“You slept with him?” Eliza halted the rise of her coffee mug to her lips as she gaped at Cat with wide eyes. “On the couch in the bookstore?”
Cat ducked her head as several sets of eyes transferred to her from around the room.
“Geez, Eliza, say it a little louder, would you? I don’t think the people in the kitchen heard,” she muttered. “Besides, why are you so surprised? You’re the one who’s been telling me to get out there and get back into the game. You even said you’d sleep with him.”
“Yeah,” Eliza conceded. “But I kind of thought you’d only dip your toes into the water instead of going for full-blown skinny dipping on the first return to the pool. Did you use a condom, at least?”
“Of course,” Cat snapped. She knew embarrassment fueled her reaction, knew that she shouldn’t attack her friend because of her own actions.
What she didn’t know was how she felt about last night. Her body this morning occasionally sent zings reminding her of the previous evening’s activities. It had felt fantastic at the time; there was no denying that. And she didn’t feel guilty about the sex, per se—there was nothing wrong with sex, with physical pleasure. It was more that she’d broken her own cardinal rule about one-night stands. She’d never been one to go for physical pleasure over emotional connection. And that’s what had been missing—true intimacy.
Even if Grayson called her, even if this went beyond one night, it still nagged at her how quickly she’d succumbed to his seductive ways. She’d done exactly what she’d mocked the night before. She’d fallen at his feet, ensnared by those poetry-reading lips.
Eliza looked past Cat toward the window. “Uh, oh.”
“What?”
“I think Ben heard me, too. He’s staring this way with a ... a ... I don’t know ... an odd expression on his face.”
Cat pulled her sweater more closely around her and crossed her arms, determined not to check it out for herself. She hadn’t noticed Ben was here. “What’s it to him?” she grumbled. “None of his business, anyway.”
She heard the shuffling of books and the sliding of a chair. She could feel the air stir as Ben passed their table. As he went, he gave a little wave to Eliza, who was facing him, but did not turn to acknowledge Cat. With a forceful shove on the door, he exited the coffee shop.
“See? I knew he was into you,” Eliza whispered.
“Now you whisper? You couldn’t have done that five minutes ago?” Cat took a sip of her coffee and brushed the hair out of her eyes. “And he just made it clear who he’s really interested in, if anybody.”
“Are you kidding? The light flirting; his dashing aid to a damsel in distress when the computer died; the fact that he now comes in here every day when before it was only once in a while?”
“He does?”
“You haven’t noticed?”
Cat drummed her fingers on her arms. “Yeah, well, if he does, I’m sure it’s coincidental. He’s taken, remember?”
“I’m not so sure.” Eliza fingered the rim of her coffee mug. “He’s all about you.”
Cat had thought maybe, at their lunch. Until he’d mentioned his date, and Shakespeare. She hadn’t told Eliza of her lunch encounter with Ben. She didn’t know why. She eyed her friend. “What makes you say that?”
“Because I observe people, Cat. It’s what I do. How else am I supposed to find my Wentworth?”
“Wentworth? I thought you were hoping for Darcy.”
“Oh, I am. But Persuasion. So romantic.” Eliza flicked crumbs off her fingers. “Although I hope my Wentworth and I wouldn’t face quite the sad situation that he and Anne did, I suppose.”
“I liked the movie version of that one,” Cat said. She looked around the shop, glad the normal hum of conversation had resumed, and that no one was paying the least bit of attention to Eliza and her. “But you’re wrong about Ben. You’ve practically talked to him more than I have.” Except for that lunch, which for some reason, Cat wanted to keep as her own secret.
Eliza shook her head. “Nope. I’ve seen the way he watches you. With me, it’s like I’m a friend—a kid sister. He’s less sure, more nervous, with you.”
“He’s had the opportunity to ask me out and never has,” Cat protested, not sure why this battle felt so important. He hadn’t, really; after all, an impromptu sharing of nachos was not a date.
“Maybe he’s been waiting for you to notice him and do so. Plus, he’s heard you talking about other men in here. Hard to make a move after that.”
Cat glanced at the door again, though Ben was long gone. She was mortified that he’d overheard Eliza, that he knew she’d slept with Grayson. But why? There were no connections between the two of them. She’d done nothing wrong. Had she?
