Chapter 17

Thursday, 11th January 1996

“Abi! Calm down. You’re only a week late. It’s not the end of the world.” Judy attempted to mollify her friend as they sat in Abi’s bedroom on a cold January afternoon, playing Connect 4 to try and take their minds off the impending birth. Abi scowled at Judy and impatiently pushed her hair back off her face.

“Until you’ve had one of these inside you,” she growled, “you don’t pass comment. I feel like a balloon that’s about to burst, and there’s absolutely no single position I can get comfortable in.” She struggled to her feet again and waddled over to the window. “Oh, great, and now it’s snowing! I shall probably end up giving birth in a snowdrift half way to the clinic.” She slumped down on the window seat with a groan.

Judy concealed a smile. Abi really did look very funny, but she had completely lost her sense of humour ever since her due date had passed. She was extremely stressed because she was well aware her mother was still going to try and make her give her baby away, and she was banking on the support of Dr. Slater at the clinic on that score. She stood up again, and with her hands pressed into the small of her back she leaned backwards and groaned again.

“I am never doing this again!” she vowed, scowling at Judy.

Judy laughed. “Don’t have a go at me,” she said. “This is all your own doing.”

Abi moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. As she squirmed around, the girls heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and Abi stiffened. The door flew open and Joan Thomson surveyed her daughter with a blank expression.

“Get your bag, Abigail. We’re going to the clinic now.” She turned to leave the room.

Abi struggled to her feet and held up her hand.

“Hang on,” she said. “I’m not in labour yet. What’s the idea?”

“They’re going to start you off,” said Joan with distaste. “Because you’re a week late, they think it’s for the best.” She closed the door and disappeared downstairs again.

Abi looked at Judy and raised her eyebrows.

“Can they do that?” she asked in surprise.

Judy nodded. “Oh, yes, I’ve heard Mum mention it. They do it so the baby doesn’t get too big to come out.”

Abi stared at her.

“Can that happen?” she asked, panic sounding in her voice.

Judy shrugged. “Well…I guess so, but you’re only a week late. You’ll be fine,” she said, a tinge of doubt in her voice. “Now, come on, let’s get your stuff together. I’ll help.”

She began to gather up some things she felt Abi would like to take with her.

Abi watched her in amazement.

“I’m having a baby,” she said firmly. “When am I going to have time to play Connect 4?”

Judy stopped and looked down at the game in her hand.

She grinned. “Afterwards?” she suggested, then tossed the game onto the bed and looked around for something more suitable. “Sometimes it takes a long time to have a baby,” she said, picking up items and then discarding them. “You may get bored.”

Abi picked up a CD from her bedside table.

“I want to take this,” she said quietly, holding it out to Judy. “I want to be listening to it when the baby’s born.”

Judy took it silently and put it into Abi’s bag. She knew without looking that it was NightHawk’s album, and that “Storm Rising” was the track Abi would listen to. She had started to zip the bag up when Abi thrust a notebook into her hand.

“Put that in, too,” she said. “That’s where I’ve written down my birth plan and what I want to call her. We’ll take it in case anything happens to me, and then I’ll know she has the right name,” she added rather dramatically.

Judy opened the notebook and saw the front page was covered with scribbled-out names, finally ending at the bottom with the name Natasha underlined in red and the name Storm with a question mark beside it.

“I knew about Natasha,” she said, in surprise. “What’s Storm for?”

Abi shrugged. “Well, I suppose it could be a boy,” she admitted. “So I thought that would do.”

Judy smiled, popped the notebook in the bag, and zipped it up.

“Come on, then, let’s go and get this over with. And don’t worry. No one can make you give the baby up.” She paused and squeezed Abi’s hand. “Anyway, I’ll be there, and I won’t let them.” The two girls smiled at each other and made their way downstairs. Abi’s parents were standing in the hall waiting for them, and her father reached out and took her bag from Judy.

“Thank you for your help, Judith,” said Joan with a tight smile. “You get off home, now, and we’ll take it from here.” She nodded to the girl and opened the front door.

Judy stared at her in horror.

“But I’m her birth partner!” she exclaimed, her voice wobbling. “She wants me with her.”

Abi nodded violently and clutched at Judy’s arm. Joan shook her head.

“I’m afraid things have changed a bit,” she said. “The clinic will only allow relatives in for the birth. We’ll call you when it’s all over.” She held the door wide open and indicated that Judy should leave.

Tears were pouring down Abi’s face as she tried to get her father on side.

