‘SORRY to bother you, Catherine, but I wondered if I could have a word.’
Surgery had just ended and Catherine was clearing up when Ann Talbot knocked on her door. She put down the notes she’d been holding and beckoned the older woman into the room.
‘Come in, Ann. Actually, I was hoping I’d get the chance to speak to you. How’s David?’
‘Not too good, I’m afraid.’ Ann sighed as she closed the door. ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I know it’s supposed to be your afternoon off, but Matt’s still tied up with a patient, plus he’s got a list of calls that need doing later.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Catherine quickly assured her. ‘Sharon told me that you’d had to go and see David because his carer hadn’t turned up.’
‘That’s right.’ Ann sat down by the desk. She was an attractive woman in her late forties with softly waving blonde hair and a quiet manner. Catherine knew how highly she was regarded by the patients at Brookdale Surgery. Ann was a skilled professional who did her job with very little fuss so it was all the more surprising to see her looking so flustered that day.
‘David was in a terrible state when I got to his house. He’d tried to get himself to the bathroom and had fallen out of his wheelchair. He had a nasty bump on his head from where he’d managed to hit it on the edge of the washbasin.’
‘How awful!’ Catherine exclaimed. ‘Was he badly hurt?’
‘More shaken up than anything else. Plus, of course, his pride was badly dented at having to phone me for help.’
There was a wealth of sadness in Ann’s voice. Catherine studied her downcast face. ‘You’re very fond of David, aren’t you?’ she said gently.
‘He’s just a patient,’ Ann began, then sighed. ‘Is it so obvious? Yes, I’m fond of him. More than just fond if you want the truth. After his wife left him David became very despondent and I got into the habit of calling round to see him each day after work. I was worried that he might…well, do something silly.’
‘It must have been terribly difficult for him. Finding out that he had motor neurone disease must have been bad enough, but to then go through the trauma of his wife leaving must have been a horrendous experience for him.’
‘It was. However, David is a fighter and he rallied after a while. I kept visiting him, telling myself that it was just to make sure that he didn’t slip back into depression.’ Ann laughed sadly. ‘It was a lie, of course. I’d fallen in love with him and that’s why I wanted to see him.’
‘And how does David feel?’ Catherine asked quietly.
‘I think he feels the same way about me.’ Ann stared at the ceiling but Catherine could see that there were tears in her eyes. ‘The problem is that he absolutely refuses to discuss the possibility of us having a relationship. He says that he’s going to die and that there’s no point thinking about the future.’
‘But there’s no knowing how long he has left,’ Catherine protested. ‘He could have several years.’
‘Or he could have just a few months.’ Ann took a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. ‘Nobody knows for sure, do they? But it doesn’t matter to me if it’s months or years because I just want the chance to be with him. At least I’ll have something to look back on when the inevitable happens.’
‘Is there no way that you can make him see how foolish he’s being?’ Catherine asked, thinking how brave Ann was.
‘I’ve tried, believe me, but he’s so stubborn!’ Ann gave her a wobbly smile. ‘I’m sorry, Catherine. I didn’t mean to offload all that onto you. What I really came to ask was if you would get onto the care agency. Apparently, his usual carer is off sick with this wretched flu and the agency forgot to arrange for a replacement to visit him. I’ve phoned their office and read them the Riot Act but it would have a lot more clout coming from you. David could have been lying on the bathroom floor all day if he hadn’t had his mobile phone with him and my number programmed into it.’
‘I’ll certainly phone them. It’s unforgivable that he was left to fend for himself. I take it there was someone there when you left him?’ Catherine asked worriedly.
‘Yes. The agency managed to find someone to cover. To be honest, it’s reached a point where he needs twenty-four-hour care, but he refuses to have anyone living in the house. He says that he doesn’t need a nursemaid!’
‘It’s understandable,’ Catherine pointed out, although she could understand why Ann was so worried. ‘It must be hard to accept that you can no longer be totally independent.’
‘I suppose you’re right. But I just wish he’d see sense!’
