After getting into dry clothing, Levi and I sat in front of the fire until our frozen limbs thawed. With the force of the wind beating against the building, I kept expecting the electricity to go out, but so far it hadn’t. If it did, we still had the generator that had been used to power the restaurant for years. To get it going, someone would have to brave the elements, because it was housed in a shed next to the building. Unfortunately, the thing we needed the most, the phone, was dead as a doornail.
“My mother must be crazy with worry,” Levi said. He’d followed me into the kitchen to watch me prepare dinner.
“I know,” I said, “but she knew I was on my way to the church to check on you. I hope she realizes you’re not alone.”
“I pray she doesn’t send Marvin out in this mess.”
“I’m not convinced his truck could make it through this much snow.”
“Yes, but his tractor might. If she knew I was safe, she’d keep him inside. But if she thinks for a moment that I might be in trouble . . .”
“She loves you, Levi. Most mothers will do anything for their children.”
“I know. But she worries about me way too much.”
“I like your mother.” I hesitated before asking, “Is she glad we’re getting married?”
“No, she pleaded with me not to marry you.”
I almost dropped the spoon in my hand. “What? Why doesn’t she—” I stopped when I noticed his mischievous grin. “Levi Housler! Why would you tease me about something like that? I thought you were serious.”
He stood up and came over to me. “You’ve got to have more confidence, Callie. My mother adores you. There’s no one else she’s ever wanted me to be with but you. Can’t you tell when people care about you?” He took the spoon from my hand and put it down on the cabinet. Then he took both my hands in his and gazed into my eyes. “What happened to you when you were young? Why did you stop seeing yourself as lovable? Can you tell me what it was?”
I shook my head slowly. “I don’t know for sure. My mother left, and I began to wonder why. Was I the reason? Didn’t she love me enough to stay?”
“But the real change came later.”
I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away. “If you want something to eat, you need to sit down and get out of my hair.”
“You’re avoiding the subject.”
“No, I’m not. I just don’t know the answer.”
“Then we’ll search for the truth together, Callie. We need to get everything out of the way that might interfere with our relationship. I intend to spend the rest of my life making you happy. If there’s anything that might hinder those plans, I want to deal with it now.”
I sighed and shook my head. “You think something that happened to me as a child, something I can’t even remember, is important to our future? Yet you can’t tell me what upset you in one of your counseling sessions? That doesn’t make any sense, Levi.”
He didn’t respond, just stared at me.
“If you can’t confide in me, at least talk to the sheriff.” I met his gaze head on. “If someone else dies, will you still believe you’ve done the right thing? Is this commitment worth another life?”
“Callie, you’re just going to have to trust me. If I had information that would stop the killings, I’d scream it from the housetops. But I don’t.”
I wanted to argue with him, try to push him to share the truth with me. Surely I could help him make the right decision. But the look in his eyes told me he’d drawn a line that I shouldn’t step over.
“All right, I trust you,” I said slowly. “Just make sure you’re not putting some rule laid down by the elders above what’s right.”
“I understand.” He folded his arms across his chest and studied me. “Now, answer my earlier question and quit changing the subject. Did something happen when you were young? Something that hurt you?”
I sighed. “I wish you’d let this go. I have no idea what you’re talking about. The only thing bad that ever happened to me was my mother leaving and my father getting sick.” I shook my head. “Maybe I just started growing up.”
Levi grunted. “Maybe, but it was like the happiness drained out of you. All these years I’ve waited to see that spark come back.”
I gaped at him. “You don’t think I have a spark?”
He smiled. “Don’t misunderstand me. I love the person you are. You’re kind and generous. Intelligent and amazing. But sometimes I’m not sure you’re really happy.”
I shook my head and went back to stirring the stew. “Happy, happy, happy. What does that mean? You may be asking too much, Levi. People can’t simply decide to be happy, can they?”
“Yes, Callie, that’s exactly what they can do. No matter what happens around us, we can rest in the joy inside our hearts. The fruit of the Spirit is alive in us. We just need to allow it to overpower our circumstances.” With that he grabbed the basket of bread I’d prepared, along with the butter dish, and left the kitchen.
As I stood there, waiting for the stew to get hot, I thought about what he’d said. Was I supposed to be cheerful about my mother leaving? About my father getting sick and dying? That didn’t make sense. Suddenly a Scripture popped into my head. For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. Is that what Levi was talking about? Another beloved Scripture came to me. It was in Isaiah. To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Was it really up to me to put on a garment of praise when it seemed life was handing me something too hard to bear? These thoughts kept turning over in my head as I spooned stew into bowls and carried them out to the table where Levi waited for me.
“The storm doesn’t seem to be letting up,” he said as I set the bowls down on the table. “We may be trapped here for longer than one night.”
