BETH WAS GLAD to see a long queue when she arrived at the Hemsthwaite surgery. She needed to keep busy in the hope that it would take her mind off the strange way Callum had behaved that morning. Mandy Stephens, their receptionist, had been alerted to the problems with the computer and was busily hunting out paper files for those patients who had turned up. She grimaced when Beth went into the surgery.
‘I’m not sure how up to date these are now everything’s done on the computer,’ she explained anxiously, blowing the dust off a couple of buff-coloured folders.
‘We’ll just have to do the best we can and hope the IT chap can sort out the problem,’ Beth told her, deliberately downplaying any problems they might encounter when she saw how flustered Mandy looked. She glanced around the waiting room, smiling when she spotted Diane Applethwaite. At least Diane’s test results should be available as the lab they used always sent through a printed report rather than rely solely on email.
‘I suppose so.’ Mandy handed her the folders. ‘They’re in order and I’ve given everyone a number so they know who’s next.’
‘Thanks. That’s really helpful,’ Beth declared, smiling at her. Leaving Mandy to carry on finding files, she went to her room and got settled in. Just for a moment her mind flicked back to Callum’s reaction about Owen asking her out. He had sounded decidedly put out about it but why? He’d been the one to raise the subject of her meeting someone else, so why should he care if she went out with Owen? It was a mystery, although she didn’t intend to dwell on it. She and Callum were divorced and it was none of his business what she did.
The morning flew past with very few problems, thankfully enough. Most people had come with new complaints rather than long-standing conditions that would have required an in-depth study of their case histories. Beth asked anyone she wanted to double-check on to make an appointment on their way out and was confident that she hadn’t overlooked anything vital. By the time Diane Applethwaite came into the consulting room, she was feeling far more relaxed and smiled at her.
‘Sorry about the wait but the computer’s packed up so we’re having to go back to the old-fashioned way of doing things. I hadn’t realised how much extra time it took.’
‘Computers are great when they work but a real pain when they have a hissy fit,’ Diane agreed, sitting down. ‘Phil has a real love-hate relationship with ours. I’ve had to rescue it a couple of times from the barn after it’s failed to give up some vital bit of information. Mind you, I think it’s more Phil’s fault than the machine’s. He’s not what you’d call technologically minded.’
Beth laughed. ‘Oh, dear. It’s a good job you’re there to sort things out. Right, let’s have a look at those test results and see what they say.’ She took the printed sheet out of Diane’s file and scanned through it then read it a second time, more slowly.
‘What’s wrong, Dr Andrews? I can tell from your expression that something’s happened,’ Diane said worriedly.
‘There’s nothing wrong. But the results aren’t exactly what I thought they would be.’ Beth put the sheet on the desk and looked at Diane, wondering how to break the news to her. However, there really was only one way. ‘Far from being in the early stages of the menopause, Diane, it appears that you’re pregnant.’
‘Pregnant?’ Diane repeated, sounding shocked. ‘But I’m forty-eight. How can I be pregnant at my age?’
‘It’s unusual, yes, but it isn’t unheard of,’ Beth said gently. ‘There have been cases of women becoming pregnant well into their fifties, in fact.’
‘I don’t know what to say... ‘ Diane broke off and gulped.
‘It must be a lot to take in,’ Beth said, sympathetically. ‘Maybe you should speak to your husband before you decide what you want to do.’
‘What I want to do... What do you mean?’ Diane asked in confusion.
Beth chose her words with care. ‘In case you decide not to go ahead with the pregnancy.’
‘Oh, no. I couldn’t do that,’ Diane declared. She took a deep breath. ‘If it’s right and I am having a baby then I’ll just have to get on with it.’ She suddenly laughed. ‘Although what Phil’s going to say about us having another little one keeping us awake at night, I have no idea!’
Beth laughed too, delighted that Diane had taken the news so well. ‘I’m sure he’ll cope brilliantly, the same as you will. After all, you’ve had a lot of practice. Right, we need to establish how far along you are with this pregnancy. As your periods have been so erratic lately, it’s difficult to work out when the baby’s due. Are you still feeling sick, dizzy, tired?’
‘No. In fact, I’ve felt better than I have for a long time,’ Diane declared.
‘Hmm. It could be a sign that you’re over twelve weeks or thereabouts. After that stage, a lot of women find that they no longer feel as sick or as tired, although everyone is different, of course.’ She picked up her pen and made a note on Diane’s file. ‘I’ll book you in for a scan, although the hospital usually prefers to do them at around sixteen weeks so they may decide to wait.’
‘I’m happy to wait if it’s better for the baby,’ Diane said firmly and then frowned. ‘There’s a bigger risk of there being something wrong with it because of my age, isn’t there?’
