In an ugly and unhappy world, the richest man can only purchase ugliness
and unhappiness. George Bernard Shaw
Envy’s face revealed total shock when she saw how frail and ghastly Mrs. Rawlings looked. Her eyes were closed, and the thin skin of wrinkles that covered her face and arms brought tears of sadness to Envy’s eyes. She walked to Mrs. Rawlings bedside and stared at the tubes running from her nose and her throat. She looked at the IV needle taped to her thin, bony hand. Envy watched as the sheet that covered her barely moved up and down. A strange odor was in the room. Could it be the smell of death? Was her dear neighbor and friend going to leave her too? Envy turned around when she heard the door opening to Mrs. Rawlings’s room.
“Hello, ma’am. Are you Mrs. Rawlings’s granddaughter?”
“Yes. I’m the only family she has,” Envy told the nurse, knowing if they suspected she wasn’t any relation to Mrs. Rawlings, she would be unable to get any information concerning her health. “How is she?” Envy asked and laid her hand on top of Mrs. Rawlings’s.
“We’re keeping her comfortable. But honestly, honey, she’s in extremely critical condition. The doctor should be here later this afternoon. If you’re still here, you can talk to him and ask him all of the questions you want,” the nurse offered.
“Can she hear us?”
“I don’t know, but it surely won’t hurt to talk to her.” The nurse checked her tubes and IV.
“Nurse, I think I’m going to go to work. I plan to be back in a couple of hours so I can catch the doctor. Here’s my number if anything, and I mean, anything changes.” Envy passed a business card to the nurse.
“I’ll be sure to call you. I’m going to make sure we have your information in her chart too.”
“Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. It’s good to see that she has someone who loves her enough to come and check on her,” the nurse told her. “You have no idea how many elderly people are brought to this hospital and just left here. No one comes to see them. I tell you, it breaks my heart.”
Envy could barely look at the nurse. Her eyes were getting misty. She began to understand that she’d taken Mrs. Rawlings care and concern for granted. Now she was on the verge of losing her.
“I’m here, I’m right here with you,” Envy whispered when the nurse left out. “I’m going to run to work, and I promise to be back shortly, okay?” Mrs. Rawlings said nothing. “Mrs. Rawlings, if you can hear me, try to squeeze my hand. Come on; squeeze my hand, Mrs. Rawlings.” Envy felt an ever so slight movement in Mrs. Rawlings’s hand. “That’s it. I knew you were in there somewhere. I knew it. You’re going to be just fine, you hear me?” Again, Mrs. Rawlings barely flinched her hand. It was good enough for Envy. She smiled and said out loud, “Thank you, God. Thank you for Mrs. Rawlings, Lord. Take care of her, and heal her, dear God. Don’t let her be in pain. Don’t let her suffer, Father. Let her know how much I love her.” This time, Envy couldn’t control the river of tears that poured from her eyes.
Mrs. Rawlings moved her hand again. “I love you, Mrs. Rawlings. But God really does love you more. You do know that, don’t you, Mrs. Rawlings?” It took a second, but Mrs. Rawlings moved her fingers slowly. Envy remained at the old woman’s bedside another ten minutes. Then she kissed Mrs. Rawlings and told her again, “I’ll be back later. I promise.”
Envy cried all the way to her car. She sat in the car for a while before she finally started the engine and went to work. It took about twenty minutes for her to make it to the office. She had barely stepped off the elevator and was headed in the direction of her office when she heard her assistant.
“Ms. Wilson, hello. You made it just in time. Mr. Peace just called a special meeting for all of his direct reports. I was just getting ready to call his executive assistant to tell him you wouldn’t be in today.”
“I told you I was coming in. Where is the meeting? In his office or the executive suite?” she asked in a somber tone.
“The executive suite,” answered Envy’s administrative assistant.
“Okay, get my laptop and legal pad and pen, please.”
“Done already,” the assistant responded.
“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. While I’m in the meeting, please forward my calls to my audix, unless it’s from The Med or Methodist Hospitals. I have two friends, one at each hospital. If either of them calls, please text me on my blackberry. I’ll have it on vibrate. I’m stressing so bad, that my mind is not on this place. But I’m going to go up here and do my best to concentrate on what our Executive VP has to say.”
“You’ll be just fine,” the assistant reassured her.
“I hope you know what you’re talking about.” Envy laughed slightly before heading to her meeting.
×
An hour and forty five minutes later, Envy returned to her office; washed out from listening to Mr. Peace ramble about implementing new changes and restructuring the company departments. She searched through her Blackberry for messages and texts while she rode the elevator down to her floor. No calls from Layla, or either of the hospitals. Stepping off the elevator, her phone rang. It was Leonard, of all people. Her lips curled upward until they formed into a noticeable smile, but she didn’t answer the call. There was far too much left to do if she planned on getting out of the office by three o’clock. It was already two fifteen. Her mind was more on her friends.
Envy waved a hurried hello to her assistant, went inside her office, and closed the door behind her. She scanned and answered several email messages, read desk mail, and listened to audix messages. Fifteen minutes past her self set deadline, she came out of the office, left some instructions for her assistant, and called it a day.
Envy eased her black framed designer glasses up on the bridge of her nose and strolled confidently toward the direction of her parked car. The click clack of her black heels against the pavement oozed with sound of a woman with confidence. With each movement, her vintage style, high waist, A-line skirt and crisp floral watercolor print shell signaled beauty and brains.
