(Joanna)
Joanna sat at the Charleston, North Carolina airport waiting for her sister to arrive. She didn’t know what to expect. Molly was certain to be furious at her. She had a right to be. Joanna had told her that she would come to Charleston to help her take care of their mother and then she had just disappeared.
Joanna wasn’t under any illusion about why she hadn’t followed through with her promise to Molly. It was because it had all gotten to be too much for her. Their mother was sick. The doctor had just recommended that she be put into hospice care. Joanna was facing the end of her mother’s life.
Joanna couldn’t deal with it all. She wasn’t ready for her mother to go. So instead of quitting her job and moving in with sister as planned, Joanna had packed everything up and had gone to a yoga center on Paradise Island. There, she was able to escape reality for a few weeks. And if she could have, she would have escaped reality forever.
That wasn’t meant to be, though. Things had gone terribly wrong between Paulo, Devlin, and herself. She wasn’t sure how it had come apart so quickly, but it had. And in doing so, it had forced Joanna to face her family’s reality.
Sitting on the concrete bench with her luggage beside her, Joanna watched the cars go by. She dreaded her sister’s reaction. As much as he knew she deserved it, she wasn’t sure how much of it she would be able to take.
Yes, she had done something very wrong. But Molly had to see that it came out of the love that she had for her mother. She couldn’t stand to see her mother leave them. Molly had to understand that. Molly had to see things from Joanna’s perspective.
When Joanna saw her sister’s dark green Toyota pull up to the sidewalk in front of her, she felt her heart sink. This was it. Her perfect older sister was going to lay into her and tell her just how much of a screw-up she was. Perhaps she deserved it. Perhaps she deserved that and a whole lot more.
It took a moment for the driver side door to swing open. Out popped Molly. Slamming the door shut behind her she rounded the hood of the car and made a beeline for Joanna. With her sister charging forward, Joanna wondered if she was about to get hit. Her sister had done that a couple of times growing up and Joanna didn’t put it past her now.
But as Molly approached her and Joanna leaned back, Molly threw her arms around her sister and held her as tightly as she could.
“Where have you been? I have been worried sick about you?” Molly said as her voice trembled.
Joanna hadn’t considered this outcome. The two of them had often had a contentious relationship. Joanna wanted to believe that that was part of the reason that she didn’t immediately come. But what she was experiencing now was the unquestionable love that her sister had for her. Joanna was sure that this wouldn’t last. But for right now, boy, did it feel good.
“I’m sorry,” Joanna said. “It was just all too much for me. I couldn’t do it. I had to get away.”
Molly pulled away holding her sister’s thick shoulders. “Don’t you think it was hard for me too? We both love her, you know. And she needs to see you. She has been asking about you every day.”
It was then that Joanna felt the full weight of her guilt. Her sister was right. How could she have been so selfish as to disappear when she did? It wasn’t just that Molly needed her, her mother did as well.
Why had she done such a thing? Maybe she was a horrible person that didn’t deserve love. Maybe it would’ve been better if she stayed in the Bahamas as not to hurt anyone else.
“Well, you’re here now. That’s important thing. The doctors say that mom doesn’t have much time left. You should go to see her tonight. Every moment that we have left with her is precious.”
“Yes, take me to see her. I don’t want to put this off any longer.”
Molly helped Joanna stuff her suitcases into the small car. “Is this all your stuff? I know you ended your lease. Is this all that you brought?”
Strapping herself in and preparing to pull away, Joanna replied. “The rest of my stuff is in storage. I figured that I’d decide what to do with it later.”
Molly quickly glanced over at her. “I thought you said that you would be moving here.”
“I did. I’m just not sure what I should be doing. I don’t want to put you out. I just feel that my life is so up in the air right now.”
“Well, we’ll deal with that later. Right now the most important thing is that you’re here and that mom will get a chance to see you.”
Joanna looked over at Molly stunned by how reasonable she was being. Her sister didn’t need to be this nice. If Molly had chosen to be awful about everything, what could Joanna do about it? It wasn’t like she had anywhere else to go. She was as trapped there as she was any prison. It moved Joanna to no end that her big sister was being so compassionate. Was this what watching their mother slip away had done to her?
