EDEN was back at her post, watching him, and Jeremy was going slowly nuts. He was aware of her physically every minute, especially since that incident with Miriam. He remembered Eden’s solemn gray eyes and felt them perusing him. It was almost more than any red-blooded male could reasonably be asked to take, and he had a sudden strong urge to fire Eden, to call Ashley up and tell her it wasn’t working.
But that would be a lie.
Eden had thrown herself into the job. She’d been giving him daily progress reports, and it was obvious she’d done her homework. She was growing more knowledgeable about the latest technology and techniques and the most-recent research. One day, when he had been especially busy with a business client, she had even taken a call from Barry, the private investigator, and now the man had taken to asking for her when he called. Jeremy considered the possibility that Eden’s professional manner might account for Barry’s fascination, but he suspected that the P.I.’s obsession had more to do with Eden’s sexy voice and that husky laugh that made a man start wondering where the nearest bed might be.
“If that’s the case I’ll have to have a talk with him,” Jeremy muttered. And tell him what? Not to talk to Eden? As if he had any reason to arrange the woman’s life. He didn’t, so he wouldn’t say anything to Barry. For now. As long as the man treated her with respect and kept his distance….
Where on earth had she gotten that voice, anyway? Had she always had it? Jeremy suspected that she had. He just hadn’t noticed. But he was darn well noticing now. He increased his pace as he moved into a butterfly stroke and broke the surface, only to find Eden scribbling furiously on her clipboard.
Against his will, something deep and dark ran through him and he knew he should ignore it. It was that deep, dark stuff that had always gotten him into trouble in life. It was that rebellious side that had led him to become a sperm donor…because he’d had an argument with his aunt and he knew she had a thing about not sharing the family genes without her stamp of approval. The woman had raised him out of a sense of duty while despising him every minute. He was too big a reminder of his father, and his father had reminded her of things that absolutely no one wanted to remember.
And I lashed out at her however I could, he remembered. He had never allowed himself to show his feelings. He’d pretended not to care when she criticized him or compared him to his weak father. But he’d caused trouble wherever he went.
Now, here he was, contemplating trouble again, because heaven knew he shouldn’t go near Eden.
“Eden, stop writing,” he commanded, resting his arms on the side of the pool.
Startled, she looked up. Was she wearing glasses? Normally she didn’t. But yes, the glasses rested on the end of her nose. They made him notice her narrow, pretty face.
“Why?”
He hesitated, then blew out a frustrated breath. “You’ve done enough. How much can there be to write about how a man swims?”
For a minute she appeared flustered. He thought she was going to refuse to answer. Without thought, he placed his hands on the side of the pool and in one swift, strong movement swung himself onto the poolside tiles. He strode toward her, water sluicing down his body.
Eden stood up and, thinking he might have frightened her, he stopped. At least his forward movement stopped. In every other way, mind and body, he was racing ahead.
“What do you write there?” he asked, motioning toward the paper.
She fidgeted with her shirt, the movement drawing Jeremy’s attention down the length of her body to her legs. He stifled a groan. “Do you want me to read it to you?” she asked.
“You don’t have to do that, but I’d like you to tell me. You know I can’t read it myself without visual aids, so I have to trust you to tell me the truth.”
Ah, she raised her chin. He’d made her angry. “I wouldn’t lie,” she said. “At least not about the important stuff.”
He grinned. “I think I know that. What’s it say?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
Jeremy blinked. “Why not?”
She looked to the side. “There’s nothing on the paper.”
“Excuse me?” he said, his mind struggling to process that information.
“There’s nothing in writing. I’ve just been watching you.”
“I’ve seen you scribbling.”
“I know it looked like that. I guess that was a lie in a way. I was pretending to write.”
“Why?” The word came out fast and hard.
“It was…uncomfortable just looking at you and I thought you might be uncomfortable, too, but I really did need to observe you so that I could relay my impressions to the parents.”
“Why no writing?”
“Writing is a distraction when you’re observing. While I’m writing I might miss something important.”
Eden stood there, facing him, clearly uncomfortable—he could swear she was blushing—but not backing away even a little bit. Her courage under such circumstances slayed him.
“So…what would you tell the parents?”
She took a deep breath and ducked her head, then she stared straight at him. “I would tell them that the man who fathered their child pushes himself all the time, every day, and he accomplishes a lot. He has bright markers to locate the sides of the pool and while his vision may be weakening, he’s still able to make his way around a pool better than most people can. He even dove off the board today…”
Her voice trailed away.
