If you’re being technical, Millsy and I have just arrived at work two minutes late – impressive considering the fact that we had to get an early train back from Outwood this morning. Despite being hungover, we’re super-efficient too, as we pop on our aprons and begin setting everything up for the day.
‘So I’ve had a chance to think things through,’ I start as I clear the coffee machine. ‘And I know how you can repay me for fucking stuff up with Nick.’
‘Go on,’ Millsy sighs. ‘I said I’d do anything, so I’ll do it.’
‘OK, so you know his girlfriend…’
‘Nope. No way. I’m not fucking her. She’s not hot, is she? I mean, no, absolutely not. Think of something else.’
‘Millsy, calm down,’ I laugh. ‘I don’t want you to sleep with her. I want you to get Deano to sleep with her.’
‘What?’ he asks, sounding both baffled and annoyed that I want someone other than him to do my bidding.
One thing I know for sure is that the main reason why Heather is so keen to marry Nick is for his money. That needs a stop putting to it, no matter what. That also means that Heather will be very easy to get around.
‘So I know that every Sunday she goes to these vegan nights at Baa Bar Blacks,’ I start.
‘There’s a vegan bar called Baa Bar Blacks?’ he asks in disbelief.
‘Yes, it’s stupid, but focus. So I want you to take Deano there –’
‘Rubes, I know I said I’d help, but I’m so busy with rehearsals. The play opens tomorrow night. Plus, do you not think you’re taking this too far?’
Wow, Millsy the moral compass, that’s hilarious.
I ignore him.
‘I want you to go there and “bump” into her. During our double date, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. I think because he’s rich and famous, that one-ups Nick. She’ll show her true colours and ditch Nick for Deano in a heartbeat.’
‘OK, I still think you’re taking things too far, but I’ll do it if you’re sure it’s what you want…’
‘I’m sure,’ I tell him. Because I am. Because even if Nick doesn’t want me, he can’t wind up with her.
‘OK then. I’ll do it. Because I know I made stuff worse for you – I just hope this won’t make things even worse.’
‘At this stage, I don’t think anything could get worse,’ I tell him.
‘That’s her,’ I hear Rita say. I look over and she’s pointing at me. Two PCSOs are standing either side of her.
‘Hello, boys, are you here to put me in handcuffs?’ I joke. Millsy sniggers.
‘No, Ruby, they’re here to escort you off the premises. You’re fired.’
I frown at her, confused.
‘Wait, what? Why am I fired? And why do I need escorting?’
‘Yeah, come on, Rita, what did she do that was that bad?’ Millsy asks.
‘She assaulted a customer,’ she tells him.
‘When?’ I gasp. ‘No way.’
‘I was told that you poured hot coffee into the lap of a customer,’ she tells us. Oh shit – Deano.
‘He wasn’t a customer, he was my boyfriend, I was dumping him and he called me fat. I checked to make sure my drink wasn’t hot first – who complained? Was it him? I bet he’s just being petty.’
‘Ruby, I received several complaints from customers. I told you that you were on your final warning, so now you’re out. These gentlemen are here to stop you making another scene or getting violent.’
‘I wasn’t being violent, I was trying to fuck up his jeans,’ I protest.
‘Either way, I can’t have you acting like that around customers. So get your things and leave.’
I stare at her for a second. She looks so pleased with herself.
‘You know what, stuff your job,’ I tell her.
‘Ruby, wait,’ Millsy starts. ‘Rita, come on, don’t be so hasty.’
‘I’m sorry, Joe. She’s done too much.’
I whip off my apron and grab a brownie from behind the counter, taking a big bite out of it before marching out of the shop.
‘I’ll text you details about tonight,’ I call back to Millsy.
‘OK, sure,’ he calls after me. ‘You’re a badass.’
I certainly feel like one. Although we’ll see how badass I’m feeling when it’s time to pay my bills.