“Dad, please tell her Judy must be there. I really need her!” she implored desperately. Arthur glanced at his wife, then shook his head firmly.

“Sorry, Abi, we have to go with what the clinic says. No friends.” He paused, and his voice softened a little. “I’ll call Judy the moment you’ve had the baby, and she can come over then.”

Reluctantly Judy allowed herself to be ushered out of the house, and on the doorstep she turned and called back to Abi, “Stay strong, Abs. Don’t let anyone bully you. I love you,” and she blew a kiss to her friend.

Sobbing uncontrollably, Abi watched her go and sank down on the stairs in despair. Judy had been her one source of strength throughout the whole pregnancy, and now she had left her at the final moment. She stared at her mother with hatred.

“I’m not going without her!” she shouted. “I need her there. I can’t do it alone.”

Joan walked over and pulled her to her feet.

“You should have thought of that nine months ago,” she said cruelly, and marched her daughter out of the house and into the car. As her father reversed out into the road, Abi saw Judy standing on the pavement watching them. She waved a desperate hand at her friend, and Judy took a hesitant step towards the car. Then it sped off down the road, leaving her standing forlorn and worried.

Abi sank back in her seat and tried to compose herself. She was now missing her most important supporter, so she needed to rely on the good nature of Dr. Slater even more. She was fairly confident the doctor wouldn’t allow her mother to take the baby away from her, but she realised she would need to be on her guard for when they tried to wear her down. She stared out the window as they turned out onto the dual-carriageway and headed off towards Reading. She frowned and leant forward to tap her father on the shoulder.

“You’re going the wrong way, Dad,” she said. “The clinic’s in the other direction.”

Her mother spoke without turning her head.

“There’s been a change of plan,” she said. “We’re not going to the Merrilees Clinic any more. I’ve booked you into a small private clinic run by a friend of mine. It’s very exclusive; you’re a lucky girl.”

Abi’s whole body tensed, and she felt the baby kick. She swallowed hard.

“But I want to go to the Merrilees,” she shrilled. “I want Dr. Slater to deliver my baby.”

Joan turned her head a little. “The doctor doesn’t do the deliveries. That’s the midwife’s job. And Dr. Slater proved somewhat of a disappointment.” She paused. “No, you’ll be much better off at the Birch Clinic with Dr. Munro. He and his wife have been friends of mine for years. She’s the midwife. They’ll take care of everything.”

Abi sank back in her seat. She was petrified. Without the support of either Judy or Dr. Slater, she was entirely in the hands of her mother, and that was terrifying. Abi knew without a doubt she would be put under huge pressure to give up her baby, and she also knew just how much of a bully her mother could be. She desperately needed to tell Judy what had happened, but she could see no way she would be able to manage that. She leant her head against the window of the car and closed her eyes. She was so tired. The overlong pregnancy had taken its toll on her young body, and she felt ready to drop. She was seriously worried she might find it hard to withstand the pressures of her domineering mother. But there was no way she was going to let anyone take this baby away from her.

****

When Judy arrived back home, her mother met her on the doorstep. She knew instantly that something was wrong.

“Judy? What is it?” she asked in concern, noting the unshed tears in her daughter’s eyes. “Is it Abi?”

Judy nodded and burst into tears. “Ye-es,” she sobbed onto her mother’s shoulder. “They won’t…let …me go…with her!” and she hiccupped violently.

Mary stroked her daughter’s head and made soothing noises.

“Is she in labour now?” she asked gently.

Judy shook her head and rubbed a hand across her nose.

“No. But she’s late, and they’re going to start her off.” She looked at her mother. “That’s okay, isn’t it?”

Mary nodded. “Yes, that’s fairly normal,” she replied. “But why can’t you go? You’re her birth partner.”

Judy hiccupped again and sniffed loudly.

“Dunno. Mrs. Thomson said there’d been a change of plan, and that only family could be there for the birth. But Abi needs me, Mum,” she wailed, grabbing her mother’s arm and shaking it. “If she’s on her own, they may make her give the baby up!”

Mary patted her hand reassuringly.

“Dr. Slater will never allow that. But maybe I could run you to the clinic in a wee while, and I’ll see if I can persuade them to change their minds.”

“Oh, Mum, would you?” breathed Judy with the glimmer of a smile. “That would be brill. You’re the best mum in the world.” She leaned forward and planted a kiss on her mother’s cheek. Mary hugged her and smiled.

“You’re a good friend, Judy,” she said quietly. “I’m very proud of you.”

