Chapter 15

Wednesday, 23rd August 1995

“Abi turn on the news!” yelled Judy down the phone. “Quickly! Channel 4! It’s Gideon!”

Abi squeaked, “I’ll call you back!” and flung the receiver back onto its cradle. She raced into the living room, where her father was watching a gardening programme, and snatched up the remote control. “Sorry, Dad, need to see something,” she gasped, pressing the button for Channel 4 and completely disregarding his mild remonstrations. The picture flashed up on the screen just in time for Abi to see Gideon and the rest of the band standing outside a large hotel in the middle of some American city. She thought it might be Seattle.

She perched on the edge of a chair and peered at the screen. The band were surrounded by reporters and photographers, and a number of security men were attempting to clear a path through the throng for the boys to get to their waiting limousine. Abi caught her breath. She could hardly believe these were the same boys who had left England two months earlier as total unknowns. She dropped to her knees in front of the television in an attempt to get a closer look at Gideon, just as he appeared out of the throng of fans and reporters and reached the waiting car. She stared in disbelief when she realised he was accompanied by a very thin, very glamorous blonde girl who was hanging on to his arm. She shook her head violently; it couldn’t be true. Gideon wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t go with another girl. He was hers. She was his. She stared at the screen as the picture faded and the news reader went on to the next subject.

“I knew he couldn’t be trusted,” said her mother from behind her, satisfaction in her voice. “Now will you forget about him and get on with your life?”

Abi looked up at her, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“There must be some mistake,” she almost whispered. “He wouldn’t do that. He loves me.” She struggled to her feet and began to stumble from the room.

“I think we now have the reason why he hasn’t written to you, anyway.” Her mother’s voice followed her as she let herself out the front door and walked rapidly to the street.

She had to get to Judy as soon as she could and found herself almost running down the road towards her friend’s house. She met the other girl running to meet her just as she rounded the corner. Judy held out her arms and they clung together, Abi finally letting the sobs come flooding out.

****

“Gideon! Gideon! Over here! How’re you liking Seattle? Were you pleased with last night’s concert?”

“Where are you off to next?”

“How d’you spend your time off? What d’you think of Seattle nightlife?”

The questions came thick and fast, firing at the boys as they attempted to leave the hotel, shielding their eyes from the sea of flashing cameras.

Their rise to stardom had been meteoric, starting at their very first concert in New York back in June. Their reception had been unexpectedly tumultuous, and they hadn’t had a moment’s peace ever since. The fact that they were all so young seemed to be in their favour, and they had amassed an enormous, mostly very young, fan base within about a week. Consequently they were now being mobbed by a throng of young teenage girls all clamouring for their autographs or trying to pull off items of their clothing. As Gideon finally reached the limousine, he ducked inside with a sigh of relief, sliding over into the far corner to allow his companions some space. The girl accompanying him slid in next and attempted to snuggle up to him. He glanced down at her, contempt in his eyes.

“How many times do I have to tell you,” he said harshly, “I’m not fucking interested. Now get off me, and leave me alone.” He pushed her along the seat towards Simon, who greeted her with open arms and a large grin. She scowled at him and sank back in her seat with her arms folded and a sulky expression on her painted face.

Gideon stared out the window as they sped through the streets and out onto Interstate 5, northbound towards Vancouver for their next gig. He was enjoying the concerts and the sudden stardom, but he was hating the unwanted attention from the girls, and he was missing Abi so much he could hardly sleep. He had written to her every week since he’d left England and so far not had a single reply. To begin with he’d not been too worried—they had moved around so much he could understand it if her letters had been one step behind him, but he’d been gone for over two months now, and he was getting really worried. He had tried to phone her on a couple of occasions, but getting the times right and actually getting through proved far too difficult, so he’d doubled his efforts with the letters, and started sending a postcard from each location, as well. Every night he went to sleep picturing her face and having imaginary conversations with her. He couldn’t even bring himself to contemplate the possibility she no longer felt the same way he did. They had promised to be together forever, and to him that really meant forever. The fact they had to be apart for a while shouldn’t matter if they both felt the same. He clung to the thought that her letters had got held up as he rested his head against the window and bleakly watched the countryside fly by.