“Yes, that was a stupid thing to do,” he said, providing the words she hadn’t said.
She tilted her head. “You managed it.”
“Barely. I couldn’t tell for sure if I was going to walk off the end of the board or not. Only the fact that I’ve used this board so many times when I was clear-sighted allowed me to do it. I had a good idea of how many steps I needed to take, and when I got to the end I could feel it. You might have noticed that I dove rather wide to make sure I didn’t hit my head on a board that was more or less invisible to me.”
“I didn’t notice. I don’t know how to dive. You’re talking to a very poor swimmer.”
He chuckled. “So…based on what you’ve observed, would you tell the parents that their children can swim?”
“Of course not! I would tell them that they might be able to swim.”
“You wouldn’t have known that, without all these observations?”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know. It was just…every day you seemed to push yourself more, harder. It seemed as if I needed to know that.”
“All right, I can understand that. But I have to tell you, I’ve pretty much brought out all my swimming tricks.” He grinned. “It doesn’t get more exciting or eventful than this.”
She laughed that pretty, low laugh of hers. “All right. You want me to get lost, don’t you?”
No. “I just…don’t think you need to babysit me anymore.”
Now her eyes widened and she took a step forward. “I’m not! I wasn’t! Believe me, if you were in trouble swimming, I would be the last person you would want trying to save you. We’d both end up drowning. And you swim better than any normal man I know.”
He froze at her words. “Well…that’s good to know. I think.”
He expected her to apologize, to at least look chagrined, but she didn’t do either of those things. Instead she crossed her arms. “Don’t you dare get indignant on me, Jeremy. We both know you were never a normal man. Not now. Not back when I used to see you in the halls at school.”
He raised a brow. “Is that a compliment? Are you trying to tell me that I’m better than normal?” He tried very hard to hide his amusement when she suddenly looked shy.
“Well, I hardly think Miriam DeAngeles would be coming around if she thought you were merely normal,” Eden managed to say.
Now, Jeremy couldn’t keep from smiling. “I’ve embarrassed you, haven’t I?” he asked.
“I’ve embarrassed myself, I think,” she said, turning toward him, then glancing away.
He reached out and gently tucked one finger beneath her chin so that she was facing him. “Better than normal, Eden? Don’t be embarrassed,” he whispered. “I’ve been called a lot of things, some very good, some not so great, some downright terrible, but that’s the nicest thing a woman has ever said to me,” he told her, and then he dropped what was meant to be a light kiss on her startled lips. Her mouth was soft and warm and pliant and…Jeremy almost groaned as he lifted his head. He turned to go. “No more observations,” he told her, his voice rougher than he would have liked. “I’m only a man, and you’re an amazingly desirable woman. I don’t want to be tempted to kiss you again.”
For a minute he could hear her sputtering. “I don’t want to kiss you again, either, Jeremy,” she said.
He shook his head. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to kiss you. I do…far too much, far too often. Having you here watching me intensifies that desire, but following through and actually touching you isn’t smart for either of us. I don’t want to get involved with anyone, and neither do you. I don’t do family and I don’t want children. That’s not going to change, so, no more of this. You have all that you need, right?”
She hesitated. “Yes, I’ve always had all that I need,” she finally said, and her tone was so resolute and brave that his heart broke for her. She could say that as often as she wanted. She might even convince herself it was true, but he remembered a very few things about her. One was that she hadn’t had what a young girl, any young girl, rich or poor, should have. The temptation to take her in his arms and claim her lips again, completely and thoroughly this time, was almost overpowering.
But he just couldn’t do that to her. He didn’t trust himself. She deserved so much better than a summer affair, and that was absolutely all he had to offer.
A few days later Jeremy sat behind his desk and tried not to look as if he was staring at Barry Leedman, who was studying Eden with more interest than Eden’s question about how much time he spent doing surveillance should have necessitated.
“Sometimes there’s not a lot to do except think nice thoughts while I wait,” Barry said. “It helps to have something especially nice to think about.” Was the man actually leering at Eden? It definitely looked as if he was leaning closer to her.
Jeremy drummed his fingers on the desk. “I think we’re ready to get down to business,” he said. “Will this take much time? You indicated that a face-to-face interview was necessary. I’m assuming that means you have some important information for me.” Or maybe Barry just wanted the chance to stare at Eden’s legs, Jeremy thought, noting the way the man’s attention seemed to be wandering.
The fact that Barry could actually see Eden’s legs better than he could and obviously wouldn’t mind running his hands over her naked flesh did nothing to put Jeremy in a better mood. Which was ridiculous. What she and Barry were to each other was none of his business.