As they drove to the Merrilees Clinic a short time later, Judy couldn’t shake off the feeling of doom hanging over her. Abi’s face at the car window as she was driven away still haunted her, and she was desperate to see that her friend was all right. When they turned into the clinic’s car park, Judy scanned it quickly for the Saab.

“Their car’s not here.” She continued to peer around. “Mum, their car’s not here!”

Mary slid her car into a vacant space and switched off the engine.

“I expect Arthur dropped them off and then went home,” she said calmly, adding with a slight smile, “Can you really see him hanging around to watch his daughter give birth?”

Judy nodded and took a deep breath. “Come on, then, come and work your magic, Mum,” she said, and got out of the car.

The receptionist at the desk greeted them with a wide smile. “Welcome to the Merrilees Clinic,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Do you have an appointment?”

Mary smiled back and walked up to the desk.

“No,” she said in a friendly tone, “we’ve come to see Abigail Thomson. I believe she arrived about half an hour ago.” The receptionist looked blankly at her. “She’s come to have her baby,” Mary explained patiently. “My daughter is her birth partner.”

The receptionist looked in her appointment book with a puzzled expression, then picked up the phone and punched a button.

“Hello, yes, it’s Carrie. Some people are here to see Abigail Thomson. They say she’s come in to have a baby.” She paused and picked at her nail polish while she listened. “Well, I didn’t think so. What shall I tell them?...Oh, okay.” She replaced the receiver, gave Mary an automatic smile, and indicated that they should sit down. “Someone’ll be out to see you soon.”

Judy clutched at Mary’s arm.

“Mum, something’s happened!” she wailed. “She’s dead, isn’t she? Why can’t I see her?” Tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

Mary led her over to the seating area and forced her to sit down.

“Calm down, Judy,” she said firmly. “Of course she’s not dead. She’s a perfectly healthy girl having a perfectly healthy baby. They’re probably going to tell us we can’t go in. Leave it to me.” She put her arm around Judy’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

Judy fished in her pocket, pulled out a crumpled tissue, and blew her nose. Of course she was overreacting. She needed to calm down. She was just having a good look around the waiting area when a door in the corner opened and someone came over to them.

“Good lord! Mary Cromwell! I haven’t seen you for years.” Dr. Slater held out her hand to Mary. Mary smiled and stood up.

“Hello, Janet,” she said, shaking the proffered hand. “Nice to see you. I believe you have my daughter’s friend Abigail Thomson here to have her baby. We were wondering if we could see her?”

Dr. Slater frowned and sat down opposite them.

“Certainly Abigail came here for her antenatal care,” she said, “but last week I had a call from her mother saying they were going to go elsewhere for the birth. I was rather shocked, and truth to tell a little worried, but there was nothing I could do to stop them.”

Judy sat forward. “So Abi’s not here?” she said quietly. “Where’s she gone, then?”

Dr. Slater looked at her sympathetically.

“I’m afraid I don’t know. Mrs. Thomson wouldn’t tell me.” She paused and thought for a moment. “I am a little worried because…” She looked at Judy doubtfully and then at Mary, who gave a slight nod. “Well, Mrs. Thomson was very set on Abigail giving the baby up for adoption, and I know that Abigail really doesn’t want to. I would have made sure she didn’t force her into anything, but now I have no control over the situation, and there are some rather less…savoury, shall we say…clinics, where the staff may not be so caring.”

Mary pursed her lips and sighed. “This makes things very difficult,” she agreed. “Abi must not be forced into giving up her baby if she doesn’t want to, but Joan Thomson is a very forceful woman. We need to find out where they’ve gone.” She glanced around her. “Do you have a directory of clinics in this area?” she asked.

Dr. Slater nodded and moved over to the desk, returning a moment later with a large volume.

“This has a list of all the registered clinics in the South,” she said, handing it to Mary. “There are a lot, mind you, and there are also some that won’t appear in that book. It’s somewhere to start, though, I suppose.” She sat down next to them, and they began to search.

An hour later they had come up with a list of eight possible clinics within reasonable reach of Newbury, and Mary suggested that they go back home and phone them all in turn until they found her.

Dr. Slater stood up and shook their hands again. “Good luck,” she said sincerely. “I really hope you find her. I know it sounds dreadful to say, but I really don’t trust her mother to do what’s best for her.”

As they drove back home, Judy glanced at her mother.

“D’you think we’ll find them?” she asked miserably.

Mary sighed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Even if she’s at one of the eight we’ve found, they may not tell us. And they may have taken her to some unregistered one.”

Judy looked scared. “Would that mean they didn’t know what they were doing? Might they hurt her?” she asked, her eyes wide.