****

Abi sat cross-legged on Judy’s bed, her face mottled from crying and her hair falling in a tangle across her eyes. Judy stared at her in frustration. There was nothing she could say or do that would make her friend feel any better, and she was at a complete loss what to do next.

It was the day their GCSE results were due, and the two girls were planning to go up to the school in a while to see how they’d done. Since the news report the previous day, Abi couldn’t have cared less, but Judy was going to force her to go with her.

“Abs, can we try and tidy you up a bit?” she said gently, sitting down beside her. “We have to go up to school very soon. Mum says she’ll take us.”

Abi stared at her soulfully. “None of that means anything anymore,” she stated dramatically, tears beginning to run down her cheeks again. Judy sighed. She totally understood her friend’s despair, but she also knew that life had to go on, and that in fact Abi had a much bigger problem to deal with than just the loss of a boyfriend.

“Abi,” she said tentatively. “I think you’re going to need to tell someone about the baby soon. You’re beginning to show,” she patted Abi’s stomach, concealed by a baggy cotton top.

Abi rubbed her eyes and pushed her hair back.

“I can’t,” she said decisively. “I know what’ll happen. My mother’ll want me to get rid of it, and I’m never going to do that.” She paused and fixed Judy with a steely stare. “I’m going to America and have my baby there with Gideon.”

Judy jumped up and stamped her foot.

“Abi, you can’t!” she almost yelled. “You have no money, you don’t know where he is, and you don’t even know if he…” She was unable to utter the damning words.

“I don’t even know if he still wants me,” Abi finished for her bleakly. “But I really can’t tell my parents. They’ll kill me.”

There was a tap at the door, and Judy’s mother popped her head in.

“Nearly time to go, girls,” she said, taking in the situation at a glance. “Judy, could I just have a quick word with you downstairs?” She disappeared again.

Judy rolled her eyes at Abi. “Won’t be a sec. You wash your face and tidy yourself up.” And with that she followed her mother down the stairs.

Mary Cromwell stood leaning against the kitchen table with her arms folded when Judy walked in.

“What’s up?” asked Judy, stopping in front of her.

Mary surveyed her sternly. “Has Abi seen a doctor yet?” she asked.

Judy started, and stared at her in surprise. “What?” she gasped. “Why should she see a doctor? She’s not ill.”

Mary sighed. “Judy, what job do I do?” she asked patiently.

“Midwife,” muttered Judy, feeling her face begin to flush.

“Exactly, and I know a pregnant teenager when I see one. How many weeks is she?” she asked with a frown.

Judy shrugged. “Not sure,” she said. “She told me at the beginning of June. The day after Gideon left.”

Mary did a quick calculation. “Good grief,” she exclaimed. “She must be at least sixteen weeks, if not more! She really needs to see someone.” She looked closely at her daughter. “Don’t worry. You haven’t broken her trust. I guessed, remember. She can’t keep it a secret forever. I take it she doesn’t want her parents to know?”

Judy nodded. “She thinks her mother will make her have an abortion,” she said quietly.

Mary sucked in her breath. “She can’t force her,” she said. “But I agree she could make things very hard for her. Nonetheless, she will need to tell them. She must be beginning to show by now.”

Judy nodded. “She is. She just keeps wearing baggy tops.” She paused and thought for a moment. “She wants to go to America and have it with Gideon,” she said at last.

Mary shook her head. “Oh, dear. And I suppose she still hasn’t heard from him? Has she told him about the baby?”

Judy shrugged. “Well she wrote to him about it, but we don’t know if he got it.”

Or if he got it and it scared him off, thought Mary to herself.

“If she’d agree to it, I could check her over, just to make sure everything’s going okay so far. D’you think she’d let me?”

Judy considered, then shrugged. “Worth a try, I s’pose,” she said. “Shall I ask her?”

Mary nodded. “Yes, but let’s wait until you’ve got your results. It’s time to leave now, so go and fetch her.”