Catherine laughed. ‘Maybe you’ll just have to try harder to convince him that he’s making a mistake by pushing you away. You have my full permission to tell him that I think he’s an idiot for not realising how lucky he is to have someone you like you to worry about him.’
‘I might just do that!’ Ann laughed. ‘He can only tell me to get lost and that can’t make me feel any worse than I’ve felt these past six months.’
Catherine sighed as Ann left the room. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Ann did manage to make David see sense? So maybe there was a chance that Ann might get hurt but surely it was worth taking that risk?
She frowned because it was completely out of character for her to think like that. Normally she would be the last person to advise anyone to take a risk but she really did believe in this instance that it would be worth it if Ann succeeded in winning David over.
It struck her then just how much she had changed in the short time she’d been working at Brookdale Surgery. Ideas which would have been alien to her now felt quite natural. What had brought about such a massive change in her thinking?
Unbidden, the image of Matt’s face sprang to mind and she sighed. Matthew Fielding had an awful lot to answer for!
The school playground was crowded with parents when Catherine arrived to collect Hannah that afternoon. She went and stood near the main doors so the child would see her when she came out. Matt had left the surgery by the time she’d finished talking to Ann so she’d not had a chance to tell him about the new arrangements. She’d toyed with the idea of texting a message to his mobile phone but decided not to bother him in the end. She’d seen the list of calls he had to do that afternoon and there was no point worrying him when there was no need. So long as Hannah was safely delivered home then there wouldn’t be a problem.
Hannah was delighted to see her. She skipped along beside her, chattering nineteen to the dozen about all the things she’d done at school that day. Apparently, there was a carol concert being held the following week and Hannah’s class was singing ‘Away In a Manger’. She insisted on practising the words as they headed back to the surgery, bringing an unexpected lump to Catherine’s throat as she unselfconsciously sang the the lovely old carol in a piping little voice. There was something very special about the innocent joy the child exuded that touched Catherine’s heart in a way she would never have expected, so it was little wonder that she was feeling a little edgy when Matt drew up alongside them in his car.
‘This is a surprise!’ he declared, grinning at them through the open window. ‘I expected to find Aunt Bet doing escort duty, not you, Catherine.’
‘I’m sorry, I should have told you about the change of plans,’ she apologised. ‘Your aunt’s knee was playing up so I offered to fetch Hannah from school to save her having to walk all the way here.’
‘Catherine took me to school this morning, as well,’ Hannah put in. ‘I told Aunt Bet you wouldn’t mind, Daddy. You don’t, do you? You told me how much you like Catherine.’
Catherine tried to hide her smile when she saw a wash of colour run up Matt’s face but he must have noticed her amusement because he grimaced. ‘I did. And I should have known better, shouldn’t I?’
Catherine wasn’t sure what he meant by that. However, before she could work it out, he got out of the car. ‘Hop in. I’ll drive you back to the surgery.’
‘I may as well get off now that you’re here,’ she demurred.
‘What about your car? Haven’t you left it at the surgery?’ he reminded her, and she sighed.
‘Yes, of course. How silly of me to forget.’
She quickly got into the car while he helped Hannah into the back seat and fastened her seat belt. Matt pulled away from the kerb, glancing at her once they were safely under way.
‘I really do appreciate you helping out like this, Catherine. I hope it didn’t cause you any problems.’
‘Not at all. I wasn’t planning on doing anything this afternoon apart from some Christmas shopping, and I can do that any time.’
‘Don’t!’ He groaned. ‘I don’t even want to think about Christmas. I’ve no idea how I’m going to get everything done. Mum usually sorts it all out but it’s down to me this year.’
‘Can’t your aunt help?’ she suggested.
‘Aunt Bet always spends Christmas in Scotland with her son and his family. She’s travelling up there by train next week and I certainly don’t want her to feel that she should change her plans because of me.’
He drew up in front of the surgery and switched off the engine. Hannah got out of the car and ran inside but he didn’t follow her right away.
