The tack shed was a pleasant sort of place. It was only made of rusty old galvanized iron and bits of bush timber, but the sun shone in through a window covered in cobwebs and through the open door. There was a saddle resting on a wooden frame, some reins and other harness hanging from hooks on the wall. At the other end of the shed was a pile of hay and a few sacks of oats. You could hear bees droning on outside somewhere. Tanya sat on the saddle. Neither of us felt like returning to the picnic immediately.
‘Gee, that horse is off its rocker,’ Tanya said. ‘It’s a total fruitcake.’
‘It’s just angry,’ I said. ‘I hope it doesn’t make life too hard for Easter. It could easily throw the little twerp off and stomp him to death.’
‘Do you like Easter?’ Tanya said.
‘I don’t mind the guy,’ I said.
‘My mum thinks he’s cute.’
‘I think your mum thinks he’s a bit more than cute,’ I said. ‘I reckon she’s stuck on the dude.’
‘Trouble is, she’s got a real bad track record with men,’ Tanya said. ‘She’s had some turkeys. You should’ve met my dad.’
‘You might end up with Easter for a dad,’ I said.
Tanya giggled. ‘Gee, I can pat the little fella on the head. He’d be more like a baby brother.’
‘How would you feel about it?’ I said. ‘Say he moved in with you.’
‘Could be worse,’ Tanya said. ‘It’s nice just having Mum to myself. But she’s actually easier to live with when she’s got some guy hanging around. Even if the bloke isn’t in the house. You know, she’s less frustrated.’
‘Yeah, they’re like that,’ I said. ‘Adults.’
‘Well, you’d know,’ Tanya said. ‘You being one.’
‘I’m not an adult,’ I said. ‘I’m fifteen.’
‘That joke’s getting a bit stale, Scalp. You can’t get prematurely aged by falling off a bike. You’re just some old guy who’s hopelessly immature.’
‘No. Straight up,’ I said. ‘My brain is only fifteen. Rachel and Gazza stuffed my brain into this body. The same as they stuffed Luis into the horse.’
‘True fact?’
‘True fact,’ I said.
‘Well, if I hadn’t seen them do it with the horse, I’d never have believed it.’
‘But you have seen them do it with the horse,’ I said.
‘So I believe it,’ said Tanya and put her arms round me.
We both collapsed on the hay. For a while we were real friendly. Really getting to know one another. We lay around in the straw and kissed and I told Tanya about the days when I’d just been a normal kid with a passion for BMX bikes. I told her a bit about my life after Rachel and Gazza had shanghaied me out of the hospital and into Snood’s Laboratories. Then we just kissed some more. Tanya stopped kissing me and giggled. ‘Gee, Scalp, I’m glad they didn’t stuff you into a horse,’ she said. ‘I reckon smooching with a horse would be a bit off. Really gross.’
‘Where’s the tack?’ said Alex from the door.
We both looked up. The defrocked vet was standing there looking annoyed. ‘You were meant to be fetching the tack, not rolling around in the hay.’
‘Young love,’ I said. ‘It knows no bounds.’
‘Just get the gear and bring it out to the horse,’ he said. ‘The animal’s getting restless.’
Tanya and I stood up and brushed ourselves down. As we were collecting the saddle and the other bits and pieces, she said, ‘It’s funny how we all talk about Luis as “the animal”. And half the time we call him it.’
‘It’s a bit hard not to,’ I said. ‘He looks like a horse. He is a horse.’
‘Maybe we should try and be a bit kinder to him,’ Tanya said. ‘Make sure he knows we still consider him a human being.’
‘Maybe we should,’ I said. ‘But the truth is we don’t really consider him a human being, do we? We consider him a horse.’
‘Let’s try and consider him a sort of human horse,’ Tanya said.
You could tell that Luis the human horse didn’t much like being saddled up. He snorted and curled his lip and wasn’t too cooperative.
‘Come on, Luis,’ said the little guy. ‘We can’t win races with me riding you bareback. Stand still.’
When Easter and Alex had finally got Staxa Fun saddled and up and running, he wasn’t half bad. As far as I could tell, he was bloody marvellous. When it comes to jumps, I’m more a BMX man myself, but I can recognize excellence in others. Staxa soared, he flew, he had air.
In the paddock next to the one we had been picnicking in, there was a rough course marked out. It had various obstacles for the horse to jump over: poles, walls, brush fences, puddles, a dam for it to wade through, a bit of gully erosion.
We all sat on the wooden fence and shouted encouragement. Staxa Fun went hurtling round the track. Easter leaned forward in the saddle, getting his bum up in the air.
