SCENE I.
DORFISE, MME. DE BURLET, MONDOR.
DORFISE.
I must beg of you, M. Mondor, not to indulge yourself in this excessive familiarity: it is impossible for ears so chaste as mine to suffer such liberties.
MONDOR.
[Laughing.
And yet you like them: you rate me for my impertinence, but you listen to it: why, my dear, your hair is cut short on purpose, that you may hear the better.
DORFISE.
Again?
MME. DE BURLET.
Indeed I shall take his part: you are too rigid, and affect too much severity: liberty is not always licentiousness; there is nothing indecent, in my opinion, in little sallies of innocent mirth and gayety, which we may choose whether we will understand or not; but your outrageous virtue would shut up our mouths and our ears together.
DORFISE.
I would indeed, cousin: and moreover, I would advise you to shut your doors, too, against some visitors whom I frequently see here; I have told you often enough, cousin, it will ruin your reputation: how can you suffer such a libertine crew? Cleon, that pretty fellow, who is very brilliant without a spark of wit, and is always laughing at the good things he would make you believe he has just said; Damon, who for twenty beauties that he is in love with, makes twenty madrigals as insipid as himself; and that Robin, who is always talking of himself, with the old pedant that makes every creature sick of him: then there’s my cousin, too, that —
MONDOR.
Enough, enough, madam: let everybody speak in his turn; and since your ladyship shows so much good nature in speaking of the world, I will endeavor to convince you I have at least as much charity as yourself, and propose giving you in three words a picture of the whole city: to begin then with —
DORFISE.
Stop thy licentious tongue: none should dare to chastise vice but persons of the strictest virtue; I cannot bear to hear libertines satirizing others who are much less culpable than themselves; for my part, what I say is from my regard to the honor of human nature, and disgust of the world, this vile world: how I do hate it!
MME. DE BURLET.
For all that, cousin, it has some attractions.
DORFISE.
For you, I believe it has, and to your ruin.
MME. DE BURLET.
And has it none for you, cousin? do you really hate the world?
DORFISE.
Horribly.
MME. DE BURLET.
And all the pleasures of it?
DORFISE.
Abominably.
MME. DE BURLET.
Plays? balls?
MONDOR.
Music, dancing —
DORFISE.
O my dear, they are all the devil’s inventions.
MME. DE BURLET.
But dress and finery? you must acknowledge —
DORFISE.
All vanity! O how I regret every minute thrown away at my toilette! I hate to look at myself; and, of all things in nature, detest a looking-glass.
MME. DE BURLET.
And yet, my dear rigid cousin, you seem tolerably well dressed.
DORFISE.
Do I?
MONDOR.
Extremely well.
DORFISE.
Plain, very plain.
MONDOR.
But with taste.
MME. DE BURLET.
You may say what you please, but your wise ladyship loves to please.
DORFISE.
I love to please? O heaven!
MME. DE BURLET.
Come, come, be honest; have you not some small inclination to this young rattle? he’s not ill made.
[Pointing to Mondor.
MONDOR.
O fie!
MME. DE BURLET.
Young, rich, and handsome.
MONDOR.
Pooh, prithee.
DORFISE.
O abominable! a handsome young man is my aversion; handsome and young! O fie, fie!
MONDOR.
Upon my soul, madam, I am concerned for both of us; the wicked woman to talk so: but pray, madam, this Blandford, who is come back without his ship, is he so rich, and young, and handsome?
DORFISE.
Blandford? why, is he here?
MONDOR.
Certainly.
COLLETTE.
[Entering hastily.
O madam! I come to tell you —
DORFISE.
[Whispering to Collette.
Hark’ee.
MME. DE BURLET.
How’s this?
DORFISE.
[To Mondor.
I thought since he took his leave of me he had been cured of all his faults; to tell you the truth, I imagined he was dead long ago.
MONDOR.
No, madam, he is alive, I assure you: the pirate intends to sink me at once: he pretends to be a favorite of yours.
DORFISE.
[Aside to Collette.
O Collette!
COLLETTE.
O madam!
DORFISE.
[To Mondor.
Dear sir, can’t you find out some means of sending him to sea again?
MONDOR.
O yes: with all my heart.
MME. DE BURLET.
