Everything seems perfect … uh oh!
By the time the evil finally arrived, Syra had already drunk all the orange juice and was sitting at the kitchen table, impatiently drumming his fingers.
‘Well, well, Big Blobby Blob; decided to make an appearance, did you?’
The blob didn’t reply. It simply slid up to the table and started gorging itself on the maggots. Syra looked away. He thought the entire scene was disgusting, repulsive, horrible. The evil blob, however, seemed to be enjoying what it thought was the tastiest meal in the history of meals. Syra rolled his eyes and rested his chin on his hands. He realised that having a sidekick, although perhaps necessary, wasn’t going to be as easy as he had thought.
‘Are you done, Stinky Face?’ he asked. He had decided not to show the evil any respect, so it would know that he was boss. He had come up with some degrading names to put the blob down, and was prepared to use them at any opportunity. Big Blobby Blob and Stinky Face were his first two. He was building up to the big one. The blob burped in reply to Syra’s question and slid over to sit in front of the couch, looking like a beanbag. Syra thought there might be a good use for this blob after all: if he added a cushion, maybe a nice cover and … no. Wait. He had business to attend to. First, introduce himself and then use the nastiest name he had.
‘My name is Syra Tanooth, Master of Darkness. Welcome to my home. I have grand plans for us to unite and cause death and destruction the world over. Does the thought of this interest you, Big Blobby Blob Stinky Face?’
Yep. The grand insult Syra Tanooth had come up with, and it did take him a couple of hours, was simply putting the other two names together. Hey. Give him a break, people. He’s a Master of Darkness; he can’t be good at everything. Anyway, after he said the name, the blob burst into tears. It even shifted into the shape of a teardrop. Syra smiled.
‘Aha! My evil words have made you cry, you sooky baby. Were they too evil for you?’
‘No,’ the blob sobbed. It turned out he had a rather posh English accent. He continued to speak, between the tears. ‘You see, old chap, that name is what my dear mother, Mumsy I call her, that is what she called me when I was a baby. It was her pet name for me.’
‘Big Blobby Blob Stinky Face?’
‘Yes,’ he blubbered. ‘Well, actually, by gum, she would call me her little Blobby Blob Stinky Face Bob.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘Well, that is just astounding. It is a little different to the name I used, but I must acknowledge your mother’s style and genius. Now, it is time we got to work. Dry those tears, my evil sidekick, there is evil to be done. Would you like a tissue?’
‘No, it’s okay. I can just use one of my blobby folds of skin.’
‘Oh, that is disgusting. Really, it is, and I am not disgusted easily. Oh no, now you’re blowing your nose on yourself. Come on now. Oh, that is quite a glob of green snot. I am impressed and repulsed at the same time. But okay, now you are eating it. Right. Time for me to go and see how my mangrove swamp is doing. Bye for now.’
And with that Syra hurried out of the room, hoping he wouldn’t have nightmares that night. The blob sniffed a couple more times then settled in to eat the last of the maggots and to watch a little bat-action on the crystal ball.
Pete and Smithers tethered their horses at a drinking trough, and then walked through Bandragon with Molloy. A few people remembered Pete from his earlier visit, and they waved and called greetings to him; he waved back, glad to be remembered. He wished he could actually live in Bandragon.
They kept walking and then his heart stopped before his feet did. There, helping some people train, her blond hair tied back in a ponytail, kicking everyone’s butts, was Tahnee. Pete had never seen her fight before.
‘Not to scabby hey, Pete?’ Molloy asked. Pete assumed scabby was rhyming slang for shabby, otherwise that was just gross. Anyway, Pete couldn’t see scabs on any of the people fighting, apart from one guy who had a scraped knee. He just nodded dumbly in response to Molloy’s question, unable to stop watching Tahnee. Molloy continued talking as they walked towards the fighters.
‘Yeah, after you were queer ( here) last time, Tahnee decided that she wanted to learn how to defend herself. Just in case, you know, she ever went on a quest too.’
Pete smiled. That was kind of cool. He saw Tahnee finish-off the last of the people she was training with, and then she spun around and saw him.
‘PETE!’ she cried out, before running over to crush him in a big hug. Pete hugged her back with his arm. This was one of the rare times he really wished he had two arms. They pulled away and smiled at each other. Pete looked from Tahnee to Molloy and back to Tahnee. They were all together again, and were about to go and see Ashlyn and Marloynne be married. Could anything possibly go wrong?
Okay. Let’s stop things right there. For any of you who have ever seen movies or read books where someone thinks or says that everything is perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong, you all know that’s the cue for a massive disaster.
Well maybe that won’t happen this time. Hey? Think you’re so smart? Maybe this time nothing will actually go wrong and it will all end perfectly.
See? Not always right are you Mister or Master or Mrs or Miss or Ms or Madam Smartypants. You’re so like, ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m so smart. I can tell what’s going to happen just by reading one line.’
Okay, so you actually are right. There is going to be a disaster but that’s not the point. Stop guessing what’s going to happen and let’s get on with the story before I say something I regret, like flibbertigibbet. Man, I hate that word.