As the dark green car pulled into the hospice care’s parking lot, Joanna was suddenly filled with terror. This was the very moment that she had run from. She couldn’t imagine anything scarier than this. Her mother was her strength. She was her rock. And now here she was dying of cancer.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Joanna admitted.
“You can do this and you will do this,” Molly said not giving Joanna a choice.
For whatever reason, Molly’s words had done it. She was going to do it. She owed it to her sister. And more than that, she owed it to her mother.
Rounding the car, she stood shoulder to shoulder with her petite sibling and wrapped her arm around hers. With Molly strength, she entered through the automatic doors. Veering left, Molly led Joanna to the receptionist’s desk.
“Hey Molly, what are you doing here? Visiting hours are over.”
“I know. But my sister just arrived and I wanted mom to see her as soon as she could.”
“Molly, you know this is against the rules.”
“I know, but what if this is mom’s last night? I want her to know that Joanna came to see her. You can understand that, can’t you, Kathy?”
The distinctly Midwestern woman looked Joanna up and down. Joanna wasn’t sure what was going on. She almost felt like she was having an out of body experience. But knowing that this was important, she gathered herself and then stepped forward to make her own plea.
“I just arrived back into the country, like, minutes ago. I should have been here a long time ago but I’m here now. If there is any chance that I can see my mother tonight…”
The reality of the situation suddenly hit her. She had been gone for two weeks while her mother was in hospice care. This could really be her mother’s last night on earth.
“If there is any way that I can see her tonight,” Joanna said starting to cry, “I would very much appreciate it. I know you don’t have to and I know it might be against the rules, but it would mean so much to me if you did.”
Kathy’s heart broke listening to Joanna’s plea. “You can’t stay too long. Do you understand? If anyone finds out that I let you do this, I could get into big trouble.”
The gratitude that Joanna felt nearly overwhelmed her. “Thank you. Thank you so much!” She said as Molly pulled her away.
Snaking down the long corridor, Joanna’s eyes jumped from door to door wondering which was her mother’s. She again felt like she was out of her body. It was all surreal. It felt like no time had passed from when she left the registration desk to when they were standing in front of her mother’s door. Doing her best to ignore her desire to again flee, she wondered what state she would find her mother in.
Molly pushed open the door and entered. Shaking, Joanna entered behind her. Scanning the room, Joanna found what she was looking for. A few feet away was a bed. In it was the woman she had spent her life looking up to. It took everything inside of Joanna to hold it together seeing her. She did, though. For that, Joanna was proud.
“Mom?” Molly said standing next to the bed. “Are you awake, mom?”
Joanna watched as her mother turned her now gaunt face.
“Someone came to see you, mom,” Molly said with a smile.
Joanna took it as her cue to step forward. She wasn’t sure if her mother would be angry. She wasn’t. The smile that crept across her mother’s face was reminiscent of all the good times they had had as a child. And even though it might’ve been hard for her, her mother lifted up her arms inviting Joanna into them. Joanna stepped forward and hugged her frail mother profoundly glad that she had chosen to come back.
“My little girl has come back.” “My little girl has come back,” her mother kept saying.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry for staying away for so long. I should’ve been here. There’s no excuse that I wasn’t.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. There is nothing we can do about the past. All we can do is live in the present and you are here now,” her mother said with a smile.
Joanna looked at her mother suddenly unsure of what to say. Was she supposed to ask how she was doing? She was in hospice care. It was obvious how she was doing.
Was she supposed to ask who else had come to visit her? Considering she had just arrived, Joanna didn’t feel like she had the right to ask that.
“So, where did you go?” Her mother asked her. “I’m sure it was on some great adventure.”
Her mother was right. Her time in the Bahamas had been a great adventure. But how did she know that that was where she had gone?
“It was,” Joanna said with a smile. “I went to the Bahamas and I met this incredible artist and this billionaire and we sailed around the Bahamas on his yacht. We even sailed under the pirate flag and pirated the alcohol from another sailboat.”
“Oh my goodness, that sounds incredible,” her mother said joyfully.
“It was. And let me tell you, mom, those two guys were so good looking.”
“I bet they were,” her mother said with a smile.
