The wedding had been two days ago, and Edna was glad it was over. It all had been a nightmare—from the day she and Conrad had announced their engagement, which had occurred after having dinner with their parents, until the moment they begrudgingly said ‘I do.’
From the beginning, Margaret, Conrad’s mother, who everyone called Peggy, had been the biggest headache. She wanted to control all the details of the planning but wanted to force Edna to care just as much as she did about them. Peggy insisted that Edna accompany her everywhere: to pick out the chapel in Southampton, the cake, flowers, and wedding favors, to select the caterers, and approve a four-course menu. Then there was the dreaded guest list.
“Certainly you have more to invite than the McCords,” Peggy said over tea at the Waldorf Astoria.
“I certainly do not,” Edna said, mocking the woman’s snooty tone. Of course Peggy hadn’t detected the sarcasm. In Peggy’s mind, Edna’s imitation of her sounded proper so it wasn’t an insult. Regardless, Edna didn’t stop doing it. On the contrary, it gave her a great sense of satisfaction to constantly remind herself of what set her apart from snobby Peggy.
“What about Dorothy Andrews?” Edna pointed to the name on the list.
Peggy frowned at the page. “She’s Conrad’s friend, darling.”
Edna smirked slyly. “Oh, is that what they are?”
Her future mother-in-law fabricated a creepy smile. “Yes,” she said as if her claim was law.
Dorothy Andrews was the blonde in the polka-dot dress who had done Conrad in the broom closet at the movie theater.
In order to make their marriage work, Edna and Conrad had made a vow to not keep secrets, which was why he’d told her about Dorothy, who indeed had attended their wedding. For their honeymoon, Conrad had flown to Miami on a business trip, and Dorothy had booked a seat on the same flight. The two were having an affair, but Edna didn’t care; she was just happy she didn’t have to sleep with him.
Peggy also couldn’t shut up about Edna’s future children. Apparently, the woman knew more about Edna’s reproductive health than she did. She soon learned Fiona had already called her gynecologist, who had given her mother a report.
“You might as well get started sooner rather than later,” Peggy had repeated more times than Edna was comfortable with.
So two days after the wedding as Edna sat in the Green Luxe Café, she shook her knee nervously as she waited. She was a virgin, and there was no way that she would let her first experience be with the man she had been forced to marry.
Edna’s eyes lit up when Don Harrison finally walked in from the bright outside. They hadn’t seen each other since the day he’d driven her to the Rikers Island ferry. He halted when their gazes met. She smiled, and he smiled back. All of those giddy feelings that had fluttered inside her on the evening she’d bumped into him at the front door of her parents’ apartment were back.
She waved.
He winked and continued walking in her direction. She felt as if she were pasted to her seat.
“Edna, how are you?” he asked when he arrived at her table.
She faked a smile. “Fine.” She was not fine.
“May I sit?” he asked with his hand on the back of the empty chair.
“Please, yes, do.”
They couldn’t stop staring at each other. Heck, Edna was ready to pop the question. She ripped her eyes off him to examine the room. It was so hard to find a slice of privacy in New York City. Leaving the metropolis was the only part of being married to Conrad that she liked. Next month, they were scheduled to move to the vineyard in California.
“So”—she leaned across the table—“how’s the job?”
He tilted his head and paused. “The job’s the job. Didn’t you get married this weekend?”
She smashed her lips together. “Mm hmm.”
Don adjusted in his seat. “Congratulations.” He sounded so formal.
Edna smiled tightly.
“Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?” he asked.
“Did you really mean that?”
“Did I mean what?”
“Congratulations?”
“Sure,” he said, but she didn’t believe he meant it.
She leaned closer to him. “But you know I didn’t want to marry him,” she whispered. “So how could you say congratulations?”
He leaned away from her. “Then I take it back.”
“Thanks.” She felt more relaxed as he looked away bashfully.
“So Edna,” he said, flicking his eyes back to her face even though he avoided direct eye contact. “What can I do for you?”
Edna looked at how she twisted her wedding ring. It was a fine piece of jewelry, and she was sure Peggy had picked it out, but it was way too large for her finger. “Um…” How could she say it? Was there an appropriate way to put it? She could hardly believe she was asking. She studied the table to the left and right of her. Both were occupied, but no one seated at either table appeared to be paying attention to anything going on between Don and her.
“Can we go for a walk?” Edna finally asked.
He shifted uncomfortably. “A walk?”
She felt her eyes widen, pleading with him. “Please, a walk?”
After a moment, he nodded.
Edna gathered her purse and book. They were very close as they stood. The last time they were together, what Edna wanted Don to do most was kiss her. That feeling hadn’t changed. Actually, it felt more intense.