The drive to the school was taken in silence. Abi and Judy sat in the back, and Mary kept an eye on them in the mirror. Abi’s face was still a bit red, and her eyelids were slightly swollen, but she’d brushed her hair, touched up her makeup, and managed to make herself look reasonably presentable. She was showing no interest whatsoever in the results of her exams, and Judy had given up trying to talk about them.

When they arrived at the school, Mary dropped them off and moved into the car park to wait for them. As the girls approached the school hall, the door was flung open and a number of laughing students ran out, waving pieces of paper in the air. They squealed their results to Abi and Judy, then ran off to their respective cars.

Abi gave a wan smile. “Oh, well, at least someone did well,” she said. “Come on, then. Let’s get it over with.” She quickened her pace and walked into the hall.

The place was thronged with girls, some excited, some looking depressed, and some trying to pretend it didn’t matter. Abi and Judy went to the table where their Form Tutor, Mrs. Leadbetter, was handing out the envelopes. She glanced up as the girls approached.

“Ummm…Cromwell, Judith,” she said, handing a sealed white envelope to Judy, “and Thomson, Abigail. Good luck, girls,” and she turned to the next arrivals.

Judy and Abi carried their envelopes over to the side of the hall and slit them open with their fingers. As she unfolded the sheet of paper within, Abi felt the first hint of interest. Despite all that was going on in her life, she found she did still care to see if she had managed to get an A for Art. She took a deep breath and scanned down the rest of the page. She grimaced at the two Cs for Geography and Maths, but sighed with relief when she saw the Art result: A, as expected. She finished reading them. In all she had got three As, four Bs, and two Cs. Not bad, considering she hadn’t really bothered with her revision.

Judy looked over her shoulder. “Oh, you did it!” she exclaimed with delight. “I knew you could. And I got As for French and Spanish!”

Abi gave her friend a hug, and they started to make their way to the door. Suddenly someone stepped in front of them, blocking their way.

“Move, Collette,” said Judy with a sigh. “I can’t be bothered with your nonsense today.”

The other girl gave a malicious smile and spoke to Abi. “Saw your boyfriend on the telly yesterday.” She laughed unpleasantly, her eyes gleaming. “Got a new slut in tow now, has he? Has all this fame gone to his head, then?”

Abi raised her hand to slap the other girl’s face, and as she stretched up, her top clung to her body and for just a second revealed her pregnant belly. With a swift movement she lowered her arm again and began to walk rapidly towards the door, but not before Judy had had time to see the look of realisation on the other girl’s face. She thrust her face close to Collette’s.

“You keep your nasty little nose out of our business,” she hissed menacingly, then turned and ran after her friend. Collette watched them go, a sneaky little smile playing on her lips.

Judy caught up with Abi in the car park, and grabbed her arm.

“Don’t worry, Abs, she can’t hurt you,” she said breathlessly.

Abi turned on her. “Yes, she can. She can tell everyone, and then my mother will find out. Then it’s all over.” She walked towards the gate.

Judy jumped in front of her. “Abi, come on. We’ve got to go back to the car. Mum’s waiting.” She caught Abi’s hands. “And Abs, your mum’s going to find out sooner or later. You know she is.” She paused and licked her lips. “My Mum has already guessed.” Abi stopped walking and stared at Judy in horror. Judy shook her arm. “Abi, she’s a midwife; it’s her job to notice. Don’t worry. She wants to help.”

She pulled Abi towards the car where her mother was waiting. They climbed into the back seat, and Abi sat silent, staring straight ahead. Mary turned to face them.

“Well?” she asked. “How did you do?”

Judy thrust her results letter at her mother and said, “Fine, and Abi got A for Art, so that’s fine, too.”

Mary raised her eyebrows at her daughter. “Has something happened?”

Judy nodded. “Collette saw Abi’s belly. Abi thinks she’ll tell everyone.”

Mary sighed. “Oh, dear. This was bound to happen sooner or later. Come on. Let’s get you two home. We’ll talk then.” She started the car and headed back towards their house.