As Joanna giggled enjoying her time with the mother, she heard Molly snicker. She looked back at her sister’s disbelieving face. “It’s true. I was sailing around the Bahamas on a yacht.”
“Okay,” Molly said in a disbelieving tone.
Joanna turned back to her mother. “I was there. It’s true. You have to believe me.”
“Of course I believe you, dear. You have always been the adventurous one. Your stories have always been hard for less adventurous types like your sister and me to believe.”
“But, it’s true. I swear.” Joanna thought for a second. “In fact, I brought something back for you. I’ll be right back, okay?”
Joanna’s mother nodded her head. After, Joanna approached Molly. “I need the keys to the car.”
Molly looked at her suspiciously. “You’re not gonna take off again, are you?”
Joanna decided that she deserved that. “No. I want to get something from one of my suitcases.”
Still unsure if she could trust her sister, Molly handed Joanna her keys. With them in hand, Joanna rushed out. Running to the car and unlocking it, she dug through her carry-on retrieving a jar of tamarind honey. Unsure if it would be contraband, she hid it under her shirt and headed back in.
Withdrawing it as she entered the room, she showed it to her mother. Molly joined the two.
“What is this?” Molly asked.
“Devlin called it tamarind honey,” Joanna explained.
“What’s a tamarind?” Her sister questioned.
“Apparently it’s some type of fruit. But taste it. Tell me if this isn’t the best tasting thing you’ve ever had in your life.”
Joanna opened the jar. Molly was apprehensive about sticking her finger in. Once she had, she was apprehensive about sticking her finger into her mouth. But allowing the flavor to wash over her tongue, Molly’s eyes lit up like Joanna’s once had.
“Oh my God! This is incredible!”
“I know, right?”
“Mom, you have to try this.”
Molly took another finger full and then guided it to her mother’s mouth. Her mother didn’t respond immediately. It took a second. But once the flavors rolled around her dry mouth, it was like a light had been turned on in her brain.
“Oh my!”
“Right?” Joanna interjected.
“This is amazing,” Molly reiterated. “Where did you get this from?”
“From Devlin’s yacht. He has an estate with miles of tamarind trees. He said he discovered it by accident but has been stockpiling it ever since.”
Molly looked at Joanna surprised. “So your billionaire and artist are real?”
“Very real.”
“So, did you just leave them back there to come and see mom?”
“Something like that. Things between us didn’t end so well,” Joanna said lowering her head.
“Imagine that? Things between you and a guy didn’t end well,” Molly teased.
Joanna knew it was a joke, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. Yes, Joanna had a bad track record with guys. Most of them had been losers and men who couldn’t see beyond their own selfish needs.
Before she had gotten sick, her mother had told Joanna that she was attracting them because like attracted like. That always stuck with Joanna. That was part of the reason that she gone to the yoga center instead of finding a cheap hotel. Joanna was looking at it as a new beginning.
“Do you know what you should do with this,” Joanna’s mother said staring at the jar. “You should turn it into candy.”
“I don’t know how to make candy,” Joanna said with a smile.
“Sure you do. Don’t you remember when you two were little girls and the three of us would make your grandmother’s candy?”
“No,” Joanna said confused. “Are you sure that was me?”
“I’m dying from cancer, not Alzheimer’s,” her mother said with a wicked grin.
Joanna chuckled. “I guess I just don’t remember that.”
“I think I do,” Molly said from behind her. “We were both very young, right?”
“Molly, you had to be six, so that would make Joanna three.”
“How do you expect me to remember something from when I was three, mom?” Joanna joked.
“You’re right. But Molly does. Your grandmother made it all the time when I was a little girl.”
“Do you remember the recipe?” Joanna asked intrigued.
“I think I do,” her mother said with a smile.
“If you tell me it, I’ll make it for you and bring it to you tomorrow,” Joanna told her.
“I think that I would love that,” her mother said with a reignited light in her eyes.
As Joanna’s mother gave her the recipe, she wrote it down exactly as she was told. Kathy had waited for her to finish before interjecting.
“I’m sorry but you two are going to have to go now.”
“We understand,” Molly told her.
“I am so glad to see you,” Joanna’s mother told her.
Joanna felt her heart break as she said goodbye. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come.”