Edna’s fingers tingled as she led Don out of the café. What in the world was she thinking? It wasn’t too late to back out. She even considered telling him that she’d changed her mind and he could leave. As they weaved through occupied tables on their way out, it became increasingly clear to her that she couldn’t turn tail and run now.
The outside air felt good on her skin. New York was transitioning from summer to fall, so it wasn’t as hot and sticky anymore, and the cold and rain hadn’t fully arrived. Edna was electrically aware that Don was walking patiently beside her as traffic raced along Lexington Avenue. People were on the sidewalk with them, walking in both directions and in their own merry worlds, but it still didn’t feel private enough for what Edna had to ask. It would be a favor, of course, a huge one. And no respectable man would oblige her, and Don was certainly the highest caliber of man there was.
“So are we going to talk at any point?” he asked.
She jumped nervously. “Huh?”
He flashed his winning smile. “It’s fine if you called me for a walk. I like spending time with you. You’re a groovy lady. A married lady, but a groovy one.” He winked at her.
She was sure the last part was his attempt at being humorous, but all she could do was frown harder. “I feel like I’ve been living in crazy town for the last two months.”
He nodded silently. He folded his hands behind his back and looked at her. “So how’s it been going with Conrad?”
“Conrad and I are...” She paused to think of the appropriate term. “Allies.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Allies?”
Edna stopped walking so they could face each other. “We made a deal,” she said, looking into his kind eyes. “I’ll let Conrad be Conrad, and he makes marrying him easier for me.”
“You let Conrad be Conrad? What does that entail?”
She shrugged. “He likes his girlfriends, and he has plenty of them.”
Don tossed his head back and groaned. “Oh hell, Edna, I’m sorry, darling.”
She kept her eyes forward. Her heart throbbed. There was no time better than the present to say it. “I would like for you to be my first.”
Don’s mouth fell open. Then he looked up and down the avenue before asking, “Your first? Your first what?”
She stared at him with raised eyebrows. “You know.” She dipped her head slightly.
He cocked his head. “No, I don’t know.”
Don appeared so bothered by what she’d said that she almost told him to forget about it. She was so embarrassed, that once they parted ways, it was okay with her if they never laid eyes on each other again.
But instead the word “sex” came out of her mouth, and she could hardly believe she’d said it.
Don became very still as he looked her right in the eyes. She could tell he was thinking. What was he thinking? Edna hadn’t realized it until that very moment, but she had a hand over her mouth, watching him with wide eyes.
She dropped her hand. “I’m sorry. I take it back.”
He scratched the back of his head. “Well jeez, Edna, don’t take it back. I was really considering your offer.” His eyes were smiling, and right away she knew he was making light of a heavy situation.
She laughed. “Oh my God, am I crazy or what?”
He stopped laughing and took her gently by the shoulders. “Listen… It’s not that I don’t want to. You’re a beautiful and sexy girl, not to mention smart and interesting. But if I make love to you, I want it to be because you love me and not because I’m a respectable alternative to your husband.”
She forced herself not to cry, not to plead for him to make love to her anyway. The truth was that if she hadn’t been forced to marry Conrad, then for sure, she would have been with Don. Her heart knew that for a fact.
“You’re right,” she finally said through her tight throat.
He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder as if they were old pals. “Hey, are you hungry? Want to grab a bite?”
She smiled, relieved he didn’t want to get away from her as fast as possible. “Sure, let’s do it.” Her eyes expanded. “I mean not it but grab a bite”
He chuckled. “I know what you meant.” He put his arm around her waist. “Come on, let’s go. I know a great place.”
Don drove her to a pizzeria in the Bronx, and together, they ate the best pizza she had ever eaten in her life. And the conversation between them was everflowing. Don had grown up in Glendale, California. He had two sisters that were twins. His father was a TV writer, and his mother had been a dancer in picture shows before she married his father.
“So you can imagine how disappointed my mom was when I became a federal agent.”
“Is that so?” Edna would’ve thought his mother would’ve been happy about it.
He had a far-off look in his eye as he nodded. “She taught me to dance, and I was good at it. And my dance training actually made me more agile.”
“Do you need to be agile to arrest bad guys?” she asked.
“Sometimes.”
She pictured Don chasing a masked man like in the caper movies.
“What are you smiling about?” he asked.
“You.” She shook her head in euphoria. “You’re so great. You’re perfect.”
They stared at each other, smiling. If only she could remain in his presence forever.
“You are too, Edna,” he finally said. “You really are a stellar gal.”
“If I, you know”—she shrugged then slumped her shoulders, remembering she was not free to follow her heart—“wasn’t my father’s prisoner, would you, um, you know…”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
Her smile was back and bigger than ever. “But I would still want to attend Smith College.”