‘I shall just have to muddle through. The food’s easy enough because Mum has ordered most of it from the local shops, but it’s all the other things, like the presents for the girls, which worry me. Becky’s at that age where she no longer wants toys and I’m not sure what to buy her. I mean, how does a mere male know what a thirteen-year-old girl likes?’
‘It’s a problem,’ Catherine agreed. ‘I imagine Becky’s a bit too old to write a letter to Santa Claus and give you a clue.’
‘She is, worse luck.’ He sighed. ‘Life was so much easier when all she wanted was the latest Barbie doll.’
Catherine chuckled. ‘I expect most parents feel that way when their children are growing up.’
‘I expect they do.’ He grimaced. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound as though I’m complaining about my lot.’
‘You didn’t,’ she said firmly. ‘It’s natural that you should want to give the girls a lovely Christmas, and only natural that you should be worried about how you will cope in the circumstances.’
‘I suppose so. Still, that’s enough about my problems. How about a cup of coffee before you shoot off?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to accept when Catherine realised that she really should call a halt. She’d already become far more involved in Matt’s affairs than she should have done. At the end of the day he had his life to lead and she had hers. For some reason the thought was extremely painful.
‘I’ll give it a miss if you don’t mind,’ she said lightly, not wanting him to think there was anything wrong. Not that there was a problem, she hastily assured herself. She was simply sticking to the decision she’d made. Although she enjoyed working at Brookdale Surgery it was only a temporary arrangement. Her future was all mapped out and there wasn’t enough room in it for a widower and his two children, no matter how appealing the three of them were.
‘Sure I can’t tempt you?’
His tone was light enough as he tried to persuade her yet Catherine felt a prickle of heat run under her skin when she heard the nuance it held. Her eyes rose to his then skittered away when she saw the knowing gleam they held. Did Matt suspect just how very tempted she was? she wondered, then cut short that dangerous thought.
‘Another time, perhaps,’ she replied politely, opening the car door. ‘I want to pop round to see how Mrs Grimes is getting on. Her leg is taking a long time to heal and I know it’s still very painful.’
‘It’s often the case with an elderly person. Sadly, the body loses its ability to heal as one gets older. Still, I won’t keep you if you want to get off. Thanks again for everything you’ve done, Cathy.’
Before she guessed his intentions, he leant over and dropped a kiss on her cheek. Catherine felt her breath catch and stared at him in confusion. He smiled at her, an oddly tender light in his eyes as he brushed his knuckles over the place his lips had touched.
‘Drive carefully. The traffic is horrendous at this time of the day.’
‘I…I will.’ She was so choked with emotion that the words seemed to stick in her throat. Matt gave her another gentle smile then got out of the car.
Catherine took a deep breath as she got out but it didn’t seem to achieve very much. She barely noticed when Matt locked the car and headed inside. Her hand strayed to her cheek and she felt a frisson run through her when she felt the lingering heat from his lips beneath her fingertips.
A wave of panic suddenly hit her so that her legs were trembling as she went to her own car and got in. Matt’s kiss had awoken all sorts of feelings inside her and it scared her to realise just how vulnerable she was around him. It was obvious that he was deeply attracted to her, but she knew in her heart that he would never be content for them just to have an affair. He would want much more than that from her—far more than she was prepared to give.
Tears filled her eyes as she started the engine. What it all came down to was the fact that she just wasn’t brave enough to fall in love and give any man that much power over her life.
‘Are you sure there isn’t anything you need, Mrs Grimes?’
Catherine had done her best to hide her concern since the old lady had let her into the flat. Although it was less than a week since she’d last seen Mrs Grimes, there had been a marked deterioration in her health. She looked alarmingly frail as she sat huddled in the armchair with the cat on her lap.
‘I don’t need anyone’s help,’ the old lady stated belligerently. ‘I don’t need anyone coming in here telling me what I can and can’t do!’
