The little fella arrived at our place looking like King Farouk. The dude was loaded with gold. Gold rings on his fingers, two gold earrings, gold tiepin, gold cufflinks, gold teeth. As for the threads … He had on a silk suit with a silk handkerchief sticking out of the top pocket. He was wearing highly-polished platform shoes that jacked his height up about ten centimetres — which helped a bit, but not much. He was carrying a huge box of chocolates wrapped up in crackly cellophane and tied with a pink ribbon. The ribbon looked like it was silk as well.
‘Holy dooly, Easter,’ I said. ‘We’re just going to the flicks.’
‘You gotta look good for a date,’ Easter said. ‘Do you think Mrs Chandor will like these?’ He waved the box of chocs around. The hall light made the cellophane sparkle like something you’d throw a bucket of water over.
‘Well, if she doesn’t like them, me and Tanya will knock ’em off,’ I said. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
We took a taxi to Tanya’s place. It was a neat little house with a lemon tree in the front garden. We left the taxi with the meter ticking and proceeded up the path to the door. The little chap seemed ridiculously nervous. He wasn’t a bit like the tough little kidnapper I’d first met. He stood there on the front veranda trying to smooth the crinkles out of the cellophane. There was this crackling sound — like the damn choccies really were on fire.
‘Cut it out, Easter,’ I said. ‘She’s not going to bite your head off.’
Actually, I wasn’t so sure. The door opened. A sort of older version of Tanya stood there. She looked very pretty, but she didn’t look very pleased to see us.
‘You,’ she said to me.
‘Me,’ I said, ‘and this is my mate, Easter, who’s kindly consented to make up the party.’
‘What party?’ Mrs Chandor said.
‘The going-to-the-movies party,’ I said.
‘Struth, what a gang of freaks,’ Mrs Chandor said. ‘This little shrimp looks like he belongs in a bottle.’
‘He’s a jockey,’ I said. ‘Diminutive stature is no handicap for a prince of the turf.’
‘It might be a handicap in the movies. What’s he planning to do? Stand on the seat?’
‘He could sit on your lap,’ I said.
Mrs Chandor started to shut the door in our faces, but Tanya came bowling through. She pushed past her mum and hurtled out the door, knocking it wide open again. She put her arms round me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then she turned to Easter and said, ‘G’day, you must be the blind dude,’ before patting him on the head and taking a squiz at the chocolates, reading the label through the cellophane.
‘Yumolla,’ she said. ‘Forbidden Fruits, my favourite. The ones with the liqueur centres are the best. If you really hoe into them and guzzle two or three dozen you can get drunk. We’ll get stuck into them in the taxi. Come on, Mum, move your butt.’
Tanya grabbed my arm and we set off towards the taxi. As we were piling into the back seat I heard the house door slam. I thought for a moment that Mrs Chandor had gone back inside in disgust, but she was coming down the path with Easter.
‘I’m doing this under protest,’ she was saying. ‘The only reason I’m going to be seen out in public with you two deadbeats is because I wouldn’t trust my daughter with either of you for half a second.’
‘Don’t say that, Mrs Chandor,’ Easter said. ‘Your daughter looks very trustworthy to me. I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything …’
‘It’s not her, you mongrel! It’s you and that weirdo with the brain job.’
‘Shut up, Mum,’ Tanya called out of the taxi door. ‘Just get into the cab. Stick the little guy in the front. Now let’s have a go at the chocs. Me and Scalp won’t be sitting anywhere near you, so we’ll get a head start with the Forbidden Fruits now.’
Easter found himself an aisle seat, which would allow him a good view of the screen. Mrs Chandor sat beside him. The moment they were seated, Tanya and I scarpered up the back. From where we were sitting we could see the backs of their heads. Mrs Chandor could have been Easter’s mum, not Tanya’s.
‘Do you think he’s got any hot tips for the races?’ Tanya said. ‘Him being a jockey and that.’
‘Probably has,’ I said, ‘but you’d be mad to take any notice of them.’
‘My mum likes a flutter down at the TAB. If she and Easter get talking about odds and correct weights and that, they might find they’ve got something in common.’
‘Listen,’ I said. ‘If Easter tells your mum to bet on a horse called Staxa Fun, you tell her from me: Don’t.’
‘Aw, let’s not worry about them,’ Tanya said.
The lights dimmed and went out. Tanya and I slid down in our seats and held hands. We watched the film and looked at each other in the dark during the boring bits and didn’t take much notice of anything. That is, until the interval, when Tanya went on a quick expedition to bum a few more chocolates. When she came back she said: ‘They’ve gone and eaten the lot. The pigs. They’ll be sick. Serve them right. And what’s more the little guy was telling Mum to bet on Staxa Fun, and guess what.’
‘What?’
‘That creep’s here. That cop that’s always hanging round your shop.’
‘Where?’
‘A couple of rows behind Mum. There. He’s got his feet up on the seat in front of him.’
And there he was, Senior Constable Sergie Poldarski in plain clothes. His plain clothes consisted of huge boots, jeans and a bulky jacket.
‘Do you reckon he’s carrying concealed weapons?’ I said to Tanya.
‘What would he want concealed weapons for? You don’t need a gun to look at a movie screen.’
‘He’s come to arrest the dude with the horse,’ I said.
Tanya giggled.
‘Fair dink,’ I said. ‘I told him all about it after you’d left the shop. How the dude was going to ride the horse into the cinema and dump all over the place.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ said Tanya. ‘And I’m gunna turn into a pumpkin at midnight. He may not be the brightest cop that ever lived, but he hasn’t come here to arrest a crapping horse.’
‘Wait and see,’ I said.
The lights went down again.