Barry had looked up and appeared to be waiting for him. Jeremy realized that he was now the one concentrating on Eden. Immediately he sat up and directed his attention to the investigator. “You were saying…” he said to Barry.
The man scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m afraid I’ve hit a snag, Mr. Fulton.” His voice radiated sincere concern, and immediately Jeremy felt bad for having had negative thoughts about the man. “I thought I was on the trail of a former employee but then that person just disappeared. I suspect he didn’t want to talk to me. I also suspect, from my earlier contact with the man, that you did actually produce offspring as a result of your contributions to the sperm bank. I believe that there is at least one child, maybe more, but I have no hard evidence. I haven’t been able to find out if anyone has suffered any genetic consequences or even managed to locate a child who might benefit from the information or aid you’re offering. I’m sorry.”
Barry’s voice radiated sincerity, and Jeremy remembered that the man was divorced with a son of his own. He’d made no secret of how much the boy meant to him or how much he missed his child. Immediately, any confrontational feelings between the two of them fell away. “It’s all right, Barry,” he said. “I know you’re doing what can be done. We both knew this wouldn’t be an easy proposition. People who don’t want to be found often can’t be found.”
“Will you keep looking?” Eden’s soft voice slipped into the room.
“Yes,” both men said at once.
“Is there anything we can do to help you?” she asked Barry. “That is, I’m sure you’re pursuing every lead you have, but maybe we’ve missed something. There might be questions we haven’t asked or a different angle we should approach this from. I guess what I’m saying is that the two of you began this before I ever came on the scene and, admittedly, I don’t know much of what you’ve discussed or of how to conduct an investigation, but…I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but you’re both…well, men. If we can’t locate anyone or any records from the sperm bank…”
When no one responded, her voice trailed off and she frowned. “Of course, I’m sure you have women in your offices who can view things from the perspective of the mothers you’re looking for.”
Silence followed as Jeremy digested the small but pertinent suggestion she’d just made. He looked up. Was Eden squirming?
“Let’s just forget I suggested that,” she said suddenly, her voice tentative. “I was just…I don’t know. Thinking out loud, I guess.”
Jeremy’s concentration was on Eden, so he heard rather than saw Barry laugh. “I’m afraid there are no women in my office,” Barry said. “It’s a small operation, and my assistant is a guy.”
And I would never win any awards for understanding the minds and hearts of women, Jeremy thought. He’d grown up with a harridan of a woman who couldn’t begin to be called either normal or average, he’d dated women without getting to know very much about them, and he hadn’t been interviewing his housekeeper or cook to discover their perspectives on the world. And although he could manage that last one, he reasoned, he probably wouldn’t, not when right before him there was—
“I’d love to have your help and discuss what the woman or women we’re seeking might think,” Barry was saying, uttering the words that Jeremy had been thinking. Eden was nodding. The man was opening his mouth again to speak.
“I’ll fill you in on my initial discussions with Barry so that you’ll know what’s already been covered,” Jeremy heard himself saying to Eden. “It’s all on tape, and I’d like to have your take on things. Anything that would help the case.”
“Or help a child,” Eden said. Yes, that was what this was all about, wasn’t it? Not his bizarre need to try to vie for Eden’s attention with a man more whole than himself.
Yet when Barry followed Eden into the library to discuss his part of things, Jeremy had a strong urge to put his fist through a wall.
But that wasn’t his way. When facing frustration, speed had always been his style. Fast cars, fast women, fast everything. If a man moved fast enough, his demons couldn’t catch him.
Right now he had plenty of demons. A child or maybe multiple children at risk. He closed his eyes and thought about the parents sitting up at night wondering what was going wrong in their child’s life and if that child would ever be better. The pain closed in, got in Jeremy’s face, attacked.
He tried to turn from it and ran smack up against his thoughts of Eden, who had grown up differently from those around her. She had been ridiculed and shunned, had had too much responsibility thrust on her and had obviously been hurt by men along the line. She deserved to have a good man like Barry to care for her and mend her. She didn’t need someone temporary trying to step between her and Barry.
But the pain spasmed, like a fist clenching around Jeremy’s heart. He wanted Eden, and he had the terrible feeling that nothing was going to stop him from taking her and hurting her. It was and always had been his way to grab what he wanted.
Stop, he told himself. Get past it. Do it.
He rose from his chair. And then he did what he did best. In mere minutes he was outside in the wind and sun. Running. Much faster than was wise.