Chapter Five

Lily

I stood at my window, too busy arguing with myself to notice the weak morning sun struggling to warm the alley. Supposed to be at the square at eleven. That’s what I told the girl. Need to head out if I want to make it on time. That’s the question, though, isn’t it? Do I want to make it? Should I go or stay? Why am I being so indecisive? Never used to be like this. Until I found that bag, I made a decision and stuck with it. Never a question. Now everything is a question…voices arguing in my head, mixing me up. Should I tell someone what I saw, show them? Who’d believe me?

Maybe I could tell the girl.

No. Stay away from her.

But why? Because that’s how its been for almost fifty years? That’s not a reason. It’s an excuse. Because Rose won’t like it? That’s not a reason, either. She doesn’t like me talking to anybody, not even Raymond. The plain fact is that I need help. Has to be a credible source, though. Means it can’t be a homeless person…or a ghost. Eliminates two of my three possibilities. Cleo is my only other choice. She needs me for her project, too. Which makes it even better. I help her, and she helps me…even trade. The solution sounded fair, but it scared me.

Her invitation to supper caught me off guard. That was bad enough, but then she told me where she lived. It’s why I ran off and hid last night. Even now, thinking about it had me gnawing my lip. Still…no reason to sneak off into the shadows and watch the girl look everywhere for me. Why was this scaring me so badly? Why did it feel like a storm was brewing?

Because cutting myself off from people after Rose died was the safe way. No interaction meant I couldn’t be hurt. If I met her this morning, told her about the bag and what I’d seen in the alley, I’d be opening myself up to change, and change was unpredictable. Cleo was the only person—other than my sister and Raymond—who I’d talked to in almost half a century. It stirred up emotions I thought had died along with Rose. I’d actually enjoyed the time I’d spent with the girl. I even laughed. Couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. It felt good.

But if I allowed one emotion to slip through, wouldn’t others follow? Could I do it? Did I want to resurrect old feelings and all that went with them?

Scary to think about. Change always was. Like in my dream last night.

I stood in front of a door. The word, CHANGE, was written in big, bold letters on a sign over it. My hand was on the doorknob. Should I turn it? Step through? No turning back, if I did. No way to undo the decision. Once I took the step, the door would lock behind me, and I didn’t have the key to open it again. What was on the other side? Good or bad? Happiness or doom?

Doom? I snorted. For heaven’s sakes, get a grip, old woman. Cut the melodrama. Just go meet the girl, already.

I grabbed the doorknob.

“Where are you going?” Rose demanded, popping out of nowhere and scaring the living daylights out of me.

“Oh, Rose!” I gasped and pressed my hand to my chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack. You need a hat like mine. The bells would give advanced warning so I could hear you coming. You wouldn’t be able to sneak up on me.”

“There aren’t any other hats like yours, and don’t try to change the subject,” she snapped. “Where are you going?”

“Out.” I picked at invisible lint on my overcoat, avoiding my sister’s eyes. Rose had the uncanny ability to transform me back into the gangly eight year-old version of myself, malleable, able to be bossed around by my big sister. “Why?”

The air between us fairly crackled with tension, I could almost see the sparks. She was incredulous at my response. I’d never stood up to her before. I always capitulated to her wishes. She studied me through narrowed eyes, then suddenly changed tactics. “We-ell…” She made her voice soft and pitiful. “…I was thinking we could spend some time together. I was gone all day yesterday—”

“And all night.”

She arched a perfectly tweezed brow at me. “And all night, and I thought we could have a girl’s day. You know…like old times,” she wheedled.

I opened my mouth to relent, then snapped it shut. No. Not again. I knew what she was doing, and I wouldn’t let her get away with it this time. One of her ghost friends must’ve seen me with Cleo yesterday and told her about it. That’s the only reason she’d pull this trick. She didn’t do, “girls days.” “Sorry, but I already have plans.”

“You’re going to meet her.”

It was a statement, not a question. I was right. She already knew. Wasn’t sure how, but she knew. I raised my chin a notch. “I told her I would, so I am. Why is it okay for you to talk to people and not me?”

“Why is—” she broke off, then shook her head. “I can see your mind’s made up,” she sniffed. “If you’re not going to listen to reason, then…” her voice trailed off.

I knew what she was waiting for. It was the same thing she always waited for, but this time it wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t giving in.

Silence was a rubber band stretched between us. I clamped my lips in a stubborn line and gave her a defiant glare.

Finally, Rose huffed, “Fine! Whatever happens is on your head. Just don’t come running back to me, expecting to be babied when it all hits the fan!” Then she disappeared in an angry flash of red.

I let out the breath I’d been holding, unaware that I’d been holding it. Wow! I did it. I actually stood up to my sister for maybe the first time in my life, and it felt good. Really good. It had been years since I’d made a decision on my own. I’d forgotten how it felt.

“Okay, Lily,” I whispered while squaring my shoulders as I faced the door, hand on the knob. “Time’s a wasting. You have a meeting to get to.”