Mary shook her head. “No, it would still need to be run by properly qualified people.” She paused. “But they may not be adhering totally to the rules that govern clinics.” She glanced at Judy and smiled slightly. “Don’t worry. If she’s possible to find, we’ll do it, if it takes all night.”

****

Abi was sitting bolt upright in bed in a private room at the Birch Clinic. They had arrived about an hour before, and her father had gone straight back home, leaving her to her mother’s tender mercies. She had been booked in and examined by a rather dour midwife, then been instructed to put on her nightdress and get into bed. She stared around the room. It was a fair size and contained a large hospital bed, in which she was now installed, a couple of easy chairs, a chest of drawers, a bean bag, and various machines that Abi realised she would probably be hooked up to. She shivered and slid down under the covers. She had never felt more alone or more terrified in her life. Her mother had gone off to speak to the doctor, who was apparently a friend of hers, and the midwife had left her to get undressed. She sat up again and pulled her bag towards her. She delved inside and pulled out the small grey stuffed rabbit she had bought to give to the baby, and cuddled it tightly. Her heart was pounding with fear, and she wanted Gideon so much it hurt. This was so not how she had imagined giving birth to his baby. They should have been together, in a meadow, or on a beach, or somewhere pretty, and there should have been music playing, and everyone would be happy and smiling and pleased she was having the baby. This was all wrong. Here everything was dark and scary. No one seemed to care about her, everyone was cross she was having the baby, and everyone seemed to want to take it away from her. She really needed Judy, and suddenly she wondered if she would be able to get to a phone without anyone seeing her. If she could at least let Judy know where she was, then maybe… She quietly got out of bed and grabbed a handful of ten-pence coins from her purse. Then she carefully opened the door of her room a crack and looked out into the corridor. There was no one in sight, and all she could hear was the faint murmur of voices coming from behind a closed door off to her left. Cautiously she tiptoed out into the corridor and turned to the right, away from the voices. Hopefully she would be able to find a phone somewhere. Hospitals usually had telephones on trolleys they could take to people’s bedsides. Surely a posh clinic would have something similar? She walked on down the carpeted corridor until she reached a junction. She peered to the left and saw that the passage ended just round the corner. She looked to the right and her heart missed a beat when she saw a payphone attached to the wall about twenty feet away. Clutching her coins tightly in her hand, Abi waddled as fast as she could towards the phone. She had just lifted the receiver and begun to dial when she experienced an enormous cramp-like pain in her stomach. She cried out and doubled over, dropping the receiver and leaving it suspended and banging gently against the wall. She gasped and, breathing rapidly, tried to straighten up, but another wave of pain overcame her, and she cried out again and sank to her knees on the carpet. She heard a voice coming nearer, the words indistinguishable, and suddenly a pair of hands were under her armpits and someone was helping her up.

“It’s okay, love,” said a kindly voice. “It’s only contractions. Doesn’t look like we need to start you off after all.”

Abi straightened up and found herself being supported by a different, younger midwife, who was smiling encouragingly at her. She opened her mouth to speak, but just then there came a sudden rush of liquid pouring down her legs and soaking into the carpet. Abi cried out in alarm.

“Oh, my god! I’ve wet myself,” she gasped in horror, staring down at her soaked nightdress. The midwife chuckled and squeezed her arm.

“It’s only your waters breaking,” she soothed. “Perfectly normal. Come on, let’s get you back to your room. What were you doing out here anyway?” she asked as she helped her along the corridor.

Abi stopped walking. Judy! She needed to call her. She turned to the midwife.

“I’ve got to call my friend,” she said urgently. “She needs to be here, right now.” Then she screamed as another contraction caught her unawares.

“Breathe,” instructed the midwife, “like you were taught in antenatal classes. That’s right. Breathe in, breathe out… That’s good. Now, come on back to the room, and then you can tell me about your friend.”

Awkwardly Abi staggered back to her room, and the midwife helped her change into a dry nightdress and get back into bed. Then she took her blood pressure and hooked her up to a machine that monitored her heartbeat and the baby’s. Abi lay back against the pillows and watched as the changing figures were displayed on the screen and listened to the strange sound the heartbeat made.

“Sounds like a horse running,” she said with a little smile.

The midwife grinned at her. “Wait till it speeds up a bit!” she said with a laugh. “My name’s Sally. I’m here to help you, and anything you want or are worried about, please tell me. I’ll do what I can to help you.” She gently brushed Abi’s straying hair off her face.

