefully as Ryan stepped closer.
Xavier closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m pissed, guys. I’m not going to attack anyone.”
“What happened?” Ryan asked.
“You got enough to worry about.”
“Knock knock.” Josh somehow balanced three trays of food.
Xavier immediately assisted him and set the food on the table.
“Enjoy,” Josh said, though the look he gave Xavier told Caleb he was attuned to his mate’s emotions.
They left and shut the door.
“What’s going on?” Ryan asked again. “Are we safe here?”
“Is anyone safe anywhere?” Louise said, weariness coloring her words.
Caleb sat down heavily and picked at his food.
“Small bites, Cal. Then get some rest. It’s already evening and nothing much will change with the cold light of day.”
“Is something happening to Haven?” Caleb asked.
Louise ate with a single-minded focus that told Caleb she wasn’t tasting the food, merely using it for fuel.
“A cult is rising in the shifter communities. It’s gained more momentum as the knights have become more blatant and bolder in their actions. It touts purity of blood and sticking with your own kind. Nothing we haven’t seen before. Unfortunately, a faction of it, perhaps even the starting faction, has members here in Haven. A wolf pack. Xavier’s wolf pack.”
Ryan stared.
Caleb gasped. “What?”
She held up a hand. “I should say, former wolf pack. He hasn’t had anything to do with them for years. He ran away from home, did some shady shit and was captured by the knights. But that’s his story to tell. What you need to know is that when you’re in Haven, you have to be on your guard. There will be folks who disapprove of your relationship and won’t fear speaking out. Not only because Caleb is a human but Ryan is… unique.”
“A freak,” he said, deadpan.
“Special,” Caleb said.
Ryan snorted and shoved a biscuit into his mouth.
“Don’t get me wrong, Haven is a good town with good people. They still outnumber the bad. But the bad are more vocal and violent. Sheriff Jack Ulger and his deputies are trying to keep order but, according to Xavier, they’re running thin.”
“He mentioned Nordik and… Merlin?”
Louise nodded. “No reason to keep anything from you boys. You’re up to your eyeballs in this shit. Okay. Merlin is the Master Shifter of All Shapes. He’s fucking old, dangerous, and elusive. All master shifters are his direct descendants. Not sure where he is most of the time but he shows up when needed. Hopefully he can calm this shit before it gets out of hand. I mentioned Nordik months ago, remember? Nordik is from an extinct tribe of indigenous people, and he used to live in Sanctuary and acted as its guardian. He’s mated to one of our best agents, Poe. You’ve also met him, remember? During that Richard incident. They go on assignment from time to time.”
She guzzled her water. “But regardless of all that, you’re safer here. There are more eyes here, and Arcas hasn’t made a play for this town for a couple of years. We’ve trained shifters to be more observant and deadly fighters whatever their form, and we have frequent patrols by agents, so you will be protected. We can control things here, is what I’m saying. I’ll stay a few days, get the lay of the land, then I need to leave to coordinate an offensive attack.”
She reached across the table and grabbed their hands. “And I want to stay because we need to mourn Mandy together. I need to be here with you both to do that.”
Caleb squeezed her fingers. “I don’t want you to leave. Not even after a few days. I can’t… lose someone else.”
Her expression softened, and she gazed at him with sympathy and love. “Honey, that’s part of living. Take it from someone who’s lost friends and colleagues and those under my command. It hurts. It sucks ass. But you carry it and you carry them. And you keep moving forward. You make their death mean something. And I swear to both of you that your mother’s death is going to mean something.”
Caleb’s eyes burned as he nodded.
Ryan stared at the table, silent and still.
She left soon after and took their trays. They got ready for bed like robots and instead of snuggling, Ryan rolled over and presented Caleb with his back. Feeling cold, and as if he was flailing in the dark, Caleb scooted closer and cuddled against him. Ryan’s warmth and familiar scent comforted him but he desperately wanted Ryan’s arms.
“Hold me,” he whispered.
Ryan didn’t move for a long moment, and Caleb started to shift away, feeling rejected, not knowing why Ryan didn’t want him. But then Ryan rolled over with a speed that surprised Caleb and kissed him hard. A dam inside him broke, one not fueled with grief but fury. Fury at everyone who’d taken his mother from him. He grappled with Ryan as they wrestled on the bed, fighting and kissing and clawing at each other. They were battling instead of lovemaking but it eased a hard knot inside Caleb’s chest, more than gentleness would have done.
Ryan grunted and snorted as he nipped at Caleb’s neck and shoulders and nipples. He dug his short nails into Caleb’s skin, leaving marks, leaving scratches. Caleb was no better. He also bit and scratched, snarling, his cock hard enough to pound rocks. He grabbed Ryan’s shaft and squeezed too hard, pulled too hard. Ryan pushed into his hand and returned the favor. Caleb wanted the pain, he wanted the mixture of pleasure and pain. He hated himself for wanting to fuck so soon after his mother’s death. But he wanted to feel alive, to feel human, to feel as if there was something to live for. He needed Ryan to give him that with a desperation that frightened and exhilarated him.
Ryan must have felt the same because he followed Caleb’s lead while also taking and taking and taking. Caleb took as well and they were both leaking, which slicked their erections and made stroking easier and faster. But Caleb needed more. He nipped Ryan’s lower lip before whispering in his ear.
“I’m going to fuck you. Hard. Painfully. So get on your stomach.”
Ryan reared back, his dark eyes glowing in the semi-darkness, his skin slithering. He bared his teeth, panting and squeezing Caleb’s balls.
Gasping for air, Caleb grabbed his chin. “I need this. I need you.”
Ryan groaned and didn’t fight him. Though he did bite Caleb’s nipples, hard before soothing them with his tongue. That only spurred Caleb on more. As Ryan rolled onto his stomach and set his feet on the floor, bent over and spread, Caleb rummaged through their bags. He was relieved when he found the lube in Ryan’s duffel. With the violence he felt, he didn’t want to take Ryan dry. He wanted pain not permanent damage.
Ryan pressed his forehead into the mattress when Caleb slicked his hole and teased it with his fingers. He spread his legs, giving full access. Caleb slapped an ass cheek as he shoved two fingers inside him. Ryan grunted and lifted his hips, demanding more. Caleb obliged and stabbed his prostate, twisting and fucking him with his fingers.
“Caleb. Fucking now. Or I fuck you.”
“Not this time, bull.”
Caleb slicked his dick and shoved into his mate, pushing past resisting muscles without pause until he was seated balls deep inside him. Ryan trembled and shoved back, taking all of him and wanting more. Caleb gripped his hips and unleashed the violence bubbling inside him, letting it spill over and direct his force. He knew Ryan could take it. He knew Ryan needed it too.
Ryan lifted onto his elbows and grabbed his own dick. He shoved back against Caleb, desperate for each violent thrust. Caleb showed no mercy as he held Ryan’s sweet ass captive and punished him with enough force to make the bed move a few inches and squeak against the wall.
They drove each into a frenzy before reaching the peak and then tumbling down in a mess of sweat and cum and gasps for air. Caleb lay across Ryan’s back, never wanting to move. He was surrounded by Ryan, cocooned in the familiar. His mate was his anchor, and he was going to cling as the storm threatened to sweep him away.
“I love you, Ryan,” he whispered. He kissed between Ryan’s shoulder blades. “I love you, Whirlwind.”
Ryan grabbed one of his hands and linked their fingers. “I love you, Cal. I love you, mate.”