Zippy wishes Jacob and Dad wouldn’t argue. She’d like to give Dad some of his own good advice: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
‘Prayers can be like a Christmas list, Dad,’ Jacob insists. ‘And anyway, Father Christmas is in the Old Testament.’
‘What?’ Dad bangs his hand on the worktop and Mum’s painting jumps.
‘Sister Anderson told us in Primary. In Zechariah it says, Ho, ho, from the land of the north.’
‘She said what?’
Zippy catches Jacob’s eye and shakes her head but he carries on.
‘She said in Zechariah –’
‘I heard you. That woman …’
‘She said it in Primary, so it’s true.’
‘No it’s not.’
‘You’re not even listening to me, Dad.’
‘It’s not true. Prayers are not like Christmas lists and Father Christmas isn’t in the Old Testament.’
‘But Sister Anderson read it out loud from the Bible, I saw her with my very own eyes.’
‘It’s absolutely not true because there’s no such –’
‘Dad!’
She smacks her spoon into the side of her cereal bowl and it rings out like the bell at the end of a boxing round. Dad stops and she thinks she’s done enough, but he’s too wound up, so intent on being right, that he’s forgetting to be kind.
‘There’s no such thing as Father Christmas.’
Zippy gasps. Jacob closes his eyes against Dad’s words and when he opens them he looks straight at her. There’s a long, gluey moment in which she is unable to respond, but when she realises it’s too late for anything but the truth, she nods.
‘Is there such a thing as Jesus?’
‘Of course there is,’ Dad says. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘What about Rudolph?’
Zippy takes her bowl to the sink and rinses it.
‘And the tooth fairy?’
She listens for Dad’s answer as she dries her hands, but he is silent and the kitchen noises – the hum of the fridge, the clanking pipes, the tick-tock of the Celestial Marriage clock – are heavy and cheerless. When she turns, Dad is holding Mum’s painting.
On her way out of the kitchen she stops to hug Jacob. She feels the thud of his heart through his school jumper and whispers, ‘It’s OK. We’ll do something after school – some colouring. You can come up to my room, it’ll be fun.’ Then she hurries up the stairs and packs her school bag.
On the way back down the stairs she pauses outside Issy’s room. She lifts a hand to the door but she doesn’t have the guts to push it open.
She leaves the house ten minutes early and traipses down the road to the bus stop, her breath sending swirls of steam into the cold air.
Lauren is waiting outside the school gates, frowning at her phone – it’ll be Jordan Banks, he’s probably chucked her because she hasn’t had sex with him yet. ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,’ she says.
Zippy tries a smile and takes it back when it isn’t returned.
‘I tell you everything. We’re supposed to be best friends.’
‘We are!’
‘Yeah. Whatever. I told you all about Jordan.’
‘I don’t know what you’re –’
‘And then you go and do this.’
Zippy can’t think what she’s done but Lauren’s expression suggests it’s something awful and when she holds the phone out Zippy takes it, hoping to see a joke, a meme, something hilarious they can laugh at in a moment’s time. But she sees herself, in Mum’s wedding dress, on Facebook. And there are sixteen likes and a load of comments – thirty-four of them.
She strokes her thumb down the screen.
Michael Lewis #megalolz!!!
Brandon Marshall OMFG LMFAO
Martin Hayes 
i think i wanna marry you
Nikita Hewson totes amazeballs
Lauren grabs the phone back. ‘You got married and never told me.’ She scowls and folds her arms.
‘No!’
‘You’re my best friend and I didn’t know. I found out on fucking Facebook!’
‘No, I –’
‘Don’t lie. I know it happens – I watched a documentary about it. Are they going to make you leave school? You don’t have to, you’ve got rights.’
Zippy’s knees are slack and trembly. She opens her mouth but her lips are rubbery and no sound comes out.
‘Have you done it? What was it like? Did it hurt? I can’t believe you haven’t told me any of this.’
‘No! I’m – I don’t –’ She sits on the school wall. ‘I’m not married. I was dressing up, it’s not real. No one would force me – that’s a different religion. I’m not married, promise.’
‘You’re sure?’ Lauren sits next to her and looks at the phone again. ‘It’s a horrible dress.’
‘I know. At church, there was this thing – it wasn’t –’
‘So why the hell did you dress up like that?’