‘Yes.’ Beth knew that Diane would appreciate the truth rather than have her put a positive spin on the situation. ‘The risk of having a child with Down’s syndrome, for instance, increases with the mother’s age. You will be offered tests to check for that.’
‘I see.’ Diane sounded momentarily worried before she rallied. ‘Well, we’ll have to wait and see what happens. There’s no point borrowing trouble, is there?’
‘Definitely not,’ Beth agreed, thinking how well Diane was coping with the shock of it all. She could remember how she had felt when she had discovered she was pregnant, she thought as she saw Diane out. It had been a lot to take in, even though she had wanted a baby for so long. She sighed. Of course, it would have been different if Callum had still been there. They could have celebrated together, although would Callum have seen it as something to celebrate when he had no longer loved her? Now that Beatrix was a living, breathing human being, she didn’t doubt that his feelings had changed about having a child but, back then, would he have seen her pregnancy as a hindrance that would stop him leaving her?
Beth felt a chill envelop her. Although she didn’t doubt that Callum would have stayed with her if he’d known she’d fallen pregnant, it would have been out of a sense of duty and not out of love.
* * *
The computer problems slowed everything down so it was after seven before Callum left the surgery. He debated going round to see Beatrix but in the end decided not to risk it. He was still smarting at the thought of Beth going out with Owen Walsh and he needed to get a firm grip on his emotions before he spoke to her again.
He went up to the flat and made himself a meal of pasta and ready-made sauce then sat slumped in front of the television while he ate it. He felt tired and out of sorts and he knew that he had to shake himself out of this mood. Beth wasn’t his any longer and he couldn’t dictate what she did even if she would listen, which he very much doubted.
Part of her charm had always been her independence, her willingness to stand up for herself as well as for other people; why would he want her to change, even though he hated the thought of her seeing another man? He should be pleased that she was getting her life back on track but it was impossible to feel anything other than this bitter disappointment. It was a relief when the sound of his phone ringing cut through his unhappy thoughts and he snatched it up.
‘Callum O’Neill.’
‘It’s me—Beth.’
‘Beth,’ he repeated as his thoughts spun even faster. He wouldn’t change a single thing about her, apart from how she felt about him, of course. If he could make her love him again, as she had loved him once before, then he would do so in a trice. It was a revelation to realise how much he longed for it to happen so that it was a moment before he discovered that she was still speaking. ‘Sorry, can you say that again?’ he asked, forcing down the surge of pain at the sheer futility of hoping that she would ever feel that way about him again.
‘Joe Thorne’s just been on the phone. There’s an elderly couple been reported missing. Apparently, they were planning to walk to the Witch’s Cauldron and told the owner of the guest house where they’re staying that they would be back by four but they’ve not appeared yet. Joe needs someone medically trained to go with the team. I can’t go because of Beatrix and Daniel is at a meeting in Leeds so I suggested you.’ She paused when he didn’t reply. ‘You don’t have to go if you don’t want to...’
‘Of course I’ll go.’ Callum finally managed to drag his thoughts together, lining up the facts like ducks in a row: Joe Thorne, leader of the local search and rescue team; missing walkers, lost and possibly injured out on the hills; no one else available except him. ‘Where are we meeting?’ he demanded, dumping his plate on the coffee table.
‘The car park at the lower edge of the Cascade, although Joe said he can pick you up on the way, if you want him to,’ she informed him.
‘Right,’ Callum said, switching off the television. ‘Can you phone Joe back and tell him I’m coming and that I’d like a lift? I don’t have his number.’
‘Of course.’ She paused then rushed on. ‘Take care, Callum.’
‘I shall,’ he replied, his heart swelling with joy because it seemed that she did care about him, after all. He opened his mouth to say something else, although heaven knew what, but realised that she had already hung up.
Hurrying into the bedroom, he gathered together what he would need, telling himself that it was ridiculous to get his hopes up like that. Take care was on a par with the equally anodyne Have a nice day—a trite comment that meant absolutely nothing. However, despite knowing that, he couldn’t shake off the thought that Beth might actually care about him. A huge smile lit his face as he swung his backpack over his shoulder. Quite frankly, he couldn’t think of a better inducement to get back safely!
* * *
Beth paced the sitting room floor, unable to settle. Although it was past midnight, she knew it was pointless trying to sleep. She kept thinking about Callum being out on the hills. Maybe he had worked in all sorts of places around the globe but the Yorkshire Dales were an unknown quantity to him. He had very little experience of the rough terrain he would encounter and she couldn’t help worrying. He could so easily find himself in serious trouble.
The sound of a car drawing up outside had her flying to the window and she felt her heart leap with relief when she saw Callum getting out of the search and rescue team’s four-wheel drive. Beth saw him glance towards the cottage and held her breath, wondering if he would knock on her door when he saw the light was on. It was only when she saw his shoulders slump as he turned away that she realised she couldn’t let him leave without speaking to him. Hurrying to the front door, she called after him.
