I just wondered . . .
do you ever think of me?
Ne-Yo, “Do you”
Six months had gone by. Spring and summer came and went like the wind. It was fall once again. October clouds crammed the sky. Gunz gazed absently out of the window of his Rolls Royce as Lorenzo drove him to his next destination. It was sure to rain later on that day. Gunz welcomed a downpour. The sound of rain rushing from the heavens gave him a sense of solace.
He needed something to keep him sane. Life for him consisted of one mundane scenario after another. His only joy came from his family. They’d become his center of gravity. Gray, on the other hand, was his universe. There wasn’t a minute out of the day that he didn’t think of her. He just wondered, did she think of him too?
Gunz missed her so much, he even went as far as to send her a letter. Gray received it on a sunny day. She, Truth, and the baby were sharing a quiet afternoon at her home. She stood in the kitchen against the island, going through her mail. Suddenly, she came across an envelope addressed to her but with no return address. Perplexed as to whom the sender could be, she ripped it open. Gray unfolded the note. It read:
Gray,
If you’re reading this, it means I worked up the courage to mail it. Good for me, I guess. Look, I’m not tryin’ to interrupt your life, but there are a few things that I need to get off my chest. I know that at times you have felt that I’m arrogant, selfish, and immature. All this may be true (LOL) but there are a few things about me that you have yet to learn. On Sunday mornings, I like to chill and watch the Food Network. Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay are my mans, no homo. I dig Basquiat paintings, I don’t clean up behind myself, and I often leave weed ashes all over the floor.
But I digress. Let’s move on. I’ve met this girl, right. It was an accident. I wasn’t looking for it, but she’s kinda special. You see, she said one thing, I said another. And in that very instant, I found myself wanting to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. I got this feelin’ in my gut that she’s the one. She’s crazy as hell, but in a cute way that makes me smile, and a great deal of maintenance.
She is you, Gray. The only problem is I don’t know how to be with you, and knowing that scares the shit outta me. ’Cause if I’m not wit’ you, I got this feeling that we’ll get lost. And I can’t tell you why you should take a leap of faith on a nigga like me, but damn, you smell good, like home. You make a mean Kimchi too. That’s gotta count for something, right? Call me.
Loving you still,
Gunz
Unfortunately for Gunz, he never received the phone call he’d so desperately wanted. It kind of fucked him up ’cause love was no longer a mirage of the mind for him. His days and nights were spent reeling in self-indulgent wishes of her kisses. Pangs of guilt consumed his soul. If only he’d treated her right. There were many times when Gunz held the phone in search of her voice. He needed his heartbeat back.
Unbeknownst to him, his wish was about to come true.
He was in the Delmar Loop. Lorenzo had just pulled up to the light when the silhouette of her figure appeared. Time stood still as she crossed the street in slow motion. Everything about her had changed for the better. Gray’s hair was jet black and flat-ironed straight, with Chinese-cut bangs. The hairstyle enhanced her Korean features. She’d slimmed down a bit, but all the curves she used to possess were still in the right places.
Gunz couldn’t help but to admire her swagger. Gray was rocking the hell out of a white oversized men’s button-up. The sleeves were rolled up, while the first five buttons were undone, revealing her caramel-colored skin and the fact that she wore no bra. Over her shirt and around her waist was a brown-and-gold skinny belt. The rest of the ensemble consisted of dark blue skin tight skinny jeans, five-inch Alberta Ferretti heels, brown Gucci shades, her engagement ring, and Bishop’s gold watch.
“Yo, let me out,” Gunz demanded, not wanting to waste another minute.
“Is everything okay, sir?” Lorenzo questioned, concerned.
“Just park the car. I’ll be right back,” Gunz replied, jumping out into traffic.
Gray was already across the street. She was just about to head into a boutique called Zeizo when he caught up with her.
“Gray,” he called out.
The sound of Gunz’s voice sent chills up her spine. For a second Gray wondered if she was hallucinating; that was, until Gunz called out her name again. Gray looked over her shoulder and spotted him coming toward her.
“Goddamn,” she whispered underneath her breath. Gunz was finer than a muthafucka. His hair was freshly lined and cut. The black cashmere cardigan he donned draped over his muscles like silk. Underneath, he sported a white V-neck. Dark jeans, old school Air Jordans, shades, a gold rosary, and a Nixon watch completed the look. Gray could hardly compose herself.