Pray, sir, is there any news of his intimate friend and confidant, Darmin? has he arrived?
MONDOR.
He has, madam: the captain it seems fell in with him at some port or other: they have had a battle at sea, and now are returned home without a stiver; Blandford has brought with him a little Greek, too, the handsomest, genteelest —
DORFISE.
O yes: I believe I saw him just by my house: large black eyes?
MONDOR.
The same.
DORFISE.
Penetrating, yet full of softness: rosy cheeks?
MONDOR.
He has so.
DORFISE.
Fine hair, and teeth: something in his air that’s noble and fine?
MONDOR.
The very paragon of nature.
DORFISE.
If his morals are good; if he is well-born and discreet, I’ll see him: you shall bring him to me — though he is young.
MME. DE BURLET.
I must find out Darmin’s lodging as soon as possible: here, la Fleur, go this minute and carry him these five hundred pounds, [she gives a purse to la Fleur] and tell him I expect Blandford and him to supper with me: our friends have long wished for his return, and none more than myself; never did I know a better creature, more honest, or ingenuous: I admire above all things his amiable complacency, and those social virtues that so strongly recommend him.
DORFISE.
Blandford is not of his disposition: he is so serious.
MONDOR.
So full of spleen!
DORFISE.
True, and so jealous!
MONDOR.
So affronting!
DORFISE.
He is —
MONDOR.
Very true.
DORFISE.
Let me speak, sir; I say he is —
MONDOR.
Yes, madam, I attend to you — he is —
DORFISE.
He is in short a dangerous man.
MME. DE BURLET.
They tell me he has fought nobly for his king and country, and distinguished himself greatly at sea.
DORFISE.
That may be, cousin, but by land he is dreadfully troublesome.
MONDOR.
And besides he is —
DORFISE.
True.
MONDOR.
O those sailors have all of them such horrid principles.
DORFISE.
They have so.
MME. DE BURLET.
But I have heard, cousin, that you formerly gave him some hopes —
DORFISE.
Yes: but since that I have taken an antipathy to the whole world, and quitted it: I began with him; ‘twas he and the world together that have made me so fearful.
SCENE II.
DORFISE, MME. DE BURLET, MONDOR, COLLETTE.
COLLETTE.
Madam!
DORFISE.
Well!
COLLETTE.
M. Blandford has come.
DORFISE.
O heaven!
MME. DE BURLET.
Is Darmin with him?
COLLETTE.
Yes, madam.
MME. DE BURLET.
I am heartily glad of it.
DORFISE.
And I’m heartily sorry; I must retire; I would fly from the whole world.
MONDOR.
With me, I hope.
DORFISE.
No, sir, if you please, without you.
[She goes out.
SCENE III.
MME. DE BURLET, BLANDFORD, DARMIN, MONDOR, ADINE.
DARMIN.
[To Mme. de Burlet.
Permit me, madam, at length on my knees —
MME. DE BURLET.
[Running up to Darmin.
O my dear Darmin, come along, I’ve made an engagement for you to go to the ball when the comedy is over: we’ll prate as we go along; my chariot’s below.
[To Blandford.
And you, M. Solemnity, will you come with us?
BLANDFORD.
No: I came here, madam, on a serious affair: away, ye train of triflers, go, and pretend to pleasures which you never enjoy; go, and be weary of one another as soon as you can: you and I [turning to Adine] will go in search of Dorfise.
SCENE IV.
BLANDFORD, ADINE, COLLETTE.
BLANDFORD.
Then we shall see a woman indeed; a woman submitting to every duty of life; a woman who for me has renounced the whole world; and who to her faithful passion joins the most scrupulous and rigid virtue: I hope you will endeavor to recommend yourself to her.
ADINE.
Of that, sir, you may assure yourself; I shall try to imitate her virtues; her example may be the best instruction to me.
BLANDFORD.
I’m glad to hear you think so: I’ll introduce you to her: from this time forward I shall look upon you, Adine, as a son whom fortune has thrown in my way, to make amends for all her past unkindness; it is impossible to know without loving thee; your disposition is only too pliant and flexible; nothing therefore can be of more service to you than to keep company with a prudent and discreet woman, whose acquaintance will improve the goodness of your heart, and confirm you in your honesty, and love of justice, without depriving you at the same time of that sweetness and complacency which I own I find myself deficient in: a woman of sense and beauty, who has nothing trifling or ridiculous in her, is an excellent school for a young fellow at your time of life; it will form your mind, and direct your heart; her house is the temple of honor.
