A Night with My Girls
It’s Friday night. I’m having a girls’ night, and am packing for a sleepover at Becca’s. It would be a giant strain to leave Brian if he weren’t working, so it works out nicely for me that he is. I’ve just run on the treadmill for an hour. I’ve felt so good these past few days, I’m starting to get it that it’s not that I always exercised too much—it’s the fact that I never ate enough that made me always feel like crap. Feeling so damn good now. I can think, and comfy feels are enveloping my body. They give me an extra layer of luxuriousness when I’m actually with Brian. Skipped meal by skipped meal, I’d been slowly killing my joy and making myself feel like a solid block of shit, freezing myself into confusion. I shake my head. I’m moving on. I’m doing it.
Jackson is driving me to Becca’s. He gets in the driver’s seat and turns on the car. “You ever gonna work on your driver’s license? You are almost sixteen, and you haven’t even taken driver’s ed.”
“I know. I’ve got to get on that. I’m seriously a slacker for all of it.”
“Yeah, then you could drive your own little butt around town. I couldn’t wait to get mine.”
“That’s ’cause you wanted to drive girls around.” I smirk at him.
“Ha! You got me there.”
“Thanks so much for the ride, Jackson.” I drag out every word, exaggerating each one with a grin.
He laughs. “You’re welcome, little sis. Ya know, Brian seems like a really good guy. I like him. Not at all like fucking Hunter.”
“Brian is a good guy. The best. And Hunter, he’s not so bad. He’s really been trying to fix it all.” I dig in my purse for lip balm.
Jackson snorts. “Too late for that, the jackass.”
“I know. But he admits he screwed up. And he’s not really like his friends.”
Jackson turns the car into the driveway. “Yes, yet he still hangs out with them. I mean, it’s not like he’s making new ones.”
“True. Thanks for the ride.” I hop out. “See you tomorrow.”
“Text me when you need a ride. Or Dad, or Christine.”
“Will do. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Becca and Ginna are sitting on the couch when I come in. Ginna hops up and runs over to hug me.
“I’m so excited you are in love!” Ginna says with a squeal. “You have to tell me all about it. I’ve been missing hearing about Brian all week long.”
I smile. “Thanks. Oh, Ginna. He’s so amazing!”
Becca snorts. “Get ready for sappy.” She rolls her eyes. “No, love, I’m kidding. Landra, I am so happy for you and Brian. Really, I am. Nope. Not jealous at all.” Her smirk tells me she’s joking but sort of not.
“No luck on the significant-other front?” I ask.
She shakes her head, and her new purple hair dances across her shoulders. “Fell through. But there’s this guy … ”
Ginna claps. “Let’s grab some munchies and go to Becca’s room so we can talk boys.” She smiles at Becca. “Or whatever. It’s all good.”
We raid the kitchen and grab chips, cheese crackers, and licorice—and I grab some apples and cheese sticks. I follow my friends as they snake their way through the house to Becca’s room in the basement.
I shut the door behind me, and the barrage starts.
“So, do tell! How does he kiss?” Ginna asks with wide eyes as she sits crisscross-legged on the bed, opening the chip bag.
“Yeah, spill it,” Becca says.
I sit down at the end of the bed. Becca settles in next to Ginna against the pillows at the head of bed.
I have to stand to talk. I pace. Put my hands on my head, then drop them. “Being with Brian—it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s amazing, soft, tender, hot, sexy, electric, and he just makes me feel so damn good. So very, very good every time I’m with him. And even when I’m not with him. Then, when I’m not with him, all I do is think about him. So basically, he never leaves my thoughts twenty-four seven. I can’t concentrate when I’m not with him, and I can’t stop picturing him. Oh my gosh, it’s just crazy!”
Ginna squeals, and her beautiful face brightens with joy. “You are in love!” she screams. “I knew it. Can tell by your eyes and the look on your face.”
“I’m thinking she’s right on the money, Landra.” A slow smile spreads across Becca’s face. “My love, you are indeed in love with Mr. Brian the chef.”
I stop moving—stand still and stare at Becca’s bedspread. “Oh my gosh. How does it take talking to you two to get me to see this? You both are so right!” I’m moving again. I can’t stop pacing. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.” I wave my hands as I talk.