“What’s up wit’ you?” he asked.
“Nothing. How you been?” she asked, unsure of what to say or do.
“I been a’ight. I heard you had a li’l girl.”
“Yeah, about a month ago.”
“That’s what’s up. I bet she look just like you.”
“Yeah, everybody says so. She’s in the store with Tee-Tee right now. I have a picture of her on my phone if you wanna see it.”
“You can show me.”
Gray went into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. “I took this picture of her last week after I gave her a bath.” She handed Gunz her phone.
“Damn, she look just like you. What you name her?”
“Aoki.”
Gunz couldn’t help but smile. Gray’s daughter was the prettiest baby he’d ever seen. She lay on her back above a pink blanket, dressed in all pink. Her hair was jet black, while her eyes were shaped like diamonds. Aoki’s cheeks were a rosy shade of pink, and her lips were full and pouty, just like her mother’s.
“Congratulations.” Gunz handed her back the phone. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
“So have you gone and got married on me yet?”
“Nope, still engaged.” She flashed her ring.
“When’s the wedding date?”
“I haven’t planned one yet.”
“What you waiting on? What, you scared or something? Don’t tell me you having second thoughts.”
“Okay then, I won’t.”
“If you having second thoughts, then that’ll be all bad for ol’ boy.”
“Humph.” Gray put her head down and laughed some. Gunz hadn’t changed one bit. “So how is Devin and the baby doing?”
“Devin wild as hell, man. I don’t know what’s going on wit’ her.”
“Well, what about the baby?”
“Man, it ain’t no baby. We ain’t even gotta get off into all that right now. What you doing later? Why don’t we go and have dinner or something?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“It’s cool,” Gunz responded, crushed. “I just wanted to see what was up wit’ you. Catch up on old times.”
“I mean, I wish I could, but—”
“Ma . . . it’s good. You ain’t gotta explain. It was good seeing you, though, for real.”
“It was good seeing you too.” She smiled slightly.
“Be good, a’ight.” He softly kissed her cheek.
“You too,” she replied as she watched him walk away.
“Girl, you need to quit playin’,” Tee-Tee said, coming out of the store with the baby.
“Boy, what are you talkin’ about?”
“The chemistry between you two is so thick you can cut it wit’ a knife. I don’t know why you still lyin’ to ya’self.”
“Tee-Tee, what Gunz and I shared is in the past, where it should be.”
“Bitch, please. I ain’t Kema and Heidi. You can’t fool me.”
Hail and rain tapped against the window. The familiar sound of thunder echoed through the air. The soothing humming sound from the heat roamed throughout the house. Gray lay curled up on her side, snuggled underneath covers. It had been a long, tiring day, so a good night’s sleep was overdue. She’d gone to bed early to ensure she’d get enough rest. The next day was gonna be hectic. In her living room were racks of designer samples. Haute Couture’s holiday must-have issue was about to hit newsstands, and Gray had to come up with ideas for new trends to present to Sienna the following Monday.
Gray was running herself ragged, but she’d much rather excel in her career and as a mother then mourn the death of her relationship with Gunz. That didn’t stop her from thinking about him every second of the day or dreaming of him, though. That night, she dreamt they were strolling on the beach hand in hand in Mexico. Waves from the ocean splashed against her feet.
Gunz lifted her left hand and kissed her palm. A diamond ring the size of a nickel shimmered in the afternoon sunlight. They were married and happily in love. A smile graced the corners of her lips as she lay still asleep.
She never wanted the moment to end, but just as she was about to turn over, there was a sudden ring at the door. Startled by the noise, Gray’s eyes shot open.
The first thing she did was look at the clock. It was a couple minutes to four. Gray wondered who could be at her house that time of the morning. As she sat up and grabbed her robe, there was another ring. Pissed off by the visitor’s impatience, she stomped down the steps and to the door.
“Who is it?” she asked with an attitude.
“Me.”
Gray’s heart skipped what seemed to be a million beats. The voice on the other side of the door belonged to one person and one person only—Gunz. Gray squashed her fears and opened the door slowly. Her eyes traveled up to his. He looked sexier than ever, but the sadness in his brown eyes was more evident.
Gunz knew he should say something, but fuck it; they’d done enough talking in the past. Never taking his focus off her, he gently took a hold of the sash on her robe and untied it. The sides of it flew open, exposing her satin negligee. The imprint of her hard nipples poked through the fabric. Gunz pushed her robe off.
