Unofficial girl . . .
Cassie, “Official Girl”
Gray swallowed the huge lump in her throat and vaguely studied her surroundings. It seemed like the whole North Side was in Truth’s mother’s living room. The entire house from top to bottom was filled to the brim with mourners. Everybody from his family to his best friend, Fortune, and associates were there.
All Gray saw were different forms of black clothing floating by. There were elderly women in big black hats, thugs in black suits, and curvaceous women in form-fitting black dresses, all there to mourn the tragic death of a man who died way too soon.
The way Rich died and how they found him was what fucked Gray up the most. For days, residents in his apartment complex had been complaining about a foul stench coming from his car. The smell was so profound that the building’s manager stepped in. Once he couldn’t get a hold of Rich, he reached out and called Truth, since he was listed as the “In Case of Emergency” contact on his application.
After attending sunrise services, Truth and his mother, Ms. Moore, went by Rich’s place. Using the set of spare keys he had, Truth opened the trunk only to find his twenty-three-year-old brother bloody, beaten, and dead. Tears and vomit seeped from his insides.
Seeing her eldest son in such a state prompted Ms. Moore to get out of the car and see what was going on.She had no idea what she was about to see. Truth tried to block her path and stop the heartache she was about to feel, but his attempts were of no use. Ms. Moore spotted her son, and screams of loss exploded from the pit of her gut. The vision of her son lying on his side with his mouth and eyes wide open, a bullet wound in the front of his head, would never escape her memory.
Now, here they all were, trying to be hopeful and supportive, when really deep down, no one knew the right words to convey. Deciding it was her time to step in line and console Ms. Moore, Gray left the corner she’d been hiding in and approached the elderly woman.
Donny Hathaway’s soul-stirring ballad, “For All We Know,” played delicately from the record player sitting beside her. Ms. Moore was one of the few people left that still used an old school record player to listen to her oldies. She sat to herself in her favorite chair, a sky blue Laz-Z-Boy with a handful of tissues in hand. Her face was stone. The only emotion that showed was one of sorrow. Streaks of tears stretched across her cheeks, under her chin, and down her neck. For the past hour, her attention had been focused on one particular spot in the middle of the floor. It was the same spot Rich used to sit in and watch television as a child. The Cosby Show was his favorite.
Gray felt horrible as she kneeled down, placed her purse on her lap, and gently took Ms. Moore’s pudgy hand. She was so incoherent that she didn’t even notice Gray was there until she called out her name.
“Oh, hi, Gray.” She took her attention off the floor and looked at her face.
“How you doing, Ms. Moore?” Gray massaged the outside of her hand with her thumb.
“That’s a difficult question to answer, dear. I guess I’m just here; that’s all I can say right now.”
“Have you eaten anything? You know you have to take your medicine.”
“No, I’m not that hungry, but thank you.”
“But, Ms. Moore, you have to eat something, even if it’s just a little bit. I don’t want you to get sick. Just let me fix you a little something, please.”
“Okay, but not a lot. I won’t be able to stomach much.”
“Okay.” Gray patted her hand and picked up her purse. “I’ll be right back.”
As she went to turn around, Gray collided head first into Gunz’s chest. She hadn’t talked to him since the night they fell asleep on the phone. Shocked to see his face at Rich’s funeral, she quickly stepped back and looked him up and down. As usual, his attire was immaculate. Gunz was dressed in a gray Dolce & Gabbana suit and black Prada loafers. His hair was freshly cut, and the goatee surrounding his mouth was lined to perfection. For the first time, he looked like a businessman and not a thug.
“What are you doing here?” she finally asked.
“Get outta my house!” Ms. Moore began to scream as she got up. “You killed him! You did this to my boy.” She pounded her fists into his chest. “How could you?”
“Ms. Moore, I’m sorry.” Gunz tried his best to apologize.
“No, you’re not! You and those sorry sacks of shit you run with killed my son! You killed him!” She doubled over, sobbing. “Oh Lord! I can’t take it! Just give ’im back to me, Lord! Give ’im back!”
Gray stood alongside Gunz and Ms. Moore, speechless. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out how Gunz and Ms. Moore knew each other. Were Gunz and Rich friends? she thought.
“I just want my boy back! Lord, why? Why?” Ms. Moore continued to shout as onlookers began to whisper.
“Mama?” Truth appeared suddenly. “Mama, sit down. You’re going to make yourself sick again.”
Truth sat his mother down and kissed her forehead before getting into Gunz’s face. “You got a lot of nerve showing up here like this.”
“You two know each other?” Gray questioned Truth, perturbed.
“Yeah, I know this sorry-ass muthafucka,” he responded, unafraid.
“Gunz, what’s going on?” Gray nervously searched his eyes for answers.
