Most of us would avoid taking drugs that we know have detrimental side effects. Yet much of the time we are not very selective about the thoughts that we put in our minds—nor are we aware of the toxic effects these thoughts can have on our bodies.
Back in chapter one, I spoke of that part of ourselves which sees us as only a body and a personality. It is the part which tells us that our happiness is found in the external world through the accumulation of things. It is the part which tells us that if we could only find the right relationship to be in, everything in our lives would be perfect. And it is the part which believes that when things go wrong, the only reasonable thing to do is to find someone or some situation to blame. We called this part of us ego.
It can be helpful to think of the ego as having a belief system of its own. If we want, we can accept its beliefs or seek other ways of looking at the world. Of course, we have to remember that our egos are part of who we are. The greater our ability to recognize our fearful ego, the freer we are to choose a more loving and peaceful life.
Think of the ego’s thought system as being based on fear, guilt, and blame. If we were to choose only to follow its guiding principles, we would always be in a state of conflict, and any peace or happiness that we might have will completely elude us.
Given that this is the way the ego works, it should come as no surprise that it does not believe in forgiveness. In fact, it will do everything it can to convince us that nobody in the world deserves our forgiveness. It even goes a step further than this and says that we do not deserve forgiveness ourselves! It clings fiercely to the belief that people do things for which they must never be forgiven.
The ego does, however, believe that we must constantly defend ourselves. It communicates this to us in feelings that we can easily recognize. For example, the unforgiving mind of the ego would try to convince us that the only way to protect ourselves from further harm is to punish the other person with our anger and our hatred, withdrawing from them so that they will feel bad for what they have done.
Our egos show up for us in the feeling that we would be foolish, stupid, or just plain insane to forgive this person whose actions have in some way hurt or threatened us. And if that were not enough, our egos remind us that there are people in our lives who are quite willing to nudge us and say that such-and-such a person hurt us and deserves our anger, not our forgiveness.
Of course, our egos are very clever. They know how to pick and choose their witnesses. And you can be sure that they have a good eye for selecting only those who totally agree with them. The friends I pick today, now that I am on a spiritual path, are quite different from the ones I had around me during those days when I was addicted to alcohol.
The ego is filled with contradictions. It has to hide from us, for example, the fact that when we hold on to our anger to punish others, we imprison ourselves. Another secret it has to keep is that our unforgiving thoughts create a hole in our hearts, not only causing a sense of loss and sadness but keeping us from experiencing inner peace and love. That hole separates us from each other and from our spiritual connection with each other.
If you believe in God, the ego may be busy telling you that your God is judgmental and angry. The ego may be busy telling you that God is ready to drop a brick on you to punish you for your misdeeds and “wrong” thoughts. The ego may be busy telling you that you cannot trust or feel safe with God.
The ego frequently tries to tell you that unconditional love from God is nothing but an illusion which you create and that as long as you hold on to this silly notion, you are deceiving yourself.
Our egos would have us believe that God is truly wrathful and ready at a moment’s notice to cause people to die, to create natural disasters such as earthquakes and tornadoes that kill many people and leave them homeless. The ego would even have us believe that these are ways to punish people for misdeeds and wrong thoughts.
The unforgiving mind of the ego always has a good stock of fear, misery, pain, suffering, despair, weariness, and doubt. It is a mind that views mistakes as sins that should never be forgotten.
Possible Toxic Side Effects of Our Thoughts
Physicians try to be aware of the possible side effects of the medications they prescribe to their patients. And in this day as patients take greater responsibility for their own health, most of us also educate ourselves with that kind of information. If we are to free ourselves of the burden and discomfort of our grievances, we need to look just as carefully at the thoughts we put in our minds as we do at the drugs we put in our bodies. The side effects of holding unforgiving thoughts in our minds can have a very negative impact on our well-being. Take a look at the following list. Here are just a few of the physical problems that may be associated with an unforgiving mind:
• Headaches
• Backaches
• Pains in the neck
• Stomachaches and ulcer-like symptoms
• Depression
• Lack of energy
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Tenseness and being “on edge”
• Free-floating fear (fear not attached to any particular event)
• Unhappiness
Few of us would ever take drugs that we know can hurt us. Yet we are not nearly as selective about the thoughts that we put in our minds. What is the antidote? What is the most powerful medicine we have for healing the thoughts that cause this long list of symptoms? Forgiveness. It is a powerful, amazing, and miraculous healer, with the capacity for making all these symptoms disappear.
The unforgiving mind hides from our awareness the fact that we imprison ourselves by holding on to anger and hate.*
Forgiving others is the first step to forgiving ourselves.*
Our immune systems can become stronger when we forgive.