Abi smiled back. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve been really scared. My best friend is meant to be here, but my mum wouldn’t let her come”—her voice wavered—“and she doesn’t know where I am ’cause Mum and Dad brought me to a different clinic than we’d planned. I’ve never been here before.” Her eyes filled with tears, and Sally stroked her hand gently.

“Don’t worry. I’ll look after you,” she said. “Maybe your mum thought it would be too much for your friend to watch the birth?”

Abi shook her head violently. “No, no, you don’t understand!” she gasped. “Mum wants me to have the baby adopted, and I don’t want to. I need Judy here to make sure she doesn’t take her away from me.”

Sally frowned slightly. “No one can make you give up the baby if you don’t want to,” she said firmly. “Not even your mother. I’ll take care of that,” and she patted Abi’s hand again.

Suddenly another contraction took hold, and Abi shrieked in pain and clutched Sally’s hand.

“Time for a little pain relief, I think,” said Sally with a look at Abi’s face, and disentangled her hand in order to fetch the gas-and-air dispenser. She handed it to Abi. “Just put this to your mouth and press this button when the pain is too much,” she explained. “It’ll make you feel a bit woozy, but it helps a lot.”

Abi looked doubtfully at it. “I wanted a natural birth,” she began, but then as another contraction started she put the contraption to her mouth and breathed deeply. Immediately she felt slightly euphoric and the pain became less important. She breathed it in again and began to relax. The contractions were beginning to get closer together and even stronger, and Sally told Abi she was going to get the doctor to have a quick look at her to make sure everything was all right.

Abi was feeling slightly spaced out because of the gas and air, and she smiled sleepily and said, “Wish Gideon was here. And Judy. That’d be much nicer.”

Sally smiled back at her. “Who’s Gideon?” she asked.

“He’s the father,” slurred Abi proudly. “He’s famous.”

Sally raised her eyebrows. “Famous?” she asked in surprise, smiling slightly.

Abi nodded. “Yeah…he’s famous…he’s in America. With NightHawk.” Her eyes closed as she felt the room begin to spin.

Sally stared at her. “NightHawk?” she repeated. “Gideon Hawk is the father of your baby?”

Abi nodded, her eyes still closed. “Yeah…but he do’n’ want me any more,” she muttered blearily, taking another breath of the gas and air.

“I think you’ve had enough of that for now,” said Sally briskly, trying to remove it from Abi’s hand. The younger girl clung tightly and opened her eyes.

“Still need it,” she said thickly. “Haven’t had baby yet.”

Sally hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and let her keep it.

“Just going to get Doctor now,” she was saying when the door opened and Abi’s mother entered, followed by a short, stocky, greying man and the midwife Abi had met when she’d first arrived.

Abi opened her eyes again. “Get her out of here,” she said distinctly, pointing at her mother. “Don’t want her here. Want Judy.”

The man walked over to the bed and smiled tightly at Abi.

“Hello, Abigail,” he said. “I’m Dr. Munro. I think you’ve already met my wife.” He indicated the older midwife. “We’re here to help you through this. I see you’ve already had pain relief.”

Abi fixed him with a baleful stare and gripped the gas-and-air dispenser even tighter.

“Yes, and you can’t have it,” she said menacingly.

Dr. Munro pursed his lips together and stiffened.

“That’s all right,” he said. “You may keep it. Now, I’m just going to check everything is going okay.”

He bent down and gave her a quick examination, then turned to Abi’s mother.

“Everything’s fine so far. Do you want to stay in here with her?”

Abi struggled to sit up. “No!” she shouted. “I don’t want her here! She wants to take my baby!” Then she fell back against the pillows as another wave of contractions began. Sally ran to her side and held her hand to help her through them, murmuring words of encouragement. When the contractions had passed, Sally turned to the group at the door.

“I think it might be best if I stay with Abi. She seems to be rather upset by your presence at the moment,” she said to Joan. “She’s been asking for her friend Judy. Is it possible we could get her to come in?”

Joan looked at her with dislike. “I decided it would be inappropriate for a young girl to witness the birth,” she said firmly. “I shall wait in the waiting room, if that’s what Abigail prefers.” She turned and left the room without even a glance at her daughter.

Dr Munro took Sally to one side and spoke quietly. “Keep an eye on her,” he instructed. “Apparently she’s rather delusional, according to her mother.”

Sally looked surprised. “Delusional?” she asked with a frown. “In what way? She seems okay to me.”

The doctor bristled slightly. “I’m sure her mother knows best,” he said sharply. “Apparently she thinks the father is some rock star or other. Obviously a story she made up to cover the shame of a quick shag behind the bike sheds. Watch her.” With that, he turned and left the room, followed by his wife.

