PSALM 139:14
I leaned against the bathroom wall, disgusted with myself. After flushing the partially digested macaroni, I rinsed my mouth out again and again in an attempt to purge the bitter taste of vomit from my tongue. This wasn’t the first time I had tossed my meals. It was just that, well, I ate too much. I wanted to take it back. I didn’t think I was fat; I just wanted to be thinner than I was. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, scrutinizing my flaws and defects. The thought, This isn’t right! came into my head. And my mind responded, But I need to lose five pounds! My life appeared to be normal, and only the few people I confided in knew I had a problem. But whenever I ate a lot, I had an overwhelming urge to rid myself of that food by throwing it up. Later I would feel so guilty, so ashamed of what I had done. Finally, I stopped. I can’t pinpoint an exact moment when I realized how much I was hurting myself, but it came with prayer. God was the only one I could talk to about this issue, because for a while only He knew. He showed me that He loved me so much and that I wasn’t just hurting myself, but Him as well. I am God’s creation, and “all of his works are wonderful.” God wants me to not only accept the work He did in creating me, but also to thank him for the remarkable job. Sometimes I’m still tempted to dispel the food I eat. Accepting my body and myself has been a process, but I look the most beautiful when I see myself through God’s eyes.
Meredith Janke, 17, Houghton Christian Academy, Houghton, NY
Lord, why do I hate myself so much sometimes?
It doesn’t make sense! I want to love myself because You love me,
but it’s one of the hardest things to do. Help me, please.