Ignoring her, Gunz directed his attention to Truth. “Let me hit you with something real quick,” he spoke low enough so only Truth could hear. “Don’t you ever in your life come at me like that again. I will kill you; then your mother will be mourning two sons instead of one. Ya dig? Now, get the fuck out my face. Gray,”—Gunz turned his attention to her—“I’ll be in the car.”
And with that being said, Gunz left the house as quickly as he came.
“You fuckin’ with that nigga?” Truth yelled as spit spewed from his lips.
“Umm, you can quit yelling at me,” Gray said sternly as she looked around at the people watching them.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t believe that nigga.” Truth paced back and forth. “How the fuck y’all know each other?”
“Gunz is the guy I’ve been tellin’ you about.”
“That’s the nigga!”
“Yeah, now, how do you know him?”
“Gunz is the dude Rich was working for.” Truth pulled Gray far enough so his mother couldn’t hear. “And I bet you anything he had something to do with him being killed.”
“Don’t say nothing like that.” She absently shook her head.
“So what, you siding wit’ that nigga? My word ain’t good enough no more?”
“I’m not siding with anybody. I’m just saying you can’t be going around accusing people of stuff like that. What you’re saying is serious. It could ruin someone’s life.”
“What, like he ruined mine? My fuckin’ brother is dead and it’s because of that nigga, I’m tellin’ you.”
“Look, calm down. Let me just go and tell him good-bye and I’ll be right back.” Gray said before she walked away, not giving Truth enough time to respond.
A cool April wind kissed the side of Gray’s face as she descended the steps and got into Gunz’s car. Once inside, she sat quiet. So much was going through her head.
Gunz didn’t bother to speak either. He never expected in a million years to run into Gray at Rich’s funeral. He hadn’t even planned on attending. The only reason he came was because he felt in some strange way he owed Ms. Moore that much.
“I was surprised to see you in there.” She finally spoke up.
“Yeah, them my peoples.”
“Really? Well, how come I’ve never seen you around before? I’ve been cool with Truth for years.”
“I haven’t talked to you in a couple of days. Is this really what you wanna talk about?” Gunz shot, not in the mood.
“I mean, damn, excuse me. I was just asking you a question,” Gray shot back.
“Look, ma, I ain’t tryin’ to argue wit’ you. I’m tryin’ to kick it wit’ you. As a matter of fact, I’m tryin’ to get something to eat, so are you riding, or what?”
“I’ll go with you, but I just need to know some things.”
“Some things like what?”
“What is it exactly that you do for a living?”
“I shovel snow,” Gunz answered without hesitation.
Gray inhaled deeply. She had pretty much already figured out that Gunz earned his money the illegal way.
“And did you kill Rich?”
Gunz looked at Gray and swallowed hard. Everything in him wanted to tell her the truth, but if he did, what little relationship they’d built thus far would be over. He couldn’t risk losing her, so he took her by the hand, gazed sincerely into her eyes, opened his mouth, and said, “Baby, I swear to God I ain’t have shit to do with that. Rich was like a li’l brother to me.”
Gray wished that she could completely trust in his answer, but something inside her soul told her that Gunz was lying. She wanted to push the conversation further, but the look in his eyes screamed that now was not the time, so Gray tucked her suspicions away, vowing to press the issue later.
The buzzing sound of printers and fax machines rang in Gray’s ear as she sat alone at her desk. Taking a moment, she looked at the ceiling and thanked God that it was Friday. She couldn’t wait for the day to be over. From the time she got into work, she’d been busy with one task after another.
Sienna was driving her crazy with her insane demands. She’d been given the opportunity to write an article on “Fabulous Women over 40,” but it had to be finished and turned in by seven o’ clock the next morning. Gray didn’t know how she would finish on time. Not only did she have to complete her article, but that weekend she was hosting the girls’ monthly Saturday night get together.
Every month, they’d go all out with decorations, food, wine, and music. Gray’s theme for this month’s get together would be Parisian chic. To add to her stress, she also had an eleven o’clock hair appointment, and if she had enough time, she’d try to squeeze in getting her nails and feet done. Gray was tired already, and the weekend was just starting.
Checking the clock on her desk, she saw that it was only 12:30. Gray collapsed onto her desk and sighed. She still had four and a half hours to go. She needed a cup of coffee or a shot of espresso to perk her up. The cafeteria was only two floors down. Gray grabbed her clutch purse and got up. After pressing the down button and waiting a couple of minutes, she boarded the elevator. Halfway down, her cell phone began to vibrate. Gray tried not to smile once she saw that it was Gunz.