Sally looked at Abi. She was lying back on the pillows looking totally exhausted, her face wet with tears, the gas-and-air dispenser still gripped in her hand, but she opened her eyes and smiled wanly at Sally.

“This is hard,” she said with a sigh. “When will it be over?”

Sally felt Abi’s stomach, then checked to see how dilated she was.

“Bit longer yet, I’m afraid,” she said with an apologetic smile. “You need to be ten centimetres dilated, and so far you’re only about six.” She glanced at the clock. It was eight o’clock. “May manage it before midnight, but somehow I doubt it.”

Abi rolled her eyes. “Seriously?” she said. “I don’t like this. It hurts.” She took another burst of gas and air. “Wish Judy was here,” she said as the room began to swim again.

Sally smiled at her. “How did you meet Gideon Hawk?” she asked casually.

Abi closed her eyes. “He used to go to school near me,” she said. “Then his band played at our school dance, and we fell in love.” Another contraction came and she sucked in the gas and air in quiet desperation, falling back on the pillows again as it subsided. “Then…he went…on tour…to America. He didn’t write.” She paused, breathing heavily. “I was going to go and stay with him, but he never wrote.” She turned anguished eyes to Sally. “I love him so much. We were going to get married.”

Sally had watched Abi closely during this speech and was pretty convinced the girl was telling the truth. She hadn’t liked the look of the mother and was now beginning to worry that Abi’s fears about having the baby taken away might be genuine. If her mother was saying she was delusional, it would be easier to get the doctor to pronounce her unfit to look after a child.

Sally touched Abi gently on the arm. “Abi, have you got Judy’s phone number?” she asked urgently. “I’ll call her for you and see if we can get her here.”

Abi’s eyes opened and she stared woozily at Sally. “That’d be nice,” she muttered sleepily. “Gi’ me a pen an’ paper an’ I’ll write it down.”

Sally pulled a small pad and pen out of her pocket and handed them to Abi. The girl carefully wrote the number down and handed it back to her.

“Be careful,” she whispered. “They don’t want me to have her here.”

Sally nodded and winked at her, then turned and opened the door. As she stepped out into the corridor and closed the door quietly behind her, Sally became aware of someone watching her. She spun around and found Sister Munro, the senior midwife, standing in the shadows.

“Oh, you made me jump!” she said with a nervous laugh.

Sister Munro held out her hand.

“What’s that you’ve got there, Nurse Robins?” she asked without smiling.

Sally clutched the paper tighter. “Just…a phone number,” she said, her heart sinking. The older woman stepped nearer and snatched the paper out of Sally’s hand.

“And this is the phone number for…?” she asked, watching Sally closely.

“Just a friend.” she said hesitantly. “I promised to call her.”

Sister Munro spun around. “Follow me,” she ordered, and marched off down the corridor into the waiting room. Abi’s mother was sitting in a chair having a cup of tea and chatting to the doctor. Sister Munro walked over and handed her the paper. “Do you recognise this phone number?” she demanded.

Joan peered at it for a moment. “Yes,” she said. This is Judy Cromwell’s number. Where did you get it?”

All eyes turned to Sally, and she felt her face flush.

“Ummm…Abi gave it to me,” she faltered. “She’s really scared and would love to have her friend with her. I…” She paused. “I offered to phone her.” She raised her head and put her shoulders back. “I really think it would do her good.”

Dr. Munro sighed. “Nurse Robins, this is very disappointing,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m sure you’re aware Mrs. Thomson said the girl was not to be here, and yet you were deliberately going to go against her wishes?”

Sally suddenly got her confidence back.

“But surely the wishes of the patient are of more importance?” she said bravely. “She’s the one having to go through this, and she’s only a child. Surely there’s no harm in letting her have a friend to hold her hand, is there?”

Joan Thomson regarded her over the top of her glasses.

“Young lady, you have much to learn about life,” she said bleakly. “I do not wish my daughter to have her friend here, and that’s an end to it.” She glanced at Dr. Munro. “I should also prefer it if this person were not attending to Abigail. I should like your wife to take over.”

Dr. Munro nodded briefly and addressed Sally. “You heard Mrs. Thomson,” he said shortly. “Your shift is now over. When you’re next on duty we shall need to have a little chat,” and he dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

Sally’s mouth dropped open. “No…please, Abi needs me. She’s terrified, and I’ve gained her confidence. Please let me stay until she delivers.”

Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and within minutes Sally found herself outside the clinic, bag in hand, staring back at the window of Abi’s room, her heart reaching out to the terrified girl. She knew she couldn’t go against the wishes of the Munros without losing her job, and if she did lose her job she would be even less use to Abi. At least this way she would be able to return to the clinic the next day to check she was still all right. With a heavy heart, she made her way to her car and set off home, vowing to return first thing in the morning.

****

“Mum, this is impossible!” wailed Judy, as she put the phone down from the eighth clinic. So far five had denied all knowledge of Abi, one refused to give out any information about their patients, and the other two had gone straight to answerphone. “Can we go and drive to these three, just in case?” she pleaded.

Mary shook her head sorrowfully. “Sorry, Judy, they’re miles apart. We’d be out all night and then probably not find her.” She paused and glanced at the clock. “Look, it’s nearly ten thirty now. We’ll try the last two one more time, and then I think we’re going to have to call it a day.”

Judy jumped up and paced impatiently around the room.

“Mum, Abi’s relying on me! If they take her baby away, it’ll be my fault. I should be there.” She picked up her coat and ran to the door. “I’m going to see if Mr. Thomson is back yet—he must tell us.”

Mary started to go after her, then shrugged and let her go. She needed to keep trying. She sighed and picked up the phone, dialling the seventh number again. Straight to answerphone. Same result with the eighth. She was just racking her brains for anything else they could try when Judy came back. She looked dejected, her shoulders slumped, and her face crumpled.

“He’s still not there,” she said. “Maybe he stayed at the clinic after all.”

Mary seriously doubted he had and thought it was more likely he’d gone to ground at a friend’s house for the evening rather than risk being bombarded by her daughter. She walked over and put her arm around Judy’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry, love. I really don’t know what else we can do, apart from trying these other two in the morning.” She kissed the top of her daughter’s head. “Now go to bed and get some rest. You’ll be no use to Abi tomorrow otherwise. We’ll call first thing in the morning.” She smiled encouragingly at Judy. “And don’t worry. They really can’t force her to give it up, and they certainly can’t do anything before the morning. Go to bed.”

****

At just after midnight, Abi gave the final push and her baby slid out into the hands of Dr. Munro. He lifted it up by its feet.

“It’s a girl,” he remarked, then handed her to his wife.

“Can I hold her?” An exhausted Abi reached out her arms as the baby was carried briskly past her.

“No,” came the short reply from Sister Munro. “She’s not breathing yet. I need to clear her airways. You rest now.” She disappeared rapidly out of the room carrying the baby.

“But…I want to hold my baby…” whispered Abi, sweat dripping down her face. “Please let me.”

Dr. Munro came round to the head of the bed and looked down at her.

“Sometimes babies need a little help when they’re first born,” he said, not unkindly. “And that’s what Sister’s doing now. Sometimes they need a bit of help to get them breathing properly. No need to worry. You rest now. You can see her later.”

“She’s called Natasha,” Abi murmured as her eyes closed and she allowed the longed for sleep to engulf her.

Dr. Munro watched over her for a moment, and then, when he was sure she was asleep, he opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. He nodded to Joan Thomson, who was standing just outside the door, a questioning look on her face, before he walked down the corridor and into the room at the far end, closing the door behind him. Joan opened the door to Abi’s room, entered, and went to stand by her daughter. She stared down at her, pain in her eyes, hardly recognising the child she had brought up, the young body exhausted both physically and mentally by the ordeal she had just been through. As she stood there, Joan’s eyes fell on the small notebook next to Abi’s bed. She picked it up, and it fell open on the page of baby names. She scanned to the bottom, paused for a moment, then closed the book and replaced it where she’d found it. She briefly touched Abi’s hand, her lips moving soundlessly, then turned and left the room.

****

When Abi awoke the next morning, she lay for a moment wondering where on earth she was. Then she remembered, and immediately struggled to sit up. Every part of her seemed to be sore in some way or another, and she winced as she moved. She needed to see Natasha. Glancing at the clock, she was shocked to see it was nearly ten o’clock. She had slept for more than nine hours. Surely she should have been woken to feed her baby? She fancied she had heard her crying in her dreams and hoped the nurses had been looking after her all right. She reached out and pressed the bell by the side of the bed. Within moments the door opened and a nurse that Abi had not seen before entered carrying a bowl of water and a towel.

“Good morning,” she said to Abi. “I hope you slept well. I’ve come to give you a bit of a wash.”

Abi let her pull back the covers and begin to remove her stained and crumpled nightdress. The nurse began to sponge Abi’s legs gently with the warm water and patted them dry with the soft towel.