ADINE.
The sooner we visit it then the better; but her example is so uncommon, I fear I shall never be able to follow it.
BLANDFORD.
Why not?
ADINE.
Because I like yours better: there is something in your virtue, though the external appearance has too much severity in it, that charms me: it must, I am sure, be good at the bottom: you have always been my favorite, but for Dorfise —
BLANDFORD.
[Going towards the door of Dorfise’s house.
You must not indeed flatter yourself that you can at once be able to imitate her; but in time you may: however, let me advise you to see Dorfise, and to avoid her cousin.
[He is going in, Collette comes out, stops him, and shuts the door; he knocks at it.
COLLETTE.
You must not go in, sir.
BLANDFORD.
Not I?
COLLETTE.
No, sir.
BLANDFORD.
How’s this, Blandford refused admittance?
COLLETTE.
My mistress, sir, is retired to her apartment, and would be private.
BLANDFORD.
I admire her delicacy, but I must go in.
COLLETTE.
Pray hear me, sir.
BLANDFORD.
Not I: I will go in, and this minute too.
[He goes in.
COLLETTE.
Stay, sir.
ADINE.
I’ll follow him and see the event of this strange interview.
SCENE V.
COLLETTE.
[Alone.
Now will he see her, and discover all: I’m frightened to death about it: ‘twill be all over now with my poor mistress: what a foolish woman! to stipulate this secret marriage, and give herself to such a fellow as Bartolin: what will the malicious world say? well; women are strange creatures, that’s the truth of it: nay, and so are the men too: what excessive weakness! to be sure my mistress is a fool; she deceives herself and everybody else; and half her time is employed in finding out artifices to hide her indiscretion, and repair her reputation. She follows her inclination, and then has recourse to intrigue and management, and yet she takes no care of the main point: this is a cursed adventure for us, and a most unfortunate return: how will Blandford take the injury she has done him? here have we no less than three husbands in the house, two of them promised, and the other, I believe, absolutely taken: a woman in such a case must be a little hampered.
SCENE VI.
DORFISE, COLLETTE.
COLLETTE.
O madam, what’s to be done?
DORFISE.
Fear nothing; there are ways and means to dazzle people’s eyes, to delay, and put off matters; men are easily managed, their weakness is our strength, and helps our designs against them: I have got myself out of the worst scrape: our disagreeable interview is over — and I have sent the good man — God speed him — into the country to his old crony Bartolin. who may lend him some money; at least I shall gain time by it, and that’s enough.
COLLETTE.
But surely, madam, the deuce was in you to sign that plagued contract! what had you to do with Bartolin?
DORFISE.
The devil, my dear, is full of spite, that’s certain: that fellow persecuted me so: but we tempt, and are tempted, and the heart easily surrenders: you know we heard that Blandford would never come back again.
COLLETTE.
That he was dead.
DORFISE.
I was left without any support, money or friends, and weak withal: all owing to the weakness of my sex, Collette; but our stars will prevail: ‘tis often the lot of a beauty to marry a scab: my heart was severely attacked.
COLLETTE.
There are certain seasons very dangerous to a prude: but if you must sacrifice to love, you should have taken the chevalier, he is handsome.
DORFISE.
O but I wanted a bit of intrigue and mystery, besides I am not fond of his character: but he is useful to me: he is my puffer, my emissary: he’s a prate-apace you know, and can scatter reports about town for me that may be serviceable.
COLLETTE.
But Bartolin is such a villain.
DORFISE.
Yes, but —
COLLETTE.
And for his wit, I’m sure there are no charms in that.
DORFISE.
No: but —
COLLETTE.
But what?
DORFISE.
Fate, whim, caprice, my unhappy circumstances, a little avarice withal, and then opportunity — in short, I surrendered, played the fool, and signed the contract. I kept, you know, Blandford’s strong box, and after he was gone, gave away a little of his money for him — out of charity: who would ever have thought, that, after two years, he should be constant to his old flame, and come back again to look for his wife and his strong box?
COLLETTE.