For a second she wondered if she should even answer. The last time she’d heard from him was two days after the funeral, and that was a week and a half ago. They were supposed to go out and kick it, but after waiting three hours, Gray realized that she’d been stood up. That time, she wasn’t having it. Gray called Gunz’s cell phone and left him a message, letting him have it. Later on that night, he called and apologized, but Gray wasn’t trying to hear him. His apology went in one ear and out the other.
“What?” She finally decided to answer on the fourth ring.
“Who you what in’?”
“You. Who else on this phone?” she snapped back.
“Be easy.” Gunz ignored her sarcasm as he purchased a brand new pair of sneakers at R Sole. “What you doing?”
“About to have lunch.”
“Why you ain’t call me? We could’ve had lunch together.”
“Gunz, please. The last time we had plans together you stood me up.”
“Gray, I don’t have the kind of schedule where I can be on you like the way I want to, so chill out and quit bringing up ol’ shit. I told you I got caught up on business, but that’s irrelevant. That happened like two weeks ago and I apologized. Besides, I ain’t even call you for all that.”
“Then what you call me for?” she asked, picking up a tray.
“I called to see if you wanted to come to this chocolate party wit’ me tonight.”
“Where?”
“At 1108.”
“Nah, I’m good. I got a lot on my plate.”
“So, that’s how it is? You act like you don’t miss me.” Gunz got into his car and started up the engine.
“It ain’t got nothing to do with me not missing you.” Gray’s heart dropped as she picked up a chicken Caesar salad. “I got a lot of stuff I got to do in the next twenty-four hours, and going out isn’t one of them. Besides, I ain’t fuckin’ wit’ you like that.”
“Why not?” He pulled off.
“ ’Cause I’m not. You be on some bullshit. Every time we make plans, you always breakin’em, so I’ll see you another time.”
“That’s what’s up. Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” he spoke, stunned.
“Yeah, me too.”
For a minute, the two held the phone in silence, unsure of what to say next.
“Well, I’ll holla at you then.” Gunz hung up reluctantly.
Gray stood in line with her cell phone in hand, shocked. Had the almighty Gunz showed some type of emotion? From the sound of his voice, she could tell he was hurt. She didn’t want to do him that way, but it had to be done. He had to see that she wasn’t that easy.
Now that she’d proven her point, Gray contemplated what she would wear to 1108.
Throughout the years, one special woman held the key to Gunz’s heart. It was his mother, Vivian. Gunz was her oldest of two, and the only one who gave her no pain during birth. In the years to follow, though, even though it wasn’t intentional, he would cause her unnecessary grief. Gunz was a wild child with a “fuck the world” attitude. After his father Joseph became addicted to heroin and left for the streets and his sister Adriana passed, there was nothing else for him to live for.
Everything he loved had been snatched away in the blink of an eye. And yes, his mother constantly reminded him that if he didn’t live his life according to God’s Word that he would be punished, but what was the point of caring and doing right? Nothing in his life was as it should be. His father was God knows where, and his sister was dead. All he had left was a traumatized heart and a resentful memory.
Gunz stepped out of his car and walked up the sidewalk leading to his mother’s row house. He hated the fact that she still lived there. Too much bad stuff had happened in that house, but his mother was determined to stay. Refusing to accept any of her son’s drug money, she worked hard as a school teacher to pay off the mortgage. The house was hers, the only piece of property she owned outright.
Vivian was proud of her investment. Back in the late seventies when she and Joseph purchased it, the house was only $90,000. Now, because of the recent interest in the area and proper upkeep, it was worth $250,000.
Gunz knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” his mother asked.
“Me! Who else it’s gon’ be?” he responded as she opened the door.
“You coulda been my man.” Vivian hugged her son.
“Ma, don’t play wit’ me.”
“Who said I was playin’?”
Gunz shook his mother’s comment off. In his mind, his mother had no business dating. Besides, he couldn’t fathom the thought of some man being around “his” mama. He couldn’t front, though. Vivian still had it going on for her age. A head full of smooth black hair hung past her shoulders. Her skin was an immaculate shade of copper, while her eyes were almond-shaped and brown. Her smile was the most exquisite thing about her. Vivian had the type of smile that with one glimpse, she captured your heart.
“Anyway, what you doing, and better yet, why don’t I smell nothing good to eat?”
“’Cause I didn’t cook anything good to eat. You better call one of them li’l hot-tail girls you fool wit’ and tell them to cook you something ’cause my days of slaving in the kitchen for you are over.”
“You see how you do me? Ya only son.”
“Boy, hush and hand me my gloves.” She pointed toward the kitchen counter.
“What you about to do?”
“Go work in my garden. You wanna help?”
“I’m good.”
Gunz went into the refrigerator and grabbed a soda.
“I ain’t never seen a lazier man in my life.” Vivian shook her head as she placed on her gloves.
“Mama, please. You must ain’t seen me without my shirt on.”