Gray felt like she was in a whirlwind. Her body craved him. She watched closely as his index fingers pulled the straps of her gown down. Gray allowed it to fall into a heap on the floor. Gunz admired her gorgeous physique. Her body was like a work of art. Every dip, curve, and fold was magnificent. Hungry for her touch, he picked her up.
Gray eagerly wrapped her arms and legs around him. It seemed like a decade had passed since they last kissed. Every flick of his tongue felt like heaven. Gunz sucked the side of Gray’s neck, but not without taking a delicious bite.
“Ahhhhh,” she moaned in delight.
With each of her butt cheeks in his hand, he led her over to the nearest wall. His dick was so hard it was about to bust through his pants. The rough surface of the wall scratched against Gray’s back. She enjoyed the pain.
“Baby, I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” he groaned as she got down and dropped to her knees.
Gray swiftly undid his pants. His big, black dick sprung to attention. If she were a veteran, she would’ve saluted. With ease she took him inch by inch into her mouth. The veins in his dick throbbed against the taste buds of her tongue. He tasted like Godiva chocolate.
Gunz tilted his head back in agony. He wanted to cum so bad. Gray was sucking his dick like it was the last thing on earth she’d get to taste.
Not ready to cum, he pulled her up and made her face the wall. The arch in her back was perfect. Gunz spread her ample butt cheeks apart and inserted himself deep within her valley. All the blood in his body rushed to the tip of his penis. Gray was wetter than wet. With his hands on her hips, he grinded in and out of her at a feverish pace. Sounds of his shaft slapping against her butt echoed around them.
“Ohhhhh, baby,” Gray wailed as he hit her spot.
Her face was pressed up against the wall. There was no place for her to run or hide. Gunz had her right where he wanted. She was trapped in his web.
He wanted to ensure that she came over and over again. Using his hand, he reached around and began massaging her clit. Grays’s thighs began to shake uncontrollably as she came. Sweet, sticky cream saturated his dick.
Gunz could feel himself about to cum too. Squeezing his eyes shut, he rotated his hips in a circular motion. An electric spark rushed through his body as he came. Spent, he placed sloppy, erotic kisses down the center of her back.
Hours later, Gray lay drained in Gunz’s arms. He’d taken her body to forbidden places of ecstasy. The orgasms she experienced were earth shattering.
Gunz lightly caressed the side of her arm. This was where he belonged. For a while he’d resisted arrest, but Gray had handcuffed his heart. No matter the obstacle, she stuck by his side. She proved that love could be patient and kind. She made him want to be better, not only for her, but for himself.
“Marry me,” he spoke barely above a whisper while massaging her forehead with his fingertips.
“What?” she asked, shocked.
“You heard me.”
“Gunz, don’t play wit’ me.”
“I’m for real. Don’t marry him. Marry me.”
“Where is all this coming from?”
“My heart. I tried, but I don’t work without you.”
“So you really wanna marry me?” She faced him.
“Yeah, I mean, I know I fucked up. We fucked up. But we can make this shit work.”
“I don’t know what to say. I mean, have you forgotten that I’m engaged?”
“You don’t love that man.”
“But we have a child together.”
“I understand that, but you can’t sit up here and tell me that yo’ heart don’t belong to me.”
“Oh my God.” Gray ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. “This shit is crazy.”
“Nah, you make me crazy,” Gunz joked.
“That’s good to know,” she replied in a sarcastic tone.
“Straight up. You fuck me up how you try to pretend that the past don’t count, but I know it does.”
“That’s the problem, though. In the past, all I ever wanted was to be a part of your heart, but you wouldn’t let me. Now I’ve moved on. I got a child with that man. I promised to be his wife. I can’t just up and leave like that.”
“So you tellin’ me no?” he countered.
“I don’t know what I’m sayin’.”
“If you can look me in my eye and tell me that you don’t wanna be wit’ me then I’ll leave and never bother you again.”
Gray stared Gunz square in the eyes, but the words she so desperately wanted to say were too hard to form. She needed Gunz as bad as she needed a heartbeat.
“I promise I got you. I swear to God everything gon’ be a’ight. I’ma give you my all, and I’ma love Aoki as if she was my own.”
“Like, I wanna say yes, but I honestly don’t think we’re ready for all of that.”