‘Look like you’re doing something, Easter,’ yelled Alex.
‘He is doing something,’ Mrs Chandor said.
‘No, he’s not,’ said Alex. ‘He’s just going for a ride.’
‘That’s his job, dumbo. He’s a jockey.’
‘He’s meant to look like he’s in control. He’s meant to look like he’s telling the horse what to do. The stewards would go bananas if they saw someone riding like that in a race.’
‘What’s the matter with him?’ I said.
‘Look at the reins,’ Alex said. ‘They’re hanging down like skipping ropes.’ He yelled at Easter: ‘Tug on the reins, man, control the horse.’
‘Jeez, I wouldn’t try controlling Luis,’ said Tanya. ‘He’s got a mind of his own.’
‘Well, he has, but no-one’s meant to know,’ said Alex. ‘Easter’s got to disguise the fact.’
Staxa went sailing over a jump and Easter tried to steer him around to the right, pulling gingerly on the right rein. Staxa shook his head and snorted. He kept going straight ahead.
‘Put a bit of effort into it, East,’ yelled Mrs Chandor, ‘Haul the old nag round.’
‘Mum,’ said Tanya, ‘I don’t think that’ll work.’
‘Course it’ll work,’ Mrs Chandor said. ‘If he hauls the head round to one side, the rest of the horse will follow. Stands to reason.’
But Staxa wasn’t going to follow his head. He kept galloping straight on. Easter pulled harder. Staxa jerked his head against the reins. Easter was wrenched forward. He almost lost his balance. He dropped the reins and flung both arms round the horse’s neck.
‘Go, Luis!’ yelled Tanya.
‘Whose side are you on?’ said her mother.
‘We’ve gotta be nice to Luis,’ said Tanya. ‘Show him he’s appreciated.’
The horse was rapidly disappearing towards the end of the paddock. Easter released its neck and managed to get himself sitting up in the saddle. Without any help from the jockey, Staxa turned in a wide arc and came thundering back down the field straight at the water jump.
‘Take him over the wall,’ shouted Alex.
Easter hauled on the left rein, trying to divert the thundering beast from its chosen path. But Staxa Fun wasn’t going to be diverted to the wall. Staxa was aiming for the water jump. The water jump was a scrubby brush fence in front of a wide ditch full of muddy water and green algae. With a really good leap the horse would be able to clear both fence and ditch.
‘The wall,’ yelled Alex. ‘Take him over the wall.’
Easter pulled harder on the left rein, but you could tell he wasn’t too keen to annoy Staxa; he wasn’t putting much effort in. Above the noise of the drumming hooves we could hear Easter yelling into Staxa’s ear.
‘Come on, Luis. Don’t be a pain,’ Easter shouted. ‘Just do what Alex says. He’s the trainer. Come on mate, let’s have a crack at the wall.’
Staxa began his final approach to the water jump. Easter gave up trying for the wall and crouched low over Staxa’s neck, ready for the flight over the ditch. But Staxa wasn’t going flying. Only Easter was going flying. At the last moment Staxa dug his heels in, put down his neck and flicked his huge hindquarters into the air. The horse stayed on one side of the brush fence. Easter took off for the other. He splashed down like a killer whale. There was mud and algae all over the place.
‘East!’ yelled Mrs Chandor. ‘Oh, my poor baby.’
‘Baby is about right,’ said Tanya.
But Mrs Chandor had set off across the paddock to the water jump, where Easter’s stunned form could be seen floating face up in the slime.
‘Oh gawd,’ said Tanya, ‘She’s going to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation.’
But before Mrs Chandor reached the stricken jockey, he pulled himself upright and staggered out of the ditch. He looked a treat. He looked like a melting chocolate frog. He didn’t look very cuddly. Mrs Chandor went straight up to Easter and gave him a cuddle.
‘Oh gawd,’ said Tanya again. ‘I think you’re right about the little fella being my next dad.’
‘Check Luis,’ said Gazza. ‘Victory dance.’
Staxa had gone troppo. The horse was frisking about all over the paddock. Leaping up on its front legs, leaping up on its back legs. Snorting like a looney. Easter turned away from his muddy embrace with Tanya’s mum and shook his fist at the horse. Staxa turned his bum towards the jockey, lifted his tail and farted.
‘Good one, Luis,’ yelled Rachel. ‘Remember, don’t bottle it all up inside, mate, let it all out.’
‘Stop stirring,’ said Alex. ‘Those two have got to cooperate or we’re stuffed.’
‘You’re the trainer, Alex,’ said Rachel. ‘It’s you who’ve got to weld man and horse into one invincible fighting unit. Look upon it as a challenge.’