‘Julia, I don’t know what to say …’
‘Why don’t you try saying sorry. That usually works, doesn’t it, Paul?’
His mouth moved and when the words wouldn’t come, Julia looked straight through the broken man standing in front of her and towards Anya. For a moment, it seemed she would retain her icy composure, but then Julia’s face creased up with pain. The nurse stepped quickly towards the pump administering a steady stream of morphine to her patient. Her finger was already hovering over the booster button when she asked, ‘Do you need more pain relief?’
Julia’s eyes refocused, locking on the machinery. ‘No, it’s not that kind of pain! And I said I didn’t want any drugs. Take this thing out of me,’ she said, glaring at the cannula protruding from her arm.
‘Until you’re able to eat and drink properly, that has to stay. Your pain relief has been reduced, but you do need something.’
‘Then why can’t I think straight? I need to think straight,’ Julia moaned but she was already giving up the fight.
‘Let me explain, Julia, please,’ Paul said.
When Julia shook her head, a tear slipped down the side of her bruised face. ‘No, leave me alone, Paul. I can’t bear to look at you.’
‘He’s right,’ Phoebe said. ‘We need to talk about this.’
‘Shut up, Phoebe, just shut up!’ Julia said. ‘Haven’t you caused enough damage? If I am ever ready to talk about this then it won’t be with you. I’m not even sure it’s going to be with him.’ She glared at Paul briefly before turning her attention to Anya. ‘How’s Helen? Is there any news?’
‘That’s what I was coming to tell you,’ Anya said. ‘She’s breathing on her own now and her sedation is being withdrawn gradually.’ The relief on Julia’s face was short-lived when Anya was forced to add, ‘There’s still some way to go yet. Her head injury is serious and we won’t know what damage there is, if any, until she comes round.’
‘Will you let me know as soon as she does?’
‘She’ll be fine,’ Paul said.
‘She’d better be.’
Despite the drugs, Julia managed to hold Paul’s gaze and he was the one who looked away. ‘I know, Julia. I know it’s my fault.’
Julia’s voice was a strangled whisper when she said, ‘I loved you, Paul. We had—’
‘Auntie Julia!’ came a desperate cry.
Milly had pelted at full speed into the room and weaved between Anya and Paul to reach Julia. There was a gasp of pain as the little girl wrapped her arms around Julia’s bruised body before anyone could stop her, but rather than push her away, Julia clung to her as the young girl began to sob.
‘Oh, Milly, honey. Are you all right? What’s happening with your mum?’
Milly’s face was buried against Julia’s shoulder and her words were unintelligible until Julia lifted up the girl’s face and, with a few soothing words, managed to coax a coherent answer from her. ‘She won’t wake up, Julia. Everyone’s so scared and they don’t know if she ever will. I talked and talked and I told her I would do anything, anything, if she would just open her eyes but she’s still asleep.’
Anya glimpsed an out-of-breath John Butler coming to a halt at the doorway after chasing his daughter through the hospital. He approached the group slowly and had to squeeze his nose between his thumb and forefinger to regain his composure before he could talk.
‘They think she might have suffered brain damage,’ he said, at which point his daughter’s wails intensified.
Julia made soft, shushing noises and eventually Milly was able to speak. ‘We have to wake her up, Auntie Julia,’ she cried between rasping breaths. ‘I need her to wake up.’
Turning to Anya, Julia said, ‘I have to see her.’
‘And me,’ Phoebe added.
Before Anya could object, the two women began pulling themselves up, and paid no heed to the various tubes they were connected to.
‘You can’t,’ Anya said, lunging towards Phoebe who was meant to remain immobilized until the surgeon was satisfied there was no further risk of her rupturing her spleen. The nurse hadn’t been so concerned about Julia who had one leg completely encased in plaster and was therefore the least capable of getting very far, or so Anya thought.
‘Paul, get me a wheelchair,’ Julia ordered.
‘No!’ Anya said more firmly this time.
‘Either you help me get to Helen or I’m discharging myself and I’ll find my own way there,’ Julia replied.
‘I’m coming too,’ Phoebe said.