WEEK 48

You’re coming, right?
Mrs. B?
To the Carnival of Giving?
I mean, you don’t have to give money
it just seems like you should be there
and James, too.
We wouldn’t even be having this thing
without you guys.
So you better be there.
You better.

Maybe I will write something down.
In case I have to do the speech.
Or, no.
Maybe I won’t.
Because I’m not going to get onstage.
No way.
Nope.

Clowns.
People on stilts.
A fire-eater.
A dunking booth.
Tacos!
And Levi.
Out in public for the first time
in a long time.
His face was so funny
watching all those things,
trying to figure out the world
outside of his four walls.
I guess that’s what made me take the microphone,
what made me make that speech
(without any notes!)
what made me say those things
about my own four walls
my walls made of James and Mrs. B and Mom
and now José’s house, sometimes, too.
I guess that’s why I talked about
how strong Levi is
how nothing scares him
how he could be attached to a ten-ton boulder
and he would still learn to drag it behind him.
Still learn to run.
I guess that’s why I said those things,
watching his walls open up like that,
and how it all made me think of my own walls
and how they made me open up
instead of the other way around.

Up there onstage,
looking out over all the people—
holding the microphone,
seeing so many faces—
it wasn’t as scary as I thought.
I think I used more feeling words
at one time
than I have ever used before.
And I wasn’t even really thinking about it.
I was just talking.
Just telling people how things are.
The feelings came out on their own.
And not one of those feelings
made me want to punch a wall.
And that was something.
That was really something.

Seriously.
You guys.
Was that fun or what?
I don’t even care if they raised a hundred dollars,
or a million dollars,
it was just
so
much
fun.
All day, outside, laughing and talking
like regular people,
just me and Levi and Mom
and Marisol and James and Mrs. B
and Jose’s one million sisters
and Isa.
Just hanging out
eating corn dogs
goofing around
watching that crazy fire-eater
watching Levi grin and sign
more more more
hot smile man
more more more.
I wanted more, too.
I wanted it to never stop.

A real gullywasher.
A frog strangler
as Dad would say.
The rain just pounding
so loud
so loud
it makes you smile wide
because how can nature be so crazy?
I almost didn’t hear the knock
because of the rain
and the howling wind,
but my spidey senses . . .
they kicked in and
sure enough
right there
in the pouring rain
stood Mrs. B.
She held up a piece of paper
so wet it looked like it was melting.
Her hair was stuck to her face
the rain dripping down her chin
and into that little throat space,
that little neck hollow,
like a tiny pool.
Her smile was huge
lighting up the doorway
brighter than the lightning.
Timothy!
It was a gasp.
The melted paper hit me in the chest.
I just got it. I couldn’t wait. I printed it for you.
Read it!
Mom came around the corner
holding a squirming Levi.
Maureen? What are you doing out there?
Come in! Come in!
You’ll wash away.
So she came in.
Mrs. B.
Dripping.
In my house.
Looking so young
all wet and smiley like that.
I took the soaking paper
careful not to let it tear
and read it.
Then I read it again.

He was touring medical schools.
Giving speeches.
Recruiting other doctors
to learn how to do what he does.
He is sorry for not responding sooner.
He says there is a charitable care program,
a fund, at the hospital
to pay for sick babies who need his help.
He says he has given our contact information
to the people who run that fund,
to the people who give out the money.
He says Levi will have to pass tests.
Not like school tests,
medical tests.
His lungs have to be healthy.
His stomach has to be healthy.
His whole body has to be healthy
so that he can manage the surgery.
It’s a tough surgery.
He says that if Levi is as tenacious as I am,
if Levi is as spirited as I am,
if Levi has half of my determination,
half of my guts,
he has a fine chance of passing all the medical tests,
of becoming a candidate for surgery,
of getting his trachea fixed.
He says, I look forward to meeting Levi.
I look forward to meeting you, sun.
And I can’t believe he spelled son wrong
but I kind of love that he did.
I really kind of love it.