“And I don’t want to either. I have seen enough of ya li’l scrawny body to last me a lifetime,” she joked, opening the back door. Gunz followed.
“Damn, Mama, you got it lookin’ like the Botanical Gardens back here.”
“Quit all that damn cursing.”
“My bad.” He looked around in awe.
The entire backyard had been transformed into something even Martha Stewart would have been proud of. A huge white picket fence closed off the area. Surrounding it were pink, yellow, and red roses. A table for two with an umbrella sat near the back on top of a red brick pathway.
Gunz’s mother got down on her hands and knees and began pulling up weeds. “You know I talked to your grandmother the other day.”
“Word? How Granny doing?” Gunz took a seat. “I’ve been meaning to go by there and go see her.”
“She’s doing okay. She says her chest been hurting.”
“I’ma go by there tomorrow.”
“Your daddy’s been staying over there too lately.”
Gunz’s jaw tightened at the mention of his father. At the age of ten, he wrote him off as a deadbeat junkie. He hadn’t seen nor talked to him in years, and Gunz liked it that way. Fuck him. He didn’t have a father. The streets raised him.
“Your granny says he’s been clean now for almost a year.”
“Good for him.”
“I talked to him for a while. He said that he would like to see you.”
“Next time you talk to him, tell that nigga he twenty years too late.”
“Gavin, that’s not right. He’s tryin’.”
“Tryin’?” Gunz scrunched up his face. “Don’t tell me you gettin’ high too. That nigga ain’t did shit for me or you. When Adriana died, that muthafucka couldn’t even come to the funeral.”
“Now wait just a goddamn minute!” Vivian rose up and looked at him. “I am not one of them sorry-ass Negros you got hustlin’ that poison for you! I am your mother! You will respect me, and if you can’t, then you know what you can do.” She pointed to the door.
Gunz sat quietly and collected himself.
“Yo, I ain’t tryin’ to disrespect you, Ma . . . but if you wanna forgive and forget, then that’s on you. Me,”—he placed his hand on his chest—“I ain’t got nothing for him. That nigga been dead to me.”
“Gavin, I know you’re hurt, but you gotta let all that stuff go. Life is too short to be holding on to a whole bunch of negative stuff. You can’t live like that. It will tear you apart.”
Gunz knew what his mother was saying was right, but wasn’t it plain to see that he had a mountain load of pain that would always remain in him? No one could save him from his own misery. He was stuck there like time in space. Since as far back as he could remember, he’d been alone, and Gunz liked it that way. He wasn’t willing to allow anyone, especially his father, into his life knowing there was a possibility he could be hurt again.
The green lights on the dashboard of the cab flashed 12 AM as Gray pulled up to the club. The environment was live, as party hopefuls stood awaiting their turn to get inside. Eager to see Gunz, she checked her hair and makeup, which was flawless, then hit the driver with a twenty dollar bill and stepped out. From the looks she was getting as she approached the door, Gray knew she was the shit.
That night she wore her hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail. The makeup on her face consisted of bronzer and nude lip gloss. On her body she rocked a copper Donna Karan jersey wrap dress. The plunging neckline accentuated her full, shimmering breasts, while a pair of Gucci corset-style 5-inch heels highlighted her firm calves.
Unlike the last time she was at 1108, the décor was completely different. The entire club was filled with bouquets of red roses, streaming twinkling lights, chocolate fountains, fondue sets, and fruit. Up in the booth, DJ Needles made sure to remind everyone that the drink special for the night was chocolate martinis. The music, as always, was on point. Atlanta native Keri Hilson’s smash hit “Turnin’ Me On” was playing, hyping up the crowd.
Gray thought she would have to call Gunz and let him know she was there, but to her surprise, he was standing right up front. A slight smile crept onto the corners of her lips as she stood and watched him from afar. He looked simply divine in a brown vest. A cream-colored handkerchief peeked from the breast pocket. Underneath he wore a cream-colored V-neck T-shirt. On his lower half he rocked a pair of distressed Diesel jeans and Cre8tive Recreation high top sneakers. As always, his signature aviator shades covered his eyes, while small diamond studs gleamed from his ears.
Gray was just about to approach him when she noticed a petite woman dressed in a purple spandex dress walk over and get his attention. Gunz seemed to be excited by seeing her because the infamous crooked grin he normally gave to Gray exploded onto his face. Disturbed by this, she stood and watched. The entire time he talked to the woman, Gunz never removed his hand from around her waist. What the fuck is that shit about? she thought.
Feeling someone staring, Gunz looked over his shoulder and spotted Gray looking sexier than ever. Happy that she came, he left the woman’s side and stepped to her.
“I thought you said you wasn’t coming.” He kissed her cheek.
“I wasn’t,” she replied sarcastically, unsure of how she should feel after what she saw.
