Sometimes having to live with the secret can be really difficult and you may put a lot of systems in place to stop other people finding out or guessing that your true identity is not as straightforward as it may appear. This may inhibit openness in relationships, as you are holding something back and are therefore unable to be open and honest about your true feelings.
By coming out and beginning to transition or to cross dress, you can be your real self. It can be very hard to let out the feelings you have bottled up and break down the walls you have built up to keep yourself safe, but it may be very helpful in allowing you to be yourself.
When maintaining a relationship - whether it is with partners, friends, parents, or whoever - the needs of both people in the relationship need to be considered, both yours and theirs. The ability to be able to learn from mistakes and negotiate changes is a useful skill to have. So make sure you keep communication channels well and truly open. This is the most important way to maintain really good, sound relationships.
Unfortunately for some, relationships can break down or become quite strained when you come out about cross dressing, due to lack of understanding from others. The people you have told may not be as supportive as you had hoped they would be. This is really difficult if they are people who you care for. You may feel they should love, support and accept you for being who you are no matter what. Love is supposed to be unconditional.
You have to remember this is a joint problem. You both need to be able to negotiate a way in which you can maintain the life you want to lead and the relationship so you both feel happy and have your needs met.
When to come out about your cross dressing and who you should tell is a distressing, complicated issue for many of you. There is no right or wrong answer. It is about finding the solution that works best for you. However, when talking about this with trans clients, there are many similarities about how and when to disclose.
There tends to be three schools of thought.
Disclosure is always a difficult subject. Making sure you have lots of useful literature around might be quite helpful to dispel some of those awful myths. As a starting point, it therefore helps to be able to explain what cross dressing means to you, especially if it is a coping mechanism. Partners, in particular, will want to be reassured as to whether this will affect your gender or your sexuality.
Sometimes it helps to get the views of others who have shared experiences and may have already been through this difficult dilemma. This, ultimately, is one decision you have to make yourself as to what is the best approach for you.