‘I wouldn’t dream of doing that, Mrs Grimes,’ Catherine assured her gently, perching on the edge of the lumpy old sofa. ‘I know how much you value your independence but we all need a helping hand at times.’
‘My Alfred was always helping folk—known for it he was.’ The old lady wiped a tear from her eye. ‘Had a real soft heart, he had, but he wouldn’t let anyone push ’im round. I wish he was here now ’cause he wouldn’t ’ave stood for it.’
‘Stood for what, Mrs Grimes?’ Catherine asked, hating to see how upset the poor soul was. ‘Is it the council again? Are you worried about having to move and part with Timmy?’
Timmy must have recognised his name because he jumped off the old lady’s lap and began to twine himself round Catherine’s legs. She laughed as she tickled his ears. ‘You’re an old softie, aren’t you?’
‘Timmy likes you, Dr Lewis. He don’t take kindly to most people but he likes you.’
Whether it was the cat’s approval that helped her make up her mind Catherine wasn’t sure, but all of a sudden the whole sorry tale came tumbling out. ‘It’s not the council as such—although it’s their fault because they should ’ave found me some place to live before now. No, it’s those young ’uns who come here of a night-time. I’m scared to go to sleep because I don’t know what they’re going to get up to next. They keep breaking into the empty flats and setting them alight, you see, Doctor. I’m terrified that the whole building is going to go up in flames and me and Timmy won’t be able to get out.’
‘Have you told the police about what’s been happening?’ Catherine sighed when the old lady shook her head. ‘Why ever not? It’s dangerous to let this continue and not report it.’
‘Because if I tell the police then they’ll make me move out and take Timmy off me. I won’t let that happen!’
Catherine was at a loss to know what to suggest for the best. ‘I’m sure they wouldn’t do that,’ she said, crossing her fingers. ‘Look, will you let me phone them for you and explain what’s been going on? You really can’t stay here if you’re in danger.’
‘But where can we go? According to that man from the council they don’t ’ave places where you can take a cat.’ Mrs Grimes shook her head. ‘I ain’t going nowhere without my Timmy.’
They hit a complete impasse after that. No matter how hard Catherine tried, she couldn’t persuade Mrs Grimes to reconsider. She drove back to the surgery, wondering what she could do to resolve the situation. She hated to think about the old lady being stuck in that flat, scared out of her wits night after night.
Evening surgery was every bit as busy as the morning one had been. Catherine was worn out by the time she took her notes through to the office. It was gone seven, way past the time she should have finished.
‘I don’t know where they’re all coming from,’ Matt declared, following her into the room. He tossed a stack of manila folders into the tray. ‘I told Sharon to leave the filing until the morning and go home. The poor kid has been run off her feet with Margaret being off sick. I might have to bring in a temporary receptionist if she’s off for very long.’
‘It might be a good idea.’
‘Think so? Then I’ll get onto the employment agency in the morning and see if they have anyone available.’
He stood up straight and stretched. Catherine turned away when she saw the muscles in his shoulders ripple. Given her earlier heart-searching, it seemed unwise to let herself enjoy the sight of his muscular body. He gave his shoulders a final roll and groaned.
‘I don’t know about you but I’m worn out. It’s been a hectic day from start to finish.’
‘It has.’ Catherine stacked her files in the tray. ‘How is your sister, by the way? Have you had any news yet?’
‘Would you believe it was a false alarm?’
‘Really?’ She couldn’t hide her astonishment and Matt laughed.
‘Really! The consultant reckons it was Braxton-Hicks’ contractions. Cheryl is mortified although it’s not really her fault. She and Mike live some way out of the city,’ he explained, ‘so when she started having pains I expect she panicked because she was on her own. She phoned the hospital and they advised her to go straight in, which is why she phoned Mum.’
‘So your mother went out there early for nothing?’
‘Yes and no. Cheryl must feel a lot better knowing that Mum’s there. Mike’s job takes him away from home a lot of the time and it can’t have been easy for her, being on her own.’
‘Well, your mother was planning on being there over Christmas anyway.’