I stop pacing and sit on the bed. “He’s just so different from Hunter. I mean Hunter was—is—sexy.” I shake my head. “Boy is he sexy.”
“Uh-huh. I second that,” Becca says. “Boy is rotten evil sexy.” She smiles this smile like she’s imagining him naked. “Whew. I was so jealous of you kissing that one. I won’t lie.”
“I know, right? He’s mega hot. But, as good as kissing him was, kissing Brian is better.”
“Oh, do tell, do tell,” Ginna says, then pops chips into her mouth.
“Like, Hunter was sensual, but a bit forceful—sexy for sure, no doubt. But kissing Brian is more electric, just somehow different.” I pause. “It’s like I’m on more even ground with Brian. We’re more playful, equal. He can seduce me with just his eyes, which are also so kind. The passion between us is seductive, no doubt primal, similar to Hunter in that way. But with Brian, it’s without the pressure that Hunter applied. Ya know?”
“Love it. This is yummy,” Becca says. “Please keep going. I want more.” She smiles big.
Ginna nods. “Yes, yes,” she says. She claps and bounces on the bed.
I play with the cheese sticks and unwrap one, take a bite. I notice Becca smiles as I chew. I just smile at her and raise my eyebrows, then look away.
When I finish chewing the bite, I want to say my thoughts out loud, but I’m nervous. I shake my head—these are my best friends, and I can tell them anything. I take a deep breath and I begin. “If he were water, Hunter would be a tsunami, swallowing me wholly with passion, raw lust, and I’d cave in, loving it, but I’d be rolling along until I couldn’t keep up anymore. It was always more about him than me, but the ride was always good, way up and up, until it went way, way down, ’cause, you know.” I pause, not wanting to actually repeat our awful saga. “But his ass in those jeans of his, wow, I mean, wow, and he felt so amazing. Dude is rock hard everywhere, full of muscles from all that football practice. I was butter in his hot hands.”
I pause again. My cheeks feel flushed, but I look at my own hands and smile. The more I talk, the less apprehension I have, so I spill it all. “Whereas with Brian, it’s more of a mutually seductive, collaborative swim in the ocean, naked in the sunshine like we’re all alone on an island and we don’t care. We are equal, matching body parts in the water, enjoying the massive thrill rides together as the waves come big—yet some more gentle and soft—exhilarating me to my core, titillating my skin and boiling up my insides with desire. And there are so many tender moments, because I can tell he deeply cares about what I’m feeling at all times. It’s pleasantly all-encompassing and electric. Undulating, yet comfy. Like a haven in the waves.” I sigh, take a turn to look both of my friends in their eyes. They look dreamy, so I go on. “Each time I see him, I just want to rock that boy’s world. And hard.” I take another tiny bite of the cheese stick and fully chew it up. I smile, all impish, super dreamy myself. “It’s seriously so much fun. Did I tell you that since he’s so tall, sometimes he just lifts me up when we’re kissing?” I look at the wall above my friends’ heads. “I wonder if he’s in love with me too?”
They are both staring at me with looks on their faces like they are soaking in a hot tub.
Becca shakes the look off her face. “Ha! There is no way that’s not true. That boy has been in love with you for months and months, maybe even a year,” Becca says, pointing at me. “I could see it—I told ya. I was right.” She readjusts against the pillows.
“Yes, and I was blind. But I’m not anymore.” I smile. “Remember how I used to think he was so pesty?”
Ginna leans back against the pillows and finally speaks. “Wow.” She glances over at Becca with a dazed look still on her face and says, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”
She snorts. “Yes, Landra, holy fucking romance novel, you gave me quite the ride with that description. Holy Hannah, love.” She fans her face, which has a big silly grin across it. “You swooned me hard, baby. Wow!”
Ginna is busting a gut, she’s laughing so hard. “I know, right?” she says, staring up at the ceiling. “I love it when two people fall in love. Ah, it’s so good.”
I am laughing too. “But seriously, guys, it’s so satisfying to see him when he reacts to me. He says I’m always fulfilling his fantasies.” Grinning, I say, “It’s hot.”