“And you’re sure about that? No is your final answer?”
“Yeah, I just think we should wait. If we’re going to do this again, then I need to make decisions with my head and not my heart.”
“I can dig that,” Gunz replied. He was hurt, but deep down inside, he knew that she was right.
“I just don’t want you to hurt me again.”
“Trust me; I won’t.” He took her into his arms and kissed her forehead.
“I can’t believe you are playin’ that mess,” Gray said, sitting Indian-style on the living room floor as Gunz played Grand Theft Auto.
“Quit hatin’.”
“I’m far from a hater, sweetie.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s what your mouth say.”
“Whateva.” Gray laughed, focusing back on her work.
“Baby, you mind getting me a beer?”
“Gunz, you see I’m working.”
“Please.” He looked at her and winked his eye.
“Ooh, you get on my nerves.” She smiled as her cell phone began to ring.
By the ringtone, she knew it was Truth. She’d been dodging his calls all day.
“Hello?”
“What you doing? Why you ain’t been answering your phone? What, you got a nigga over there or something?” he joked.
“No. You know I told you I had work to do today.” She halfway told the truth. “What’s up wit’ you?”
“Shit, I was tryin’ to come see you. Ain’t Aoki coming home today?”
“Uhhhhh . . .” She stalled. “Actually, I asked Tee-Tee to watch her until tomorrow. I thought you had to work tonight.”
“They told me I ain’t have to come in.”
“Oh.”
“Are you all right?” he questioned, sensing her nervousness.
“Baby, what’s taking you so long?” Gunz yelled, interrupting her conversation.
“Who the fuck was that?” Truth questioned, heated. “Don’t tell me it’s some nigga over there for real.”
“Truth, just let me—”
“Yo, you wild than a muthafucka! You straight up got some cat over there like I ain’t yo’ fuckin’ fiancé! Who the fuck was that?” he asked, heated.
“Gunz.”
“Gunz! So you back fuckin’ wit’ him?”
“Truth, it just happened. I was going to tell you.”
“When? When were you gon’ tell me, Gray, huh? On our wedding day, or the fuckin’ honeymoon?”
“Can you please calm down?”
“Fuck nah! Here I am tryin’ to be the man you need, and this is how you do me? You know how much bullshit I had to go through to be wit’ you! You got life fucked up if you think you just gon’ ride off into the sunset wit’ that nigga and I’ma just fade into the background like ain’t nothin’ happened. Bitch, please.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You just like all these other hoes out here. Any nigga wit’ a li’l dough can get it.” He tried his best to hurt her.
“Okay, I know your feelings are hurt, but you buggin’.”
“Nah, you the one trippin’, and if you think I’ma let you have my fuckin’ daughter around that nigga, you got another thing coming!”
“Truth, I understand that you’re upset, but you need to calm down. Holla at me when we can talk like adults,” she spoke before hanging up.
Gray knew it would never be an easy way or a good time to break Truth’s heart, but it had to be done sooner or later. She just hoped that ultimately, they could maintain a friendship for the sake of the baby.
Gray popped open the fridge and pulled out a cold Boulevard Wheat Beer. Back in the living room, she handed Gunz his drink.
“Who was that on the phone?” he asked, seeing that she was upset.
“Truth.”
“Everything good?”
“I hope so,” she answered, praying that it would be.
The next day, Truth rang Gray’s doorbell with a bouquet of yellow roses in his hand. Nervous energy resonated through his system as he shifted from side to side. Gray wasn’t expecting him, so he wasn’t sure how she would react.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“Truth.”
For the first time since they’d known one another, Gray was uncertain about his presence. Checking herself, she opened the door. At the end of the day, Truth was still one of her very good friends.
“Hi,” she spoke.
“Hi. These are for you.” He kissed her cheek.
“Thanks.” Gray took the flowers and inhaled the fragrant scent.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside.
Truth came in, and Gray closed the door behind them. They both sat on the couch.
Gray tried to be as normal as possible and asked, “So how are you?”
“As good as I can be, I guess. Where’s Aoki?”
“Upstairs asleep. Look, Truth, I am so sorry about the other day. I never meant to hurt you. I just wish we could’ve talked about it face to face.”
“I know.” Truth reached out and touched her hand. “You gotta understand how I feel, Gray. I love you. I always have, and I know we could be great together. You just have to give me the chance to show you.”
“Truth, I love you too.”
