Not a hangover, sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa, nor the pitiful amount of shut-eye I actually managed can affect my awesome mood today; I woke up feeling so positive.
OK, so I didn’t get an early night last night, I stayed out into the crazy hours with Millsy, but we were just having so much fun that we didn’t want to call it a night. Also, Millsy left his flat keys at the party with the rest of his stuff, so he had nowhere to go. Adamant he couldn’t enter my flat while Nick was there, he refused to stay the night – until it got cold, and I promised him that if we just left it late enough that Nick would go to bed, and we’d be able to sneak him in. Somehow, we managed it. I hid Millsy safely away in my bedroom and slept on the sofa, making sure to wake up super early to head out and grab Nick’s favourite breakfast stuff (I know he loves croissants with cream cheese and bacon on his rare cheat days). Now I just need to smuggle Millsy out before Nick is any the wiser. You literally have to get up pretty early in the day to get up before Nick, but I think I’ve managed it – that is until I climb the stairs to the flat and bump into Nick as he’s walking from the bathroom to his bedroom.
‘Morning, you,’ I say brightly.
‘Morning,’ he replies quietly. ‘Late night last night, huh?’
‘A little.’ I laugh, awkwardly. He seems mad. I wrack my brains for what I might have done wrong. ‘My wrist was hurting so I didn’t think I’d be much use at the party. It feels better now.’
‘Yeah, I heard,’ he replies, heading off towards his room.
‘So shall I start breakfast?’ I call after him.
‘Not hungry,’ he calls back, closing his door behind him.
Well, that was weird. Last night he couldn’t be sweeter with me, now he’s back to hating my guts again. OK, I need to make sure I don’t make things worse, I need to get Millsy out of here ASAP.
I creep until my bedroom to find Millsy already wide-awake, painting a clear coat of nail polish on his toes.
‘Mate, you drag-up once and suddenly you want to be a bird?’ I ask.
‘I just want shiny toes,’ he tells me. ‘Birds always tell me I have Hobbit feet.’
I pull a face.
‘No way have you ever slept with a bird who knows what a Hobbit is.’
‘Fine, I’m paraphrasing,’ he admits. ‘But they tell me that they’re gross and it’s hard to get girls into reverse cowgirl if they’re gagging over your toes.’
‘Anyway…so we need to a) get you out of here and b) make sure you never tell me anything like that ever again,’ I start, grabbing his things before realising that he arrived here in a dress. I grab my largest pair of joggers and an oversized hoodie, hoping he’ll be able to fit into them, but also hoping he can’t, because if a big, muscular dude can fit into my clothes, then maybe I am a little bigger than I should be.
Millsy slowly pulls himself to his feet.
‘You’re actually about to realise you owe me a huge thank you,’ he tells me.
‘For getting toe hair in my nail polish? I doubt that, babe. Now hurry up.’
‘I’m awake because Nick woke me up,’ he informs me. Oh, so that’s why he’s mad? Just because Millsy is here? That’s extreme. ‘But I didn’t want him to know I was here, and I know you’re trying to make him jealous…’
I stop dead in my tracks.
‘Oh, fuck. What did you do?’
‘You don’t seem happy yet, which is confusing, but OK. So I figured he’d assume if you had a bloke in here, it’d be Deano, so I made sex noises. Loud, grunty, epic banging sounds – you were phenomenal, by the way. And that’s why I’m an actor,’ he announces proudly, until he sees my face. ‘Why are you looking at me like you want to kick me in the dick?’
‘Millsy…you have no idea what you’ve done…’
‘Saved the day?’ he asks. ‘Is it saved the day? I’ve fucked up, haven’t I? I thought you were trying to make him jealous.’
‘Yeah, until last night. I told you all about it last night. That I had a really good talk with him, we nearly kissed, and that we were going to talk this morning.’
‘Did you tell me post getting off the train in Leeds?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, there you go. I’d had a fuck-load of champers by then, and then I drank even more. Come on, Rubes. You know me.’
‘I know I want to “kick you in the dick”,’ I tell him. ‘Right, let’s just get you out of here. Maybe I can fix this.’
‘He’s not even worth it,’ Millsy insists as I usher him towards the door.
I peep out of my bedroom. The coast is clear. Nick’s bedroom door sits exactly opposite from mine, in fact, they’re less than two metres apart. His door is still closed, so as long as we’re quiet, we’re fine.
‘OK, let’s…’ my voice trails off. As an example of my exceptionally bad luck, Nick walks out of his room, just as I am dragging Millsy out of my bedroom – Millsy who is still pulling my hoodie over his head.
‘About me snapping before,’ Nick starts, but then he glances over my shoulder, spotting Millsy just as his head pops out of the hoodie. I watch Nick’s eyes widen with horror.
‘Wait, that was Joey I heard you having sex with earlier?’ he asks, visibly disgusted. ‘I knew there was something going on between you. Men and women are never such good friends without something…and then there’s Deano. You know, when you were upset the other day, I felt so sorry for you – I also saw this whole other side to you, and I liked her. And then last night…but now this…what the fuck is wrong with you, Ruby? Exactly how many men are you juggling?’
Oh, shit. I don’t know what to say. What words are going to make all of this OK? Because his very wrong version of events is awful, but is the truth going to sound much better?’
‘Nick, wait, there’s nothing going on between Millsy and me,’ I start, but he’s not listening.
‘Save it,’ he replies. ‘I don’t want to know.’
‘But if you let me explain,’ I start.
‘Mate, I wouldn’t touch her with yours,’ Millsy jokes, but this only makes Nick even angrier. He grabs his coat and storms out of the flat. Millsy and I stare at each other for a moment.
‘So you were right,’ he says eventually. ‘I did fuck up. But, I will do anything to make it up to you. Anything.’
‘Yes you will,’ I reply. ‘And I’ve got just the thing in mind.’