Sushi Savior
In the morning, it’s like yesterday never happened. Brian catches up to me with joy on his face again, and I’m so relieved I didn’t kill our friendship. I smile at Becca, and she smiles back and gives me a single head bob. Last night I cringed as I texted her and Ginna about how I utterly crushed Brian when he asked me out. I let out a slow sigh—Brian’s still my friend. I could almost cry right now. Not sure if it’s from no sleep last night, or because I haven’t eaten since the cheesecake yesterday, or because I stomped on Brian’s heart like it was a cockroach. But he’s walking next to me now, and I’m thankful. I slip back the urge to cry because it’s real damn close to happening. Cover it up with a smile. But I can see the hurt in his eyes.
“OK, girls. I have the best sushi rolls for you today. You will love them. And they’re much healthier than cheesecake, Allandra. And don’t worry, I didn’t use raw fish—too risky if I couldn’t keep it cold enough. I don’t want to get you two sick, so I used cooked chicken and salmon instead.” He pats his backpack, and his bony arm touches mine. “Got it all right in here.”
I really want to hug him right now, but I don’t. That would confuse the crap out of him.
“I can’t wait, Brian. Sushi is my fave,” Becca says.
“Oh, good. Glad to hear it. Same time, same place.”
I nod, then say, “See you then.” I can’t look him in the eyes again and see that hurt, so I stare at the ground ahead of me as I walk instead.
Ginna comes up behind us as Brian rushes off with a wave.
“Hey, Ginna,” I say.
“Hey. So, you didn’t completely crush him then?” Ginna asks.
“No. I so thought I did. Or he’s just a glutton for punishment. Ugh, you guys. He was shaking, I mean really shaking. It was awful.” Tears threaten to fall out of my eyes. “The look on his face, in his eyes. I just can’t.” Tears are actually coming out, and I swipe them away quickly. I don’t want to intentionally hurt my friends.
Becca says, “I’ve been telling you for weeks he has it bad for you. So bad. Guy is completely, wickedly obsessed with you. Not in a bad way, but deep, ya know? Real deep.”
I sigh. “What am I going to do? I finally get my dream guy in Hunter, and am I ever having fun with that—so much fun, let me tell you. But I don’t want to lose Brian as a friend.”
“Friends make the best lovers,” Ginna says with a laugh.
“Hey, why aren’t you taking the bus these days?” I ask her.
Ginna says, “Well, Logan was dropping me off, but Mom caught me not taking the bus in the mornings because Logan was stopping over at my house before school to visit me like every morning. Since Mom has been going to work early for a few weeks now, she’s never known, but she came back home the other day because she forgot something and saw him there. Now she’s driving me to school and going to work after.”
Becca laughs. “Hope she didn’t catch you guys—”
Ginna cuts her off. “God, no, thank goodness. We were eating bagels, but it didn’t matter to my mom. She didn’t like us there alone.”
“Smart woman,” says Becca with a smirk.
“Yeah, it sucks.” Ginna slicks on some lip gloss and smooths her hair, which the last wind gust made flail about, flashing it in the air like fire.
Ginna’s one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever met in my life—actually met in person, I mean—with her inky jet-black hair shimmering down her shoulders soft as a waterfall. She once showed me a picture of her grandma, who immigrated here way before even her mom was born. Ginna looks like her grandma’s twin, yet with even more zest in her brown eyes than the old-school picture had allowed. She’s also the sweetest, and luckiest, girl I’ve ever known. I wonder if I will look as gorgeous as my mom one day.
“Logan is lucky to have you, my friend,” I say.
“I’m the so happy to have him.” Ginna smiles and pats my arm. “Don’t worry. You’ll figure it all out, and when you do, it will be the best of all worlds.”
Ginna. Ever the optimist.
As I’m kissing Hunter at my locker, and his hands are going places adults don’t like, out of the corner of my eye, I see Brian as I tilt my head. He has a clear container in one hand. Curse me for kissing with my eyes open. The chopsticks he’s holding pressed to the container’s lid slip out when he lowers his hand and they fall to the ground. I pull my upper lip from between Hunter’s lips and gently put my hand on his chest to push him back.
“What?” Hunter asks with a confused look.
“Teacher,” I say, even though I don’t see a teacher. I just see Brian, frozen. He raises his gaze from the spilled chopsticks and catches my eye for a split second, then unfreezes himself and picks up the chopsticks. With one kiss I’ve wrenched that stake I stabbed into his heart yesterday a notch deeper. I suck. Hunter tries to kiss me again, but I just can’t with Brian watching. Plus, I really need to eat, because if I don’t, I think I will start bawling. And hard, with body shakes, not just silent tears falling. “I just need to go get something to eat.” I seriously can’t believe I just said that. “I don’t feel well.”
“OK, let’s go to the cafeteria then,” he says. “I could eat.”