“And I wouldn’t stop you. A girl gets to dream too,” he said.
She closed her eyes and sucked in every word of what he had just said. A girl gets to dream too. That was what her parents had ripped from her heart—her dreams.
“And you’re not a prisoner, Edna. God made you free.” He tilted his head and narrowed an eye sternly. “You have to remember that, understand?”
She was too choked up to speak so she nodded.
Unfortunately, her life was gloomier than Don’s recount. She told him about her mother not being able to have children.
“Something happened to her after she gave birth to me. I guess it was my fault.”
“Is that what you think?” Don asked.
Edna lifted her face. She hadn’t realized she’d dropped it until she looked up and into Don’s merciful eyes. “I guess so.”
He shifted in his seat. “So let me make sure I understand this. Your mother got pregnant, and it was her body. She gave birth to you and had complications, but somehow it’s the infant’s fault?”
Edna frowned thoughtfully. “Jeez, Don, I never thought of it that way.”
“Well, you couldn’t because it sounds like some grade A guilt has been laid on you.”
His words penetrated Edna. No, it wasn’t her fault that her mother couldn’t have children. Yes, she had felt it was. And now she was more angry than sad about it.
Don pointed at her face. “That’s what I like to see.”
“What are you seeing?”
“Fire.” He leaned toward her. “That’s how you break the chains.”
She groaned, not feeling at all unburdened by what he’d just said. “Well, I don’t know about that. I’m still married to a boy that I don’t love, a boy who goes around doing it with every woman that turns his crank. He’s a philanderer.”
Don sat back and smashed his hands on his hips. “See, I wouldn’t look at it that way.”
“You wouldn’t?”
“I hear you telling me about a man who has a weakness. If you know a man’s weakness, then it’ll give you the power.”
Once again, he had said something that made her pause and think. Don was right. The previous night, she could hardly sleep, thinking about Conrad in bed with his lover. She didn’t even love Conrad, yet his womanizing had made her feel less everything—pretty, sexy, desirable, and even happy. But she knew he was that way long before she had married him. No, her caring about Conrad sleeping with other women was about her pride. And in order to survive the many years ahead of them, she had to settle herself with the fact that when it came to her new husband, she would have to cast her pride aside.
Edna raised her eyebrows and nodded. Her smile was slicker. Don had just taught her something that would make her life a lot easier. “His weakness,” she whispered then gave it more contemplation. His weakness.
They weren’t tired or ready to leave each other’s company. Don asked if Edna wanted to go see a movie, and she said yes. Why not? Her new husband would be gone for God knew how long.
Don drove her to a drive-in theater in Long Island. Edna was staring at the screen but unable to focus on the story. All she knew about the movie was that the lead characters were a handsome spy and a femme fatale.
Edna’s whole body was tingling. She was so full of desire that she felt as if the emotion wanted to suffocate her. She finally allowed herself to turn and face Don, who was already watching her. His dreamy eyes were filled with fiery passion. What she did next came naturally. She had never been more ready to receive what she wanted from him. Her eyes veered down to his bulging crotch. She had never had a sexual experience with a boy, but there was something about the expanse of his nether region that made her feel so very desired.
“Edna,” he said, breathing heavily.
“Yes,” she barely said. Edna could feel her heartbeats reverberating in her throat.
Before she knew it, his lips were firmly against hers, and she was tasting his warm tongue in her mouth. It was the first time a man’s tongue had ever been in her mouth. Not until two days ago, after the minister had pronounced Conrad and her husband and wife, had she ever kissed a boy. But there had been no tongue involved in that kiss.
Edna quickly got the hang of deep kissing. Her body craved more. Then Don’s hand was under her skirt. He guided her legs apart. She gasped when his fingers rolled up and down a sensitive spot. Their panting fogged up the windows. Edna’s body went tense as the most pleasurable sensations began to overtake her. She heard herself moaning and calling on the Divine. Her hands gripped Don tightly as he continued to drive her toward pure ecstasy. When she managed to open her eyes, he was studying her face. It was as if he were reading her expression and stimulating her to his liking. Then it hit. It was like a force of nature. It was something that she didn’t know even existed.
Edna’s cries echoed throughout the car. Thank goodness Don had parked away from the pack. As soon as the pleasure diminished, she collapsed onto Don, still hugging him tightly.
“I do want you,” he whispered before his lips found hers again. “But not here, okay?”
Their lips separated, and she nodded spastically. “Okay,” she muttered.
He could take her wherever he wanted. He could do to her whatever he wanted. Her body was his, at least for the night.