She turned back to Eliza, determined to block all thoughts of Ben Cooper from her mind. “I thought you wanted to talk about Grayson.”
Eliza’s eyes popped back to Cat. “Oh, yeah. Sex. Deets. Spill. Now.”
“Uh, no. This isn’t one of your books. Let’s just say ... it was magnificent.” She sighed as she remembered the feel of Gray’s lips down her side. It had all been so dizzying, so electrifying. She hadn’t felt so alive in years. She ran her hands over her thighs, remembering the feel of him, of those muscular thighs, those perfectly toned arms. Her skin erupted in goose bumps and she closed her eyes, reliving the scene in her head.
Eliza interrupted her reverie. “OK, fine. Ruin it for the romance junkie. Are you going to see him again?”
“We’ll see,” Cat replied. “Maybe I was a one poetry-reading fling for him.”
“Would that bother you?”
“Yes, it would. In spite of what you’ve been hinting to the good folks in this coffee shop, I’m not the type to sleep around, as you well know. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s called lust, girlfriend. But I know you’re not. You’re almost as old-fashioned on that as I am.”
Cat smiled at her as her friend went on.
“In spite of the smutty novels and, I admit, a fair number of dates, you know I’m not going to get intimate with just anyone. Sex is more meaningful than that. At least for me.” Eliza chuckled sadly to herself. “Geez, I really do belong in the nineteenth century.”
“Are you going to ditch me now that I’ve allowed myself to be seduced by a virtual stranger?” Catherine teased.
“Not a chance, girlfriend. You’re stuck with me. Besides, who knows what will happen?” Eliza glanced at her phone, checking the time. “What about Derrick, though? He called last night while you were, uh, otherwise occupied.”
“He did?” Cat pursed her lips. “I’ve thought about it. I’m not interested. He’s a nice guy, but he seems a little stuck. I mean, he’s got the same job, the same friends, the same hangouts he’s had since high school. It’s one thing to be the quarterback when you’re eighteen. It’s another to be holding onto that when you’re thirty-eight.” She broke off with a snigger. “Listen to me! When did I become such a conceited bitch? As if I’m any less stuck than he is.”
Eliza stood up and grabbed her bag. “I’ve got to get to class, but I get what you’re saying. Too bad about Derrick, though.”
Cat’s eyebrows puckered. “Why’s that?”
“He’s got such a nice car.”
On Thursday morning, Ben Cooper showed up as promised, router in hand.
Eliza clapped when he walked through the door. “Yippee! Now I can do online research while minding the store.”
“Check Facebook, you mean,” Cat sniggered. She smoothed her hands down the front of her navy blouse, inexplicably nervous.
Ben nodded at them both, heading directly to the desk. “This should only take a minute.” He crawled underneath, rustling around with the cables.
Eliza shot Cat a questioning glance.
What? Cat mouthed. Okay, so he wasn’t being effusive in his conversation, but he wasn’t being rude, either. Maybe he had somewhere to be. Maybe this brusque attitude had nothing to do with her.
And maybe it did, part of her chided. Why did she feel guilty? There were no ties between Ben and her. He’d told her himself he had a date to dinner and a play. Why would it matter to him that she’d had a date of her own? Not exactly a date. More like ... a seduction. She blew the hair out of her eyes. She hadn’t heard from Grayson, either, which rankled. She didn’t need grief from Ben Cooper.
After a minute, Ben backed out from the desk and hopped up. “May I?” He gestured to the computer.
“By all means.” Cat crossed her arms, watching him.
“Thanks again, Ben,” Eliza offered. “I’m so excited. What do we owe you for the router?”
Cat noticed his jaw tic slightly. It hadn’t even occurred to her the router would cost something. Duh.
His eyes flew to hers, and then moved to Eliza. He grinned, his dimple showing, but Cat didn’t think it quite reached his eyes. “On the house. I have plenty of extras.” He clicked a few more keys. “There. Tell me if your laptop is showing available wi-fi.”
Eliza pulled her laptop out of her backpack and fired it up. “Yup!”
“Good. The password is Fungus. You can change it if you want.”
Eliza giggled, giving Cat an odd look. Crap. She knows that’s what I call mushrooms. “No, Fungus is just fine, isn’t it, Cat?”
