BABE’S BLOG

Zat has dialed back on the intensity when we’re together. I know he’s doing it for my sake, so I can make a decision which isn’t clouded by emotion. I’m grateful, but I also miss it.

He’s determined to keep things real for me so I’ll grow normally into the person I’m meant to be. Because of that, much of what we do together is similar to things I do with LeGrand and Mai. Friend stuff. Only since it’s happening in my dreams, it’s weird friend stuff. But I don’t see Zat as just a friend.

Love? The word sometimes enters my mind but I’m not sure it’s real. Once upon a time I wanted to believe I was in love with Perry, but somehow I never managed to convince myself. With Zat, it’s different. It isn’t something I intellectualize like I did with Perry. It just is. I can’t imagine my world without him in it, however that has to be. If it has to be in my dreams and there’s no other way, then I’ve decided that’s the way it will be.

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A while ago I had a frustration dream. It happened during the three days Bing grounded me from work.

In the dream, Mom was at a doctor’s appointment and I was supposed to pick her up. I drove all over town, first stopping here, then stopping there, and the more I drove the more lost I became. I realized it was getting later and later, almost dark. Then I saw Zat standing on a street corner waving me down.

I stopped the car and he got in the backseat. He gave me some simple directions and within a few minutes I was pulling up to the doctor’s office where my mom was waiting outside. She got in the front seat and I drove her home. That tense, helpless feeling of frustration disappeared.

Zat knew something was seriously bothering me but he didn’t pressure me to talk about it after I briefly explained what happened. He told me that frustration dreams were a way of working things out, and he’d always be there to help in the only way he could.

Another time, I asked Zat why he could meet my family and friends but I couldn’t meet his.

“We’re in your dream, not mine,” he reminded me. “And because you’ve never met my family, you can’t dream about them.”

It makes total sense, but I still wish I could dream about them and bring them together with Zat. I know how painfully lonely he is and how much he misses them. Mai’s mother must have felt the same way when her parents put her on a boat, and she never saw them or her homeland again.

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I have one question for Zat that takes a little courage-building before I finally get around to asking him.

“Did you have a girlfriend before you left?”

“I’ve never really been with any girl but you.”

“So you never had a girlfriend before?” I’m not sure what been means to him and whether he’s trying to get around my question.

“I was entered into the coupling pool before my travel plans were finalized. But as soon I was approved to leave, I withdrew my name.”

“Coupling pool?”

“That’s how we do it. We’re matched according to a number of variables. The system works well enough. Love usually follows.”

“Like a matchmaker?”

“I suppose you’d call it that. A big government bureaucratic matchmaker.”

“Sounds romantic.”

“It can lead to romance and, in most cases, it does. But I couldn’t go through with it.”

“So there was someone else?”

“There was someone I cared about, but not in the same way I care about you. She saved my life, so I’ll be eternally grateful for that. She’s a wonderful person.”

Suddenly I realize I don’t want to know any more about this wonderful person, whoever she is or was or will be. I’m grateful to her for saving Zat’s life, although it doesn’t make a lot of sense since he’s only alive in my dreams. Zat once said that ignorance is bliss. I’m thinking he might have a point.

And then he places one hand on my hip and the other on the small of my back. His eyes get huge and unfocused and he presses his lips gently against mine. He slides his hand up and grasps a handful of my hair, holding it against the back of my head to bring us closer still. We push into each other to prolong the kiss. To make it deeper and more satisfying.

The intensity he’d been dialing down . . . it got dialed up.

Way up.

He was my dream boy once again.

“Did I do it right?” he asks.

Comments:

Mai: Okay, I may not be able to continue reading this. Just sayin’. Okay I will, but I’m feeling a little icky about it—like I’m a peeping Tom creeper.

Sweetness: this is really beautiful and this is what i’ve been waiting to read although i would have preferred it to be with perry.

Mai: Perry? Eww. Gross.

Sweetness: i totally ship perry and babe and ur new to this blog so maybe you should go back and read the old posts

Mai: Ahem. Maybe you should go back and read them because I’m in the fricking blog and I think I know Babe better than you.

Babe: Can you guys please not argue?

RoadWarrior: Hello, Babe. So glad to see you’re still doing the creative writing. Please be sure to add more of the actual locale details because I think many people my age would like to see more of that. Then we can get the cute fantasy love story combined with actual real life helpful hints for traveling to your area. For instance, if you could include the names of more restaurants and places of interest I think my friends like These50States would be more likely to follow your otherwise delightful blog.