‘We had to. It was just this wedding thing, that’s all.’
‘Not an actual wedding?’
‘No.’
‘Why’s it on Facebook then?’
‘I don’t know – I … whose page is it?’
‘Have you read the comments? They reckon you’ve married Adam, by the way.’
Zippy snatches the phone back. She scrolls to the top of the page; the photo has been posted by one of Adam’s friends, Ethan Taylor. His status reads: Adam Carmichael you sly bastard!
She scrolls through more of the comments.
Jack Cox First of many, eh, Adam – that’s how Mormons roll, isn’t it? Lucky you #whyhavejustone
Chloe Ward minger in a meringue alert!! (jk)
Jade Watson You’re not married are you Adam? That’s *seriously* fucked up.
‘There’s something else you should see,’ Lauren says. She takes the phone back and fiddles with it for a moment. ‘Here.’
She holds the phone out and there’s the photograph again, repeated with a variety of captions.
Shotgun wedding – case of wife or death.
He sez ‘hi’, she planz wedding.
I went to my wedding and all I got was this ugly dress.
Zippy looks up from the phone. Cars stop on the yellow zigzags, dropping kids off, even though they’re not supposed to; cyclists mount the pavement, weaving in and out of pedestrians, and another double-decker bus hisses as it pulls in at the stop just down the road. How many of these people have seen the photograph?
Lauren returns to Facebook. There are more comments now. People are probably checking their notifications as they arrive at school, before they have to switch their phones off and put them away. Soon everyone will have seen it.
‘I’m going home.’ She rubs her cold hands together and makes sure her coat is fastened right to the top.
‘What, now?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Don’t be daft. I can comment. Let’s think of something to explain why you were dressed like that, something that’s not religious.’
‘There isn’t a good explanation; not one that’ll sound normal, anyway.’ The cold of the wall seeps into Zippy’s thighs and bottom.
‘I’ll report the photo – I’ll say it’s offensive and ask Facebook to take it down.’
‘Everyone’s seen it.’
‘So let’s think of something I can say to make them all fuck off and stop taking the piss.’ Lauren glances at the phone again. ‘Oh God, Adam’s commented.’
Zippy digs the fingernails of one hand into the palm of the other and waits for Lauren to read the comment.
‘OK, this is what he said: Chillax people! It was just a Halloween party. Ur looking at the Bride of Frankenstein – she’s well scary! Not married! Get a life – 4realz!’ She slings her arm around Zippy’s shoulder and squeezes. ‘There you are, sorted! God, what a drama! Come on.’
‘I’m going home.’
‘He only called you the Bride of Frankenstein to shut everyone up. You can’t just go home. What’ll your mum say?’
‘Nothing.’
‘As if. She’ll give you a right rollocking.’
‘No she won’t.’
‘Oh God, don’t look now, it’s Adam.’
Zippy looks. President Carmichael has stopped his Jag on the yellow zigzags and Adam is climbing out, bag slung over his shoulder, phone in hand.
‘You should ask him how the picture got on Facebook. And he should make a grovelling apology for being such a knob. He’s coming over.’ Lauren drops her arm, stands and rearranges her school bag. ‘I’ll see you in a bit. I’m glad you’re not married – it was freaking me out.’
Zippy stands as Adam approaches. She looks at the pavement when he starts to speak.
‘Do you know about the photo?’
Head down, she nods.
‘Why did you do it?’
His shoes are dirty. He’ll have to clean them better when he goes on his mission. She rummages in her coat for a tissue.
‘I didn’t give it to Ethan, you know,’ he says. ‘He must’ve found it when he was getting the ball out of my bag the other day. He’ll have done it for a laugh. I’ll get him to delete it.’
She finds a tissue and pulls it out of her pocket.
‘And I’ll get it back for you, if you like.’
She doesn’t want the photo. It was meant to be for him, he said he liked her in the wedding dress. If he keeps it, he’ll be able to look at her dressed like a bride. She doesn’t need a prop to help her imagine marrying him but he might find it useful to have the photo – Sister Campbell says men are visual creatures.
‘It’s OK, I don’t want it,’ she says.
‘Fine. Neither do I.’
‘Oh.’ Her voice sounds small and whiny. ‘I thought you’d like to … well, just chuck it in the bin then.’
She crouches and rubs at the dirt on the toe of his shoe with the tissue.