“Yes, great. Thanks, Ben. This is very nice of you.”
“No problem.” He finally looked her full in the face. She couldn’t read his expression at first, but then it softened, and he gave her what seemed to be a genuine smile. “Always happy to help out a Luddite.”
Eliza cackled. “She is a Luddite. You’re so right.”
Ben winked at Eliza. “Part of her charm,” he said, and then quickly tacked on, “Gotta scoot. Professorly duties call,” as if he were embarrassed by his admission.
“See you, Ben,” Eliza said.
“Yeah, see you.” He turned to Cat. “You, too, Luddy.”
Cat’s cheeks stretched out into a wide smile as he walked out the door.
“Have you heard from Grayson?” Eliza asked a few days later, while opening a box of children’s books.
Cat grimaced. “No. It’s been more than a week, so somehow I’m thinking I won’t be seeing him again. Oh, well. Live and learn.”
Eliza sat back on her heels, peering at her friend. “You all right?”
“Yeah. I had hoped maybe for once some guy wouldn’t screw me over. Guess that’s what you get for, you know, being easy.”
“Ouch.” Eliza winced. “You’re not easy and you know it. Now Angela from my Dickens class—she’s easy. She boasts about having slept with at least half the department, including several professors.”
“Whatever. I feel stupid.”
“Oh, honey, you’re not stupid,” Eliza said. “You’re a woman with hormones. And a man as electrifying as that? I probably would have caved, too.”
Cat hauled a pile of books from the box. “It was electric,” she conceded with a pained grin.
She’d had so many mixed emotions since that night. On the one hand, it had been fantastic to feel her body come alive again. On the other, she’d jumped into bed with someone she didn’t really know, and that didn’t sit well with her conscience. Physical intimacy had always come hand-in-hand with emotional intimacy for her. It still did.
She’d hoped Grayson would call. But what had she been expecting, really? That they would start seeing each other? That they could have a future together? They had a love of literature in common, true, but she doubted much more. The man was probably a decade younger than she was, and on a different career path. Not to mention the fact that he was so absolutely delicious, Cat knew she’d never feel at ease with it; too many other women would constantly be trying to get his attention. He’d never want to be long-term with her when there were so many younger, firmer, sexier fish in the sea, would he? She had to admit she’d at least wanted the chance to find out, though.
Cat bit the inside of her cheek. She’d joked with Eliza about a fling, but her heart had reminded her every day for a week now that she wasn’t the fling type. She exhaled loudly. Life had been so much easier before Derrick and Grayson had shown up. And Ben. Boring and unfulfilling, but easier.
Eliza stood up and pressed her hands against the small of her back. “Can we take a break and go grab something hot to drink? I’m freezing.”
Cat glanced outside at the leaves falling from the trees. The brisk wind whipped up a pumpkin-and-mustard cascade of colors. She loved autumn, especially November. Something about the crisp, cool air always revitalized her.
“Sure, sounds good. Do you mind if we stop by Alderman Library, as well? Jill says I can finally pick up my book.”
“Of course, but do you want to leave the store for that long?”
“Because we’d be disappointing all the customers?” Cat gestured around the empty store.
Eliza giggled. “I’m sure it will pick up this afternoon, Eeyore. I’ll change the sign to say we’ll be back in an hour.”
They locked the door behind them as they exited. Since the library was only a few blocks from the bookstore, they walked.
“I’m glad we’re going,” said Eliza. “Jill texted me last night to say she wants to show me a copy of Ackermann’s Repository she found. She says there’s quite a dreamy duke pictured in it.”
When Cat cocked an eyebrow at her, Eliza went on. “It’s a famous British magazine from the Regency period.”
“Ah. I should have known. You do realize your dreamy duke’s been dead for two hundred years, right?”
Eliza elbowed her. “Spoilsport. Let me have my fantasy, will you?”
“Better you than me. I had the fantasy, I guess. And he hasn’t called in a week.” She gave Eliza a rueful grin.
“Ah, but you had him.” Eliza winked. “That’s more than I can say. It’s been a long time. My Darcy needs to show up soon.”
Cat linked her arm through Eliza’s as they strolled across the brick walkway in front of the UVa Rotunda. Not too soon, Cat hoped. She couldn’t imagine life without her best friend.
