Chapter 58

“Sarah?”

Mr. Glenn leaned against the table in the lobby, reading a newspaper. Sarah wondered if he’d been waiting for her to appear, like Lionel had waited outside their building, according to Enid Carmichael. Sarah was on her way to work, but she’d seen him up this early before.

“Wonderful to bump into you. Could I ask you something?”

Sarah was pretty sure now. “Of course,” she said.

“It’s about Bessie. And Alma.” He took off his large glasses and set them on the table. His blue eyes were bloodshot, and he had bigger bags than Sarah on her post-call day. “Do dreams mean anything? Are they subconscious signs?”

“What?”

“You know. If you dream something, is your brain trying to tell you something you can’t admit to yourself during the day?” His voice was very soft.

“Mr. Glenn, I think you’d better tell me a little more.” Sarah didn’t know much about dreams, but she could see he was tormented.

“I knew Lionel immediately when I saw him. His nose, his mouth. Bessie’s nose and mouth. He looks just like her. He always did. How many times did I study that boy while he was sleeping? I’d know him anywhere. Time didn’t change that.”

Sarah stepped closer to him, he spoke so softly.

Mr. Glenn sighed. “I love Alma. You know I do. But since I saw Lionel, all I can think about is Bessie. He bites his lip like she did. His mouth curves up the same way hers did. Bessie is in my dreams. Sweet, beautiful dreams. She’s alive when I sleep. Then I wake up and she fades away, and I can’t keep her image in my head, her voice, her smell. I want to sleep all the time. I want to see her.”

He turned his head away. “Am I being unfaithful? To Bessie? To Alma? In my dreams? Does that count? Should I not be with Alma?” He hung his head in his hands.

Sarah touched his sleeve. He turned back to face her.

“She was the love of my life,” he whispered.

“Of course she was.”

“I can’t tell anyone. I can’t tell Frances Noonan. She and Alma are so close. I don’t want her to think less of me. What do you think, Sarah?”

Sarah’s heart tugged for him. He was so sensitive, he cared so much. She spoke slowly so she could think carefully of what to say.

“Mrs. Gordon is away at Sylvia’s now. Lionel was just here. It’s clear why Bessie is on your mind. That doesn’t mean you love Alma any less. That doesn’t mean Bessie is telling you something. You will always love Bessie. What it means is that you are lucky enough to love twice.”

He looked at her and she hoped he believed her.

“It’s not betrayal? To Bessie? To Alma?”

“It’s not betrayal. It’s very natural, with such two lovely women.”

Mr. Glenn stood up taller. “I am very lucky.”

“Enjoy your dreams. Enjoy your days. Enjoy your luck.” Sarah left him in the lobby, and she saw him look in the mirror like Mrs. Flynn had and smile.

She got to the hospital before seven thirty and climbed the stairs two at a time. She never took the elevator. It was too slow. If she waited for the elevator whenever she changed floors, she’d never get any work done. Besides, she didn’t have much time for exercise, and this seemed the perfect solution. Most of the residents were the same. The staircase was usually crowded.

She slowed as she approached her sixth flight of stairs. Her head was down, so she didn’t see Helen until they were passing.

“Hey, Sarah, I haven’t seen you much this week.”

“Helen. Hi.”

“I’m glad I ran into you. My birthday’s coming up. Do you want to go for a little trip? I really want to get away, but Scott’s glued to football. It’s the first year he’s gotten to see the playoffs and all the hoopla that surrounds them because he’s stuck home with the kids. But my birthday is on all-important Super Bowl weekend, and he’s so invested. I got a nursing student I know from Level Seven, Susie, to come and watch the twins during the day so he can watch his ball game, and he’s sending me away anywhere I want to go. Two days, one night.”

“Wow,” said Sarah.

“Yeah, we could have a girl’s weekend. Except where I’m going is back to Paradise Cove Resort because I loved the place, plus I left Aidan’s hospital cap there. They couldn’t find it and I’m desperate in my new mommy, hormone-flaring way to find it myself. So I’m going. That’s what sealed the babysitter deal. We were going to go somewhere together, all of us, but of course there’s no television at Paradise Cove. So when Scott heard that’s where I wanted to go, he came up with this solution. It’s probably better than going somewhere and having him sit in the hotel room watching football while I amuse the babies.”

“He thought of this?”

“Yeah, pretty resourceful when football’s involved, huh?” Helen said.

“How’s he doing with the kids? Any more dual poo situations?”

“Ha. That sort of thing happens all the time. One spits up and you change your shirt, then the other spits up on the clean one. Scott’s very good with them, knows more tricks about soothing and things than me, probably because he’s with them so much. I’m a little jealous, to tell you the truth.”

“Is he getting any writing done?”

“No, not a bit. He’s not thinking much about it right now because he’s got football on his mind and it turns out so do a lot of other people, talk show hosts, sports commentators and such. I think once that’s over and he’s there all day with nothing to do but unable to work, then I think we’re in trouble.”

“You might be right.”

“And another funny thing, I’m almost back to my pre-baby weight, all this running around, I guess, but Scott’s actually gaining weight.”

“What?” Sarah remembered Mrs. Noonan noticing this as well.

“Yes. It’s ironic. Don’t tell him I said anything. I don’t actually care, but he does. We’ve eaten so much takeout since the babies were born because no one has time to shop or cook. And he doesn’t get out much, certainly isn’t running like before the babies. I try to get him to go at night when I get home, but it’s so late and he’s so tired, and it’s the first time he’s able to actually relax without two little tyrants wanting something from him. So he doesn’t go. I bet he’s gained fifteen pounds, maybe more.”

“Poor guy.”

“I know. It’s always been a problem for him, and I can tell it bothers him. Anyway, do you want to come with me back to Big Sur? I’m usually not this sentimental, I don’t know why this baby cap means so much to me. Also, I have such good memories of the place, we had such a good time there. That’s where Emily first smiled. I’m looking forward to going back.”

It was clear Helen was hell-bent on going. “Let me check with Andy, make sure he didn’t make any plans. If not, I’d love to come.”

Good memories? Helen must have blocked out the entire beginning of the weekend, much of the middle, and the end, Sarah thought.