At a distance, JOHNNY ROCKETS performs a free concert on the boardwalk. He is played by DAN—but a minor costume change makes it clear it’s an alternate version of DAN, DAN at the height of a real or imagined, feared or fantasized about, fame. He sings.
“Johnny Rockets’ Song”
It’s gonna take an airplane
To get me off the ground
I don’t blame anyone who isn’t sticking around
Cause when you stick around
When you stick around
People like to put things in the ground
Now in my evil-empire eye
I’m going to be a star in the night sky above
So you think this is love
Yes I guess so, at least something to make it from
Dressed like a dream dreamt by Lola magazine
Baby you were born to be seen
And watch just the stars
Now step inside the widow-maker
Listen to your heart
Always the play never the thing
(MRS. SING and MS. ODDI appear on the beach. They are taking a long walk. They talk over the music, which is quieter now. They don’t yet notice JOHNNY ROCKETS or the concert.)
MS. ODDI: Nobody has ever let me do what I wanted to. I always did what everyone else wanted me to do.
MRS. SING: That is a very stupid thing to say.
MS. ODDI: Nevertheless, it is true.
MRS. SING: Well, then you are on the verge of being mentally ill.
MS. ODDI: Still, when I think of myself at any age, I always think: what a precious thing you were. There was some way in which I was always trying to shield myself from every danger.
MRS. SING: Yes, you have already mentioned that!
(MS. ODDI sees JOHNNY ROCKETS.)
MS. ODDI: Oh no, it’s Johnny Rockets.
MRS. SING: Who?
MS. ODDI: Jenny has his poster on her wall! Look how smooth he is. Knows just when to turn and everything.
MRS. SING: You shouldn’t be so impressed. He’s only a teenager. It comes naturally.
(She points to a HOBBLED MAN, who is also walking down the boardwalk. He carries a cage with a parakeet in it, maybe.)
MRS. SING: It takes more guts to be that man than your little Johnny Rockets.
(JOHNNY ROCKETS begins signing autographs.)
MS. ODDI: Come, let’s go over.
(She pulls MRS. SING by the hand toward JOHNNY ROCKETS and his crowd of adoring fans.)
MS. ODDI: Johnny Rockets! Johnny Rockets!
(Eventually JOHNNY ROCKETS looks over.)
JOHNNY ROCKETS: Yes, mama?
MS. ODDI: (calling) How do you do it?
JOHNNY ROCKETS: Just like this, old lady!
(He does a turn and swivels and flashes her a teen-idol grin. A roar of swoons goes up from the crowd.)
JOHNNY ROCKETS: You like that, old lady?
MS. ODDI: (giddy) We’re big fans!
(JOHNNY ROCKETS pushes out of the crowd and comes toward MS. ODDI and MRS. SING.)
JOHNNY ROCKETS: What are you two mamas doing on a day like today all alone on the boardwalk? Where are your husbands?
MRS. SING: (priggish) They’re in Paris.
JOHNNY ROCKETS: You girls thought you’d take a joyride out to the sea? Take in a bit of sun, a bit of sand, some muscle on the beach? Hey, I could show you girls a real good time. You’d never have to tell your husbands about it. Come on, you’re not too old for it, are you? You still get down, don’t you?
MS. ODDI: (coyly) We were just taking a pleasant walk.
JOHNNY ROCKETS: Don’t play that game, mama.
MS. ODDI: We were just talking a pleasant walk on such a nice day. Isn’t it a nice day?
JOHNNY ROCKETS: Hell, every day’s a nice day. Except for that man there! Probably every day’s real shitty for that man there. Ain’t that right, buddy?
THE HOBBLED MAN: What is?
JOHNNY ROCKETS: You got a good life or a shitty life?
MRS. SING: (pulling MS. ODDI) Come on, let’s go.
MS. ODDI: (resisting) No, I’m curious.
MRS. SING: This will not be pleasant. We should not watch this interaction. It’s sure to end in tears.
(MRS. SING pulls MS. ODDI off. JOHNNY ROCKETS pays attention to THE HOBBLED MAN.)
THE HOBBLED MAN: What can you do? I had some good years. That’s all you can really ask for—two or three good years. Two or three good years is enough for a lifetime of happy memories! I’m not looking for adventures now. It’s not so bad. When I was younger, I would do little dances when I was happy, like this—
(THE HOBBLED MAN does a little dance.)
THE HOBBLED MAN: But I never wanted anyone to see it. I was embarrassed about it. I never saw anyone else do these dances, so I was very ashamed! I hid myself. When people called me, I wouldn’t go out in case I might forget myself and make a little dance of happiness. I didn’t want anyone to laugh. Well, my friends started to notice that I would not go out when they called. They thought: He only ever invites us over when he feels like it. He never comes when we call him. It was true. I stayed at home, danced when I was happy, and never had anyone to be ashamed in front of. Soon all my friends drifted away. Then, over ten years, this hump developed. Can I say it is a bad life, as you put it? Well, no. I feed my animals with regularity, which I can’t say I’d be able to do if I didn’t have this isolation. Without this loneliness, I sure wouldn’t have time for my animals. And it’s something to have animals—real pets. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a real pet?
(During this speech, JOHNNY ROCKETS’s demeanor has changed. He has become sad, humbled, uncool, brooding, lost his swagger. Some girls run up to him.)
JOHNNY ROCKETS: Stop!
(JOHNNY ROCKETS puts his hand out to stop them. He is mobbed.)