We start walking, and Brian is behind us. I can almost feel his eyes on my back as Hunter slips his hand into my back jeans pocket. I’m about to dry heave or possibly faint. Both are imminent. I cover my mouth. “I need to go to the nurse,” I say through my fingers. Hunter slips his hand out and watches me run down the hall. I’m seriously afraid I might fall down and wake up with every face in the hall staring at me.
I find the nearest bathroom and retch over and over again into the toilet. Of course, nothing comes out when you don’t eat anything, so it’s just dry heaving. I sit on the ground for at least ten minutes. I’m late to meet Brian and Becca, but I don’t think I can face him after he caught me kissing Hunter.
I get a text from Becca.
Becca: Where R U? Brian has sushi rolls. Come eat.
Allandra: Can’t. In the bathroom. Puking. But not puking. Dry heaves.
Becca: What’s wrong??
Allandra: Brian saw me kissing Hunter and I can’t face him.
Becca: Landra, you are dating Hunter, not Brian. It’s not like you’re cheating.
Allandra: Then why does it feel like I am?
My mouth tastes sour even though I didn’t really vomit. I am shaking, and I can feel that my cheeks are bloodless and pale. I really need to eat. Like, now.
Becca texts me again.
Becca: Which bathroom R U in?
Allandra: One by the nurse’s office. I was headed there but I didn’t make it.
Becca: I’m coming with a sushi roll.
Allandra: Don’t tell Brian about this.
Becca: Too late my little luscious babe. Be there in two minutes.
After a few minutes, I hear someone come into the bathroom, then a knock on the stall door.
“Landra? Open up.”
I reach up and unlatch the door. Swing it open, hand shaking as I lower it back to the safety of my lap.
“Geez. You look awful. Here. Eat this.” She puts one of the three sushi rolls from the napkin on her palm to my face.
“Becca, you can’t bring food into a bathroom. It’s too gross.”
“I can, and I will. Now eat this, or I’m carrying you to the nurse’s office. And it won’t be pretty, ’cause I’ll have to sling you over my shoulder, and everyone will look at us.” She smirks. Raises an eyebrow. “Eat or be a spectacle. Your choice.”
“OK, OK. Just let me get away from this toilet.” I crawl out to the sink, and she helps me stand. I wash my hands, and the tears come. She hands me a paper towel, and I dry my tears up only a tiny bit with the rough paper, because I’m afraid it will scratch my cheeks if I wipe too much. She holds out her hand and places a sushi roll on it, then lifts it toward me.
Tears come out hard as I put the roll into my mouth. The flavor and texture are utterly perfect, which makes me cry harder because it’s just so good.
“You can do this, Landra. You can eat.”
“I know,” I say, nodding.
“It’s amazing, right?”
I nod again.
“You are depriving Brian of the joy of watching you love this, but I’ll fill him in. It’s a pleasure for me too, ya know. I like it when you eat like a normal person.”
“I know. You’re my food mama.” I look at the disgusting bathroom floor that I was just crawling across. “Oh, Becca, I’m so messed up.” I shake my head.
“Maybe, my love. But you can get better.”
She puts her arm around me and holds up another sushi roll. I take it, and it tastes even better than the first one because this one has avocado, and I remember I used to love avocado. Back when I ate well, I always loved it when Mom made fresh guacamole. Becca half carries me down the hall toward the nurse’s office and slips another sushi roll in my mouth as we reach the door.
“Go in and rest. Let the food soak in and make you feel better.” She hugs me. “Text me when you leave here. I want to know.”
“Yes, I will. Thank you, Becca. You are such a good friend.” I think she’s way more than my friend. She’s my guardian angel right now. Becca leaves with a wave and eyes that tell me it’s gonna be OK.
The nurse says, “Come in, honey. I have an open bed in the back for you to rest awhile.”
I lie down on the hard cot. The nurse pulls an ugly beige curtain to cover me up. I hug my stomach, which feels good now with Brian-made sushi rolls inside it. I say a prayer. Thank you, God, for Becca. And sushi rolls. And Brian, who made them. Amen.
I wake up in the nurse’s office to another text from Hunter. I guess he’s texted me five times, but I slept through them.
Hunter: Will U answer plz? Worried about U.
Allandra: I’m OK. Just resting in the nurse’s office still.
Hunter: Did U puke? Just wondering as my mouth was just on yours. Not that I’m complaining.
Allandra: No. Not sick. Don’t worry.
Hunter: OK. Good. Football game tomorrow night, I don’t want to miss it. U R coming to it right?
Allandra: Yes, wouldn’t miss it.
Hunter: Good. Take care and C U later.
Allandra: Yep.
A text from an unknown number pops up.
Unknown: This is Brian. U OK? Becca said U felt sick.
Becca must have given him my number. I text back.
Allandra: I’m good now.
Brian: Did she give U the sushi rolls? Did U like them?
Allandra: They were amazing. You are a culinary genius. BRAVO!
Brian: Yay so happy. I missed seeing your face though.
Allandra: Yeah, so sorry I didn’t make it to meet you.