“So what’s the problem?” he asked, hopeful.
“Just not in that way. You’re one of my best friends, and that’s all I can ever really see you being. I hope you understand, ’cause I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“But you just said you loved me.” He held her hands tight.
“I do.”
“Stop lying to me,” he shouted. Truth took her arms and shook her.
“Have you lost your mind? Let me go,” Gray screamed, trying to pull away.
“Tell me you love me!”
“Are you fuckin’ crazy?”
“Just let me make you feel good.” He kissed her roughly.
“Get off of me!”
“C’mon, Gray. I know you want me!” His tongue slithered from her ear, across her cheek and to her mouth.
“I said get the fuck off of me!” She yanked her arm away.
Before Truth knew it, Gray had slapped him with so much force that her handprint was left on his face. Truth reacted quickly with a backhand slap of his own. His hit sent Gray flying backward off the couch.
“You think you can treat me any way you want and get away with it, bitch?” He towered over her.
Truth kicked Gray in the stomach. Off in the distance, she could hear Aoki begin to cry.
“Well, guess what?” He took a fistful of her hair in his hand and yanked her head back. “If I can’t have you, no one else will either!”
Truth threw her head back. It hit the floor with a loud thud. Just like in the cartoons, Gray saw stars. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Where was the man she’d known the last eleven years? Maybe she never knew him at all.
“I loved you, bitch.” Truth paced the room. “And this is how you do me? I can’t believe you gon’ choose that punk-ass nigga over me! He killed my fuckin’ brother! I’ll be damned if he take you and my daughter away from me too!” A sadistic thought crept into his mind. He ran into the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife.
Tears streamed down Gray’s face. What had she done to deserve this? Using her hands and feet, she stood up. Truth wasn’t about to kill her without a fight. Gray ran around the couch with him hot on her tail. Spotting a glass vase, she picked it up and threw it at him. Truth blocked the throw by placing his hands in front of his face, but pieces of glass still became lodged in his arms.
“Fuckin’ bitch!”
Gray was more scared than ever. As she continued to dodge his attempts to grab her, she heard the sound of someone buzzing her door. If she could just get to the door and press the button . . . Gray held her side and tried making it to the door, but Truth had caught up to her. Swinging the knife, he slit her back.
“Awwww!” she screamed out in agony as she fell to the floor .
The exposed skin burned, and blood began to spurt out and drench the back of her shirt. Determined not to give up, she struggled with all her might to crawl, but Truth had grabbed her leg.
“Get off of me, you sick fuck!” She kicked and screamed.
“Oh yeah, I’m sick all right! You know that night we fucked and you told me you loved me? You thought I was Gunz! You still love me now, Gray?”
“You raped me?” she shrieked, shocked by his confession.
“Bitch, you enjoyed it! Just like I enjoyed killing Bishop!”
“Oh my God, you are fuckin’ crazy!” Gray used her free leg and kicked him.
The force of the kick caused Truth to drop the knife. Always a quick thinker, Gray raced over to grab it. Truth quickly took a hold of her hair once again. The pain was excruciating. She could feel strands of her hair being ripped from her scalp, but Gray wasn’t going to let that deter her. With her arm stretched forward, her fingertips touched the handle of the knife.
Gray used all the strength she had and slid the knife into her hand. Truth swiftly clutched Gray’s hand in a desperate attempt to take the knife from her. Unwilling to die, Gray flung her head back and butted Truth in the face. Natural reflexes caused him to place his hands onto his face, giving Gray enough time to turn onto her back and plunge the knife into the center of his chest.
The universe stopped. Time stood still. Gray’s and Truth’s eyes connected. Regret and sadness swept over them like a winter’s breeze. This was how their story would end—fatally. They would be forever bonded by the little girl that lay crying in her bassinet, but the friendship they’d built over the years would be buried along with Truth and his deceitful ways.
Gray’s lips trembled as she sat up. Both of Truth’s hands were on the handle of the knife. His soul was breaking right in front of her eyes. Blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth. He could hardly breathe. Gray sobbed hysterically as he pulled the butcher knife from his chest.
“I love you,” he whispered before closing his eyes. Seconds later, he fell onto his side, dead.
Gray raced to the door. Without hesitation, she ran out, screaming for help. Down in the lobby, she came face to face with Gunz.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, visibly worried.
“Truth just tried to kill me!”