Once back inside, Mary made them all cold drinks and they carried them out into the garden and sat in the summerhouse. Abi gazed around her, remembering the morning she’d spent an hour and a half hiding in there on a cold December day, following her first date with Gideon. Her eyes began to fill with tears, and she leaned forward to let her hair conceal her face. Mary sat back in her deckchair and surveyed Abi shrewdly.

“So, young lady, how many weeks pregnant are you?” she asked in a matter-of-fact tone. “When was your last period?”

Abi looked up, peering through her hair. “The fifth of April,” she whispered.

Mary did a quick calculation and looked shocked. “Good grief, girl! You’re nearly half way. And you haven’t seen a doctor or midwife at all?”

Abi shook her head. She felt so vulnerable and lost that she wished she could just disappear until it was all over.

Mary smiled encouragingly at her. “Don’t worry, love. I’m sure everything’s okay, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to give you a quick examination.” She saw Abi’s face and laughed. “Nothing intrusive. I just want to take your blood pressure, listen to the heartbeat, that sort of thing.”

Abi pushed her hair off her face. “The heartbeat?” she asked. “D’you mean my baby’s heartbeat?”

Mary nodded. “Yes. Just to check it’s doing okay. Is that all right?”

Abi nodded and managed a small smile. “I’d love to hear her heartbeat,” she said shyly. “It’ll make her even more real.”

Judy glanced at her. “How d’you know it’s a her?”

Abi shrugged and smiled. “Dunno. Just do.”

Mary stood and held out her hand to Abi. “Right. Come along, then, and let’s do this.” She paused and fixed Abi with a stern gaze. “But you really must see your doctor, too, and you will have to tell your mother.”

Abi nodded slowly and followed her back into the house.

****

“Abigail Thomson, get out of bed immediately!”

Abi awoke to hear the thunderous tones of her mother standing over her. She opened her eyes and pulled the quilt up to her chin.

“What’s up?” she asked nervously.

Joan Thomson grabbed the quilt in her left hand and pulled it off her daughter. Her sudden intake of breath told Abi her mother had seen her distended belly. She rolled onto her side in an attempt to conceal it, but Joan caught her by the wrist and pulled her out of bed.

“Mum! No, leave me alone!” Abi cried as she pulled herself upright and stood facing her mother.

“So it’s true,” Joan said flatly. “You little slut! How dare you disgrace the family like this! Get dressed.” She turned to leave the room.

Abi stood staring after her, transfixed, her mind in turmoil. She sat back down on the bed and found she was shaking all over.

Joan turned just before she left the room. “Get dressed,” she repeated. “We’re going to sort this out, once and for all.” She closed the door behind her, and Abi heard her steps disappearing downstairs.

Abi wriggled backwards on the bed and huddled up against the wall. her arms wrapped protectively around her stomach. She knew what her mother meant. She was going to take her somewhere to get rid of the baby. Abi looked around her in a panic. What could she do? Where could she go? Apart from leaving through the window—a drop of at least fifteen feet—there was no other means of escape. She would have to try and make a break for it when they were out. She would go to Judy’s and throw herself on Judy’s parents’ mercy. Judy’s mother would never countenance an abortion.

She dressed quickly in baggy shorts and a long loose flowery top, and pushed her feet into her baseball boots. She stuffed a few essentials into a canvas shoulder bag and ran a quick brush through her hair. Then she made her bed and went downstairs. Her mother was waiting for her in the hall, impatiently drumming her fingers on the banister.

“Right. Come along. I’ve arranged an appointment with Dr. Slater at the Merrilees Clinic in half an hour. She’ll sort you out.”

Abi’s eyes widened in surprise. The Merrilees Clinic was a private nursing home about five miles away and was well known for being overpriced and oversubscribed.

“Why aren’t we going to Dr. Ford?” she asked, thinking quite fondly of her family GP. She’d known him since she was tiny.

Joan looked her up and down. “If you think I am going to let our own doctor know the shame you’ve brought on this family, you have another think coming,” she said brusquely. “We’re going where no one knows us. Now, come on. I’ve ordered a taxi, and it should be here any minute.”