“A’ight, Gray, whateva. Anyway, you want something to drink?”
“Nah, I’m good.” She turned her face and looked away, mad. “It seems like you’ve drank enough for the both of us.” She could smell liquor on his breath.
“Why you lookin’ over?” Gunz followed her gaze and saw her staring at another guy. Heated, he cupped her chin and turned her face back toward him. “You see something you like?”
“Don’t play wit’ me.”
“Then what’s your problem?” Gunz could tell she had an attitude. “’Cause I’ma be honest wit’ you. I ain’t for that sarcastic shit tonight.”
“I said I’m good.”
“You sure? ’Cause I don’t wanna have to fuck you up,” he joked.
“Yeah, a’ight. Picture that.”
Changing the subject, Gunz took her by the hand and said, “C’mon. Let me introduce you to my peoples.”
By that time, the woman had already walked away.
“These are my homeboys, Watts, Bishop, and King.”
“Hi,” Gray spoke to everyone.
“What’s up?” The three men responded.
“So, you’re King?”
“Yeah.”
“Did Gunz ever tell you that my homegirl wanted to holla at you?”
“Nah. Nigga, you cock-blockin’?”
“Man, don’t even play me like that. You know how fucked up my mind is.” Gunz finished off his third drink.
“How she look?” King asked, intrigued.
“Don’t worry. She’s a winner.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.”
“Oh, so that’s how you gon’ do me, Gray?” Watts joked.
“What?” She giggled.
“I mean, I know you wit’ my man and all, but c’mon, yo. Don’t front. I peeped you checking me out.”
Gray could only laugh. Watts wasn’t a bad-looking guy, but he wasn’t the most attractive man she’d ever seen either. His height and weight were the equivalent to Snoop Dogg’s, but his looks resembled J.J. from Good Times.
“Yo, Gunz, you better watch her. Your girl got her eye on me,” Watts teased, posing in a B-boy stance.
“Wow!” Gray cracked up.
“Man, fuck what he talkin’ about. Take down my number so your girl can call me,” King interjected.
“Hold up. Let me get my phone out my purse.”
“Yo, go ahead and handle that. I’ll be right back.” Gunz kissed her cheek before disappearing in the crowd.
Gray didn’t realize until King and Bishop walked away and her feet began to hurt that Gunz hadn’t come back. She didn’t know what time he’d left, but she was pretty sure that twenty minutes came and went since she last saw him. It was bad enough that they barely talked and that when she walked in she spotted him with another girl. To leave her unattended at a party that he invited her to was downright rude.
“I don’t know where my homey went.” Watts pretended to scan the club.
“Me either. He said he’d be right back.” Gray sighed.
“That’s how my nigga is, though. You can never keep track of him.”
“Right,” she agreed.
“But yo, you cool? You need anything?” he questioned, concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Look, let me go find this boy.”
“You sure? ’Cause I can go look for him for you.”
“Nah, I got it. Thanks,” Gray yelled over her shoulder.
Halfway through the club, she caught up to Gunz. He and his crew were chilling in the V.I.P section, sipping on bottles of Nuvo. Gunz acted as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He had a new drink in his hand and a freshly lit see-through blunt, but to Gray’s surprise, he wasn’t alone. The same woman he was talking to earlier was not only in his face, but was sitting comfortably on his lap with her arm wrapped around his shoulders.
Gray couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked like the woman was either whispering in his ear or licking it. Gray was so outdone she was dumbfounded. To add to her embarrassment, when Gunz noticed her watching, he simply gave her a look that said deal with it. Her heart was shattered. This wasn’t how their story was supposed to go. Gray wanted to be the classy woman she was and walk away, but fuck that. He owed her an explanation. And no, he wasn’t technically her man, but hadn’t the time they’d spent together stood for something?
“Hi, how are you? I’m Gray.” She placed out her hand for a shake.
“Hi,” the woman spoke back dryly.
Gunz, being the man he was, continued to sip on his drink as if nothing was wrong.
“Y’all having a good time?”
“Yeah.” The woman looked at her funny, and then looked at Gunz. “You two know each other or something?”
“That’s my homegirl. Ain’t that right, Gray?”
“So it’s like that?” she asked, shooting him a look that could kill.
“Like what? What you talkin’ about, shorty?”
“Now you gon’ try and play me crazy. Okay, that’s what’s up?” She sucked in her bottom lip and smiled. “It was nice meeting you, sweetheart. Y’all have a good night.” And with that being said, Gray walked away.
“Yo, what the fuck is yo’ problem?” Gunz caught up with her and grabbed her arm.
“I don’t have time for this shit. I’m going home.” She snatched her arm away.
“Time for what? You the one that told me you wasn’t coming.”
