WEEK 51

I didn’t care about the cars,
I didn’t even think about them.
Have you ever seen a blue baby?
If you have then you know
you can’t see anything else
only that awful color
spreading through his face
settling in his lips.
I was holding him so close.
Running,
just running
down the sidewalk
hoping to meet the ambulance
but it still wasn’t there
and suddenly José’s house was there
and the turtle car was there
and I know the keys are always under the visor
and so I took it
even though it was probably going to catch on fire
even though I’ve never driven one inch in my life
I took it.
I stole it.
I stole that turtle car.

Did you say five, James?
I hit five cars?
Well, I was really distracted.

Five counts of leaving the scene of an accident.
Five counts of vehicular negligence.
One count of driving without a license.
One count of driving underage.
One count of grand theft auto.
One probation: violated.
I’m reading the charges
while I wait for the judge.
These khaki scrubs scratching me,
these white slippers not fitting right.
They left one thing off this sheet:
one count of saving Levi’s life.
Which counts for everything
don’t you think?

Your mom will be here as soon as she can, Timothy,
as soon as Levi is stable.
Her fingers gripped the metal table
right where someone had etched
F F F F F F
across the surface.
The surface of Mrs. B’s face
was also etched
with lines that meant
timothy timothy timothy timothy timothy.
OK,
I said.
Thanks for coming.
Oh, Timothy,
she said.
Oh, my sweet Timothy.

I probably don’t need to worry about this journal anymore
do I?
Now that I’m in new trouble?
Now that I’ve been taken to juvie
so fast
my head spun.
I like writing in it, though.
I like that Mrs. B made them let me keep it.
So at least one thing from house arrest worked.
This stupid journal
turned out to be not so stupid
after all.

José’s dad won’t press charges.
He refuses to say I stole the car.
Only that I borrowed it
with his permission
even though I am thirteen.
Is that going to get him in trouble?
I don’t want to get him in trouble.