‘Yes. To be honest, I’m pleased that she and Cheryl are going to have some time together before the baby arrives. They see way too little of one another as it is.’
‘Meanwhile, you’re going to have to manage as best you can,’ Catherine pointed out.
‘Yep. I just hope I don’t make a complete mess of things.’
‘What do you mean?’ she asked when she heard the sadness in his voice.
‘Oh, nothing. Take no notice. I’m rambling because I’m tired and hungry and want nothing more than to veg out in front of the telly.’
‘Sounds as though your evening is going to be as exciting as mine,’ she remarked with a chuckle.
‘You’re more than welcome to keep me company.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t dream of spoiling your plans for a quiet night in,’ she replied hastily.
‘You wouldn’t be spoiling them, Catherine. Far from it.’
There was a throbbing note in his voice that made her heart kick in an extra beat. Catherine summoned a smile but it wasn’t easy to ignore the way he was looking at her.
‘Thanks, but I’d better get myself off home.’
‘I’ll walk you out, then. I may as well lock up and set the alarms now to save me having to do it later.’
He followed her from the office, waiting while she fetched her coat. Catherine quickly slipped it on, making sure that he didn’t get the chance to help her. The memory of what had happened the last time he’d helped her on with her coat was too vivid to take any chances in her present state of mind. She didn’t need to feel his fingers brushing her neck while she was so on edge.
‘So what’s on the agenda when you get home?’ he asked, leaning against the wall as he watched her fastening the belt around her waist.
‘Nothing much,’ she replied, checking that she had her car keys in her pocket. ‘I’ll probably make myself something to eat and then watch television for a while—if I can stay awake.’
‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’
‘What is?’
‘That most people seem to believe a doctor’s life is packed full of excitement and glamour when the truth is that it’s mainly hard work.’ He shook his head, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter, and once again Catherine felt her heart fit in two beats where one would have sufficed. It was difficult to respond when he continued because she couldn’t understand why he seemed to have this effect on her.
‘Did you ever wonder if you’d chosen the right profession?’
‘Not really. How about you?’ she asked shortly. It wasn’t easy to explain Matt’s attraction. Oh, he was good-looking in a craggy kind of a way but he wasn’t the most handsome man she’d ever met by a long chalk. And yet there was something about the combination of his rugged looks and his personality that appealed to her on so many different levels.
‘No. Do you think we must both be gluttons for punishment?’
Catherine summoned a smile. ‘Probably.’
‘So that’s another thing we have in common, then.’
Matt’s tone was husky all of a sudden and she felt her pulse start to race. It felt as though the air was charged with emotion so that the skin on the back of her neck began to prickle. She had no idea what was happening but it scared her. She didn’t want to be drawn in like this, couldn’t afford to get involved. She had to make it clear that she wasn’t interested in anything more than a working relationship.
‘Us and ten million other medics, you mean. Right, it’s time I was off home and let you enjoy the delights of television.’
She headed for the door, her footsteps slowing when he made no attempt to move out of her way. There was a solemnity about the look he gave her that made her stomach muscles tighten in sudden alarm.
‘Why do you do that, Catherine? What are you afraid of?’
‘I’ve no idea what you mean.’ She took another step but he still didn’t move aside.
‘So it isn’t a conscious reaction, then? You don’t deliberately pull up the drawbridge every time you feel that someone is getting a bit too close for comfort?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, Matt. I was never any good at solving riddles.’ She brushed past him and opened the front door. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight, Catherine.’
He didn’t try to detain her any longer. Catherine heard the sound of the bolts being drawn as she ran down the steps to her car. She opened the door then glanced back and realised that Matt had already switched off the surgery lights so that the place was in darkness.
She got into the car, trying to ignore the empty ache inside her, the feeling that she had just turned her back on something very special. Matt had nothing to offer her apart from the experience she would gain through working with him. He was just a colleague and he would never be any more than that.
She knew it was true yet, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t convince herself that she’d done the right thing by walking away from him. Part of her wished that she’d stayed.