“Oh, so since you thought I wasn’t coming you decide to invite one of your other hoes?”
“Man, I didn’t even invite her.” Gunz shook his head, annoyed. “That’s some ol’ shit. I ain’t worried about it, and you for damn sure shouldn’t be.”
“You didn’t invite her, but she still in your muthafuckin’ face. As a matter of fact, the whole time I been here, she been in yo’ face. What, you fuckin’ her or something?”
“So that’s how it gon’ be? Every time I go out you gon’ think I’m out here fuckin’ every chick you see me talkin’ to?”
“What you expect for me to think? The bitch was sitting on your lap!”
“Hold up. I’m not doing this with you. Whether I’m fuckin’ her or not ain’t none of your business. You not my girl. I told you I ain’t want to be in no relationship, and shit like this ain’t gon’ make me change my mind no sooner. So I’ma tell you like this, Gray, ’cause I’m not gon’ let you fuck up my night. You either gon’ stay here and chill wit’ me, or you gon’ take yo’ ass home and I’ll be over there when I leave up outta here. Either way it go, I’m good, so do what you got to do,” he shot before heading back to where he was at.
Left with whether she should leave or stay, Gray made her way over to the bar and ordered herself a drink. Gunz, on the other hand, took his seat and puffed on the blunt. He had too much on his mind to deal with Gray and her insecure ways. Gunz dug her a lot, but the nonstop complaining had to stop. He was a man with needs that needed to be fulfilled, and when Gray didn’t step up to the plate, Devin did. In Gunz’s mind, Gray got what her hand called for. Nobody told her to show up unannounced. She brought the pain she was feeling on herself.
Wondering if she had left, Gunz scanned the club in search of her and saw her at the bar. She better not had left, he thought, slumping back with a mean expression on his face.
That quickly changed when his anthem by Jamie Foxx, “Blame It,” began to play. The song was Gunz’s shit. As he vibed to the hook, he checked for Gray again, but she had left. Okay. Gunz chuckled underneath his breath. He hadn’t expected her to grow balls and leave. It was a good thing she had left, though, ’cause if she would have stayed, he would’ve lost all respect for her.
An hour and a half later, the club was letting out and Gunz was getting into his car. He was pissy drunk, but so what. Thoughts of Gray devoured his mind, so he called her; only she didn’t answer. Amused by her behavior, Gunz called back, but this time, her phone was turned off. Now he was pissed. He didn’t like not being able to contact her.
She had him fucked up if she thought shit was gonna go down like it was.
Back at home, Gray sat on the couch with her arms folded underneath her breasts and her legs crossed. A million thoughts ran through her head. Gray thought Gunz respected her more. The way he chased her, you would’ve thought she was the number one woman on his list. Evidently she was wrong. How could she be so stupid to think that he wouldn’t be like all the rest? Just because he took her out and fucked her better than any other man she’d ever dated didn’t mean a thing. Gunz wasn’t her man when it all boiled down. She was just a person he kicked it with from time to time.
But didn’t the way he gazed into her eyes mean anything? His touch was filled with too much tender loving care, and when they kissed, nothing else in the world mattered. No one could tell her that he didn’t feel something in his heart for her. Yes, he was unemotional and arrogant as hell, but Gray saw past all of that. She and Gunz had a connection.
Or was Gunz just running game? Gray didn’t know what to think. All she knew was that she’d been played and humiliated. She felt stupid. Gray should have never put her life, meaning her job, on hold to be with a man. “What was I thinking?” she said out loud to herself.
In the midst of her frustration, Gray heard someone buzzing her door. She didn’t even have to ask who it was; she already knew. Outraged, she got up and pressed the button to allow Gunz into the building.
To his surprise, once he got to her door, Gray was there waiting for him with an angry expression on her face.
“What’s yo’ problem?” he asked with a glossed-over look in his eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Man, g’on with that bullshit, Gray. I’m tired. A nigga just wanna go to sleep.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with me?”
“C’mon, Gray. Stop fuckin’ around and let me in.”
Gray looked at him with pure disgust and stepped to the side. She couldn’t stand the look of his face, yet a part of her was happy that he’d come.
“I hope you don’t think you’re staying. You better take yo’ ass over that bitch house.”
“What I tell you? That’s old shit.”
“And so are we, ’cause I ain’t got nothing for you.”
“So what? You don’t like me no more? You don’t want to fuck wit’ me no more, Gray?”
Gray wanted nothing more than to say no, but the fact that he was there putting up a fight did something for her self-esteem.
“If you were me, would you want to fuck wit’ you?”
“That’s a good question. Let me sleep on it and get back to you in the morning.” He got up in her face and shined his crooked grin.
“I don’t see nothing funny.”