“Nonsense. There’s nothing we can do about the past, only the present,” her mother said squeezing Joanna’s hands.
As hesitant as Joanna was to come, she found it incredibly hard to leave. Molly took her arm again as they headed towards the exit. In the car, Molly stared at her enthusiastically.
“She was really glad to see you. She hasn’t been in such great spirits lately. The person you saw tonight was a whole other woman.”
“She seemed like the old mom,” Joanna explained.
“She was. I’m so glad you came back.”
“I really want to make grandma’s recipe. Do you have all the ingredients?”
“Whatever I don’t have, we can get. I would love to make it with you if that’s okay.”
Joanna felt her heart warm looking into your sister’s soft eyes. Joanna didn’t understand why she had been so quick to run away. The only place she wanted to be now was home. Looking into her sister’s eyes, Joanna became sure that what had happened between her and the guys was what was supposed to.
For the rest of the night, Joanna and Molly drove around picking up all of the ingredients. As they did, they joyfully recounted stories from their childhood.
There was the time when Molly had taught Joanna how to ride a bicycle. There was Molly’s 13th birthday sleepover when Molly allowed Joanna to sit in the room while the teenagers gossiped. There was also the time when the two teenage girls got drunk together. Joanna’s mother wasn’t very pleased about that one. But nonetheless, it remained one of their fondest childhood memories.
After the two arrived at Molly’s two-bedroom apartment and had put Joanna’s bags in the spare room, the two women entered the kitchen ready to stay up all night if they had to. When it passed midnight, it was starting to look like they would have to. There was a very delicate process between when the candy hardened and when they were supposed to insert the honey center that they kept messing up.
“Maybe we should give up,” Molly suggested. “I don’t want to waste your honey. I’m sure that mom would be happy if we just brought her some of grandma’s candy.”
“No, Molly. I want to get this right. Mom wants it. And if we keep trying, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”
Joanna was right. After two more times, they figured out how to fill the center of the candy with honey while leaving a small streak throughout. The streak was so that, while sucking it, there was always a hint of the tamarind honey. The honey center would be an explosion of flavor.
They had designed it exactly right. Tasting it, they were both sure. Their mother was going to love it. Neither could wait to see the look on their mother’s face when she tasted it.
“This is so wonderful,” Joanna’s mother said with a mouthful of candy. “It reminds me of what my mother used to make, but you girls made it so much better. You know, I had always dreamed about opening a candy shop with my mother’s candy.”
“Why didn’t you?” Joanna asked unaware that that had been her mother’s dream.
“I don’t know. After your father died, I was content to spend my time taking care of you two. That was enough for me, I guess. And looking at you two fine girls now, I don’t regret any of it,” her mother said with a smile. “But if you don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind having another one of your candies.”
“Mom, we made this for you. You can have as many as you want,” Joanna happily explained.
As the day went on, it became clear how much more energetic Joanna’s mother became.
“You wouldn’t know this but she really seems different,” Molly told her sister.
“Why do you think that is?”
“I’m sure that it has something to do with you, but I’m also wondering if it’s not grandma’s candy.”
Joanna looked at her sister considering it. “Do you mean that tasting it lifted her spirits?”
“Maybe. All I know is that she’s different. She was not in a good place yesterday before you got here. Now she seems like she could live forever.”
Joanna looked at her mother again. She was sitting up watching TV and sucking on one of their candies. Staring at her, she wondered just exactly how much the honey came into play with her recovery. For thousands of years, honey was thought of as a magical elixir. Recently it was shown to have incredible antiseptic qualities. Maybe this special tamarind honey was doing something for her mother that modern medicine couldn’t.
For the next three days, Joanna spent time with her mother. Every day she gave her an endless supply of candy and each day her mother sat up and talk to them as if they had put her in a hospice center by mistake. Molly was dumbfounded. After a while, her sister had to admit that, as glad as their mother was to see Joanna, there was something else going on.
“Can you get any more of the honey?” Molly asked Joanna at dinner one night.
“I don’t know. I know that Devlin has practically a warehouse full of it, but we didn’t exactly leave on the best terms.”
“You and your disastrous relationship with men,” Molly joked.
“I don’t know if this was my fault, though.”
“Was he the one to break things off?” Molly asked.