“Wow,” Becca says. “That’s good. It’s hot. So. Jealous.” She smiles. “Someday that will be me.”
“Yes, and don’t you ever doubt it for a second.” I throw a pillow at her. “And you will love it.”
“I can’t fucking wait,” she says. “In the meantime, I’m living vicariously through you two and my romance novels.” She pats the stack of books on her nightstand. “Fantasy-life fuel.”
Ginna and I giggle,
I stare at the ceiling. “With Hunter and Brian, it’s kinda like how I imagine the difference would be between fucking a rock star and making it with a rock star you’re actually in love with, and he’s in love with you. That sex more satisfying when there’s love.” Savoring the silly look living on my face, I pause for a moment, then widen my eyes as I glance at my friends’ questioning expressions. “Wait, no. Only we haven’t … ” I assure them with a smirk. “I’d tell ya if we had.”
Becca sighs. “You’d better. Again, super effing mega-rotten jealous,” she says. “Of both of you.” She shakes her head, then the shake ripples through her body in a self-induced shiver. “OK, let’s do nails, then watch that movie.”
“Let’s do it,” Ginna says with a big, satisfied grin.
Halfway into The Fault in Our Stars we take a break because Brian is done with work and texting me.
Brian: Miss you so much it hurts. I mean really, it hurts not having your lips on mine.
Allandra: Miss you too. Dreaming of your lips too. And your other parts.
Brian: Oooh, which ones?
Allandra: All of you, but mostly your hands, your eyes, your arms, your shoulders, your tongue, your chest.
Brian: Oh, that’s all???
Allandra: Ha! We still on for tomorrow?
Brian: Of course. What time?
Allandra: Any.
I examine my fresh manicure.
Brian: OK. Let’s text in the morning. And later tonight and in one hour.
Allandra: I’m in.
I grin at my phone.
He texts back.
Brian: What U sleeping in tonight?
Allandra: Why?
Brian: Need to know for my fantasy life. Without the real you, I need something.
Allandra: Ha! A sleeping bag and a T-shirt.
I look at my bare legs sticking out from beneath my giant pink T-shirt.
Brian: Nice. Wish I were there.
Allandra: I wish you were too.
I text him a kissing face emoji.
He does it back, then texts again.
Brian: Text ya soon. Don’t ignore me or I’ll cry.
Allandra: Can’t have that!
“Landra, quit text kissing, or sexting, or whatever you are doing, and come on, let’s get this movie back on,” Becca says.
I walk back over, and then Ginna gets a text.
“Wait, I need to text Logan for a minute,” she says.
Becca rolls her eyes and falls flat on her back on the carpet. “Ugh!”
Ginna lies on her back, and her fingers are texting like mad.
“Who do you think is doing those Instagram posts?” Becca asks.
I lean on a giant pillow. “I think it’s Hunter’s friends. I really do.”
“Right, those fuckers. I could see it coming from one of them. No doubt.”
I shake my head. “I’m not looking at it again. In fact, I’m going off Instagram for a while.”
Becca nods. “That’s probably smart.”
“Part of me wants to know though. Maybe I should report the account. But if I do that, I think they’ll come back at me even harder from a new account.”
“Right. Probably true.”
“So, I’ve decided to let it go. I know the truth. Brian knows. You guys know. So, fuck everyone else.”
“Damn straight. I like it. And you’re right.” She places her hand over her heart and says, “We love you no matter what those dicks post.”
“Thank you. Love you too, Becca.”
Before we fall asleep, Brian texts me again.
Brian: Dreaming of U.
Allandra: I’m dreaming of U back.
Brian: Missing U.
Allandra: Missing U back.
Brian: Imagining your lips.
Allandra: Me too
Brian: And more.
Allandra: Same.
Brian: Can’t wait until tomorrow when I’ll get your real lips.
Allandra: In case you can’t tell, I’m smiling with my real lips.
Brian: Yummy. Love tasting your lips. OK I need to stop, this is torture not being able to touch you. Goodnight now.
Allandra: Goodnight. Counting the minutes.
We text for another hour before we finally stop so we aren’t sleep-deprived zombies for our next date.