As they entered the library foyer, Cat paused. “Hey, you go ahead with Jill. I want to go find my old study carrel on the fourth floor and see if Elvis is still carved in it. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“Sure thing.” Eliza poked her. “I had no idea you were such a vandal.”
“I never said I did it.” Quirking an eyebrow at her friend, Cat added, “But I never said I didn’t.”
As Eliza headed toward the elevator, Cat walked back to the old side of the library. Passing through the metal doors, the familiar smell of timeworn books assailed her. She breathed in deeply. Geez, I’m as bad as my dad. She moved through the stacks until she reached the spot in which she’d sat many an hour in school, reading Cicero while dreaming of a Romeo. Yeah, those days are long gone. She reached out and ran her finger along the bookshelf in her old carrel. Elvis was still inked across the edge of it.
“I have a sneaking suspicion you know who defaced this lovely university property,” drawled a voice from behind her. She whirled and came face-to-face with Grayson. “Maybe I should turn you in. Put you in handcuffs.”
“U-um,” she stammered, not sure what to say. How could he look so damn luscious, standing there in a V-neck charcoal sweater and faded jeans, holding a volume in his hand? Sylvia Plath, she noted absently from the cover.
“It’s good to see you, too.” He moved in to close the space between them. “I’ve been thinking about you. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“For over a week?” she said with a snort, stepping back in an effort to break the spell she seemed to have fallen under. Again.
“Sorry about that. I’ve been slammed with grading, plus my own dissertation chapter to finish.” He set the book down on the carrel and leaned into her, his eyes entrapping hers. “I want to see you again, Cat.”
She could feel his breath on her cheek. He trailed his fingers down her arm, gazing at her expectantly. When she didn’t protest, he leaned in and kissed her. She gave into the kiss, marveling again at being in the arms of this oh-so-sexy man, in the library in which she’d spent hours, days, years, dreaming of future love.
And with that future had come heartbreak. And a heart-stoppingly beautiful man who had seduced her in her own store and then not contacted her again.
Anger flared up inside her. She pushed against him, breaking the kiss.
“I don’t think so. I am not the kind of girl who’ll sleep with you whenever you happen to show up!”
Gray frowned, running his fingers through his messy hair. “I said I was sorry. I’ve been busy. I guess I was lost in my own studies and didn’t notice the time passing. Please, Cat.”
He sounded sincere. But she wasn’t interested in playing second fiddle again, whether to another woman or an intellectual addiction. He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, but she backed away.
“I’ve got to go meet Eliza and Jill,” she said.
Gray picked up his book. “Can I come see you sometime? Maybe next week, after I get this chapter done?”
“Maybe.” What? No! Turn him down, you idiot! She frowned. “Probably not.”
His smile faltered and his eyes clouded for a second. Then he leaned in close, so close that she could see the darker blue flecks near his irises, and whispered, “I think I can get you to change your mind.”
She closed her eyes, her hormones at war with her head. He chuckled, running his fingers along her chin. When her eyes flew open again, his face was an inch, maybe less, from hers. Taking her bottom lip between his teeth, he bit it gently, and then licked it in atonement. When she gasped, he took her mouth with his, his tongue ravaging the insides of her mouth as he pulled her flush against him.
He murmured something, some line about walking in beauty. Byron. She knew that poem, had loved it since a child. Suddenly, Ben’s ridiculous poem from the other day sprang to mind. ‘Mushrooms are eww.’ His brown eyes swam before her, accompanied by a wave of guilt.
She frowned. She had nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn’t as if she and Ben Cooper were anything.
Grayson’s hands moved down, cupping her bottom.
She and Grayson weren’t anything, either. Not really. She pushed against his chest. “No. I don’t want this.”
He let her go. Backing up, he gave her a wink. “You’re right. Here is not the place.” His gloriously blue eyes darkened with desire, as a lop-sided grin spread across his face. “You’re addictive, Catherine Schreiber. One taste is not enough.”
He turned and sauntered off without another word.
She admired his legs in his jeans as he walked down the aisle. What had she just given up?
“Sex, dummy,” she muttered as she walked toward the elevator. A young student looked up at her in surprise as she passed, overhearing her words. Cat blushed as she stepped into the elevator, but said again loudly, “Meaningless sex!”