“Yeah.”
“Then, guess what, it was probably your fault,” Molly concluded. “But still, do you think you can get anymore?”
“Why would you want it? We could probably keep mom in candy for the next year on what we have.”
“But you heard what mom said. The candy is good. If we had more of the honey, we could probably open a candy store.”
“But that was mom’s dream, not mine.”
“It’s okay if a good idea comes from someone else and not you, you know,” Molly stated.
“I know that. Why would you say that?”
“Because our entire lives you always had to be the special one. You were the one who would get away with anything. And you were the one who always had to do things your way.”
Even as Joanna denied it, she knew that it was true.
“So, what do you think? Do you think you can get more of the honey?”
This was the first time in days that Joanna gave serious thought to the boys she left behind. Would she want to contact them again? Or more specifically, would Devlin want to hear from her? She had pretty effectively destroyed the plan he had been working on for years. Why would he want to hear from her again? No, getting more honey wasn’t going to be possible.
Joanna would have let the idea go entirely if the next day at the hospice center, the doctor hadn’t suggested that their mother consider going back to a hospital. Considering that she was starting out in a hospice center, going to a hospital was a step up. The doctor resisted saying that she was getting better, but there was no denying that something was changing. And when Joanna asked if it could be the candy, the doctor said it was possible.
Devlin had referred to his honey as worth its weight in gold. Had he been right? Was this candy like the zinc lozenges that shorten the duration of a cold? That one was discovered by a teacher who was tired of getting sick from her students. Now that teacher was a very rich woman. Joanna wondered if she could soon have a similar story.
As the days went on and Joanna’s mother remained strong, Joanna decided that she had to at least try to talk to Devlin about it. Certainly, he could refuse to speak to her. But what if he did agree to talk? What would she say to him? Yes, she would tell him about the effects that the candy had on her mother. But what would she say about what happened with Paulo?
As Joanna decided that she would indeed talk to Devlin, she was confronted by another reality. She didn’t have Devlin’s phone number. The only phone that Joanna had seen was at his estate in Exuma. Could she call up the island and ask to be connected to Devlin, the pirate billionaire?
Thinking about it, Joanna came up with a better idea. There was a number that would be easier to find. Locating the business online, she called up the dock-side restaurant where she had first met Devlin.
“Hurricane Hole, how can I help you?” A familiar voice asked.
“Hello. I’m sorry, is this Jimmy?”
“This is he. How can help you?”
“I don’t know if you remember me but I was there a few weeks ago with Paulo.”
“With Paulo?” Jimmy went silent for a moment. “Was it about three weeks ago?”
“Yeah. We were there talking with Devlin.”
“Yeah, with Devlin. Sure I remember you. How is Paulo? I haven’t seen him around recently.”
Hearing that, Joanna was wracked with guilt. “Yeah, actually I haven’t seen him either. But listen, I was trying to get a hold of Devlin. Do you know any way I can reach him? It’s important.”
Joanna could hear Jimmy smile on the other end of the phone. It was then that she wondered how often a girl tried to track down Devlin. He was a good looking billionaire. He obviously didn’t have a hard time getting women. Was Jimmy just thinking of her as a chubby girl who had a good thing and now couldn’t stand to let go?
“No, I’m sorry. Devlin’s yacht has been gone for a few days now. I don’t know how to get a hold of him.”
Joanna thought about it for a moment. “You think I might be able to leave a message for him?” Joanna asked.
“I mean, you could try. But I can’t guarantee that he’ll get it. Sometimes he goes off for weeks.”
Joanna knew that she didn’t have any better options.
“That’s fine. Can you please tell him that ‘Joanna thinks that she found the gold at the end of his honey’ and that I would like him to give me a call at this number.”
Jimmy repeated the message and her number back to her.
“That’s it.”
“If I see him, I’ll give him your message. But, like I said, I don’t know if I’m going to see him.”
“That’s good enough. I appreciate that.”
“And if I see Paulo, do you have a message for him?”
Joanna froze. Why had he asked her that? Did he know something that he wasn’t letting on?
“If you see Paulo…” She paused. “If you see him, tell him that I’m sorry.”
“You got it,” Jimmy concluded “have a good one,” he said bringing their call to an end.