“C’mon, just let me go to sleep. I promise we can talk about whateva you want to talk about in the morning.”
Gray looked at him sideways and wondered if she should take him up on his offer or make his ass leave as planned.
“We can talk in the morning,” she huffed, going against her better judgment. Gray just prayed that in the morning she wouldn’t hate herself for the decision.
The smell of Colombian coffee roamed through the air as Gray sat at her kitchen island watching reruns of Project Runway. Gray loved her kitchen. It was like a breath of fresh air. Unlike other areas of the house, her kitchen was more on the traditional side. Everything except the countertops was white. Storage cabinets lined the walls. Her refrigerator, microwave, and oven were all built into the wall unit as well. Miniature plants and greenery gave the area a sprinkle of color.
With her right hand cupped under her chin, she lazily watched television. Gray hadn’t slept a wink. From the time Gunz drifted off to sleep, she’d been up working on her article. Finishing it was a harder task than she thought it would be, due to the fact that the situation between her and Gunz stayed on her mind. Thankfully, she finished with only minutes to spare.
With a little time on her hands to think, Gray realized that she was at a pivotal point, where she had to figure out if she should pass Go and head to Boardwalk, or throw in all of her chips and give up. Being disrespected by him with other chicks and competing for his attention was not something she was up to doing. It was time to put everything on the line.
Gray was tired of being his unofficial girl. She wanted to be spoken for. They’d been messing around for several months. Gunz needed to make his feelings clear. Whatever he threw at her, she could handle. What she couldn’t handle was the mind-numbing feeling of being stuck in limbo.
Cool air from the ceiling fan swept over Gunz’s bare chest. As soon as he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Gray’s lavender satin accent chairs. He hadn’t felt so well rested in years. He almost hated to get up, but Gray’s missing body compelled him to get out of bed. He wondered where she could be. Slowly he made his way down the steps.
Gray almost choked from the sight of him half naked. The only thing he wore was a pair of blue boxer briefs. With each step he took, his dick shifted from side to side; it was so big. Gray wanted to taste it. Get it together, bitch, she told herself, but it was too late. She’d already become caught up in his toned and rippled physique. His body was mouthwatering, sinfully delicious. Gunz wasn’t fighting fair, and Gray didn’t like it one bit.
“What you doing up?” he yawned, adjusting his dick.
“I haven’t been to sleep,” Gray answered, sipping on her fourth cup of coffee.
“Why not?”
“I had an article due for the magazine that I had to finish and turn in by seven this morning.”
“Damn, I ain’t know you had all of that going on.” Gunz opened the refrigerator to see what she had to eat.
“You never bothered to ask.”
“Did you finish?”
“Yeah,” she replied dryly.
“What’s wit’ the attitude?” He shut the door and looked at her. “What I do to you now?”
“Are you serious? You don’t remember what happened last night?”
“If I remembered I wouldn’t be askin’ you now, would I?” He looked at her, confused.
“You can save the attitude ’cause frankly, I don’t have time for it. Last night was enough.”
“Are you gon’ tell me what happened, or do I have to figure it out myself?”
“First of all, you were drunk as hell to the point you couldn’t even stand up. Then on top of that, you had some bitch sitting on your fuckin’ lap like I wasn’t even there.”
“Damn, I did.” He chuckled.
“I’m glad you find the shit funny.” Gray shot past him, heated.
“Where you think you going?” He grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
“Can you please not touch me?”
“Quit actin’ like a fuckin’ brat,” Gunz shot sternly.
Gray stood and stared into his eyes as her heart raced a mile a minute. A part of her wanted to buck and scream “Fuck you,” but the fear of how he would react prompted her not to. Instead, she released her hand from his and proceeded up the steps to her bedroom. Gunz knew her feelings were hurt, but there was only so much slick shit he was gonna let her get away with.
Was I really trippin’ that bad? he thought. Gunz did a mental rewind of the night and tried to piece together the events that he could remember. He could see himself at the bar buying drink after drink. He remembered Devin pushing up on him hard. He could see Gray entering the club and shutting the whole scene down with her presence. The only thing he could remember after that was Devin coming over and sitting on his lap.
“I knew I wasn’t trippin’,” he spoke out loud as he walked up the steps and into Gray’s bedroom.
“Yo, I just remembered she came and sat down on my lap. I ain’t even tell her to come sit down.”
“You really think that makes a difference?” She stopped making up the bed and looked at him like he was dumb. “It doesn’t matter if you asked her or if she did it on her own. The fact is she was still there, and most importantly, you invited her.”
Gunz had completely forgotten that piece of vital information.
“You right. I did after you said you wasn’t coming.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you brought all of this on you.”
“I brought all of this on me?” she repeated in disbelief.
“You damn right you did. I asked you to come, you said no, so what in the fuck else was I supposed to do?”