Sitting in her car, Envy thought about returning Leonard’s call, but again, she told herself she must exercise self-control. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she chose to call Kacie instead.
“Kacie? Are you asleep?” Envy asked when she heard Kacie’s sluggish voice.
“No. I was just laying here thinking about my life and what a mess I’ve made. You must have heard the sadness and shame I feel.”
“Don’t do this to yourself,” Envy pleaded as she started the engine and zoomed off the parking lot. “Everything will be fine. Maybe you’re going through that, uh, that thing-a-ma-jig. You know, postpartum depression.” Envy turned right at the first light and continued toward the expressway.
“It’s not postpartum. It’s called, facing the truth. I made a fool of myself again. Or should I say, I let another smooth talking man make a fool out of me.”
“Most of us, at one time or another in life, have been made a fool of, Kacie. Some more than others. But a fool is a fool.” Envy changed lanes and accelerated on to the expressway. “The thing about it is to learn from your mistakes. Don’t keep on making the same ones. You have your tubes tied now, and you can go on with your life. When the baby turns out to be his, make Deacon pay child support, and concentrate on making something of your life for you and your children.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t get my tubes tied. I couldn’t do it. It means closure. A type of closure I don’t want to go through right now. Somewhere out there is a man for me, and he might want children with me.”
Envy’s mouth fell open. When she spoke, it was with noted cynicism and total disbelief. “You know what; I do not believe the words that just came out of your mouth. Baby, let me stop holding back on you. It’s time you hear the truth.” She gunned the motor, and the speedometer needle moved to 90. She was so hot with Kacie, she couldn’t wait to let loose like she really wanted to.
“Don’t even go there. I’m no child, so don’t step to me like I’m one,” Kacie spoke in a nasty tone.
Envy exited the expressway and turned on Hacks Cross. Within minutes, she was turning onto her street. As soon as she pulled up in her driveway, she turned off the car but didn’t bother to get out. “Oh, I’m going there all right. I don’t care if you meet the richest man on earth, you don’t need to bring another child into this world. In case no one’s told you lately, my dear,” Envy spoke with dripping sarcasm and ridicule, “you have seven children. Seven children,” Envy yelled. “And you’re not exactly mother of the year, sweetheart.”
“What do you mean by that?” Her deep inhales and exhales were heard loudly over the phone waves.
There was no mistaking to Envy that she’d struck a chord with Kacie. But she didn’t give a darn. She was going to tell her everything she should have told her three or four babies ago. “What I mean is you won’t get any awards for being a good mother. You may feed them and keep them clothed, but you rarely spend quality time with them. When was the last time you took them anywhere? You have so many of them, that if you wanted to take ‘em somewhere, you can’t even get them all in the car. You’ll be getting a ticket every time a police pulled up behind your stupid tail. And you’re laying up there in the hospital, like they removed part of your brain instead of a baby. You shoulda been telling them to snatch everything out of you that they could to make sure you wouldn’t have another baby. You’re sickening,” Envy screamed into the phone.
“I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not Miss America yourself. You think I don’t know that there’s a reason you moved way out there in the county? It’s so me and Layla won’t pop up over your house and catch one of your men laying up over there?” This time Envy listened to the harshness of Kacie’s voice. “What you got to say now? Cat got your tongue, huh? Yeah, I thought so. The only difference in me and you is that I don’t kill my babies, and as for you, who knows how many you’ve probably gotten rid of.” Kacie’s accusations were all wrong. She was going too far, and Envy didn’t want to hear any more of her lies.
“Shut up,” yelled Envy. “You’re the one who’s a whore. You’re nasty and filthy. You probably have more than babies coming out of your…” She allowed her voice to trail, and then said, “Well, let me put it this way; you need to have yourself checked for every STD in the book. Anytime you have seven children and just as many baby daddies, that proves you’re nasty. You run your fake butt up in the church pretending you’re going to church to worship God, when all you’re looking for is the next man to lay up with. Who wants a slut? Haven’t you heard that you can’t turn a slut into a housewife? Well, you need to look in the mirror, Kacie. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Does Layla know you didn’t get your tubes tied?”
“Layla isn’t my momma, and neither are you. Either of y’all can take it or leave it. I don’t need y’all, and I don’t need you to tell me what to do with my life or my children,” Kacie snapped.
Envy opened the car door and got out. Fischer barked as soon as he heard the key turning in the door. “Look, I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. Your mind is warped in more ways than one. I guess because you’re handicapped, you feel like you have to take any thing from these men out here. Or maybe you think having all of these babies will take the place of love.”
“Oh, so now you’re a psychologist? Look, I’m hanging up. My baby needs me.”
The phone went dead in Envy’s ear and she patted Fischer, ran to the back to change into a light jogging suit, and then took Fischer on his afternoon walk before going back to sit with Mrs. Rawlings. Maybe the walk would ease some of her aggravation and tension. But looking up at the sky, Envy saw the clouds. The sky was growing dark, and the clouds were changing to a dark gray, the same way her heart felt. How could she have been so judgmental toward Kacie, when she had a hideous past that she’d kept secret for fifteen years? Walking along the familiar trail, Fischer led the way. Storm clouds formed above, and Envy’s heart was turning just the same.