November 17, 2009
So the future King of Canada, Prince Charles, and his wife, Camilla, have left our shores and returned safely home to Britain. And sticking with that long-held Canadian tradition of absolute politeness, practised at dinner parties all over this great land, we can talk freely now that the guests of honour have finally left.
Thank God that’s over with. Why is it when the Royals pop in for a visit, we’re expected to drop everything? And we do—the prime minister of Canada, the governor general, all the TV networks. In fact, the only people who didn’t show up this time were the crowds.
This royal visit began in an empty stadium in St. John’s, Newfoundland, and went downhill from there. And believe me, if the Royal Family can’t fill a stadium in Newfoundland, a place where some people still fly the Union Jack, there’s a serious problem. The Tragically Hip can fill that room four nights in a row, and they charge admission.
I know what’s going on here. Canada is the “B” circuit. It’s just like when I was a kid, and the World Wrestling Federation said they were coming to town. Did they send the Macho Man, Randy Savage? No, instead they sent some drunk guy in tights named Gary.
That’s the way the Royal Family views Canada. Look at Prince Harry—there’s a superstar. They sent Prince Harry to Lesotho for two and a half months. And what do we get? Eleven days with Camilla and a bill for a couple million bucks.
Look, Canada is 142 years old and we still pledge allegiance to a family that lives in a castle in England. No hard feelings, nothing personal. It’s time we grew up.