Gray didn’t know what to say. She knew he had a valid point.
“The shit was still embarrassing as hell. I felt stupid. Here I was setting aside my responsibilities just to kick it wit’ you, and what do I get in return? Another bitch all up in yo’ face, a headache, a fucked-up night and no sleep.”
“Look, that shit wit’ Devin—”
“So that’s her name?” Gray cut him off.
“Fuck all of that.” Gunz swung his arm, frustrated. “I told you I don’t fuck wit’ that bitch. I apologize, but you gotta remember, Gray, me and you not together. I told you I ain’t wanna be in a relationship.”
“Who said anything about a relationship?”
“To me that’s what it seem like you want us to be.”
“Well, I don’t.” She turned her back to him and resumed making up her bed. Hearing those words come out of his mouth were like stab wounds to the heart. Gray never felt so insignificant and small. Here she was trying to be all she could be for him and for what? He was absolutely right. She wasn’t his girl, nor did he want her to be, so why did it hurt so bad when this was something she already knew? The air in her lungs felt short, like she was having an asthma attack. There was no way she could be back in this moment of rejection again. It was time to reevaluate some things.
“Look.” Gunz gently turned her around to face him. Holding her hands, he said, “I ain’t tryin’ to hurt you. I’m just tryin’ to be honest. I like you . . . a lot. I enjoy spending time wit’ you, but I’m the type of nigga that just can’t be in a relationship. My life is too dangerous, and I’m not gon’ take the risk of you being hurt.”
“So what do you suggest I do?” Gray shot back.
“I don’t know. That’s up for you to decide. I mean, hopefully you still wanna fuck wit’ me, but if not, I’ll understand.”
“I’ma tell you right now, I’m not into fucking you when there is a possibility that you could be fuckin’ somebody else.”
“Say what you mean, Gray.”
“Are you seeing anybody else?”
“No.”
“Do you want to see other people?”
“I mean, at this moment, no.” He got in her face and placed his arms around her waist. “I don’t anticipate me wanting to see anybody else but you.”
Gray hated that when she was in his arms, everything felt right. If she could stay there forever, she would.
“Then just promise me this: if things change and you do want to see other people, let me know.”
“Why you worrying about other people?” he asked, kissing on her neck. “All that matters is us.”
“Gunz . . . stop.” Gray tried her best to protest, but the flicker of his tongue on her skin had her feeling as if she were going in circles.
“Come on, baby. Daddy missing home. Let me taste you.”
That was all Gray needed to hear. Before she knew it, her back had met with the sheets and her legs were bent and spread open. Gunz looked at her. Confusion and agony were written all over her face. He wanted to promise her the world and everything it had to offer, but lying to Gray was something he just wasn’t willing to do. He cared for her too much but just didn’t know how to show it. Gunz would never admit it, but he was falling hard for Gray. He loved each and every part of her, from the gentle spirit of her soul to the way she laughed at his corny jokes.
Gunz placed a trail of loving kisses from the back of her left knee all the way to the heartbeat of her clit. An impatient desire for his mouth to devour the lips of her pussy consumed Gray.
Gunz had waited all night for this moment. He wondered if she had noticed. The second the tip of his tongue met with her hard clit, she lost it. Gray could hardly breathe. She felt out of place but in a good way. Getting her pussy ate shouldn’t feel so good. If he kept on licking and biting her clit the way he was, she was sure to cum in a matter of minutes.
Sounds of ecstasy filled the air. What Gunz was doing to her pussy was crazy voodoo black magic. Screams of pleasure arose in her throat and spilled out into the atmosphere. Gray tried to back away, but Gunz simply stopped, looked her in the eye and said, “Be still,” then pulled her right back into his embrace. Gunz held her thighs in his hands so tight she swore his fingerprints would leave a mark. He wanted her to feel every stroke. With each lick he lusted for more. Gray was beyond wet. The sweet taste of her wetness lathered his tongue.
“Gunz,” she moaned as her body ached for more. In the pit of her stomach she knew he was giving her just enough string to hold on, but the cream lava that was building in her pussy was too hard to ignore.
With fire in his eyes, Gunz made his way up top. His dick was rock solid and throbbing to be licked. Gray, without hesitation, took a hold of him and led him up to her mouth. This shit was crazy.
Gray knew deep down inside that she should give up and let go. Destruction was ahead. She could see it a mile away. If she held on, he was sure to make her cry. Lonely nights, forgotten promises, and lies would all be thrown her way, and in some way it would all be her fault because she should’ve walked away. Gray wished she was strong enough to tell him to bounce, but the enthralling kisses he placed on the base of her neck dulled any common sense she thought she had. Pain shouldn’t feel so good. She felt weak and cared for at the same time. Something had to give.