Abi smiled at her. “When can I see my baby?” she asked.

The nurse avoided her gaze and carried on with the washing.

“The doctor’ll be in to see you shortly,” she said evasively. “You need some more rest. Would you like a cup of tea?”

Abi was slightly taken aback. “No, I want my baby,” she said firmly. “I’ve been asleep for nearly ten hours, so how much rest do you think I need? Now, please, fetch me my baby.”

The nurse finished her drying and folded the towel. Then she gathered up her things and headed towards the door.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” she repeated without looking at Abi, and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Abi lay back on the pillows, her mind in a whirl. Had her worst nightmares actually come true? Had her mother already taken her baby away? Could she have done that? Urgently Abi pressed the bell by the bed and kept her finger on it, until the door opened again and Dr. Munro walked in.

“There’s no need to press it continuously,” he remarked in a mild tone as he drew a chair up at the side of the bed.

“Where’s my baby?” asked Abi shrilly. “What have you done with her? You can’t take her away from me. She’s mine!” She started to get out of bed. Dr. Munro put out a hand to stop her.

“Abigail, no one has taken your baby,” he said calmly. “However I’m afraid I do have some bad news for you.” He paused, and Abi felt the room sway around her as she turned to stare at him.

“What bad news?” she whispered. The doctor gently pushed her back so she was resting on the pillows once more.

“You remember that I told you babies sometimes need help to breathe when they’re first born?” Abi nodded silently, her throat constricting. “Well, I’m sorry to say that your baby didn’t manage to breathe. We tried all we could, but I’m afraid she couldn’t do it.” He watched her intently as she took in the information, her face turning as white as the sheets. “I’m afraid your baby is dead, Abigail.”

Abi lay back on the pillows and didn’t dare to move. If she moved, then she’d have to admit she was awake and what she’d just heard was true. If she stayed still, maybe she was still asleep. Maybe she would awake in a minute and find her baby next to her. Her Natasha. Gideon’s baby.

“Abigail?” the doctor put his hand on her wrist to check her pulse. She snatched it away and pulled the covers up to her chin.

“Go away,” she croaked, staring at him with wild eyes. “Go away. Go away. Go away!” This last was screamed at the top of her voice and followed by heart-rending sobs as she realised the news was true. She pulled her pillow out from behind her and threw it violently at the doctor, then reached to pick up things from the top of her locker and hurl them across the room. Dr. Munro got to his feet and walked quickly to the door.

“Nurse,” he called urgently. “Come in here, please.”

The nurse who had washed Abi reappeared and hurried to the bed. She caught Abi’s wrists and pushed her back down onto the remaining pillow. “You must calm down,” she said firmly, holding her still. “Now, stay calm, and everything’ll be all right.”

Abi stared at her wildly, tears streaming down her face.

“Nothing is all right!” she screamed. “My baby is dead. How can things ever be all right?” She closed her eyes tightly and kicked her legs against the covers. While the nurse still held her wrists, Sister Munro appeared and gave Abi a quick injection in her arm. Abi’s eyes snapped open and she stared at the nurse.

“Are you trying to kill me now?” she demanded savagely. “What was that for?”

“Just something to calm you down,” was the reply.

As she gazed at the sea of faces standing around her bed, Abi felt suddenly powerless, and she flopped back and closed her eyes again. They had beaten her. They had won. Maybe they hadn’t actually stolen her baby, but it was the same effect. Her shoulders sagged, and she swallowed hard.

“Can I see her?” she asked in a whisper. The nurse glanced over at the doctor.

He shook his head and moved nearer to the bed. “I’m afraid not, Abi,” he said gently. “It would only upset you further. In these circumstances, we deem it wise to deal with everything for you and leave you to begin to recover.”

Abi opened her eyes and stared at him in puzzlement.

“But she’s my baby,” she persisted. “I want to see her, even if she is dead.”

“Well, you can’t, Abigail,” said another voice from the doorway, and Abi looked up to see that her mother had entered. “The doctor’s right. It wouldn’t do any good. The clinic will dispose of the body, and we’ll go home and get on with our lives.”

Abi tried to sit up and found the room spinning wildly.

“What’s happening?” she muttered, falling back onto the pillows again.

“The injection is kicking in,” replied the nurse gently. “Just go with it. You’ll feel better after another sleep.”

Abi gave in and closed her eyes. Nothing mattered anymore anyway. No one could help her now. As she drifted off to sleep again, she fancied she could hear her baby crying for her.