Everybody here said he was dead, and now he is not; the fellow’s a fool, and stands in his own light.
DORFISE.
[Resuming the Prude.
Well, since the man’s alive, I must give him his jewels back: let him take them: but Bartolin has got them to keep for me; he fancies they are mine, holds them fast, and is fond of them and as jealous as he is of me.
COLLETTE.
So I suppose.
DORFISE.
Husbands, jewels, virtue, and character, how to reconcile you all, heaven knows!
SCENE VII.
MONDOR, ADINE, DORFISE.
MONDOR.
I must drive away this powerful rival, who gives himself such airs, and despises me; positively must.
ADINE.
[Coming in slowly.
What’s this? I’ll listen a little.
MONDOR.
In short, I must make myself happy, and punish his insolence: ‘tis you, ‘tis Dorfise alone whom I adore: let old Darmin enjoy his little coquette, they are not worth our notice: but Blandford, the severe and virtuous Blandford, there I own I could wish to triumph: he thinks you can refuse him nothing, because he is a man of honor and virtue: now to me these are the most disagreeable creatures in the universe; indeed, my queen, you’ll soon be heartily tired of him.
DORFISE.
[Prudishly, after looking steadfastly at Adine.
You are mistaken, sir: I have the highest respect and esteem for M. Blandford.
MONDOR.
There are those, madam, whom one may esteem, and yet laugh at, and make fools of: is it not so?
ADINE.
[Aside.
Amazing! she is constant and virtuous: doubtless she loves him: I am confounded: who would have thought it?
DORFISE.
What is he talking of?
ADINE.
[Aside.
Dorfise is faithful, and, to complete my misery, she is handsome.
DORFISE.
[To Mondor, after looking tenderly at Adine.
He says, I am handsome.
MONDOR.
There he’s right: but he begins to be troublesome: hark’ee, child, I have something to say to this lady in private.
ADINE.
I will retire, sir.
DORFISE.
[To Mondor.
I say, sir, you are greatly mistaken.
[To Adine.
Stay you here, my dear.
[To Mondor.
How dare you, sir, send him away?
[To Adine.
Come hither, child: he’s almost ready to weep; the sweet boy! he shall stay with me: Blandford brought him to me; and from the first moment I took a fancy to him: I like his disposition.
MONDOR.
O let his disposition alone, for heaven’s sake, and attend to me: this Blandford, madam, I know you hate him: you have often told me he is brutal, jealous —
DORFISE.
[Angrily.
Never, sir.
[To Adine.
What age are you?
ADINE.
Eighteen, madam.
DORFISE.
Such tender youth as thine requires the curb of wisdom to guide and direct it: vice is bewitching, temptations frequent, and example dangerous: a single glance may be your ruin; be upon your guard against women, nay, and against yourself, and dread the poisonous blast that withers the sweet flower of virtue.
MONDOR.
Prithee, Dorfise, let the boy’s flower alone: what is it to you whether it be withered or not? mind me, my dear.
DORFISE.
My God! his innocence is so engaging!
MONDOR.
‘Tis a mere child.
DORFISE.
[Coming up to Adine.
What’s your name, my dear, and whence come you?
ADINE.
My name, madam, is Adine; I was born in Greece: M. Blandford brought me over with Darmin.
DORFISE.
‘Twas kindly done of him.
MONDOR.
What a ridiculous curiosity! here I am making strong love to you, and you all the while talking to a child.
DORFISE.
[Softly.
Be quiet, you blockhead!
SCENE VIII.
DORFISE, MONDOR, ADINE, COLLETTE.
COLLETTE.
Madam.
DORFISE.
Well!
COLLETTE.
They wait for you at the assembly.
DORFISE.
Well: I shall be there presently.
MONDOR.
Hang your engagement: I tell you what, my dear; you and I will put an end to these prudish meetings, these conspiracies against love, taste, and gayety: upon my word, child, it does not become a beautiful young creature, as you are, to go about declaring against everything that’s joyous, amongst a parcel of toothless old beldames, that meet together in their gloomy vaults to weep over the pleasures of the living: but I’ll go and rout these immortal tattlers, and stop their clack with a hundred bon-mots.
DORFISE.
For heaven’s sake, don’t go and expose me there, I desire you: positively you shall not.
