Coach Yourself
Michelle Carter is a world champion, an Olympic gold medalist, and an American record holder in women’s shot put.
She is good at what she does and knows how to live with focus. Her professional career is based on decisions she made a long time ago, a direction she has remained committed to, discernment she uses every day, and discipline that keeps her at the top of her game.
Michelle makes winning look easy.
She walks out onto the field with rhythm and ease, and uses her body to throw an almost nine-pound ball many meters.
It’s clear that Michelle knows what she is doing.
Michelle is a friend of mine, and when she was preparing for the Olympic Games in Rio—where she won the gold medal—I asked her what it has taken for her to keep her focus and continue to have a successful career.
Michelle’s response? She has learned to coach herself.
Michelle has learned what it means to be her own best friend.
When she gets tired of doing all the things that have gotten her where she is now, she encourages herself to keep doing them. Michelle also coaches herself when she’s on the field getting ready to throw that metal ball. She walks herself mentally through the movements she’s thoroughly practiced and talks herself, sometimes audibly, through her game.
“Okay, girl, you know how to do this.”
“Stay relaxed.”
“Be patient. Don’t rush it. Give your legs time to generate the power you need to throw.”
Michelle understands the importance of coaching herself by being her own encourager when necessary, even if that means talking out loud to herself on the field.
God has given us an opportunity to use all He has put in and around us to fully engage in this life. With every breath we take, we inhale another possibility, another moment to honor Him with attitudes and actions that bring Him glory, bless others, and honor the unique gift of the girl inside us.
If we are willing to focus on doing our part.
If focus is central—the hub in the wheel that moves your life forward—then your decisions, direction, discernment, and discipline are the spokes—your efforts to set things in motion. But what it takes to start making progress is not always enough to keep making progress. Like a wheel, the hub of your life also needs a rim. Your ability to coach yourself is that rim.
It is good to have people in your life who cheer you on or give you guidance, but you must be willing to encourage yourself so you can keep your momentum going.
While it’s wise to have a mentor or guide, the only person who will be with you for all of your life, all of the time, is you! If you can befriend yourself and coach yourself, especially when the process of your progress is wearing you out, you will have the wherewithal to stick with it and stay in motion.
And like any coach anywhere, your encouragement will involve using words.
Use Your Words
Our words matter.
Proverbs 18:21 says that “the tongue has the power of life and death.”
You will believe what you tell yourself, so be careful what you say.
It is your job to get up every day and coach yourself, to tell yourself who you are, whose you are, and what you expect yourself to do.
Your commitment to moving forward requires you to encourage yourself, whether or not anyone else is encouraging you. Choose to regularly honor the girl inside of you with words of acceptance and affirmation based on her inherent God-given value.
You will believe what you tell yourself, so be careful what you say.
I challenged you earlier in our journey together to tell yourself that you’re okay, but now I want you to understand how important it is to do even more than that with your words. I want you to come up with words that affirm your value and say them to yourself on a regular basis, particularly when you are facing something hard.
Even David, the great warrior, faced times of great discouragement and difficulty. When he faced defeat at the hands of his enemies and rejection by those who claimed to be his friends, David “encouraged himself in the Lord his God” (1 Sam. 30:6 KJV).
David chose faith in the God who made him and belief in the purpose God had for his life, even when moving forward seemed hard and he felt like quitting. And he encouraged himself to keep going.
Speaking life to your heart and to your situation may mean speaking God’s truth out loud as you look yourself in the eye. Speaking life simply means speaking kindly to yourself and encouraging yourself just like you would a good friend. And it’s worth learning to be your own best friend, even if it means talking to yourself out loud every now and again.
Learn to be your own best friend.
Speak kindly.
Speak with love.
And truth.
Wherever you see the need for change in your life, start speaking that change into your life. The power to do so lies in your own tongue.
Coach Your Life with Your Lips
Maybe you need to tell yourself that you’re a good mother if you have teenagers who don’t make you feel that way. Maybe you need to rehearse that you’re a strong woman who chooses to live with purpose even while you sit in traffic yet another morning. Maybe you simply need to remind yourself each and every day that you are loved by God and then walk with confidence in your inherent value.
We can be tempted to rehearse what we see when we look in the mirror right now or repeat our feelings about our situation today. But if your tongue has the power to give life, you should coach your girl by speaking confidently to her about who she is, what is possible, and what she can become.
Maybe when you look in the mirror you don’t like what you see. You might find yourself saying, “I’m fat,” or, “I don’t like my shape.” You might lament the shape of your nose, the wrinkles in your skin, or the gnarly gray hairs that grow back faster than you can pluck ’em.
But if you choose to rehearse only what’s wrong with you, you’ll only be putting effort into tearing yourself down. While you should do what you can to change what positively affects your health, use your words to endorse that you are a unique, beautiful creation—crooked nose, wrinkly skin, gnarly gray hairs, and all.
Instead of saying, “I’m fat,” you can say, “I am the best me I can be right now, and every day I have the power to do something to move in the direction of a healthier version of me.”
Instead of saying, “I’m getting old,” you can say, “I’m so blessed to have lived long enough to gain wisdom, maturity, and experience. If God could use me when I was twenty, I wonder how He’s going to use me to make a difference in this world now!”
It’s all in how you look at it, and it’s all in how you choose to speak to the girl in you.
Overwhelmed? You might be, but don’t rehearse that. Once you acknowledge your situation, don’t live there. Speak life to yourself, reminding your girl she has the power to be both the keeper of her schedule and the keeper of her attitude about the things she cannot control. You could say, “I feel overwhelmed right now, but I can choose to remove something from my life that will open up more time in my schedule.”
Stuck in a job you don’t like? Don’t rehearse that you hate your job. Rehearse the gifts, skills, or abilities you can cultivate now to prepare for the next opportunity that will come your way.
Tired of being alone? While you may feel lonely, don’t talk about that state of mind and heart more than you talk about how you are a good friend, sister, or mentor. You have the power to initiate and create connection in your life every day!
Silence the negative self-talk.
Silence the negative self-talk. The girl in you needs to hear that you believe in her. Affirm who you are, whose you are, and what is possible.
Fight for you.
While Michelle Carter is an accomplished athlete and regularly coaches herself on the field, she doesn’t stop there. Michelle is also a motivational speaker.
The opportunity to share encouragement with others has come by way of her success as an athlete, but speaking has not always been Michelle’s most comfortable playing field.
Michelle has ADD and dyslexia. She struggles with words. She used to hesitate when asked to speak in front of others because she didn’t want to mess up the words, sound stupid, or not be able to express herself clearly.
The same self-coaching Michelle uses on the field has served her well when in front of a mic.
“Okay, girl, you know how to do this.”
“Stay relaxed.”
“Be patient. Don’t rush it. Give your mind time to generate the words you want to share.”
Because speaking hasn’t always been comfortable for her, Michelle has learned to draw on other sources of encouragement as well.
“You may be ADD and dyslexic, but that’s how God made you.”
“You are worthy of this opportunity.”
“You have not been given a spirit of fear.”
“You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.”
Whether Michelle is on the field or in the front of an auditorium, she coaches herself by letting her head lead her heart and her actions by using her words. She encourages herself, reinforcing the focused preparation and practice that have led her to this point. Michelle rehearses what she knows to be true about herself and what she knows to be true about her God, both in her mind and with her mouth.
Be willing to encourage yourself. Even if it means being the woman who talks to herself out loud every now and then, be a good friend to you. Rehearse what is true and good about you in light of what you know to be true about the God who created you.
Pursue progress in your life, and reinforce your efforts by coaching yourself along the way.