‘What’re you doing?’
‘Cleaning your shoes.’
‘My mum’ll clean them. Don’t get up.’ He steps back and as she straightens, she finally looks up at him properly. ‘What were you going to say? You thought I’d like to … what?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Go on.’
‘Keep it. I thought you’d like to keep it.’ She fiddles with her coat and rearranges her bag. ‘Anyway, I’m going now. Thanks for sorting it out.’ He walks with her and stops alongside her when she comes to a halt at the school entrance. ‘I’m going home,’ she says.
‘Why?’
‘Everyone’s laughing at me.’
‘They’re not. They probably feel daft for jumping to conclusions.’
‘I’m a well scary Bride of Frankenstein.’
He shakes his head and scuffs his shoe against the pavement. ‘Better than being a real teenage bride. You can’t just go home. What’ll your mum say? The photo’s stupid. People will forget about it, it’s not worth getting … Are you upset because I said I don’t want to keep it? Look, what happened this morning shows how lame it is to be going on about marriage all the time. Come on, we’ll be late.’
He lets his bag slide off his shoulder, unzips it and drops his phone on top of something glossy, some kind of brochure – a university prospectus.
Zippy bends and peels back the bag’s lip. ‘Manchester,’ she says. ‘Not far away. Is that where you want to go? Do you think it’ll be easy to get a deferral? My dad couldn’t get one, he had to apply when he got back from his mission.’
Adam’s reply is too long in coming. Another bus hisses past. A car stops on the yellow zigzags. He looks away and the cold air fluffs their breath into clouds that touch as they dissipate. Zippy aches. It feels as if her hopes are leaking from a small perforation between her lungs, and although each escaping wish is small and ordinary – for Dad to think before he speaks, for Mum to get out of bed in the mornings, for Adam to serve a mission – the hurt as they trickle away is considerable.
‘You’re not going,’ she says.
‘No.’
‘You’ll change your mind.’
‘I won’t.’
‘I’ll pray for you to make better choices.’
‘Don’t.’
‘People will think you’re unworthy, even if you’re not.’
‘I know. But you can’t expect me to do it just to please a load of people I don’t care about.’
‘I’m not expecting anything –’
‘Zippy, you are.’ He looks at her properly. ‘You’ve got Great Expectations.’ He smiles and brushes her coat sleeve with his fingertips. ‘Great Expectations, get it?’
‘I’m not expecting things for me, it’s – I want – it’s for you. Have you been doing something bad – apart from the kissing and stuff? Have you been looking at porn or reading anti-Mormon things on the Internet?’
‘No.’
‘Your dad will be so disappointed.’
‘Don’t.’
‘Will he let you live at home?’
‘I hope so.’
‘No one will want to marry you.’
‘No one at church – so that’s about nought point three per cent of the population.’
She just about manages to stop herself from saying, it’s more than a percentage point, it’s me. ‘But you’ll still come to church, won’t you?’ she asks. ‘You can’t leave completely.’
‘You’ve just done a good job of explaining why I can’t stay,’ he says gently.
‘Please stay.’
‘I don’t believe.’
She doesn’t know what to do. If this was a story in a Church Lesson Manual, she’d give him the Temple picture card from his dad and he’d agree that missions are essential and there’s nothing lame about eternal marriage. But the card is sitting on her desk at home and if she tried to give it to him he’d almost certainly laugh and pass it back.
‘Do you believe in eternal marriage?’
‘Give it a rest, Zippy.’
‘Either you do, or you don’t.’
‘Not everything’s either or. We’ve been friends for ages and we – we like each other. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t …’
She shakes her head, remembering President Carmichael’s horrible little saying: you like him; you love him; you let him; you lose him. She won’t lose him.
The school bell rings and Adam steps closer to the gate.
‘You’d better go.’
She watches as he jogs away and then she walks to the bus stop by herself, wondering whether things might be easier if love wasn’t inextricably linked to marriage and she didn’t have to live every moment in the present and the endless future; it’s an unworthy thought – there’s nothing more important than marrying the right person, at the right time, in the right place. She’ll wait for him, hopefully not for as many years as Anne Elliot waited, but still, what’s a few years compared to forever? It’s just a small sacrifice; she’s only giving up something good for something better. It’s better to experience the agony now and save the hope for perpetuity, isn’t it?