MONDOR.
Positively I will, this minute, and tell them you are coming.
[He goes out.
DORFISE.
The wild creature!
[To Adine.
Avoid, my dear, whatever you do, such fools as these: be prudent, and discreet: make my compliments to Blandford — what a piercing eye!
ADINE.
[Turning back.
Did you speak, madam?
DORFISE.
That sweet complexion! that ingenuous look! so charming! so modest! — I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you often.
ADINE.
I shall pay my respects, madam, with the greatest pleasure: madam, your servant.
DORFISE.
Adieu, my dear child.
ADINE.
I don’t know what to think of it: I can’t discover whether she deceives him or not; all I know is, I love him.
SCENE IX.
DORFISE, COLLETTE.
DORFISE.
[Looking after Adine.
What said he? I love! love whom? perhaps the boy has fallen in love with me; he talks to himself, stops, and looks at me; I have certainly turned his brain.
COLLETTE.
He ogles you most wonderfully, and looks with such tenderness.
DORFISE.
Is that my fault, Collette? how can I possibly help it?
COLLETTE.
Very true, madam: but danger approaches: I am terribly afraid of this Blandford’s coming back again, and dread still more the savage resentment of Bartolin.
DORFISE.
[Sighing.
This young Turk’s mighty handsome! do you think he is a Turk? that an infidel can have such softness in his manner, so fine a figure? I fancy I could convert him.
COLLETTE.
I’ll tell you what I fancy: that when it is discovered you are married to Bartolin, your reputation will be severely handled: Blandford will storm dreadfully, and your little Turk will be of no great service to you.
DORFISE.
Never do you fear.
COLLETTE.
I have long, madam, relied on your prudence: but Bartolin is a jealous brute, and what’s worse, he is — your husband: ‘tis really a melancholy case, and indeed rather singular: the two rivals, I am afraid, will be very intractable.
DORFISE.
O I can avoid them both: peace is the object of my wishes: it is my duty and my interest to foresee and prevent the ill consequences of a discovery; I have friends, men of merit and fortune.
COLLETTE.
Take their advice.
DORFISE.
I intend to, immediately.
COLLETTE.
But whose?
DORFISE.
Why, let me see — suppose I ask this stranger — this little —
COLLETTE.
Ask his advice? the advice of a beardless boy?
DORFISE.
He seems to be very sensible, and if he is, why not consult him? let me tell you, young people are the best counsellors in things of this kind: he might throw some light on my affairs; besides, he is Blandford’s friend, and I must talk with him.
COLLETTE.
O to be sure, madam, ‘tis quite necessary.
DORFISE.
And as one talks over such things better at table, it would not be amiss to ask him to dinner: what think you?
COLLETTE.
Softly there, madam: excuse me, but you who are so afraid of scandal —
DORFISE.
I am afraid of nothing: I know what I am about: when once a reputation is established, we may be perfectly easy about it: all the party will defend us, and cry out on our side.
COLLETTE.
Ay, but the world will talk, madam.
DORFISE.
Well! for once we’ll submit to the wicked world: I’ll give up this innocent dinner, and not sharpen their malicious tongues: I’ll talk no more with Adine, never see him again; and yet, after all, what could they say of a child? but to chastity and virtue I will add the appearance of them also; will observe decency and decorum: I’ll do it in my cousin’s name, and beg her —
COLLETTE.
An excellent contrivance! a woman of the world has no reputation to lose; one may put her name to ten billets-doux; she may have as many lovers, as many assignations as she pleases: nobody’s offended, nobody blushes, nobody’s surprised: but if, perchance, a lady of honor makes a false step, it must be carefully concealed.
DORFISE.
A false step! I make a false step! thank heaven! I have nothing to reproach myself with: to be sure, I have signed, but I am not yet absolute Mme. Bartolin: he has a claim, and that’s all; and perhaps I may find a method to get rid of my master: I have an excellent design in my head: if this handsome Turk has any inclination to me, I am satisfied everything will go well; I am yet mistress of myself, and can terminate all happily: go you, and ask him to dinner: is there any harm in having an agreeable young fellow at one’s table, and one that can give good advice, too?
COLLETTE.
O excellent advice! nothing can be more proper: let us immediately set about this charitable work.
End of the Second Act.