‘Callum, wait! What happened? Did you find the missing walkers?’
‘Yes, we did.’ He came back and she could see the lines of strain etched on his face. Without pausing to think about what she was doing, Beth held the door wide open.
‘Come in and tell me about it,’ she said quietly. She led him into the sitting room and waved him towards a chair. ‘I can see you’re upset so what happened?’
He sighed heavily as he sat down. ‘The woman was already dead when we found them. She had Alzheimer’s disease, apparently, and had wandered off on her own and fallen over the edge of the Cauldron. Her husband had managed to climb down to her and he was just sitting there, holding her hand, when we arrived.’
‘Oh, how tragic!’ Beth declared, feeling her eyes sting with tears. ‘It must have been horrendous.’
‘It was. It took me ages to convince the husband that she was dead. He kept insisting that she’d be all right if we got her to the hospital.’ He shook his head. ‘Even after we’d loaded her body into the back of the car, he couldn’t seem to take it in.’
‘Where is he now?’ Beth asked, her heart going out to him. A situation like this was always stressful and it was obvious that Callum had been deeply upset by what he had witnessed.
‘Still at the hospital. He was in no fit state to be sent back to the B&B on his own,’ he explained. ‘The police have contacted his son and he’s driving up here. He lives in Surrey, though, so it’ll take him a while to get here.’
‘At least the old man will have someone with him,’ Beth said, softly. ‘That will help.’
‘Yes. He’s lucky in that respect. At least he isn’t completely on his own now and has a family who cares about him.’
There was something in his voice that made Beth’s heart ache all the more. Was Callum thinking that he didn’t have any family who cared about him? She knew it was true and the urge to comfort him was too strong to resist. Reaching out, she gripped his hand. ‘There are people who care about you, too, Callum.’
‘Are there?’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘If you mean my parents then forget it. They didn’t care about me when I was a child and they certainly don’t care about me now that I’m an adult.’
‘You have friends,’ she began but he shook his head.
‘I’ve lost touch with most of my friends in the past year. I doubt they even spare me a thought these days. They have their own lives, their own problems—why should they worry about me?’
‘Because they care about you! Maybe you haven’t seen them for a while but it takes more than that to end a friendship.’
‘Does it? Really? All it took to end our marriage were a few words, Beth. I told you I wanted a divorce and that was it.’
‘That was different,’ she murmured painfully. ‘It was clear that you didn’t want to be with me any more.’
‘Was it? What if I only asked you for a divorce because I felt it was the right thing to do?’
‘What do you mean?’ She gripped his hand when he went to draw it away. ‘Tell me, Callum!’
‘Nothing. I’m just rambling, that’s all.’ He stood up, effectively breaking her hold on him. ‘I’d better go. We’ve got work in the morning and it’s late. I’m sorry if I woke you, Beth, but it was easier for Joe to drop me off here than drive to the surgery.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she managed, her head reeling as she tried to make sense of what he had said.
What had Callum meant about it being the right thing to do? Right because he had stopped loving her? Or right for some other reason? She followed him into the hall, wishing that she could make him explain even though she knew it was pointless. The facts were clear, after all. Callum had stopped loving her and had asked her for a divorce.
And yet the nagging thought that she was missing something wouldn’t go away. When he turned towards her, she searched his face, feeling her heart quicken when she saw the regret in his eyes, but regret about what? About divorcing her? But why would he regret it when it had been his decision?
‘Callum,’ she began.
‘Don’t.’ He touched her mouth with his fingertips, stopping the question before it could emerge, and his expression was infinitely sad. ‘There’s really nothing more to say, Beth, believe me.’
He let himself out without another word. Beth watched until he disappeared from sight and only then did she let out the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. Closing the door, she leant back against it, feeling her whole body trembling. Raising her hand, she touched her mouth, but the warmth of Callum’s fingers had already faded. She couldn’t hold onto it any more than she had held onto him and it was the most bitter thought of all. She hadn’t been enough for him and she never would be. Any interest he showed in her from now on was purely because she was the mother of his child. She took a deep breath, letting that thought seep into every cell in her body because she must never forget it.
* * *
Callum telephoned the hospital the following morning to check on the man he had helped to rescue and was relieved to hear that his son was now with him. He thanked the ward sister and hung up, wondering why the incident had had such an impact on him. Was it the fact that it had brought it home to him just how alone he was in the world? His only real family link was with Beatrix, his daughter, and he resolved to spend as much time as possible building a relationship with her.
When he went into work, he put through a call to Beth, meaning to start the way he needed to continue. Maybe the thought of her seeing another man devastated him, but if that was how things had to be, then he would use it to his advantage.