“What are we going to do?”
Levi shrugged. “I have no idea. I can’t worry about it.”
“My plan was to help you be a wonderful pastor, not ruin your reputation.”
“I’m concerned just as much about your reputation, Callie. The last thing I want to do is bring your character into question. But what choices do we have?” He held his hands up in an expression of surrender. “Don’t get me wrong. I know I have a responsibility to the people in this town, but neither one of us should have to die to protect our honor.” He reached over and took my hand. “Look, more than anything I want to be the person God has called me to be. The next most important calling in my life is to be your husband. A good husband. I can’t do either one by being someone I’m not.” He raised an eyebrow as he gazed at me. “And the same applies to you.”
I sighed. “Well, apparently I don’t know who I am.”
Levi started to say something, but I held up my hand to stop him. “Before you say anything else, you might as well know that Lizzie has been saying the very same things to me. To be honest, I’m not sure who Callie Hoffman is anymore. If you’d seen me yesterday afternoon . . .”
He frowned. “What happened yesterday afternoon?”
As I related the story of my actions toward Elmer Wittenbauer, I expected Levi to scold me for my uncharitable behavior. But he didn’t. At one point he covered his mouth with his hand, and by the time I finished relaying the details, we were both laughing.
“I don’t know what’s so funny,” I said, wiping tears of laughter from my face. “I certainly wasn’t walking in love. Nor was I turning the other cheek.”
Levi grinned. “How about I chastise you later? Right this moment, I’m enjoying this side of you. And as far as finding out who Callie Hoffman is, how about this? I’ll help you find yourself if you’ll help me in the same way. According to my brother, I’ve changed too.” The smile slid from his face, and he stared off in the distance. “Maybe we’ve both lost our way.” He swung his gaze back to me. “But my heart tells me that together we can find the right path. The one God has for us.”
I nodded my agreement as I felt tears prick my eyelids. “I had almost convinced myself that you got engaged to me because the church insists that pastors must be married.”
Levi’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How could you possibly think that?” Before I had a chance to answer, he said, “Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, I can totally understand why you’d come to that conclusion. It’s the way I’ve been acting. I’m sorry, Callie.”
I smiled at him. “It’s all right. I’m just so grateful we’re finally talking. To be honest, I’m indebted to this storm. Who knows how long it would have taken us to open up to each other if the blizzard hadn’t forced us to?”
He laughed. “Now that’s the Callie I remember. You were always able to find the good in everything.”
Levi’s comment shocked me. Had I really been like that?
“Let me bless this food so we can eat,” Levi said. “It smells so good, and I’m starving.”
I nodded and bowed my head. While Levi prayed over our food I tried to listen, but my head was so full of thoughts and voices, I couldn’t concentrate. I was startled when he said my name.
“I’m done, Callie. Is there something else we should pray about?”
I raised my head and found him studying me. “No,” I said quickly. “I’m sorry. Guess I was somewhere else.”
“That’s okay.” His blue eyes searched mine. “As long as you come back. I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too.” I scooped up a spoonful of stew and put it in my mouth. Delicious. “Lizzie is such a great cook,” I said gratefully. “I hope you won’t be disappointed with my cooking after we’re married.”
Levi chuckled and put his spoon down. “I’m not hard to please. Besides, I’m sure you’ll do very well. You cooked for your father all those years.”
“Yes, but toward the end all he could eat was oatmeal . . . and pudding.”
Levi held up his spoon. “Then we’ll live on oatmeal and pudding. Sounds good to me.”
“Levi,” I said his name slowly, drawing it out. “You . . . you said we needed to open up to each other. I’m still concerned about your counseling sessions today. I can’t get them off my mind.”
He dropped his spoon into his bowl, causing some gravy to run over the side. “Please, Callie.”
“But you seemed so upset. I’m worried for you.”
He started to say something when suddenly a strong gust of wind shook the building, and one of the large windows at the front of the room shattered. I heard Levi shout my name and felt arms grab me, throwing me to the floor. Next came the sound of breaking glass all around me, but all I could feel was Levi’s body sheltering me. The room, which had been warm because of the fire, became instantly cold.
“Levi,” I said, after waiting for the sound of breaking glass to cease, “it’s over. You can let me up.” There was no response, and I began to panic. I felt crushed beneath his weight. “Levi!” I called loudly. “Levi!” Still no response. Slowly I began to wiggle out from underneath him. As I tried to free myself, I cut my hands and arms on several small pieces of glass that covered the floor. Finally I pulled my body free. Levi lay motionless on the floor, his head resting against the table leg. I lightly touched the side of his head and found a large lump. It was then that I noticed his dark-blue shirt was almost black with blood. Several large shards of glass stuck out of his back.