Brian: That’s OK, just take care of yourself. I’m making U something special for tomorrow. Meet me?
Allandra: OK. You are too good to me.
He texts back.
Brian: Not possible to be too good to U.
This makes me chuckle. And smile. I curl up and cuddle my belly full of sushi rolls.
He texts again.
Brian: See you tomorrow.
Allandra: Yep.
I text Becca next.
Allandra: Leaving the nurse’s office and going to class now.
Becca: Good. Feeling better?
Allandra: Yes, much better.
Becca: Awesome. See you on the bus.
Allandra: Yep.
I unlock our front door after I get off the bus, and Maxie is there to greet me. He was home alone. Dad is still at work, Mom is still out of town, and Jackson is at football practice. Dad said he’d be home late, and he leaves tomorrow for Texas. On my own. The usual.
“Hi, Maxie Waxie.” I ruffle his fur and give him a big kiss. “Let’s go for a run.” I hook up his leash. I wore yoga pants to school, so I’m ready to run. I slip into my tennis shoes, and off we go. It’s one of those gorgeous fall days in Minnesota where the sun is shining, highlighting the leaves changing to beautiful colors … red, orange, yellow. The sun warms me as the whipping wind slaps my cheeks. I feel them getting red with the cold as I run, so I run faster and make myself feel it even more. With no clouds above, the sun showcases the trees ahead of me with its sunbeams. It’s awe-inspiring how beautiful dying leaves can be.
I’m shocked that I could be dry heaving in the middle of the day, yet still managing to run now. I guess that’s what the rice in those sushi rolls did for me. The memory of Hunter’s hot, seeking mouth on mine pops into my head—a memory that is so good—but then I see Brian behind us, watching like a peeping Tom, one he never intended to be, and I cringe. Poor guy was just coming to see me at my locker like he usually does. It breaks my heart all over again to imagine Brian’s shocked face as he dropped the chopsticks. This makes me run harder, but Maxie loves it, so I keep it up.
Back at home, Maxie slurps water from his bowl and I chug a giant glass of ice water. I remember Mom teaching me to use chopsticks when I was nine. I couldn’t do it right. I tried and sort of got it, but one stick always slipped, so I took to just stabbing the big pieces of chicken and sushi rolls with one chopstick and then biting them off the end of the chopstick instead. Mom used to enjoy making those sushi rolls. She never used raw fish but smoked salmon, like Brian did. I think that’s why they tasted so good today. I can’t even imagine eating anything right now, so I work on homework until there is a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I say.
It’s Jackson “Just got home. What ya want for dinner? I’m cooking.”
I laugh. “You … you are cooking?” I widen my eyes and do an exaggerated shrug, palms facing up.
“Yes, what’s wrong with that?” He frowns at me. “What? I can cook.” He laces his fingers together and puts them behind his head, sweat-smeared hair stuck to his forehead. “I’m gonna take a shower, and then I’m gonna make you dinner. So, what do you want? An omelet? Grilled cheese? Soup?”
“I’m not hungry,” I say.
“Bullshit,” he says. “I’m making you dinner, and you are eating it. I heard about your fainting spell at school.”
I can’t do anything at school without him finding out. Sucks. “It wasn’t a fainting spell. I just didn’t feel good. Felt like I was going to throw up.”
“Landra, Becca had to practically carry you to the nurse. I heard the story, so don’t tell me it didn’t happen. You’re not eating, and I’m not having it. You are eating something healthy.”
“Whatever. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. It wasn’t like that, Jackson. And since when do you even care?” I throw my textbook down on my comforter.
“You are eating.”
I say through clenched teeth, “I can get my own food.”
His face is in a hard frown. He just turns and leaves without another word.
“Asshole,” I say as he slams my door. What the hell is up with that?
In forty minutes, there’s a knock on my door again.
“Come and eat,” Jackson says. “Dinner is on the table.”
“I told you, I’m not hungry.”
“I don’t care. Go.” He points to the door. “You are eating, or I’m telling Dad when he gets home that I never see you eat. Like, ever. So get your skinny ass upstairs and eat the damn omelet I made you.”
I sigh. I don’t want to call attention to myself when Dad gets home, so I do as Jackson says.
“So, when you going on your date with Hunter?” he asks as he plows his fork into his omelet.
“Friday, after the game. Why?”
“I don’t trust him. You need to be careful. I’m gonna talk to him before then and make sure he treats you with respect. You are my sister.”
Suddenly I’m his property? “Since when do you even worry about me?”
“Since now. Eat up. I know about nutrition—I’m a football player.” He tosses me one of his oranges. “Eat this too.”
I poke the omelet with my fork. It looks good, but I just have no appetite. “I can take care of myself with Hunter. I’m a big girl.”
He gives a short laugh. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” He glares at me with the I know look.
I manage to eat half the omelet, which is better than none, I guess. “I’ll take the orange and eat it in my room. I promise.”
He gives me the parent look. When did he become pseudo-dad?