Abi followed her mother out onto the drive, and they waited for a moment until the black cab drew up outside. As Abi climbed into the back, she was reminded of the sight of Gideon getting into the limo with a girl on his arm, and she suddenly wondered if anything really mattered any more.

The clinic proved to be a twenty-minute drive away, and when Abi and Joan arrived they were shown into a very comfortable and beautifully decorated waiting room. Joan had a quiet word with the receptionist, filled in a couple of forms, and then took the seat next to Abi. They sat in tense silence until a door in the corner of the room opened and a tall slim lady with short blonde hair peered out.

“Abigail Thomson?” she asked with a smile. Abi nodded, and she and her mother entered the doctor’s consulting room. Dr. Slater gestured for them to sit on the comfy sofa that faced her desk, and then she sat down and picked up her pen. “So, what can I do for you, Abigail?” she asked pleasantly.

Abi cleared her throat. “I’m pregnant,” she said in little more than a whisper.

The doctor nodded. “A lot of girls who come here are,” she reassured her, with a smile. “How many weeks are you?”

“About twenty,” Abi said with a quick glance at her mother.

Joan frowned, and spoke to the doctor. “I didn’t realise she was that far advanced,” she said apologetically. “Can anything still be done?”

Dr. Slater looked from mother to daughter.

“I take it you are seeking a termination?” she asked, laying down her pen and focusing on Abi’s face.

Joan nodded and began to speak, but Abi got to her feet and faced her mother.

“No, I’m not! I want to have this baby, and you can’t make me get rid of it. I’m sixteen. I’m not a child.” Her voice was shrill until it broke, and tears began to run down her cheeks.

Dr. Slater stood up and raised a calming hand. “It’s all right, Abigail. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Now, would you just let me examine you? Just to check your dates are correct.”

She led Abi over to the examination table and helped her up onto it. She warmed her hands for a moment before she gently lifted Abi’s top and pressed lightly on her belly. Then she applied her stethoscope and asked Abi a few questions regarding her last period. After a few minutes she indicated that she could go back to her seat.

“Well, I think we’re correct about the dates; twenty weeks seems to be about right,” she said, sitting back down behind her desk. She leant forward and spoke to Abi’s mother. “Under the circumstances, I wouldn’t advise a termination. At this stage it’s a very traumatic event, and I don’t think it would do Abigail any good at all.” She paused and looked from one to the other of them. “Is there no way you could keep the baby?”

Abi sucked in her breath. “Yes. I want to keep the baby,” she repeated emphatically. “She’s mine, and I’m going to keep her.”

Joan gave her a look of dislike. “And how do you propose to look after a baby?” she asked, her voice shaking. “You’re a child. You know nothing of what having a small baby means. The crying, the endless, endless crying…the sleepless nights, the constant feeling of tiredness… You wouldn’t be able to cope on your own, and you can forget any idea of me looking after it.”

Dr. Slater looked slightly taken aback, but waited while Abi composed herself.

“I wouldn’t let you look after her,” Abi spat out eventually. “I shall leave school and take her to be with her father.”

Joan gave a bark of mirthless laughter and gestured to the doctor.

“See what I’m up against, Dr. Slater? The girl lives in cloud cuckoo land. The father is in America and wants nothing to do with her.” She turned to Abi. “We’ll abandon the idea of an abortion,” she conceded, “but when the child is born we’ll have it adopted immediately. I’m sure Dr. Slater could advise on that. I should also like to book Abigail in here for the birth.”

Dr. Slater looked from mother to daughter again, and a slight frown creased her forehead.

“I will happily book her in for the delivery,” she said. “But I must point out that we don’t countenance forcing anyone to give up her baby unless it’s threatening to the well-being of either baby or mother, so it must be Abigail’s decision.”

Joan inclined her head slightly, then shook hands with the doctor before they made their way back outside.

As they stood in the shade of a large chestnut tree waiting for a return taxi, Joan spoke quietly to Abi. “You will give that baby up. Make no mistake—there’s no way on earth I’m letting you keep it.” Her voice was icy.

Abi glanced at her. “Over my dead body,” she said calmly.