‘Beth, it’s me. I won’t keep you because I’m sure you’re busy, but I just wanted to say that if you need a babysitter any time then ask me. I’ll be more than happy to mind Beatrix if you want to go out.’
‘Oh. Right.’ She sounded surprised, as well she might, Callum thought wryly. He had never imagined himself making such an offer.
‘I know you said that you and Walsh might go out for dinner one night, so I thought I’d mention it,’ he said, stamping on the spurt of jealousy that suddenly reared up inside him.
‘I...er...yes, although we’ve not made any arrangements yet,’ she said hurriedly.
‘Well, when you do there’s no need to worry about finding someone to look after Beatrix,’ Callum said, hoping she couldn’t hear the edge that had crept into his voice despite his best efforts to avoid it. ‘I’ll be happy to do it.’
‘Um, thank you. Anyway, I’d better get on. Are you calling round tonight to see her?’
‘If it’s all right with you,’ he said levelly.
‘It’s fine. I’ll see you later then.’
With that she hung up, leaving Callum in a quandary. Whilst he was glad that he had made the offer, he couldn’t claim that he was happy at the thought of her going out with Walsh, or anyone else for that matter. He sighed wearily. He couldn’t have it both ways, could he? He couldn’t offer to babysit and then behave like the proverbial dog in a manger. Beth was free to see whoever she liked, no matter how he felt about it. One thing was certain: Beth wasn’t interested in having him back in her life in any capacity other than that of Beatrix’s father. And even that wasn’t guaranteed.
* * *
Beth was still reeling from the shock of Callum’s phone call when she set out to visit one of the outlying farms that afternoon. It was a wet and windy day, the previously fine weather having changed in the space of a few hours as it often did in the Dales. Rain lashed against the windscreen as she headed out to Outhwaite’s Farm.
Jenny Outhwaite had requested a home visit because she was worried about her youngest child, two-year-old Tilly, who was running a high temperature. It was the most remote of all the farms on their books and the journey there took time even on a good day. Now with the wind and rain slowing her down, Beth realised it was going to take her even longer than usual and sighed, wishing that she had phoned Alison to warn her that she might be late collecting Beatrix.
Maybe she should phone Callum and ask him to fetch her, she mused, and then just as quickly dismissed the idea. While she didn’t doubt that he would take good care of Beatrix, was she really ready to make him an accepted part of her daughter’s life? Apart from the concerns she had about his commitment, there was the fact that Callum unsettled her.
Take today, for instance. She’d felt on edge ever since he had offered his services as a babysitter. She wasn’t sure why but it felt wrong to even think about asking him to look after Beatrix while she went out with another man. She sighed, knowing that she was overreacting. Hopefully, the situation would improve in time, but at the moment it seemed safer not to involve him in her affairs.
It turned out that little Tilly Outhwaite had chickenpox. The rash had appeared since Jenny had telephoned the surgery so Beth was quickly able to diagnose the problem. The little girl’s chest and thighs were covered in spots, some of which had already turned into the fluid-filled blisters so characteristic of the illness. Beth advised Jenny to give Tilly paracetamol liquid for her temperature and to dab calamine cream on the spots to stop them itching. Cutting Tilly’s nails would also help to prevent scarring if she scratched the scabs that would form once the spots started to heal.
Beth left the farm a short time later, having refused a cup of tea. The storm was getting worse and she was eager to get back to Beesdale. Rounding a bend in the road, she gasped when she was suddenly confronted by a huge pile of rocks blocking the way. She ground to a halt, her heart racing at the near miss she’d had.
Opening the car door, she went to investigate, hoping there would be room to drive around the landslide, but the ground beside the road was far too wet to risk it. Getting bogged down in the mud wouldn’t help so her only option was to phone the surgery and see if Daniel could come out to collect her. Hurrying back to her car, she took her mobile phone out of its holder, groaning when she discovered that she didn’t have a signal. There were blank spots all over the Dales and, typically, she was in the middle of one.
Beth got out of the car again and headed back along the road, holding up the phone in the hope that she could find a signal. Maybe it would help if she tried climbing up the hillside, she decided. She was in a dip here but if she was higher up then she might be able to connect to the nearest mast. Stepping off the road, she started to scramble up the hill. She was still staring at her phone and never even noticed the patch of loose rocks until her feet skidded out from under her. A searing pain shot through her right ankle as she fell heavily onto the ground and she cried out. Sitting up, she checked the damage, grimacing when she rolled up her trouser leg and discovered that her ankle was already swelling up. Whether it was sprained or broken, she couldn’t tell, but the moment she tried to stand up and put her weight on it, the pain became unbearable.
Beth sank back down onto the ground, forcing back the tears as she suddenly realised her predicament. She couldn’t get back to her car and return to the farm and she couldn’t summon help either. It looked as though she was going to be stuck here until someone came looking for her.
If anyone did.